Because he doesn't want to date you or be your boyfriend. He's just looking for a f-buddy, a friend with benefits, or a booty call. (Can we get a new phrase for that? The Jamie Foxx movie of the same name came out like 14 years ago. Booty text? Booty Gchat? Help me out, GuySpeakers!)
Did you see Bridesmaids? (No? Go see it!) In the movie, Kristen Wiig is in a go-nowhere sexual relationship with Jon Hamm's slimeball character. He doesn't want her to sleep over, is selfish in bed, and expects a road blowjay after picking her up when he car breaks down. While I doubt many women would turn down anything Jon Hamm-related, it's still a great example of the kind of situation you currently find yourself in. Maybe your guy isn't as big of a douche as Hamm's character, but he still isn't interested in anything beyond sex and maybe watching Colbert together before passing out. Does he sleep over? If so, does he bail before you wake up? Is he staying for breakfast? If you're at his place, is he making you breakfast or going out with you to brunch? If none of the above, you're not dating. You're not even really friends with benefits. Friends go out for brunch. You're just "with benefits."
I hate to break it to you, but you're not dating. You're hooking up. If you're okay with that, great. But if you want any of those basic dating things (dinner, coffee, bowling, a conversation about anything other than sex and what time he'll be coming over and leaving), you might want to call it quits and find a new guy. Because if he wanted to date you, he would have already taken you on dates. You could put on the breaks on sleeping together and ask if he wants to actually spend time with you outside of your apartment, but, at this point, he's pretty much made his intentions clear. Do you want to date a guy who has no interest in dating you? Gauge his reaction to dating, sure. But you shouldn't have to do that. This guy is giving you clear signs that he's just interested in a no-strings-attached, no-effort-required, hook-up when he feels like it situation. If this isn't what you want, it's time for a change.
Did you see Bridesmaids? (No? Go see it!) In the movie, Kristen Wiig is in a go-nowhere sexual relationship with Jon Hamm's slimeball character. He doesn't want her to sleep over, is selfish in bed, and expects a road blowjay after picking her up when he car breaks down. While I doubt many women would turn down anything Jon Hamm-related, it's still a great example of the kind of situation you currently find yourself in. Maybe your guy isn't as big of a douche as Hamm's character, but he still isn't interested in anything beyond sex and maybe watching Colbert together before passing out. Does he sleep over? If so, does he bail before you wake up? Is he staying for breakfast? If you're at his place, is he making you breakfast or going out with you to brunch? If none of the above, you're not dating. You're not even really friends with benefits. Friends go out for brunch. You're just "with benefits."
I hate to break it to you, but you're not dating. You're hooking up. If you're okay with that, great. But if you want any of those basic dating things (dinner, coffee, bowling, a conversation about anything other than sex and what time he'll be coming over and leaving), you might want to call it quits and find a new guy. Because if he wanted to date you, he would have already taken you on dates. You could put on the breaks on sleeping together and ask if he wants to actually spend time with you outside of your apartment, but, at this point, he's pretty much made his intentions clear. Do you want to date a guy who has no interest in dating you? Gauge his reaction to dating, sure. But you shouldn't have to do that. This guy is giving you clear signs that he's just interested in a no-strings-attached, no-effort-required, hook-up when he feels like it situation. If this isn't what you want, it's time for a change.
Don’t put out & see what happens. I mean if you never see him again is that like a bad thing?
Actions speak louder than words. If you ask him what he wants, he's just going to serve you a plate of B.S.
If you're looking for more from this guy you're going to be let down. It sounds like he's really just in it for the benefits. Like Nick said, unless you're cool with it just being benefits, you should get yourself out before you get seriously hurt.
To be honest, that sounds like pretty much how my relationship started. It was just a habit we got into, but the moment I suggested we do something else - go out with friends, or go to a movie - we did it. Try asking him to go somewhere with you. If he says no, that's a bad sign, and I'd agree with everyone else; ditch him. If he says yes, then maybe it's just that he never thought of it before? (Something a lot of my close girl mates have complained about in regards to their boyfriend.)
I'm glad it worked out for you. But "never thought about it before"? If he's coming over to your apartment regularly for sex, he's thought about dating you. Trust me. Maybe you ask him to do something date-y and he agrees because he wants to keep sleeping with you and eventually he realizes he has feelings for you and suddenly you're dating. Sure, that happens. Or maybe he thinks you just want to be friends with benefits and not date. But he's definitely thought about whether or not he wants to date you.
I want to thank you so much Nick. This is exactly the type of "relationship" I am in - was in - and I just quit it. I guess I needed someone to me blunt with it for me to get it. I already deleted him from my phone and facebook and if he ever calls or text won't answer. I deserve better.
I want to thank you so much Nick. This is exactly the type of "relationship" I am in - was in - and I just quit it. I guess I needed someone to me blunt with it for me to get it. I already deleted him from my phone and facebook and if he ever calls or text won't answer. I deserve better.
You're welcome! Yes, you do deserve better. Good job deleting him from your life.