You shouldn't be concerned at all. Plenty of people go that long and longer without dates.
I think your perception is the issue here: you spent five years in a relationship, five years with a guy there for you whenever you wanted. You had, in essence, one long interrupted date for half a decade; people stay married for less time. When you're with someone that long, it's easy to forget what it's like to be single. Nine months seems like an eternity, but coming off a five-year run, it's not. Besides, I'm guessing you spent the first third of that time recovering from the breakup, keeping to yourself, and telling people "I'm not interested in dating right now," so in net terms, your dry spell is more like six months at most, and that's not very long. Just ask some of the women who write in that they haven't had a date in several years.
You simply have to learn to be patient again, and that's the hardest thing about being single. Let's face it, you could go out tonight to a bar and get some action with very little effort. You would get your kiss and more if you really wanted. But you haven't, so I suspect you don't want just any old guy or a one-night stand, you want a meaningful date, and those take time.
Consider another complication: we tend to find dates within a limited circle of people--friends, friends of friends, co-workers, etc.-- most of whom will be aware that we recently ended a long, serious relationship. Some guys will avoid going out with a woman so soon after a breakup because they don't want to be Rebound Guy. I'm not saying that's fair or that it's happening with you, but it is something to consider.
I doubt you are doing anything wrong. Everyone has dry spells. My advice is to focus on your single life and enjoy it. Relationships are nice, but the times we spend alone are when we really learn more about ourselves and what we want in life. Take advantage of that. The dates will come in due time.
Thanks for the question.
This is such a good answer. A few of my friends go out on the weekends just to meet guys and get bummed when they don't at the end of the night, meanwhile they forget to enjoy themselves and the freedom they have being single.
It's enough that you're putting yourself out there. Might as well have fun. Girls might even attract more guys with their positive vibes.
Thanks, and I agree with your suggestions. Go out, have fun, be confident, not desperate. All things in good time.
I also love your answer, Cary. There's nothing wrong with making yourself happy. I'm a serial dater, date date date since I was 24 and I've never been alone for long. For the past few months I've made huge changes: I've gone back to school, taken an interest in writing and being creative again, started reconnecting with friends, I'm being social with male friends who are not potential romantic interests (imagine that!), started going to the library more and reading again and catching up on all the movies I've wanted to see and on top of it all even started eating healthier and losing weight pretty much without even trying. It's too easy - and yes, fun and exhilarating - to get wrapped up in relying on a relationship for your happiness, it started happening to me recently and I realized I fucking *HATED* it. So I filled my life with a whole bunch of things I enjoy and love to do and I find myself worrying less and less about a man and more and more about how much fun I'm having and how relaxed my life is right now. Yeah, it'd be nice if he loved me, but if he doesn't I'm not gonna die of loneliness and being miserable.
I once had a six month famine. I think it was the longest six months of my life. It got to the point where I was just about to jump on top of anybody, nobody was safe, everyone was looking attractive to me. Plus it did me no favours that ALL of my friends were out there getting guys. It seemed like everyone was having sex but me. Only when I finally gave up, truly GAVE up, told everyone I had sworn off men and was taking a vow of chastity, stopped agonising over it and willing it to happen, it happened.. and I will say this. It was THE best EVER......
EVER.
I will say though, a dry spell can be kinda depressing and it's suprising how a wee thing like that can get to you so much. It's also hard not to compare every guy you meet with your past relationship, my problem was that I was just way way too picky. Have fun though, keep getting out there and don't let the opportunities pass you by.
you don't even wanna know how long some of my dry spells have been lol so long as you are enjoying your single life, your dry spell will end soon enough. guys are very attracted to women that don't need a man to complete them, so keep living your fabulous life, but yes, get out there and mingle, and I bet your dry spell is over sooner than later. the good news about that is the guy that IS your next relationship will greatly appreciate you not spending a whole lotta time playing that field, being selective is very attractive. you just have to balance the whole mingling and putting yourself out there with the selective. it's a fine art, but remember you had someone with you for five years, so obviously you ARE fabulous and lovable, it's just a matter of time. :) and in the meantime, why not pick up a course or hobby something you never had the time to with the other guy? A new language or something that lets you spend time on something you are passionate about without worrying about what man will be next will be just the way to take your mind off things, maybe even meet new men, AND you'll be doing something you love and have been meaning to do at the same time.
Fifteen months.
That's my record. And during that time, I got asked out on exactly one date.
Now, I want to be clear here: I don't mean this in an arrogant way, but I usually have no problem attracting men. From random strangers, to acquaintances who ask me out or try to feel out if I'm into them, to male friends admitting to hidden infatuations, they seem to come from all corners, often when I'm least expecting them. But during that fifteen months between boyfriends, I got asked out once, by the son of my parents' friends. He was cute, drove a motorcycle, and seemed nice enough, but I wasn't really into him. I was tempted to date him just to date him, though, but I stopped and asked myself: if I wasn't going through such a dry spell, would I even consider it? The answer was no. I didn't hesitate to turn him down.
And then I helped a friend move- I was wearing grubby clothes and no makeup, and met the guy who'd be my bf for the next year. I regret nothing.
THere are three morals to this story:
1) Never lower your standards just because the pickings seem slim. You'll probably just regret it later.
2) A dry spell doesn't reflect on you at all. It doesn't mean that you're not attractive. For whatever reason, the stars aren't aligning, that's all.
3) Don't rush it. New romance finds you, usually when you least expect it.
we sound a lot alike lol i dont have a problem attracting them but do have a very selective screening process and so i dont date much, and i have been in that exact position. considering someone i would never, but i love the way you put that into perspective. i wont forget that if there is a next time for that! LOL
I am so late in responding to this -sorry! - but I asked the original Q and just wanted to say thanks for the lovely, thoughtful (and yes, wise!) answer, and all the insights in the comments. You made me feel so much better when I really needed it.