One of the difficult parts about being the Girls' BFF is that honesty is required. The problem with honesty is that sometimes, truth hurts.
Aside from your quip about being attractive (put a pin in this, we'll get back to it later), you sound like one of those great personality chicks. Unfortunately, personality chicks are called this because they're not so easy on the eyes usually. If they were, they'd be the hot chick who is totally the coolest girl ever and guys would be lining up at your door to take you out.
See, men? We suck. We're visual to a fault. If we see a woman who's not our cup of tea, it doesn't matter if she's the best thang smokin'. Unhot is unhot. Now it's not to say that an unhot woman cant find a man because it's totally possible. You just have to do it on your terms, not his (which is probably better anyway). Get to know guys who aren't just in a situation trying to hook up.
Hell, the internet is a great place.
Women are much better people than men when it comes to this. Women will usually give a busted dude an opportunity to charm her, and a lot do and that's how you get doofy looking dude with the upgrade of a lifetime (think Penny and Leonard on The Big Bang Theory).
Back to this attractiveness thing - you say you're attractive, but I get the feeling that if you were hot, men would be turned on ADDITIONALLY by all the great things about you. They all want to be your friend because you are a great friend to hang around. If you were hot, they'd want to jump your bones too.
That's just simple math.
Now, the thing is, if you do indeed get to know these guys who are aesthetic jackarses, perhaps by getting to know you, and acting like civilized people, you will truly fall for and be fallen for by one of those guys. Love...takes time.
And yes, I just quoted Mariah Carey.
Now, if you're super hot and it still doesn't work, then I assume you're breath smells like ass and you just don't realize it.
Additionally, particularly unattractive females can always attempt the "Kick his legs out from under-him, then mount quickly" approach. This confuses most dudes to the point of agreeing with anything you say.
Loving baseball over football explains a lot. Baseball is so 90s. Any chick who wants male attention needs to get friendly with the pigskin.
I'm not the hot girl, admittedly, and that's fine. I am attractive, I suppose, but I will say that -- if I may add my two cents -- The guys who take one LOOK at you and see 'friend' aren't the guys you want anyhow. They're the guys who judge a book by it's cover. Look deeper, boys. And girls, look elsewhere.
Also, it may not be a bad idea to take control of the situation. Sometimes you have to show guys what they're looking at. I'm sure you're a prize, Sharon, but most guys don't know what to look for. Show them (not your goodies, mind you)!
I had to corner my boyfriend (of 4 years now) and ask to borrow a CD he definitely knew I had no interest in listening to (Mike Jones) in order to get him to notice me. And it worked. And he's been noticing ever since.
Good luck to you, Sharon. I'm sure you'll find Mr. Right!
Hey hey hey.
Exactly what I was thinking :p
God, GBFF, you're so right it hurts. Sharon, I could have written this. But I'm still confused, because all-in-all, the ratio of hot-to-moderate looking people in this world is definitely not 1 million to 1. Actually, the ratio favors in the other direction...aka, there are a lot more "average" looking people out there than "super hotties." The good thing is, the average looking people tend to be a million times more kind, intelligent and well-rounded. The bad thing is, we have NO IDEA how we are supposed to find each other. GBFF mentions "doing it on your terms." What does that mean to you guys?
I was thinking the EXACT same thing! I see all these "average" (or worse) looking girls all the time with boyfriends and I don't understand how they find each other. I'm not the "hot girl" but I'm in the attractive category, I would say. I'm friends with a lot of guys, but I can never find a guy who likes me more than a friend.
some people are just lucky i guess or have a really great personality that caught them. or they just tried harder?
ive seen couples that the girl isn't that attractive but the guy is attractive and vice versa. i don't know how that works.
any guys care to explain?
men are NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its just plain and simple as day
Don't the best relationships usually start as friendships?
Some yes, but sometimes if you start out as a friend, you stay that way. I've been through that situation far too many times. You show interest but they guy just wants you as a friend. What's even worse is hearing "You're like my sister" from a guy you've been crushing on for years.
I would say don't look. Just be yourself and enjoy the single life. The minute I stop looking, the same time I end up having a romance. Life is cruel like that.
And starting off as the friend really isn't the end of the world. Some guys just don't have the courage to ask you out right away so they play the friend role :)
Another possible problem could be that you are expecting these guys to think of you as friends, and so they do.
Confidence is a huge turn on, and by assuming you're only friend-zone material, you don't exude the confidence that makes a guy look at you as possible girlfriend material.
It's a tough cycle to break, but try to force yourself to assume that a guy wants you, and just needs encouragement to ask you out. So, when you meet an eligible guy who turns your head, assume that it's inevitable that he will ask you out, and start flirting with him. Send him the signals that he has a go ahead. All the normal things, like touching him unneccasarily (a quick touch of his arm when he says something funny, for example), lock eyes with him every once in a while, and all the other techniques you have at your disposal. Heck, even ask the guy out if you're really interested.
The key is to keep telling yourself the following, "I exude sexuality and no guy is beyond my charms". It may feel unnatural and/or silly at first. But, if you keep at it, you should start to see an improvement.
Basically, if you don't exude confidence, you need start doing that. So, start with fake confidence, and as people start reacting to that, the fake confidence will slowly be replaced with real confidence, and people will react even more, giving you even more confidence. It's like starting a forest fire, the materials are all there, you just need to rub two sticks together long and hard enough to start a small fire, and nature will take it from there.
I love you. That was what the advice should have been, not "get hotter or lower your standards, gurlfrieeeeend!"
This is a WAY better response then Girl's BFF's!
To add a few things:
For some awful reason our society seems to be bent on this "I don't want to ruin the friendship by dating" crap. As someone else noted, though, the best relationships usually do come from solid, good friendships.
It could also be that these eligible guys have found a truly great lady to be friends with and are afraid of "ruining" that. It's not often that you find a woman you can just be friends with and is "one of the guys", but alas, it does put you in an awkward position. One that I was very familiar with before I got married. It seemed all my female friends would never consider me beyond a friend, too.
So be confident and just try the waters. Learn the guys you are friends with and start considering if the guy you are into is worth pursuing and put it out there that you want more. And remember when the guy says "You're a great friend" don't be deterred. He's not necessarily saying "You're a great friend and therefore never a girlfriend", he might just be afraid that he'll lose you if something goes wrong. That's not a never, just another hurdle to overcome.
Peace.
I think the "Girls' BFF" style of response needs a little tweaking - not very supportive, dude, or ma'am, or whoever you are.
Isn't there sometimes a wholesomeness aspect at work in these situations? Isn't it possible that the woman IS attractive, but in a girl-you-take-home-to-mom way that the guys in her circle are not ready for? Some guys just prefer the hot hookup and are not looking for a real connection, just as some women prefer the "bad boy" and not the guy who has dinner with his mom on Sundays, no matter how good-looking he is.
Anyone can sex up their look or behavior, but it can backfire when it successfully attracts those whose intentions do not match your own.
like the Big Bang Theory reference. :)
im lost because i see a lot of um fugly females with some hot guys, and vise versa i always thought it was because the whole negtive+positive=positive (no fugly babies) lol and Girls BFF was just being honest, the truth hurts, but its real