Blame Hawthorne. It's a hold over from earlier times - when you had young virgins, virtuous housewives and Scarlet Women as the only three classes of female.
The assumption is always "She lured him into cheating," never "He can't keep it in his pants." Of course, that means most people see men as idiots with all the moral fibre of a damp sponge and women as having supernatural persuasive powers.
Oh, wait ...
That is pretty much correct.
The blame should, of course, be spread reasonably. If the other woman doesn't know about his partner, all the blame should hit the guy. If she does know, well, I blame her for hooking up with a cowardly classless jerk.
Cheaters SUCK period!!
Cheaters SUCK!! Period! Do unto others...
I don't really understand blaming, etc. the "other" woman/man. As long as they're not your friend or anything, they had absolutely no relationship with you and no obligation to have your significant other remain faithful.
I think people get so pissed at the "other" because 1) jealousy, and 2) displaced anger at your significant other - it's so much easier to blame someone you *don't* care about - but it's your SO that's the real, uber, douche - get pissed at them.
This being said - I would never get involved with someone that I knew was in a relationship, it's just always confused me that people who have been cheated on seem to get mad at the wrong person.
The "other" man or woman should definitely be held accountable if they knew the person they were messing around with was in a relationship! They should take the feelings of the wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend into account. The fling might not mean anything to them but it could mean the world to the significant other. Probably why this country is heading down the toilet... People only do what they want to without the consideration of other people. The sense of morality, of right and wrong, in this country is starting to disappear! There doesn't seem to be any more accountability and being held responsible for your actions. It takes 2 people to cheat.
What happened to when people would take the higher ground and do the right thing?
Very true, and well said! :)
I had an EX who asked me one time what would I do if I found out he was cheating on me with one of my friends. Odviously he was hoping for an all out cat fight with ripping off of shirts. But I told him straight up that if he ever did that I would dump him asap and he would get an earfull and if I still had any energy left I would yell at the friend. He gave me a puzzeled and hurt look and asked "Why would you yell at me tho??" I told him because he was the one in the relationship NOT her, yes I would be mad at her still but he would be the one to get most of my anger.
Btw this is one of the reasons I broke up with him.
I think when cheating occurs both parties deserve equal blame. But despite the myth that men cheat only because they are unhappy in their relationship sometimes men cheat in good relationships simply because they had the opportunity. When this happens the man doesn't seek out an affair, but a woman comes along who's eager and willing. That's why the woman is often blamed, because she gave him the opportunity, without which (in some circumstances) he'd never cheat.
Not quite. Of course the man is to blame and you may dump him, yell at him or hold it against him for the rest of your life but that doesn't mean the woman gets away scot free. If you knowingly cheat with another womans man then you must be prepared for her vengeance. The dynamics of someone elses relationship is neither your business nor your responsibility. For someone to believe they have the liberty to intrude into someones relationship and life on the basis that "something is missing" is so self righteous and covetous to even comprehend. Yes the man is to blame. Yes the woman is to blame. However in my opinion and in my experience - in situations like this one - the woman comes off worse. Maybe not to other men but certainly to other women. For one woman to hurt another woman in this way...Who will want to be friends with this type of woman?
Here's my two cents:
There's an old idea men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love. That for men sex is more of a physical need, but for women it's all about the emotional connection. So when a man cheats, it's because that's just what men do, and it's not always their fault because hey, it's a biological urge, and if she was offering how was he supposed to resist! Whereas with women who cheat(either as the 'other woman' or on their own partner) it's seen as more of an emotional betrayal, which a lot of people find harder to forgive than a purely physical one.
I don't know of any situation in which a guy cheated and did not get blamed by his girlfriend. Yes, the other women may be blamed too but the guy who cheats is the primary guilty one. He gets blamed for cheating. The other woman gets blamed for stealing (if she knew he was taken). For some reason people get confused as to why the other woman is blamed at all if she pursued teh guy knowing he had a gf. cheating is NOT the only relationship crime out there. Stealing someone's bf is stealing, That's deserving of blame/punishment. It's just not as bad as cheating on one's significant other.
While both the cheating boyfriend and the other girl are to blame, I think a majority of the blame generally lies with the guy because HE'S the one in a relationship. HE has to answer to his girlfriend, whereas the other girl does not (have to answer to his girlfriend). And that's the point at which a moral gray area is reached. Just how morally responsible is the other girl? I don't think it's right for a girl to ever be the "other girl," because no one wants to be the girl who's cheated on and it's just not a decent thing to do, getting with a guy who's in a relationship. But I think the other girl gets blamed for the guy's cheating more often than she should. Unless of course if she pursued him, in which case they're both equally to blame. If the other girl is in a relationship too, then she's also equally to blame. Basically, there's a lot of variations in the cheating situation and I think the blame should be placed according to the specifics of each individual case. Cheating is a very messy situation with multiple factors that have to be taken into consideration. I think people sometimes get too wrapped up in their feelings when they're part of a cheating situation (i.e., the cheated-on girlfriend) to take a step back and properly/rationally assess where the blame should really lie.
Anarchy would reign if women everywhere had no regard for the institution of marriage and manstealing was a socially accepted norm. Never mind what would happen to families and children. Why would it ever be okay for some women to mess around and not the rest of us? Women are the backbone of society, morals and family values...
Sometimes the other woman/man doesn't know that the person they are involved with is actually cheating on a partner. Some people are good liars. Inevitably when the situation is discovered, the "other person" still takes the majority of the blame! In a situation where the partners decide to stay together and work things out, it is easier to blame the other person, rather then dwell on the fact that your partner cheated on you.
There are many sides to this coin.
I disagree with your statement about how something must be wrong in a relationship for a man to cheat. Some men have awesome, healthy, satisfying relationships, but still cheat. Why? Because they can. Maybe opportunities present themselves, maybe he needs the ego boost, maybe he just knows he can get away with it so he does it for kicks.
Whatever the reason, I've concluded that this is one of those issues where you can't understand it until you've walked in the person on the other side's shoes. Maybe now, from your current perspective, it doesn't seem like a big deal for the "other woman" to sleep with a taken man. Maybe you think she shouldn't be blamed as much. But if someday you're unfortunate enough to be cheated on, you'll probably look at things differently.
This would be a much better world for all of us if people (of both genders) just learned to keep their pants zipped. No matter where the blame is placed, I think we can all agree that being involved in cheating is pretty selfish and sh*tty.
My boyfriend cheated on me i feel that the girl should of told me before they started messing around then their wont be no cat fight. or think if she was in my position she would know how much it hurts to become in secound.