Probably for the exact same reason guys like pr0n - the fantasy of another woman that you can't touch so therefore it's really the SAFEST place for your boyfriend to be.
I see you scratching your head.
Look, in relationships, whether we like it or not, people get stagnant. You see the same person everyday for extended periods of time and largely have the same discussions. As humans, we tend to get excited by the new and exciting, and especially things we cannot have.
Enter strippers. Most strip clubs have a strict "do not touch the stripper" rule. It's just like the "do not feed the bears" rule at the zoo. And you see what happens when some idiot tries to feed the bears - extinction level event.
So guys go to strip clubs to blow off steam (and a wad of dough, not their wad...well sometimes that too) and ogle women that they cannot touch. But they're still coming home to you. Strippers exist as a fantasy for men. We generally don't want to take them home. It's like Vegas. You want to leave Vegas in Vegas because most of us aren't sure if Vegas really exists anyway.
It is totally possible to love and adore your woman and your relationship and be in a strip club looking at naked women swing from poles and do parlor tricks with their love box. Hell, some of us go there and think about all of the nasty things we'll do to you when we get home. In that vein, its a win-win for everybody. Plus, given that men are totally able to separate physical desire from emotional attachment, him going is not an indictment on you, it's just some random nameless, ambitionless woman on stage who wants nothing from us other than a dollar. And for some reason, that makes us feel at ease.
Oh and that safety thing - well, since you're not able to touch them (or aren't supposed to) your boyfriend is just in there looking. It's the closest he'll come to cheating without doing so. Sounds like another win-win. So let him go. Let him look at some woman dance that he'd judge if he saw her in the street. Much like in life, he loves you, but you wants to see her naked.
Voila!
Panama is going to the wrong clubs. Here in California touching is permitted. Nudity is permitted. Tittie bars are in the past and/or in the Midwest. I never understood the appeal. But in the Golden State you can enjoy a lap dance by a gorgeous twentysomething, or even get a private show. Might not be so good for the wives/girlfriends.
i think you're right. i have been going to the wrong clubs. there's a reason the saying is "westward ho"
I think everyone here is forgetting Chris Rock's golden rule of strip clubs: "There is no sex in the Champagne Room"
Ugh. I would never go into a strip club of my own free will. Sounds like a depressing ball of awkward.
I wonder if the women who ask these kinds of questions have ever watched porn on the internet or gone to a strip club.
Porn, it seems to me, is highly impersonal. Unless your SO is getting off on child pornography and maybe some weird bestiality, what does it really matter??? It's about getting off, and that's about it. Makes me wonder if the same woman would have a problem with their man just masturbating in general!
As for strip clubs, everyone should go once, if only to see what the big deal is about. One night we went to the strip club because it didn't have a lineup, and had the lowest cover. It was my sister's idea, and her husband was with us too! Anyways, it was awesome. There's something so athletic about those strippers, it's AMAZING to watch.
... that being said male strippers are awkward.
I still think a happily married or attached man shouldn't go there. How would they feel if we (their wives or girlfriends) went to and got all hot and bothered at a Chip 'n Dales show? I know MY boyfriend wouldn't appreciate that.
Geez...Let ur man go see some skanky, money grubbin dancers...Who cares?!?!?! Im a female and I like porn and stripclubs myself...I see nothing wrong with them and if you have issues with your man going to one, just goes to show that you have some underlying issues in your relationship, its NOT about the stripclub it's about your own insecurity & jealousy!
Thanks a bunch of crap!! I'm from Dayton, OH and go to strip clubs with friends just for fun. Trust me, the men can touch all they want to!! When one of the clubs closes, most of the strippers are outside with everyone that is leaving, and I've seen many leave with customers.
It actually doesn't bother me when my boyfriend goes to the strip club with his buddies from time to time. He goes, gets his ego stroked by a stranger for a few hours, and worse case scenario involves him going home drunk and a little broke for the night.
Think about it, ladies: how many times have you heard about a boyfriend/husband cheating on his woman with a stripper as opposed to someone he met in a bar? The strip clubs are safer.
I would MUCH rather my boyfriend go to a strip club than a regular bar! Strip club: naked women who stroke his ego (for the right price) and send him home alone, drunk, and maybe a little broke. Regular bar: skanky drunk party girls willing to go home with the first guy to buy them a shot. Strip clubs are safer!
I really dont like how girls TRY to be cool by liking porn and strip clubs. Men and women alike should keep their porno lovin' personal. Its cool but its not exactly something to belt out on blogs..About the guy: it helps if he tells you he loves you. Sex is primal, love is emotional.
hahaha...what are you 12? not comfortable in your own skin? or sexuality?...just because u like porn and strip clubs doesnt mean you are COOL nor do I think ppl do it to be COOL, so obviously you got things twisted somewhere. GIRLS can think these things are fun too that means we're TRYING to be something ??
"I really dont like how girls TRY to be cool by liking porn and strip clubs. Men and women alike should keep their porno lovin' personal. Its cool but its not exactly something to belt out on blogs.."
Id say the non picture and you never knowing who I am is pretty much keepin it personal...LoL GROW UP!!!!!
o_O, I didn't know I was trying to be cool by being apathetic about porn (I don't think it's harmful if people like it), and thinking strip clubs can be fun. This is a public place, but I am pretty much anonymous. I kind of just assumed that this is a place where women can be open and honest in the company of other women, and a few guys who are paid to help us out.
As to strip clubs, I've been once, and it didn't seem to me like people were going out of control. Not only that I was with a bunch of girls and their boyfriends/husbands, all of whom have children. There were only two single girls there, and I was one of them. None of them had a problem with it, but then again we weren't up leaning against the stage or anything.
Do I think it should be something men should be making a habit of? No, that would be insulting, but as an occasional thing? Sure, why not? I am actually still amazed at the strippers in that club, one woman dressed as wonder woman climbed to the top of the pole, spread her legs all the way out like the splits, and played the air guitar on her crotch. I have no idea how she was holding her self-up. It was one of the most athletic things I've seen a woman do! Now I'm not going to kid myself, what I see at a porn club is fascinating. What a man sees is probably a lot different, but in the end he's not going to go sleep with the strippers, and if he does, then he's probably not the man you thought he was.
I don't know, I guess I'm the minority on this issue.
I agree with Jess, no one's posturing on this site to gain online cool points. I love porn and am apathetic towards strip clubs. But then I live in a small town, so the strip clubs are pretty dingy and I went to high school with most of the dancers.
Also, male strippers ARE awkward to watch -- I spend the whole time hiding behind my hands. Good point!
How bout because women have grown up in a society being taught that it's ok for men to go to strip clubs and women too. That it's ok for women to dance naked on poles and for other women to watch and be ok w/ it. It's all ignorant to me. It's a way for men to compare women and especially those "gorgeous???" (not @all) strippers to you, the girlfriend or wife. Wouldn't you want your man watching you and desiring you over other women? It's all so sad to me.
I totally agree. Wouldn't a man want his gf/wife to spend all day fantasizing about him? Or would he rather she spend half the day fantasizing about other men and the other half on him. Well...I am pretty certain he would rather not share her sexual attention with a bunch of other men.
If a man or woman is satisfied then they should be satisfied and keep their eyes and thoughts on the person who they are spending their life with.
Thank you!!
I just have to say that it is mental cheating. It is demoralizing to know that your significant other is watching and lusting after someone else. My partner would feel betrayed if I did it and I would feel the same.
To each their own. I think that people should match their personal expectations with their partner's. If a couple is into it, fine. But, if you are not into it, then find someone who fits your personal and emotional beliefs.
SO THE STATEMENT "they are still coming home to you" DOESN'T MAKE YOU GAG???? If my man was getting all hot and bothered over another women i would not want him to come home to me. And lap dances..... HAVING A WOMEN IN A G STRING RUB HER BODY ON MY MANS CROTCH IS CHEATING! NO women would tolerate that at a regular party or at his work in his office or in his bedroom SOOOwhy is it ok in a club??????????
Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!!!!!
I feel sorry for anyone defending strip clubs under the condition that "strip clubs (or any club, location, activity, etc.) are safer!" The phrase itself sounds ludicrous. It's like your boyfriend/fiance/husband/whoever is a 2yr old toddler who is "safer" in the playpen, then in an open playground. That's sad. For one, you're settling - just by saying saf'ER' you admit that you'd prefer he'd do neither, but since you HAVE to choose, you'll go w/the strip club bc it's "less risky" than the club. Why is there a risk at all? My boyfriend & I are so in love & so hot for each other that he is (and I am) honestly JUST as safe on a stranded island full of naked hotties, as we are when we're alone in his bedroom. Forgive me for sounding like I'm up on a high-horse, but it's not to brag, it's to disprove the male "settle for us bc this is normal, and as good as it gets!" notion, when I know you ladies can do better! Don't buy it. My boyfriend is not "more likely" to go home w/anyone from anywhere. Not gonna happen, and vice versa.
Secondly, I can comfortably say I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend went to a strip club, bc he was most likely dragged there! lol - He would much rather stare at me fully clothed in complete silence & imagine me naked, than ogle a bunch of strippers. (Fact ;) I disagree that "sex is primal, love is emotional." Sounds like a excerpt from Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man," which should be re-named, Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Douche-bag... or just burned altogether. It's ridiculous. (And I probably would've bought into it, had I not been lucky enough to find a real man who disproves such chauvinistic theories!) We're asking the wrong questions... "do you mind if he goes," "do you not mind." When you find a real man, who's 100% IN LOVE w/ YOU, and YOUR body... he does not WANT to go! Period. If that's what a woman wants, it doesn't mean she's insecure; It just means she knows what she's worth. Don't make her question it by telling her otherwise.
As far as the females who say "I don't mind, I like going to strip clubs too!" then I guess if it's mutual, no one's complaining. But I have to ask, how sexually satisfying is the 'relationship' as a whole if BOTH parties are seeking arousal outside of the bedroom?!
If you have an issue with your partner going to strip clubs because they are going to fantasize about the people performing and that's some sort of betrayal, you are not being honest with yourself. We all look at other random people as sexual objects to fantasize about from time to time. We all have crushes on celebrities, random strangers, the person who cuts your hair, co-workers, etc. I think there is a distinct difference between a light fantasy and having an affair. I mean who hasn't thought of Christopher Walken as a sex object, what..that's just me?
Your man masturbates, he watches porn, looks at dirty pictures, thinks of other women, thinks about YOU with other women or even thinks about those fantasies that he wouldn't dare say aloud. Going to a strip club is all apart of this and while it's obvious he's going for a very specific purpose, it's pretty much just 3D softcore porn (Wow, those boobs just jumped out at me, so lifelike!)
If you're not comfortable with your significant other going to a strip club maybe ask yourself the real reason why. I'm guessing it has something more to do with your own insecurities and the foundation of trust you have in the relationship. If you're morally opposed to strip clubs, then those are your morals and shouldn't be pushed on anyone else.
In a past relationship my ex used to comment on other women that we walked by, drove by, saw on posters..mainly related to the boob-le region. I was realistic enough to know that he looked and would continue to look, I only asked that he not comment to me about other women since some small part of me couldn't help but compare.
If you're afraid of your boyfriend getting boners that weren't directly related to you, well surprise, he's probably had 3 since you've started reading this.
What about a woman's self-worth? Why is it assumed that if a girl isn't comfortable w/her man going to a strip club, then she is insecure, or she has trust issues? Maybe it's just that she wants a man who is completely satisfied with her "3D boobs" & overall body, & doesn't need to go elsewhere whether it's for fantasy or not. I model in LA where there is a lot of competition, but I am confident in the amount of respect & TLC I feel I deserve, so I don't usually date the type that would go to a strip club. It doesn't matter to me if it's a habit, or once in a while. It's not about jealousy; it is *because* I am confident, that I won't waste my time on someone who would *rather* go to strip club when he's got me. You mentioned that your ex commented on other women, and you were "realistic" about it, but you asked him not to say it to you. The fact that you had to request that of him makes me question if he's the kind of guy you should be using as an example. You probably deserve better, but will never find it with so-called "realistic" expectations. I don't think that significant others going to strip clubs is "realistic" at all... In fact, I think it's "unrealistic" for women to buy that "he loves me & is 100% attracted to every single part of my hot body & would kiss me from head to toe" ...but still needs to go to a strip club every once in a while. It doesn't make sense! I've dated two kinds of guys: boys, and men. The boys lasted anywhere from weeks to a couple of months but never really became my boyfriend, and all the while through their "boyish" ways just demonstrated that they, for one, didn't appreciate all of me, and therefore didn't deserve all of me. It didn't matter how beautiful or smart or funny I was, because they were typical guys who in the end prioritized variety & fantasy (quantity) over quality. The MAN I am dating now is not only very attracted to me physically, but demands a certain quality (personality, intelligence, etc.) that no strip club (or nightclub, or whatever) is going to provide. Because I satisfy him physically & emotionally, 'I' am his ultimate "fantasy," and he wouldn't be caught dead in a strip club, whether I wanted him to or not. (I even suggested watching pr0n, and he was like "...why?" LOL)
So, I guess what I'm saying is, if there are those of you out there who don't feel you deserve better, and will settle for guys who comment on other women or drool at strip clubs, that is your choice. But please don't convince other women that they should put up w/it too, & that if it doesn't sit well with them, they're just jealous or have trust issues, because that's not always true. I'm disappointed. I can see a man telling her that, but as women we should be uplifting each other, and raising our expectations. I understand that guys will be guys, and will get random boners throughout the day, lol, but that's not the same - nor should it be treated the same - as ACTIVELY seeking arousal at a strip club or anywhere else.
Again, I find it a perfectly valid question: not so much "Do I mind?" "Should I mind?" but "WHY does he want to go?" So far, all of the answers to 'why' sound like cop-out stereotypes, and haven't really said much for the better half of the male race. It's almost like people are treating it as normal & necessary as a visit to the Doctor, lol. I've got news for you, it's not! They don't HAVE to go, and furthermore if they are 100% satisfied & turned on by you, they won't WANT to go. ...What can I say, I'm picky! lol - But I guess that's why I'm happy.
Clearly this in an issue with varying passionate opinions. I'm sorry if you were offended or hurt by what I said but I stand by it. Just like you, I have internalized my opinion on the matter. I'm not here to change anyones point of view, I'm certain that won't happen. I'm just offering my own opinion, similar to the author, because I believe that's what leaving a comment is all about.
I am glad to see that you've found someone with the same feelings toward the situation, I imagine it makes things much easier.
I find it interesting that you can live your life by such black and white terms. In my personal experience, I've found life isn't that simple. While I haven't dated anyone who went to strippers I can see WHY someone would go and choose not judge them for it.
To each their own.
I wasn't offended :) and I didn't mean to offend you, or single you out. By "disappointed" I just meant it was kind of a downer... like if she's really bothered by this, and everyone just tells her to get over it, she might end up settling for a guy that really IS unsatisfied, and goes to strip clubs, and maybe one day cheating. (Not saying that this is definitely the case, just a possibility. A possiblity that she should consider before just "being ok with it.") I completely agree that "We all look at other random people as sexual objects to fantasize about from time to time. We all have crushes on celebrities, random strangers, the person who cuts your hair, co-workers, etc." or even watch porn. I don't see how that's the same as actually "getting dressed, leaving the house, going out to the car, driving to a particular location (strip club), parking, paying to get in or to put dollar bills in women's g-strings -- or lack thereof, lol -- and possibly grope / receive lap dances. The first one is natural (accidental, if you will) & certainly less physical, while the latter is intentional & methodical.
Also, just from personal experience, I wanted to point out that sometimes even those "natural" fantasies / crushes are generally decreased if not eliminated when you are genuinely sexually satsified by your partner. I've just noticed that I did tend to have more fleeting thoughts (celebs, cute bartenders, bf's friends/roommate/ whoever) & watch more Skinemax (lol) when I was less satisfied / less sexually active in a relationship, but that's just me. Being in a loving relationship that, for the 1st time ever, hasn't dulled down after 1+yr (both sexually & emotionally) I haven't found myself crushing or fantasizing about anyone else, real or fake, ever. (I've actually tried, and it doesn't work.) I can only fantasize about him! Much like Amanda said :) Just my 2 cents on the "fantasy" aspect, but I do understand that that kind of chemistry is probably rare.
Your assumption that a man who is turned on and satisfied by one women should not be turned on by other women is worrying.
"furthermore if they are 100% satisfied & turned on by you, they won't WANT to go"
This statement is almost laying blame in the woman's hands for not satisfying her man 100% and that seems a very unhealthy frame of mind to have.
Nobody said "need" to go to strippers, and yet constantly you use those words "but still needs to go to a strip club every once in a while."
Some men like strippers for varying reasons. Some women like strippers for varying reasons. Some girlfriends/boyfriends are okay with it and some aren't. But a man or woman going to a stripper does not right away mean that his/her significant other isn't satisfying them. Your assumption that it means they are unsatisfied leads me to believe you're not as confident as you say are.
Ok, a couple things... I'm not going to really get into whether I'm "as confident as I say I am" and what not, because you can only take my word for it. I wouldn't come on here to post faceless lies; I have nothing to prove. If anything, I was just offering my own "confidence" and relationship experience to the person asking. But that's neither here nor there.
Secondly, I'm not sure how my own opinion that "100% satisfied men don't want to go strip clubs" equals "placing the 'blame' on women for unsatisfied men." Whether he's unsatisfied or not, I'm not blaming anyone, especially not her. If he is in fact unsatisfied, and he thinks the solution is going to a strip club while leaving his girlfriend (the Asker) at home to wonder why, then he is to blame, not her. If he IS satisfied, then like I said earlier, her original question still stands: Why is he going? Before you answer that, let's just say I have yet to find an example of someone who: has the most smoking hot girlfriend/boyfriend on the planet whom he/she is also madly in love with, and still goes to strip clubs, most likely bc the strippers are a *down-grade* from what he/she already has at home. (Notice I said "goes" meaning chooses to go there regularly, not a one-time night-out w/the boys, or a bachelor party.) Sorry if this is insulting to the "not-smoking-hot", by bluntly stating "they're ditching you to go look at 'hot'..." but I just find it convenient that there are supposedly so many other "various reasons" to go. They're going because there are hot naked women (or men) there. Period. Any other reason [excuse] (social, friends, environment, entertainment, amazing acrobatics, even pole dancing, etc.) can be found at an entirely different venue without nudity. On the other hand, let's say you're right, and someone who is 100% satisfied simply goes for other various reasons -- which we will never have any proof of, bc anyone can "say" that's why they're going, w/out telling their significant other (or themselves!) the real reason -- then that makes perfect sense as long as it's mutal. To each their own - I agree.
Third, I never said "a man who is turned on and satisfied by one women should not be turned on by other women." That's ridiculous. In fact, it turns me on when my man gets turned on by other women, lol (like on TV, or someone cute flirting w/him in person). I said he should not ACTIVELY SEEK arousal from other women (like at a strip club). I think you may have missed my point from my original post (19th); it's when it's NOT mutual that there's a problem. If it was mutual, she wouldn't be asking this question, she'd be loaning him the $1's. So when I say "needs" to go a strip club, I'm sarcastically referring to a man who would go, even when his signifcant other isn't comfortable with it, as if he has some dire need. I don't think that's cool, and I don't think it's fair to respond: "Well get comfortable with it, woman! You're just jealous!" Maybe she is jealous, and maybe with good reason, if her man is out drooling over (or worse, touching, as pointed out in other posts) not-so-average-looking women. It's not quite "black & white" for me, I just don't sugarcoat the blunt obviousness of a *strip club* with poetic "various reasons." Heck, for all we know, maybe it's sentimental, or religious, or medical... but I doubt it, lol.
For all the girls who think it's okay to let their guys go to a strip club or watch porn must not know what true love is. If he has you then why would he need to do that stuff huh? It's like saying your not good enough so i need to go to a strip club for awhile or watch some porn. First off it's disgusting and degrading. Second off it's offensive. It's sexist. Guys go pay for sexual attention and to see no that's just wrong. By saing he's "a guy" and stuff like that like really. Being a guy has nothing to do with it. A REAL guy doesn't need to go to strip clubs, watch porn or any of that. And just fyi they can touch you and they don't care if your man is taken they'll do whatever too him wether he has a girlfriend or is married. My mom found a picture of my dad with a stripper and he was touching her. He would cheat on my mom with strippers so you can't even say that they wouldn't cheat with them or they come home to you. They can go home to them to and why would you want someone who was out looking and fantisizing over other girls come home and look at you. No. If my boyfriend did that you best bet i'm going to be pissed off at him and might even break up with him. Those aren't guys that go to strip clubs their PIGS.
Write a comment...I just found out my bfand his buddys are planing a nite out at strip club ..I don't like telling him he can't go but I think this is going to break us up..now I feel he will keep it from me if he ever goes again.he knowsI don't approved ..I feel very hurt
For the girls and guys that say going to a strip club is harmless is wrong. Here is South Florida when someone pays for a private dance there is touching going on behind those curtains. It's a convenience to the guys to cheat on their SO's without having the hassle of trying to impress a girl for sexual attention, he just has to pay for it and the guy will get whatever he wants at a strip club.
If you are so desperately, "into that" then maybe you should have thought about the woman you are with. What I am saying is...my husband has no desire whatsoever to go to those disrespectful places because....well...I play those "naughty" girls for him. It has nothing to do with it being the "same woman" but it does have something to do with your woman being willing to be a sexy nurse"!!!!!! We call it, "Porche is coming over tonight".....
Am I going to be the first woman to say, I like going to strip clubs? With my boyfriend?
Sorry ladies, but I have to entirely disagree with you. Yes, at one time I thought the same way. As in, why does he have to go there? He's got me! I use to feel as though if he went, he would be cheating on me. I felt as though he WANTED to cheat on me.
Here's a little background on us: We've been dating for almost 5 years. Our anniversary is on Valentine's Day ;) . Started off rocky, but we've greatly improved as a couple and mostly all of my insecurities have vanished (notice how I said mostly).
Well, since he's never been to a strip club and I had (once in L.A. while I was single and with guy friends from work. We were flown out there for product training), I wanted to take him to his first one. Especially because I would rather physically see that he didn't do anything he wasn't suppose to.
Turns out, I had way more fun than him! The women were so nice, respectful, and welcoming. They knew he was my boyfriend and didn't do anything that I thought was entirely inappropriate. We're in the midwest so there's the no touching rule, but that doesn't mean they won't rub up against you if they want! Some women did sit in his lap, rub their boobs in his face, shake their goods in front of him, etc. However, that was expected and they did the same to me so I was never excluded. Most of the women flocked to me since I was the only female patron in the vicinity. So I was getting most of the attention if anything. I've gone back there many times with my boyfriend and have a blast every time. I've bought my bf a lap dance, but I was in the room with them. I thought I would get totally jealous, but it was suprisingly a turn on! Then, the stripper, this really pretty, fun chick, had me join in!
I'm actually going tomorrow night with my bf and a couple friends. Usually it's just the two of us. Getting people to go was actually harder than I thought it would be. Not many people our age (I'm 24) were able to go because of their females! And many of my female friends that I invited don't want to go. It's pretty depressing and makes me feel like I really need a new set of extroverted friends. It seems like most women are so insecure about themselves that they can't take seeing another nude chick with implants in front of them. Either that or it's against their moral values or they're just really homophobic. Disgusted maybe? But how is the human body disgusting? Well, I won't get into that, but I can assure you that I've never seen a fat stripper. Degrading? I thought so too, but that was my excuse to not show my insecurities. If anything, these women make me want to become comfortable with my own body. Especially since not all of them are chiseled perfect.
All I have to say is: Don't knock it 'til you try it ladies!