Men can be just as jealous as women. It just manifests itself differently.
Speaking as a (Mystery) man, jealously for men never seems to be as all-encompassing as the jealousy that many women seem to experience. That is to say, men might be jealous of someone's job, or someone's love life, or someone's athletic ability. Rarely are men jealous of the whole person, as women seem to be.
It's not that men are more confident. They just instinctually try to come up with some kind of self-affirming truth when they compare themselves to someone else. Something like "He may be stronger, but I'm faster." Or "He may have a better job, but I've got a hotter girlfriend."
Women, by contrast, don't seem to do that. You're much more inclined to hear a woman say "she's perfect" than a man. That difference makes it seem like women are constantly jealous while men are constantly self-assured even though that isn't remotely the case.
Men can be just as insecure and jealous. But something deep in our psyche prevents us from getting fully swallowed by it. I suppose that makes us lucky.
Ladies, what are your thoughts? I'm speaking in generalizations, of course, but is that how you generally see this issue too?
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My best friend's husband is jealous and insecure. It is pretty much any man that might have a friendship with her or get too close and there is no rationale behind it. And he is very irrational about his expression of it too.
I do believe that it is men's ability to compartmentalize that keeps their jealous more categorized then for women. But I think emotionally healthy woman can do this as well since those women typically have a better sense of self awareness and self esteem.
Personally, I think all people are jealous to one degree or another since we are all humans and we all have soft spots (areas of insecurity). I think it is just the level at which we can accept and be with the feelings versus letting it control us.
This is completely accurate. Even though I'm only in high school, the same thing still seems to apply. Just recently, on swim team, I heard one boy say to another: "I'm better at swimming at you." The other boy replies "but i'm much faster at running than you." I guess all guys have their strengths and their weaknesses, and just don't discount either. And yes, as a girl I have periods where I'm very insecure, and occasionally become jealous of others, and in much of the way that you discussed. You're very perceptive! But, then again, that's probably why you're answering these questions!
Growing up with a bunch of older brothers and no sisters, I full heartedly agree. With women, I think it has a lot to do with the environment/culture they grow up in. Take a look at how magazines treat celebrity women, cellulite pics here, drunken photos there, she wore what?! As a woman, I feel that many women were raised to be a perfect whole package, when that is so unrealistic! Insecurity happens in all of us, jealously is the lazy and self-stunting way to express it. If you don't like something about yourself, do your best to positively change it!
I don't think there's that much difference between men and women. Between people yes, but not between genders.
I think the difference people perceive is down to social conditioning. So a man who feels madly jealous feels the need to downplay it, whereas a women might not feel that so much.
Personally, I've never been jealous (I'm a woman!) - since I figure if they're going to cheat I may as well know so I can move on. My boyfriends on the other hand have tended to get very irrationally jealous.
What nonsense. Jealousy has nothing to do with gender. I've known plenty of men who were incredibly insecure, jealous, who compared themselves to others or who envied others accomplishments, possessions, or women or who lived in fear that they would lose their girlfriend/wife to someone smarter/richer/musclier etc.
I'm disappointed in you, MM, that you would even give tacit agreement to the original posters premise. Women are not more jealous than men - it all comes down to individuals.
Actually his first sentence states he believes there is no difference amoung genders, it is how it manifests that he believes is different.
I'm sorry, but his statement that 'something in a man's psyche' prevents them from getting 'swallowed up' by jealousy - and the implication that women do allow themselves to be swallowed up by it - is just wrong.
I've known of several men who sat outside their exgirlfriends houses all night, watching to see if they brought someone else home. I've known men who were so paranoid about their wife having an affair at work, that they changed every block in the house so that she'd be late, and get fired, so that she wouldn't see the man he thought she was sleeping with, anymore. Men who went through their wife's cellphone, and then sent text messages to her male friends pretending to be her - in order to 'catch her' out in lies that she hadn't even told. I've known men who threatened to kill their girlfriends out of jealousy -
even when the girlfriend was completely faithful.
In short, I've known of a number of men who didn't just allow their jealousy to consume them, they allowed it to destroy the lives of those they claimed to love, even to the point of criminal behaviour. And even if MM hasn't encountered such behaviour himself, all he needs to do is watch the news and he'd see plenty of examples.
In general, Guyspeak is a fantastic site, full of good, sound advice. But on this occasion, MM dropped the ball. Women don't have worse jealousy issues than men - the original poster was just wrong, and he should have told them so.
Both men and women experience jealousy issues, Honey Bunny. It is not a question of who has it "worse." I wanted to, and did, explore the differences between how that jealousy seemingly manifests.
A lot of folks, including most of the posters here, seem to think there is a difference in how men and women show jealousy, and what they are jealous over. The push of my answer was that men seem to be jealous of certain elements of a person, while women don't usually split a person up into elements. Are they "swallowed up" by jealousy? No. They just experience it differently than men.
Sorry you disagree, but I'm glad that there's some good dialogue happening!
I think society encourages men to be competitive and self-affirming more than women. Women still think in terms of comparing their specific attributes to those of other women, but it is frowned upon for them to be outwardly competitive. In women, it's often perceived as 'vain,' while in men it is 'macho.' In reality, women and men feel jealousy in the same or similar ways, they just express them differently.
well overall I agree, both men and women can be equally jealous,
the meaning of jealousy is "something that you want that you don't have, can't have, or never will have." so basically that's what it is, now of course maybe guys and girls get jealous over different things,
like for example, guys might get jealous, if a girl is with another guy,
women get more jealous if another woman (or even a guy for that matter) is prettier or better looking than the woman, plus I think wealth,power,money,traveling, or nicer house/car makes both men/women jealous on equal scales, but in reality every individual is different.
sometimes if someone is very jealous of you; they could ignore you, pretend that you don't exist, act like they don't know you, or they will try to distant themselves as far away from you as possible like avoid you or whatever.
another example of jealousy is being mean to you, making faces, when they see you they freeze up or look the other way to act like they didn't see or notice you. unexplainable anger, spreading gossip, false rumors, talking bad about you behind your back, or even putting on fake smiles.
now most of the time people think being too nice to someone means you're jealous of someone, I don't think so.... because jealous people will never be extra nice/friendly to you, they will always be mean or talk behind your back and they will never wish or want the best for you.
well overall I agree, both men and women can be equally jealous,
the meaning of jealousy is "something that you want that you don't have, can't have, or never will have." so basically that's what it is, now of course maybe guys and girls get jealous over different things,
like for example, guys might get jealous, if a girl is with another guy,
women get more jealous if another woman (or even a guy for that matter) is prettier or better looking than the woman, plus I think wealth,power,money,traveling, or nicer house/car makes both men/women jealous on equal scales, but in reality every individual is different.
sometimes if someone is very jealous of you; they could ignore you, pretend that you don't exist, act like they don't know you, or they will try to distant themselves as far away from you as possible like avoid you or whatever.
another example of jealousy is being mean to you, making faces, when they see you they freeze up or look the other way to act like they didn't see or notice you. unexplainable anger, spreading gossip, false rumors, talking bad about you behind your back, or even putting on fake smiles.
now most of the time people think being too nice to someone means you're jealous of someone, I don't think so.... because jealous people will never be extra nice/friendly to you, they will always be mean or talk behind your back and they will never wish or want the best for you.
I feel jealousy is proportional to a person's self confidence and present status in life....if a a person (irrespective of the gender) is generally confident and percieves himself or herself succesful...the magnitude of the jealousy may be less and can find something reassuring with the present situation....else its not just jealousy but irrational fear, depression and anger that one may be feeling
Everything you replied, except, um, oh yeah: the men who beat up or murder their girlfriends, wives, even their whole families, or their wives colleagues, over jealous fantasies. Other than that yeah, women sure do
get that jealousy bug way worse. We need to work on that.