Because they let jerks walk all over them. There's nothing that jerky guys love more than to find a nice girl, reel her in, break her heart into a million pieces, and then throw those pieces into the nearest reservoir or aqueduct. Time and time again I have seen nice women flock to total a$$hats. Then, when said DoucheTron-5000 inevitably dumps her, she comes running to me, I mean, to some nice guy for a shoulder to cry on. When will you realize the nice guy right in front of you? I'm just a man, standing in front of Alison Brie, asking her to lift the restraining order.
Ahem. Like I was saying, you finish last because you assume you're going to fail. Except, you've already won. Look around you: the douchebags have lost. Sure, they might make more noise with their Ed Hardy shirts and their Bluetooths and their cutting in line in front of you at Starbucks. But it's the nerds, geeks, and nice people who are in charge. For the love of Odin, we have a president right now who likes Spider-Man comics and Star Trek. Fortune 500 companies are run by guys with bad combovers and Magic the Gathering card collections. The war is over and the turbo jackholes will soon be serving us frosty Ecto-Cooler in collectible Star Wars cups.
That said, every time someone falls prey to the old "nice guys/girls finish last" cliche, our progress is set back. The only thing douches have on us is cockiness. A certain level of cockiness is healthy. You can be confident and think you are awesome without being a tool and stepping over people. Guys always fall for women who are a little bit cocky and self-satisfied. Women are the same. No woman wants to date an arrogant jerk, but at the same time they don't want a wimpy doormat they can walk all over. The trick is to realize that you are awesome and have a lot to offer without coming off as arrogant, mean, or self-involved.
So own your nice. There has to be something about you that makes you stand apart from everyone else. Maybe you're funny, or a good dresser, or know how to whip up a mean red velvet cupcake. Stop dating jerks who tear down your confidence. That would be step one. Don't be a hypocrite and rule out guys because they're too "nice." Surround yourself with genuine, confident, supportive people who will reflect awesomeness back to you like the Care Bears "stare." (Geez, for a bunch of cuddly bears the Care Bears certainly have a destructive combined power. Kinda makes you feel bad for Dark Heart.) As Jerry Orbach said in Dirty Dancing, do not let anyone put Baby in the corner. You are Baby in this scenario. No more corners. Front of the line! We need you in the Army of Nice. Now get out there and own your nice.
Ahem. Like I was saying, you finish last because you assume you're going to fail. Except, you've already won. Look around you: the douchebags have lost. Sure, they might make more noise with their Ed Hardy shirts and their Bluetooths and their cutting in line in front of you at Starbucks. But it's the nerds, geeks, and nice people who are in charge. For the love of Odin, we have a president right now who likes Spider-Man comics and Star Trek. Fortune 500 companies are run by guys with bad combovers and Magic the Gathering card collections. The war is over and the turbo jackholes will soon be serving us frosty Ecto-Cooler in collectible Star Wars cups.
That said, every time someone falls prey to the old "nice guys/girls finish last" cliche, our progress is set back. The only thing douches have on us is cockiness. A certain level of cockiness is healthy. You can be confident and think you are awesome without being a tool and stepping over people. Guys always fall for women who are a little bit cocky and self-satisfied. Women are the same. No woman wants to date an arrogant jerk, but at the same time they don't want a wimpy doormat they can walk all over. The trick is to realize that you are awesome and have a lot to offer without coming off as arrogant, mean, or self-involved.
So own your nice. There has to be something about you that makes you stand apart from everyone else. Maybe you're funny, or a good dresser, or know how to whip up a mean red velvet cupcake. Stop dating jerks who tear down your confidence. That would be step one. Don't be a hypocrite and rule out guys because they're too "nice." Surround yourself with genuine, confident, supportive people who will reflect awesomeness back to you like the Care Bears "stare." (Geez, for a bunch of cuddly bears the Care Bears certainly have a destructive combined power. Kinda makes you feel bad for Dark Heart.) As Jerry Orbach said in Dirty Dancing, do not let anyone put Baby in the corner. You are Baby in this scenario. No more corners. Front of the line! We need you in the Army of Nice. Now get out there and own your nice.
Personally, I think nice is the best quality a person can have because of all the extra toppings it comes with (i.e., considerate, thoughtful, giving, sympathetic, etc). I'm with my current man because I was nice. He said I was the first girl who didn't judge him, try to make him change or passive aggressively attack him when I had a problem.
Being nice makes you a ringer, in my opinion. If a guy doesn't want you, they're losing out. You have to honestly believe that, but when you do, it gives you the kind of confidence that turns heads ;).
"...it's the nerds, geeks, and nice people who are in charge." -> I'm with you on this one.
And what's with nice girl/boy finish last anyway? My friends who are nice are happily with people who are equally nice. All these 'labeling' and 'cliches' really have to stop. It's stupid and paralyzing.
I think that I would stop finishing last if I could find a man like Nick. Massive crush on the Chic Geek....if only there were some in my city :(
Aw, thanks! There are more of me out there. I have several clones. No, seriously, keep looking! There are nice geeks everywhere. They may just need coaxing out of their nerd caves.
Aha! Nerd Caves, thats such an awesome playful description! Its so true. I'm always impressed with the nerdy guys, but I tend to scare them away I think, cuz I'm reeeealllly outgoing and outspoken. :-(
Me too. I love me some nerds. I also tend to be a little bit outspoken and once in a while I'll get them to throw me a smile my way. I smile back to them and they get a lil bit nervous and walk away. How can I keep a nerdy guy's attention without making him feel awkward?
awesome post Nick!! nice guys/gals finish last that's a great thing. all the good things come at the end. dessert for one thing! sweets and geeks rule the world!
wow I totally loved and thorougly appreciated this answer!! great one Nick!!
Haha, awesome answer! My boyfriend was once broken up with for being "too nice." What?
Oh well, more for me. :)
I think there's a definite line between being nice and being a pushover. Nice people don't finish last, but pushovers do, and often tend to blame it on their 'nice'ness.
There was once a guy who was interested in me and would agree with everything I said, praise everything I did and do anything I wanted. I wasn't trying to take advantage of him, at all, but he inevitably made me feel like I was, just because he had no backbone. I felt like every suggestion I made was received as an order. I would consider myself a fairly nice person as well, and so that made me feel like an asshole, even though I wasn't doing anything wrong.
The thing is, having no self-esteem and doing everything someone wants you to do doesn't even make you nice, because you don't necessarily do those things because you WANT to, but because you feel you HAVE to in order to get what you want (in this case, the other person). There's a big difference.
Listen that song "NICE GUYS FINISH LAST" by some asian guys on youtube. Funny how the bad guy was the white guy...but yeah LOL, do check it out. Catchy rythm.
"No woman wants to date an arrogant jerk, but at the same time they don't want a wimpy doormat they can walk all over. "
So why I always end up liking very insecure guys with 0 self esteem?
I remember asking this to my best (male) friend once and he said "Because somewhere along the line women decided that men being jerks was normal and it ruined it for the rest of us."
I agree with Faye - I think labeling people is lazy and frankly, stupid. And here's something to ponder too - ever notice how people who proclaim to be "nice" and make it their business to drill that constantly into their friends or paramours heads too often aren't nice at all, but instead may be more than a little controlling?
One of my notable exes taught me that lesson - almost every day I'd hear one or two short accounts about how people found him to be too nice at work or while he was out running errands, and how they'd praise him for being just that. Then in the same breath, he'd bring up a colleague, a family member or a mutal friend and start ranting about them, a long uber critical diatribe about why said person isn't smart, or attractive, or nice. I'd sit there listening in astonishment. Oh, and God forbid, should I call him on any of it...because then he'd play the "I'm misunderstood" card, get angry at me, and then start ripping into me. I finally got tired of the pattern, held up a "mirror" to him, and decided it was time to move on.
Nowadays whenever I encounter a self-proclaimed "nice guy", I totally ignore the label and instead look to their behaviors and reactions to more clearly assess their personality traits.
Most interesting about the word 'nice', it used to mean stupid and foolish, then it came to be used to describe someone who acts deceptively, with ulterior motives. No idea how it came to mean the same as kindness or compassion, unless because the 'nice guys' were acting kind and compassionately with ulterior motives to get in a woman's pants.
"No woman wants to date an arrogant jerk, but at the same time they don't want a wimpy doormat they can walk all over.
I want someone in between. Is it bad? :(
Hmm, I think society has a set standard of what is masculine/feminine and then our mind set is created to gravitate towards this ideaology. The machismo man is the guy who gets the girl. The feminine woman falls desperately in love with the bad boy and they live happily ever after. I can't keep track of all the girls I've known constantly complaining about how awful they've been treated by the "bad boys" and though I feel their agony, it is in perfect sense, like, hello? What did you expect? Whilst, the devoted, loving and nurturing male's kindness is mistaken for weakness, on the basis that he is "soft". I'm telling you peeps, at this point in my life, I'm all about flying solo.
It wasn't Jerry Orbach who wanted Baby out of the corner, it was Patrick Swayze - great article otherwise, even if you just blew some of your movie-nerd magic :)
Nice girls finish last becuz guys go for looks and if a guy doesn't find a girl physically attractive, he doesn't bother getting to know her for who she is. So he settles for the b**ch who looks good and then complains when he gets treated like crap!
Men pick women based on looks and if he's not physically attracted to someone he's not gonna bother getting to know her for who she is. Therefore, he misses out on getting to know someone who might have been worth getting to know. They pick the b**ch who looks good and then complains when he gets treated like crap!
Men pick women based on looks and if he's not physically attracted to someone he's not gonna bother getting to know her for who she is. They pick the b**ch who looks good and then complains when he gets treated like crap! Too bad for him cuz he's probably missing out on getting to know someone worth knowing!
Men pick women based on looks and if he's not physically attracted to someone he's not gonna bother getting to know her for who she is. They pick the b**ch who looks good and then complains when he gets treated like crap! Too bad for him cuz he's probably missing out on getting to know someone worth knowing...like someone nice!