They do? I have never heard of that. No guy I know wants to remain friends with his ex. Most breakups suck, and the last thing a guy (or a gal) wants is to have that person around to remind him of how she broke his heart or how he broke hers. You couldn't make it work as lovers; how will it work as friends?
Sure, people always say, "We'll still be friends" when they break up, but everybody knows that's horse shit, just like when someone says, "Let's go to lunch some time" or "Call me if you're ever in town."
I can see remaining cordial to a former flame if you're in the same class or job or Furry club -- there's no need to be rude -- but good friends? No. I guess it could happen, say, if your ex was someone you dated for years and you hated to lose the friendship aspect of your relationship, particularly if you were friends before you became lovers. But in my mind, best friends are people who talk to each other and see each other frequently, the person you go out with when you're not with your new girlfriend, the person you lean on when you have a fight with her. Who wants that with an ex?
I'll tell you who: a guy who's either hedging his bets and keeping her around in case things don't work out with you, and/or a guy who's still boffing her and reluctant to give up easy sex. Call me a cynic, but I can't think of any other scenarios where a guy wants to stay close to an ex, especially after he finds a new girlfriend. If he's serious about you, she shouldn't be in the picture.
I agree: it's ridiculous and dangerous. You are right to be concerned. Something is rotten in Denmark. Or whatever country you're in.
Sure, people always say, "We'll still be friends" when they break up, but everybody knows that's horse shit, just like when someone says, "Let's go to lunch some time" or "Call me if you're ever in town."
I can see remaining cordial to a former flame if you're in the same class or job or Furry club -- there's no need to be rude -- but good friends? No. I guess it could happen, say, if your ex was someone you dated for years and you hated to lose the friendship aspect of your relationship, particularly if you were friends before you became lovers. But in my mind, best friends are people who talk to each other and see each other frequently, the person you go out with when you're not with your new girlfriend, the person you lean on when you have a fight with her. Who wants that with an ex?
I'll tell you who: a guy who's either hedging his bets and keeping her around in case things don't work out with you, and/or a guy who's still boffing her and reluctant to give up easy sex. Call me a cynic, but I can't think of any other scenarios where a guy wants to stay close to an ex, especially after he finds a new girlfriend. If he's serious about you, she shouldn't be in the picture.
I agree: it's ridiculous and dangerous. You are right to be concerned. Something is rotten in Denmark. Or whatever country you're in.
Good call. I don't know any guy who wants to be friends with his ex. I'm sure it happens, but I've never dated any guy who wanted to keep their ex as a friend (except one guy...and he later dumped me, got back together with her and eventually married her).
So yeah. I'd agree with you there. And no, he didn't stay friends with me after we broke up because we were such good friends. LOL
I was once friends with an ex. Now, we barely speak. We have never seen each other since the break-up. which was four years ago. And I agree with Cary's remarks. I once asked the ex to my sister's wedding, with no pretenses, and he said sure. Next thing I knew, he had a girlfriend. I asked him if his girlfriend was going to be okay with his attending the wedding with me, and he never did answer me straight out. We never went to the wedding, since my sister eloped instead.
Agree with all of the above. It sounds like your guy is putting one over on you. I don't have any exes to speak of (I'm like a mantis; I devour the head when consummating a relationship), but I also don't have any guy friends who keep exes on their speed dial. It's just weird.
I think your advice is on target. The ex sounds like a "back-up plan" to me in case things don't work out with the current girlfriend. If he is secure and happy in his current relationship, he would have no need for a back-up plan.
If he and his ex have had children together and share custody, they would obviously still need to keep in contact for that reason, but I still wouldn't think they would call each other "best friends."
Mr. McNeal speaks the truth.
I think it depends on how long their relationship lasted, how far they took it, and the circumstances of the break up (mostly the last two). I know plenty of people who dated for a few months, a few even got intimate, then decided it wasn't right for them and they were able to stay friends. I don't think there's a definite answer to this question... It varies greatly from person to person.
what about if the guy has a best friend who is a girl. they swore they never had anything between them, but her body language and behavior is so clingy and inappropriate? I told this to one guy I was seeing and he got all bent out of shape about it, then said "I don't like labels, but I wanna keep seeing you just not as your 'bf'." WTF??
um ok.. well I am friends with like 3 of my ex boyfriends. JUST friends. It all depends on the people involved... and no i'm not screwing any of them nor do i still have feelings for them so :P
I agree with tattedbabe...I'm still close friends with most of my exes. The way I look at it, if they're not someone with whom I have enough of a connection to have them in my life, why would I have had a relationship with them in the first place? I don't think you can go straight from being a couple to being friends...at least one of you is probably going to be nursing a broken heart, but the idea of breaking it off and then just never being in contact with someone you care about just doesn't really make sense to me.
The only ex I see with any frequency is the mother of my child, so we're somewhat obliged to get along. That said, if we didn't have a child together I have no doubts we'd have more or less never spoken again.
Don't get me wrong, I have no animosity towards any of the women I've been with, but I have no desire to see any of them again, either.
Good for you for feeling obligated to get along! Too many divorced parents barely if even at all tolerate each other.
I thought that I was friends with one of my exes. We'd only dated for six months, and when we broke up we both decided we wanted to stay friends. three years later I was engaged to someone else, and went out for coffee with said ex, he freaked out and begged me not to marry Fiancee and to go elope with him instead.
It really depends on the situation, some people can remain friend, normally if it was really deep you really wouldn't want to.
I think your wrong. I have been friends with many of my ex's. I dont give it up easy and there was no love lost between us. I am easy to talk to and people especially my ex's tend to talk to me about their lives with their new girlfriends. I even meet their new girlfriends. Its not a big deal to me. I know it is to the girls and I respect their relationships with my friends. Sex is never an issue. I dont allow it and we dont even touch on any of those issues.
Cary is totally right. It's one thing to be casual friends and see each other every now and then. But something's up when your boyfriend/girlfriend is in constant contact with their ex.
I am the same way! Who knows you better than an ex? They give really good guy advice!
Some girls just have to stop being insecure! If we wanted him back, most likely, we would be with him. There's a reason we broke up. Am I right?
No, you're not.
It's not about simply being insecure. Anyone who is in a committed romantic relationship with someone else does not have a right to be equally as intimate with a different person at the same time. If you're going to do that, why are you dating the former person in the first place?
I agree with Cary and Anne: casual friends who hang out once or twice a month is one thing. Having you on speed dial and talking to you/seeing you constantly is completely another. And it's not appropriate.
The only ex I remained close friends with only wanted to break up with me because he decided he liked men. Case closed.
I'll have to disagree with you on this one,its not always about women being insecure,Once an ex is dating someone new,he owes it to his current partner to be trustworthy and commited to their relationship,even if it means cutting all ties with the ex ONLY if its causing trouble within their current relationship.In rare occassions exs can become friends on good terms,However there are some exs that use the "best friends"pass to comeback into the picture,and make attempts to break up a happy home.Sometimes staying in constant contact with an ex can led to problems,At the end of the day its all about respect and once you're in a relationship you have to be considerate about yourself and the other persons feelings.There are some close friends that know their male/female friends better than their EXS,Since some have known them longer than the person they dated.Its true if you wanted "him back" you'd be with him only if he wants to get back with you,But if he's involved or deeply in love with the other person there's no chance he'd want to get back with you.Men aren't robots they have their own minds,just like women do if they want to be with you,they'll be with you,if they don't they won't its that simple.
Wow. People are sooo uptight. I am one of those "ex girlfriends" and me and most of my old boyfriends are still reallly good friends. There was a breakup for a reason, we couldn't be together romantically. That doesn't mean that we are still not friends. Why cut someone out of your life that you were so close with ( unless they cheated on your or something of that sort.) Recently, I have had to lose a lot of guy friends, because their new girlfriends are so insecure of themselves and find me a threat? Dude, I don't want your guy..we are just friends. Holy crap. You are gonna end up pushing away your guy if you tell him who he can and can not be friends with. Chillll out.
Telling someone to chill out when you don't know her or her individual situation is:
a) easy
b) ignorant
c) unhelpful
d) just lame
e) all of the above.
Correct answer: e
my ex and I are still best friends...he is in another relationship and we still have sex, go to lunch, go out on Saturday nights. I recently went on a date with one of his coworkers that I met online. My ex was telling me every bad thing that he could think of about this other guy...none of which I could see to be true...For the sake of my exs new gf I have stepped back a bit from talking to him as often. We still texted good morning and goodnight for months after we split. I do still have deep feelings for him and i think he does for me too or he would just move on with his new gf and not bother with me. We broke up because he felt he had nothing to offer me financially. Which is NOT why I was with him in the first place. They say there is soeone out there for all of us. I feel my ex is the one for me. I just dont know what to do about it.
Let me get this straight....he has a new girlfriend, but is still having sex with you.
In my world, that's called cheating. Your ex sounds like a scumbag. If anything, your story only proves Cary's point.
Don't you have any self respect?Can't you see your ex is playing you...and just wants you for a booty call?Yes he may still have feelings for you but question is..Is it enough for him to call it quits with his new girlfriend?......I don't think so If he loved you more he would end it with this new chick and be with you,But he hasn't....in a way you and your ex sound like whores and might deserve eachother,because if he's doing this to his current girlfriend what makes you think he wouldn't do it to you if he goes back if he already hasn't?
I am a straight, 25 year old woman. My best friend is my ex. We dated for a few months back in college, we had a genuine connection, but weren't right for each other romantically. We decided that we were more like siblings instead of lovers. I hate when his girlfriends look at me as if I'm coming onto him. We act like best friends or siblings, EVEN HIS MOM WILL TELL YOU THERES NOTHING GOING ON!
Its ok to still be friends with your ex, just as long as you're both on the same page and theres nothing still going on between you two(sex too). As for the girlfriends- if its clear that they are just friends and everyone around them insists that too, you should stop worrying and just get over it.
I;m getting ready to share a day with my Ex whom I have not seen for 12 years. I'm looking forward to it, but she's not about to become my best friend again. There's certainly not going to be sex.
I am also good (not "best") friends with a woman I've known since 8th grade. Nothing going on there, either. We happen to enjoy each others company, that's why we got together in the first place.
So it all depends upon circumstances. I've only had three serious relationships, and I consider them all friends. I don't have so many that I can afford to throw any of them away.
Kind of sad, I know, but it works for me.
Yeah, I would say it depends on how often they see each other. Certainly your guy will prefer to spend most of his free time with you, if he's really into you.
Brigid makes a really good point. You should be dating the people you are really compatible with, and those people make good friends. I am in touch with/FB friends with my 2nd most recent ex. I haven't called him since I broke up with him (1.5 yrs in college, .25 yr long distance which ended it). I comment on his FB stuff, he comments on mine. Probably the first 3 months we didn't comment much on FB, that was our break-up period of healing I guess. But we are friends, and if he ever needed me I would be there in a heart beat. If I decide to sleep with someone, I pledge my loyalty to them. Now I am not interested in him, but if he needed emotional support I would totally be there for him. I don't know exactly how he feels about me, but I would imagine something similar. He's a very good guy.
My most recent ex, well he's like a best friend. I say like, because he's not a best friend in the sense that I am not going to share intimate details with him, and we don't see each other 3 times a week, but emotionally we are best friends.
I haven't yet met his girlfriend, and I think she is not quite comfortable with the idea of us being in touch to this extent, but hopefully she will meet me and like me. I'm 25 and she's 37? so that's probably not going to make her like me so much (women are complicated and I have trouble understanding them). Sorry I'm rambling...
Anyhow, the point of all this, is that you can definitely find guys who are in touch with their exes and have no romantic interests. We dated almost 3 years and final year of relationship we had no sex. So, in essence, we spent a whole year going through the separation process, and figured out we are definitely better off as friends. It's totally possible.
Btw for reference, we actually only see each other 1-2 times a month, for lunch of coffee or shopping. We email & text a couple times a week sharing advice or giving feedback on work or personal life stuff. And I comment rarely on his FB. I also take care to avoid a flirty tone with him, since I tend to be flirt with friends I want to avoid acting that way with an ex, as it would be inappropriate.
Yesterday, I received a Christmas card from the only ex of mine who still talks to me. She also invited me to her wedding. Coincidentally enough, that's the only relationship that I broke off, too.
Well, I also broke off the relationship with JM, but she thinks she broke it off, and I'm not going to quibble about it.
I'm still friends with my first bf. We were 16 at the time. He's gone off to the air force and is now married. Now I'm friends with his wife on facebook and we talk every once in awhile. He hates it. I think it's hilarious.
I'm still friends with a lot of my exes, but it also involves not seeing or speaking to them for a number of months, or in some cases, years before we can be friends again. And even then it's not as close as it was. There are a select few that I am still that close with and that's usually because we were meant to be friends in the first place and not lovers so that transition was mutual and easy for both of us.
I remained close friends with my ex. He was my first boyfriend and we dated for almost two years. We broke up because he cheated, but we still speak all day long and every single day. He has a new girlfriend (or fiancee now, I think) and we're still really close. When they argue, I'm his shoulder and whatnot. So, yeah, it's possible. I guess it really depends on how strong your relationship with him was before you dated. I was friends with my ex for nearly six months.
I agree, because I am seeing my children father since we break-up, but the connection is simply "parents to my children", nothing that than, and we can't be like "good friend" terms, and we will not try to contact each other, unless there really a necessary...
My ex and I have been broken up for a month, and he still wants to be friends with me... and I mean really close friends. What does this mean? He's the one who called it off.
Um i disagree. My ex and i got to be really close before we got together.. We got together dated for a bit and realized though fun it was going no where. We are best friends. And have been since the day we broke up. He even started dating a close friend of mine and we would talk about it openly and not have any issue with it. You can be friends with someone after you brake up it is possible. And i've gotten calls and texts when he is in a bind or just needs to talk and get somthing off his chest and he is there for me. We truly love eachother very very much we just arent IN love. It can be done.