I have three answers to your main question, which is about why guys tell some girls that they are their girlfriends in private, but act single in public.
Three answers! It's a Christmas Miracle! READY?!?!?
1. He's telling you what he thinks you want to hear. This is either because he thinks this will keep you, and your vagina, around. Or he's buying time, because he's looking for better girlfriend options, like Megan Fox. Or both.
2. He's testing you out as a girlfriend before he commits, and hands over his nuts to you in a golden cage. I don't believe in the very dude mathematical equation that goes "Woman + Commitment = Castration." But a lot of men hold to this theory. The irony, of course, is that the men who are usually terrified of losing their balls when committing usually don't have any to begin with. Ain't no woman Death Star my hairy satellites of love.
3. He loves you, wants to be your boyfriend, and also wants to park his meatmobile in other she-garages. He wants it all. I call this "Fat Kid and Too Much Cake Syndrome." It is not gender specific. Both men and women can suffer from this. For instance, I have. It works out, and can be alot of fun, in the short term. In the long term, I have been alone alot.
He doesn't just want a slice of cake. He wants all the cake. If this is something that breaks your heart, pisses you off, or offends your sensibilities, then take responsibility for your happiness and stop seeing him. Take a symbolic flamethrower to him in your heart, and warm your feet by the glowing ashes.
"Take a symbolic flamethrower to him in your heart, and rest your feet by the burning ashes."
Festive AND cathartic! DeVore, your advice is timely and just damn poetic. It almost makes me want to hand you the door opener to my she-garage... *sigh*
I slipped my opener under your door. See ya later sweet cakes.
Wow, I feel like my head is going to burst with metaphors...and I like it!
You win...you always do. That's why I come up here. NATURE! Goulet...
Damn great answer.
Us men are one of the most insecure, competitive jackass creatures on the earth- can't put it better than that. It takes us a long part of our life to get to the point where we are ok with ourselves enough to allow ourselves to be put and happy. Usually if I pull a stunt like this- saying ur my gf and still playin the field nonsense- u better believe I want you as a gf, your my safety net, the one I know will be waiting for me at the end of the day, but I also wanna look cool in front of others and still show I got what we call "game." I can still get the ladies, I'm not tied down and I'm still playing the field. The best way to knock your man out of this stage of douche bagness is to play the field yourself...ur not married. Let him know ur lookin for something serious and ur testing the waters. If this guy really likes you and realizes your worth it he'll stop the bs and make it an exclusive relationship.
just want to add my two cents... I'm in my 40's and from my experience.. you can't "knock" a man out of anything. If your with a guy who isn't at the same stage you are, move on and find one who is. I would never play games to get what I want... there are too many men out there to wait around til he decides if I'm worth it... of course I am! lol
most likely #1
2 more cents makes 4....ppl change lol all the time, men are ppl. you can knock any man into anything- u just gotta play ur cards right and see if he feels your worth changing for. by all means i agree move on after a duration of time, but you should also test the guy to see if he will make that commitment... SOMETIMES WE DO! as far as not wanting to play games, finding love, the dating scene...all that is one big game- u win some u lose some. Sorry tmc lol if you havent been able to find what you want or change a man that you're really feeling then maybe they haven't thought ur worth it.
not sure why your assuming I can't find what I want or "change" a man to thinking I'm worth it.... I was married for 11 years and have two kids and I didnt play any games to get or keep him... my whole point was this...no one, male or female, should have to wait around for someone to decide your worthiness, as you call it. I know what I'm worth and if I was with a guy who didn't see it, then I would know he wasn't the one for me and find someone who is... Back to the original question. If a guy is telling her she's his girlfriend and telling everyone else he's single, HE isn't worth a second thought, period. Let alone the effort of making him see her worthiness when he isn't worth anything himself!
So if a man changes what he does when its a problem in the relationship, then that means he do care right. So if a guy wants you , then he will change. I do agree with what you said.
To the reformed player: I'm not the girlfriend, I was the one he told he didn't have a girlfriend. i just figured things out.
yea, I think it's most likely number one. Maybe he does like her alot but I do feel it's like that. She wrote on his wall once that he wasn't single anymore and he erased it soon after.The relatinship status on both his pages say single. On one of hers it says single and the other says married. I saw that she wrote sometimes that she loves him but he never has written anything like that on her wall. He has written she's pretty thats it.
whether you are the gf or not; your self-respect should be held higher than his inability to decide and be a mature man.....
cut your losses so he can see how a WOMAN lives her life!
whether you are the gf or not; your self-respect should be held higher than his inability to decide and be a mature man.....
cut your losses so he can see how a WOMAN lives her life!
tmc I would give you a high five right now if I could! Men CAN change but rarely do they when its not from their own volition. Besides, a guy who lies about being with other women will do it again and again. Even if he did "settle" for you (which is how LaVerdad paints the situation) he'll probably cheat. Besides, LaVerdad, calling someone your girlfriend implies exclusiveness in a relationship. Being with other women after putting that label on a relationship is cheating. You reasoning of "looking cool" in front of your buddies is rather pathetic by the way. Why would anyone want to date a guy who values "looking cool" by getting lots of pussy over the feelings of all the girls he's playing as well as his own integrity?? Have fun getting high fives from your buddies because at the end of the day no self-respecting woman would ever hang around you and you WILL end up settling for someone. Sorry that sounded harsh but that's reality.
Thanks Rach!! High five to you too! Nice response, well said!!! To "spirit" Sometimes love blinds us into thinking our bf/gf is the last person on earth and we have to do whatever it takes to hold on to them regardless of how they treat us... but in reality there are millions of people on this earth and plenty of good ones out there! I think he was playing you both from the beginning. I'm surprised you stayed with him until you got the wrong letter. You should have NEVER taken him back after the first time he ran back to his x's bed. I wouldn't be surprised if he never left it. You ask how someone could hurt another person or people the way he had.... he did it because he could. You both enabled him. I'm so glad you finally left him and never looked back! Good girl!! :)
That was such a poet answer. LOL. Great job. And I'm sure its a combo of all three actually.
Yea, I think guys like this do end up eventually settling and thus unhappy. I don't see how guys don't realize that not only are they hurting others but they're hurting themselves in the long run too.
I just have to say all of you are so mature in your answers...made me feel really good to hear what you thought of men or women who use and play others....I was with just that type of man who told me he was in love with me and gave me rings, but continued holding on to an exgf and if he and i would get into an argument he ran right back to her bed....he would write me descent letters with I love you's and her letters where mostly sexual very graphic and vulgar(he wrote us letters and one day the letters where put in the wrong envelope so I got hers and she got mine) and that was the end of my relationship with him..I ended it! he continued to contact me with I love you's for five months, but I never had contact with him since I ended it.....I just never understood how someone could hurt another person or people the way he had...so be careful with the I love you's
damn
thats all i have to say is damn.
I have a boyfriend who asked me to marry him8 months ago and I just caught him on line with some lady and she had typed in Quote. You have a fiance.. but you are not getting married? What.
Ok some one please tell me what this means. Confused