Are you seriously serious? Because, largely, we blame the ladyfolk for making dating a nearly unbearable obstacle course. An obstacle course littered with hidden land mines. And sometimes, it seems cruel the way your insecurities compel you to force a man to jump through hoops, just because you were hurt once upon a time. Get over it. Love is a contact sport.
Men are actually simplistic when it comes to dating, and this isn't any better. We're very binary in the way we look at courtship. Generally, it's either game on or game off. Hanging out, or not hanging out. We want a good laugh, a couple beers, sex, and maybe a little snuggling afterwards. Maybe. This can seem frustrating, I imagine. A man's laid back nature can sometimes be interpreted as apathy. But trust me, if he's with you, he cares.
I suggest we all adopt each others bad dating habits. Men can stand to be a little more complicated and nuanced when it comes to dating. And women can chill out a little more. Like, seriously.
I don't think is fair that you are blaming the woman for making things complicated; if we are insecure its because of all the BS you men pull, so if we make you "jump through hoops" is to make sure that you guy's are really into us and if you really are, then it should not be a problem. so seriously deal with it.
amen to that, lisa
"And sometimes, it seems cruel the way your insecurities compel you to force a man to jump through hoops, just because you were hurt once upon a time. Get over it."
This needs to be written across the sky so that every female in the world can read it. No matter how many times I try to convince my girlfriend otherwise, she can't get over some things because she believes they had to do with her last relationship ending, so now she thinks I'll leave her because of them.
lisa: What gives you the right to put us through your tests and make us prove ourselves? Do you allow your guys to do the same, or do they just have to take it on blind faith that your tests mean you like them? It's not fair on your part to assume that all guys are the same, and thus deserving of guilt trips, traps, and mind games. Why should we have to suffer for the mistakes and shortcomings of our peers?
Are ya kidding? Most guys love tests to some degree or another.
If any part of the dating experience is too easy for them they lose interest. I'm not saying we want you to behave like a trained monkey, but exerting a bit of effort for a lady you like is necessary to see if we're someone you're seriously interested in or we're just some chick you like to hang and make out with on occasion when you've got a break in your schedule.
I gotta be able to tell the difference between "guy who only calls me when its convenient for him" or "Guy who at a moment's notice will meet me at a museum if I ask and bring sandwiches without me asking"
Once upon a time women gave the new men in their lives the benefit of the doubt, now they're battlescarred and know better. What women really need is to be told everyday from the day they're born to take control and responsibility of their own emotions, bodies and happiness and not leave it up to some second party, aka "a man" "a boy". And if we could isolate that part of the brain that makes women blame themselves for everything MY GOD, what a brave new world we'd have.
Look, I have battlescars. I've been way too into guys who were way too into other girls, and it made me insecure (Okay, I shouldn't say it "made me" insecure, just kind of highlighted insecurities that were already there). It made me critical and less trusting, of everyone- not just dudes I was dating but my girl friends too. And I think guys get a lot of awesome sides to the double standards that girls usually don't, but this is one double standard that has always bothered me.
It is SO lame to say that a guy should be able to read your mind to be a decent mate. Like come on, why does he have to drop everything at a moment's notice just to show he gives a damn? Honestly, and I mean honestly, look into how you would feel if he demanded the same from you. Kinda disrespected, right? I mean, why should YOU have to drop everything and anything whenever he said so in order to hurry home to (I dunno, what's a stereotypical guy into?) "the game"? To top it all off, how would you feel if you actually did do that, but if you didn't think to pick up beer and chips on the way home he would get all pissy about how it must mean that you are trying to leave him? Come on.
I don't think there needs to be a "game" or "hoops" or whatever. Guys can fake that crap like nothing. I think the biggest and most important test is time.
Guys totally make dating a game. From a woman's perspective, guys keep us out of the loop as much as possible. Guys do not come out and let us know what they are thinking, they are happy to keep a woman guessing. A guy wants to be with you, then he doesn't call for a long time. When he does call, its supposed to be cool. But if he has tried to make contact, it should be a priority for the woman and the woman is questioned about lack of response. Then the burden of proof is suddenly on the woman. Give me a break, Reformed Player, that was the worse answer possible. Sounds like you are still endorsing "players". I don't trust your advice!!
It sounds to me like it's the guys you are choosing to pursue, and not guys in general, that are the problem here. Yes, there are some real douchebags out there. And yes, chances are at least one of them is bound to get their hands on you throughout the course of your life. But if you continually date guys who are commitophobes, liars, and downright sociopaths, that's an entirely different issue.
All I'm saying is, it sounds like you have a specific "type" that you go after. And clearly it's not working for you. So why not try changing up your dating routine and pursuing somebody you normally wouldn't date? You might be pleasantly surprised.
You could also become a lesbian, or a nun. Or you could continue dating assholes and getting your heart stomped on. The choice is yours.
Did you even read the advice? Or were you too angry to read it?
Anger makes me sad. Also: anger and bitterness is no way to meet anyone worth dating.
From a dude's perspective, we think women play games. Funny how that works. Two kinds of people having two kinds of perspectives.
Maybe if we tried to understand the other a little bit, we'd all be happy. But whateeeeevvvvvaaaaaaa.
I actually think like a guy when it comes to the whole game playing subject. I think they are completely unnecessary, but for some reason guys think that that's a trick too. I agree with the advice that was given, and maybe if you stopped the tests and game-playing, you would feel a lot better. It's like when you get your head in the game in sports, you're thinking about what your opponent is going to do next. Stop treating guys like the opponent, and get your head OUT of the game.
I've been dating a gamer for over a month now--and am about to give him the boot. He would wait days to return my calls and txts. Then when we are together (after several beers) he tells me how much he digs me--wants me to meet his parents have babies, feels vulnerable and doesn't want to get hurt. The next morning it's video games, coolness, avoidance. I mean come on! We are in our thirties.
Lately I've HAD IT so haven't made contact. Now he's blowing up my phone. I was honest with him from the get-go--now I'm impossibly turned off.
I think all anybody wants is to know they are wanted, it's really not that difficult. Bye-bye birdie...NEXT.
I am so there right now... I hate it that i have to remove myself from the picture for a few days to even get any attention... THAT feels like I am playing a game and it isn't fair that I even have to do that just so he will remember that he does enjoy talking to me. I've done everything to make it easier for him. He told me I should have my xbox on live so we can play games together, hey it's on live, I got the games he wants to play so we can play these games together because it would be just too much of an inconvenient for him to try something I enjoy (granted I do enjoy killing zombies with really big guns)... it's sad that I have to get on Xbox just so I can actually hear his voice these days... I'm tired of working my ass off for someone who doesn't even appreciate it. Maybe if guys would open up a little we women could chill a bit.
If it's REAL there should be no games. I've had my share of games in the past. (I've played them, and been played by them.) Now, I have met THE ONE and there is absolutely NO GAME PLAYING. We can't wait to see eachother and take part in eachothers' interests even if it's something that we wouldn't normally do (Like jumping out of a plane!)
In short, I've had my FILL of drama. Now, there's none. It's bliss. If dating any guy needs to be a ridiculous game, I don't want to play unless I'm winning. Guys feel the same way. So, if you want to stay on that little drama rollercoaster, be my guest and keep playing. If not, take some time out for YOURSELF and find out what you really want from your potential forever mate.
He'll show up when you least suspect it. When that happens, the only GAMES you'll be playing will be from Milton Bradley, Parker Brothers, etc.....
If it's REAL there should be no games. I've had my share of games in the past. (I've played them, and been played by them.) Now, I have met THE ONE and there is absolutely NO GAME PLAYING. We can't wait to see eachother and take part in eachothers' interests even if it's something that we wouldn't normally do (Like jumping out of a plane!)
In short, I've had my FILL of drama. Now, there's none. It's bliss. If dating any guy needs to be a ridiculous game, I don't want to play unless I'm winning. Guys feel the same way. So, if you want to stay on that little drama rollercoaster, be my guest and keep playing. If not, take some time out for YOURSELF and find out what you really want from your potential forever mate.
He'll show up when you least suspect it. When that happens, the only GAMES you'll be playing will be from Milton Bradley, Parker Brothers, etc.....