Hi Congressman Anthony Weiner! So glad to see you're a GuySpeak fan. Things are a little rough right now, huh?
I'm kidding. But why do you have to go and friend random women when you have a girlfriend? Don't you understand how that might hurt her? How do you think she feels seeing "Mike is friends with Kristal" in her feed? Her friends, family members, and coworkers can see all the random women you're friend-ing. If they're women you actually know, that's a different story. But just friend-ing a woman because you think she's hot is straight-up sleazy.
Why are you friending strangers anyway? Isn't the point of Facebook to just friend people you know or sort of know? I get friending someone you went to grade school with out or curiosity. But some random wannabe model who you've never met and think is hot? That's just creepy. Those guys who write "hot" on some random woman's page are so gross and pathetic. Don't be that guy.
Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Anyone can friend women on Facebook. Wow, you must be so awesome. There are plenty of fake accounts for porn sites and wannabe models who will approve your friend request. It's not an accomplishment. How would you feel if she started adding all these guys just because she thought they were hot? Even if you're not going to cheat, it's still disrespectful. You might think it's not a big deal, but if your girlfriend has a problem with it, then clearly you're doing something that upsets her. The bigger question for me is, why can't guys understand that little things like that matter? You're making her feel self-conscious and making her question her trust in you. Is being fake friends with a stranger who is definitely not going to sleep with you worth making your girlfriend jealous?
I'm kidding. But why do you have to go and friend random women when you have a girlfriend? Don't you understand how that might hurt her? How do you think she feels seeing "Mike is friends with Kristal" in her feed? Her friends, family members, and coworkers can see all the random women you're friend-ing. If they're women you actually know, that's a different story. But just friend-ing a woman because you think she's hot is straight-up sleazy.
Why are you friending strangers anyway? Isn't the point of Facebook to just friend people you know or sort of know? I get friending someone you went to grade school with out or curiosity. But some random wannabe model who you've never met and think is hot? That's just creepy. Those guys who write "hot" on some random woman's page are so gross and pathetic. Don't be that guy.
Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Anyone can friend women on Facebook. Wow, you must be so awesome. There are plenty of fake accounts for porn sites and wannabe models who will approve your friend request. It's not an accomplishment. How would you feel if she started adding all these guys just because she thought they were hot? Even if you're not going to cheat, it's still disrespectful. You might think it's not a big deal, but if your girlfriend has a problem with it, then clearly you're doing something that upsets her. The bigger question for me is, why can't guys understand that little things like that matter? You're making her feel self-conscious and making her question her trust in you. Is being fake friends with a stranger who is definitely not going to sleep with you worth making your girlfriend jealous?
thank YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are awesome!!
totally agree!!! If they would only read this..
post the link on their FB wall lol
ok Nick question, my bf accepts (or adds) random women in facebook. They're not hot but ummm whatever so when i asked him if he knows them he just say, 'no, i just add them bcos they friend request me' but ive a feeling that he met that on online chat. I dont feel good about this...
I don't know a lot of girls who add random guys, so he may be chatting with them. But the best thing you can do is ask him. And let him know that it bothers you that he's playing Facebook Pokemon (gotta catch 'em all!) and building a collection of random girls.
Nick is right, guys don't get a whole lotta truly random FB friend requests from women. I mean if he's playing some of those FB games where you have to have a small army of friends in order to get ahead then maybe he might get some seemingly random requests, but even there it isn't actually random. Women on the other hand do seem frequently get guys "randomly" friending them, based on profile shots etc. My fiance has showed me a few of these requests and they're always poorly disguised attempts at hitting on her. It was way bad back when she had a MySpace page, I guess too many lonely guys out there were looking up by location and age and trying to use MySpace as a free dating site.
Ohh. Trust me, they do actually get random ones. I'm a girl, and yet I've been "friended" by at LEAST ten random chicks. Either they're spam-bots, or desperate wannabe models trying to get exposure. But there's not reason to accept a friend request from some rando. If you want to have 5000 "friends" that you've never actually met, go back to Myspace.
Yep. Just like I said above. Spambots and wannabe models will always add random dudes.
Depends on why he's doing it. I went onto Facebook to promote my writing, so I friend random guys, women, and corporations who may be in the entertainment industry. Maybe they're friends of friends and he doesn't want to be rude. It doesn't necessarily mean he's been chatting them up.
I get random friend requests from guys a lot and some even send me messages that say "your so hot" or "your so cute" and even "want to have some fun?". Others try to do cyber sex with me I especially hate those kinds of messages. That and guys like least try send me their "packages" in a message. Those are the ones that will ask or say "I'm 10 inches" yaddee yadda yadda "wanna see?" Stuff like that which is annoying as crap. I've friended this one guy and everytime he sees me on FB he asks me what I had for dinner EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN TIME it's annoying so annoying in fact that I had to delete him.
CG, I love you!
I absolutely agree & TY SO much for pointing it out & hitting a woman's POV dead on!!!
I always wonder... how far do you think guys can compliment other girls on facebook?
Some girl just posted some modelling photos on fb, and my BF commented all like "wowww!"... I so didn't like it, but I'm not sure if I should reprimand him for that...
could be innocent, but that would get my radar up too. just let him know it hurt your feelings in a non confrontational way. like maybe joke "what do i have to do to get those comments?"
I think it's creepy, particularly if you're in a relationship. Doesn't matter if it's a stranger or a girl he's friends with. Even saying "nice photo" shows he thinks they're hot and could make his girlfriend jealous. Why do it? Keep those thoughts in your head instead of in public. Would he say that to a woman on the street while his girl was with him? All this digital cat-calling needs to stop.
If they know each other in real life, then it's just normal, and you can't do anything about it without becoming the jealous bitch. If this is not the case, then he might be sleazy, but it's still not going to be easy to make him change his ways.
Nice answer!
Yeah, the bigger question is why men can't understand small things like this will matter?
Many male friends also will add some comments like"hot as hell" or "wowwwwwwwwwww" on some chicks's pages, i know it's not my business and shouldn't say anything about this but i feel lucky that they are not my man and they never should be.
Nick - Hero!
Thank you! I have random guys friend me sometimes. (Their profiles say they are in relationships.) When I ask them if they know me, they say they seen me comment on someone’s wall & they thought I was pretty. I tell them it’s FaceBook, not FaceBoink.
Lol, FaceBoink, that made me laugh :D
round of applause for nick! i dont know which part i liked best, the whole post rocked. "its not an accomplishment" lolol
While Nick's answer definitely sounds logical, reading through the past questions, I can't help but be confused about the whole online thing in general. I mean, at what point does "Facebook is not real life" transition into "not understanding the little things that matter"?
I get that this is all a part of living in a society dominated by subtext, but it's equally funny and confusing to me how one action online can make a) the boyfriend out to be a sleazy pervert preying on semi-attractive women while in a relationship, or b) the girlfriend out to be an insecure nutjob who can't handle the fact that her significant other is friends with his (semi-attractive) cousin on Facebook.
Is there a line, and if so, where is it?
I'm trying so hard to figure that one out myself.. anyone hear of Second Life? I've been involved for almost 4 years and my boyfriend joined it soon after we met (on a dating site). Well I'll try to spare the tiny details but he likes being a girl in there and since we are partnered and I'm a girl, he easily fell into the category of being a lesbian, hanging out at lesbian virtual clubs making money in contests. He loves getting attention from other women, even if they would never want him in real life, but he lets them think he's really a lesbian so they will like him and I think it's wrong. He doesn't even flirt with them and I seriously don't believe he'll cheat but I don't get why he needs attention from these girls and why it's important enough for him to continue letting me feel insecure and sad. Part of me says it's online, why am I worried, but another part just wonders why he needs their attention when he has mine. I have fallen into strong emotional bonds in this game so I've seen it happen, I've seen it break couples up, even long term marriages, and I can't bear the thought of losing him to this "game" !! I play too, but I go to chat with my friends and make some money creating, and I dj it's really just a hobby for me now but I worry he's being sucked in. I'm not being fake to get guys to like me, and somehow I think that would bother him if I was. I don't mind him having female friends but his friends are single and attracted to his avatars... one even said to him "too bad you're taken" - how am I supposed to feel comfortable with this? Talking to him doesn't help he just thinks I'm trying to control him and he's not even talking to me at the moment, hasn't said a word to me in 3 whole days because I tried to tell him how unimportant I felt.
Ok I can't quite fathom why people invest so much time in these games but I will try not to judge. This just sounds unhealthy on so many levels. It sounds like you guys have to draw a line between REAL life and VIRTUAL life. What your bf is doing is not right. Impersonating a woman - a lesbian - isn't that a red flag for you? Surely there is something underlying there that you ought to think about. Getting attention from other women while he is with you - is questionable behaviour. Perhaps he is insecure and this virtual world is more gratifying than facing reality, perhaps he needs this attention to fulfil something that is missing in him/your relationship, maybe all of this virtual attention has made him too big for his boots. Ignoring you for 3 days???? He sounds like a piece of work. Real life/Fake life - his behaviour is upsetting you and the fact that he refuses to acknowledge it just goes to show how clouded his perception of reality is when he cannot even face up to responsibility, to his own actions. It cannot be healthy for you to spend most of your relationship time playing a game. Sure it might be fun, but its not real life, its not a true genuine experience. Find the balance. Otherwise don't let this guy drag you down by his behaviour. It seems like he is the one neglecting you - and be sure to point that out. If he is still shying away from acknowledging your issue then clearly explain that you can only indulge in his behaviour for so long before getting your needs met elsewhere. Shape up or ship out.
I wish more guys understood the way a girl's mind works like you do, Nick!
Thank you for answering this question perfectly!!!! Plus 5 points for you!
This sounds similar to my boyfriend. He adds mutual friends, not random girls though and messages them on facebook and talks to all these girls on fbchat. Some of the stuff he talks about is inappropriate to me. For example, telling agirl her last picture looks "dayum good" and "i would like to see you in a swimsuit, even if it's a one piece i'd still dunk you" and "next time you're in town we should hang out" He of course, says he is just BEING NICE and friendly and I'm taking it out of context. He works on servers and is online during his job which gets boring so he chats with people frequently, I just wish he didn't chat like that!!! I've told him this and he said he has stopped, but I'm not sure. He also said he wouldn't cheat on me since his last gf did that to him and he would never go meet up with any other girl. I don't know though... I don't trust him.
Thats what they alllll say until they cheat on you. I don't mean to be pessimistic but thats just how I feel about it. It's very rare to find a good guy so thats why I venture out into the dating world, that and mainly because I just don't like guys like that. but that does not mean I am a lesbian it just means that I just don't like anyone like that I just want friends but not friends with benefits thats just gross to me. Annnywho back to the subject, if you keep too close of an eye on him he will want to break away from it even more and if you don't keep a close enough eye on him then he'll be more likely to cheat if he knows you won't catch him. So choose you battles and maybe even give him a bit of his own medicine and chat with other guys, flirt, but don't be all wild and crazy with it see how he likes it.
This sounds similar to my boyfriend. He doesn't add random girls, but mutual friends. He is online a lot due to his job which gets boring sometimes so he fbchats with friends, which I get. I don't get however, some of the things he says to girls that are totally inappropriate to me. For example: "Dayum you look good in your new photo" and "I would love to see you in a swimsuit, even if it was a one piece I'd still dunk you" and "We should hang out the next time you're in town" Of course he says he wouldn't cheat on me and is just BEING NICE and friendly. Is being nice actually a real excuse? I don't think so. I don't trust him when he says that at all. That's more than being nice and friendly. I've talked to him about it and he said he stopped. I'm not sure if I trust that he did or even what else to do about the situation. Any suggestions?
This sounds similar to my boyfriend. He doesn't add random girls, but mutual friends. He is online a lot due to his job which gets boring sometimes so he fbchats with friends, which I get. I don't get however, some of the things he says to girls that are totally inappropriate to me. For example: "Dayum you look good in your new photo" and "I would love to see you in a swimsuit, even if it was a one piece I'd still dunk you" and "We should hang out the next time you're in town" Of course he says he wouldn't cheat on me and is just BEING NICE and friendly. Is being nice actually a real excuse? I don't think so. I don't trust him when he says that at all. That's more than being nice and friendly. I've talked to him about it and he said he stopped. I'm not sure if I trust that he did or even what else to do about the situation. Any suggestions?
That's the problem he is too girly. He is not seeing it from a male stand point to women get the wrong message. Women do not understand men. We males process very differently so to tell females we feel their insecurity is lame at best and a disservice at worse.
Both are lesbians why not red flag her? why is she a lesbian while IRL heterosexual or is she? Notice only the guy gets grilled. Gotta do much getter notice these pitfalls.
Women get it thru your heads and hearts you do not own someone. Slavery is not attractive. He can friend anyone and have expression of wonder and lust too. As can you. A woman has a fixation of a star we call it cute when he has it it's awful Hmmm.
XVE I am a female and I really feel bad for your girlfriend if thats the way you think. To be in a healthy relationship, you have to consider the other persons feelings. Most men would not want their girlfriend, if they really cared about her random befriending other strange men on facebook.
Sure women do not own anyone and neither do men but if you are in a serious relationship then you have to compromise and you cannot do whatever you like. You cannot keep hurting and disrespecting women. Yes random flirting with strange women on or offline is disrespectful and if you do not think so, you are doomed to have horrible relationships, etc.