I won't say never, because you really never know. There could be some non-religious guy out there in his late 20s who will think that you're worth the possible two or three year wait.
Is it likely? No. We're talking a snowball's chance in hell numbers here.
Look, there are plenty of guys out there who will go the extra mile if they like you enough. They'll wait until you're ready. Those guys do in fact exist. But if you being ready means "not until I'm married" then frankly, a lot of late 20-something guys will be turned off. Unless he's a virgin in which case he's gone that long, what's waiting another couple of years - assuming that you two find one another.
The caveat that you're introducing of non-religious guys is what really makes this possibility infintesimal. You're expecting a guy without a "moral" reason to wait until he's married to get some lovin'? Men have ugly needs (to be fair, women do too).
As to your second question, a lot of guys will wait to commit, but it depends on your definition (once again). Does commitment mean marriage? If so, then you might be on your own. Though I assume there's message boards out there that might help you start your search. There's a message board for everything.
But I'd definitely start the thread with: Single Female, NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE. That way you can weed out all the guys who are going to want some Australian physicality.
And as sexist as this sounds, it will help if you look REALLY good.
It was written.
As a general trend, people tend to date others that are on the same level or type of religiousity, if that makes sense. So, it may not even be that the waiting until marraige no sex part is the blocker, but that you're very religious. I would say you have a much better chance at getting with a guy who has the same religious values as you. For example, that website eharmony first matched people on their religious values to get couples and thats one of the reasons why their success rate was pretty high. Religous values tend to be a much better predictor of compatibility than lots of other dimensions, which makes sense when you think about it.
Also..... Why are you going after non-religous guys anyway? If you valued non-religious mindsets... then why are you religious???
No i'm pretty sure this question asker isn't religious. She's just a girl like me, waiting for a guy to give 100% of himself before giving 100%of hers. Otherwise why would she specifically ask about nonreligious guys? No she's just looking for somebody who will respect her wishes without the burden of religious baggage.
So you're looking for a virgin guy who's not religious? And is waiting til marriage as well? Good luck with that miss!
Well no, I'm not waiting until marriage. I'm just waiting for a guy that I love and trust, so I UNDERSTAND why she would wait for marriage. I probably wouldn't, but I definitaly understand it.
Well...I dunno about everyone else... The only example I ever saw of this was my sis and her husband She was 17 when they met, he was 24. She up front told him that nothing would be going down until marriage. They got engaged, she was married by 18. They have been married for the past 15 years. What they have is truly rare, but my brother in law said the thing that made him fall deeper in love with my sis was that she wasn't about to compromise her religious values just to have sex with him ... And yes, it probably helps that she is smoking hot lol, but he was head over heels for her
I am not a virgin, but I can understand that there are people out there who want to abide by that. So be true to yourself, anyone who truly sees the value in you would stick around... With or without sex.
Not everyone who waits is deeply religious. I know someone not terribly religious who remained a virgin until the age of 32 (that's when she got married) who had NO trouble getting and keeping men (the not-married-until-32 was because she kept keeping the WRONG men - love and compatibility are of course not the same thing). If anything, it's a nice litmus test to be sure your guy is with you for the right reasons. Oh, and no sex doesn't always mean no ANYTHING - part of how this girl kept her fellas happy was by doing other stuff. Not sure if the person who wrote the question is kissing-only or is down with the "everything-but" menu.
i have a question about that menu.
i'm starting to date a guy and i am a virgin in my early 20s (and my guess is that he doesn't know that). i don't want to have sex before a pretty serious commitment, not for religious reasons but for other reasons. i have never been in a relationship and i don't know quite what is meant by "everything but." i'm willing to do things, provided he gives me enough time to get comfortable with that, but can someone tell me what those things might be? i'm assuming it includes oral, but what else is there?
well i guess if I had to say everything but id say: blow jobs, hand jobs, kissing, getting naked in front of each other, some more deep kissing, anal ( thats questionable though because it counts as penetration...)cudding/spooning, mutual masturbation, watching porn together perhaps.... well I think thats about it. I kind of feel like Bubba in Forrest gump like..... shrimp cocktail, fried shrimp..... lol.
Umm...hate to break it to you but bjs, anal, hand jobs, blah blah blah are all sex.
If only penis-in-vagina "counted," then all gays and lesbians would be virgins, babe.
Semantics. Lola asked what the term 'everything but' means, and it's widely considered to be everything short of penile penetration of the vagina. Those things are all forms of sexual contact, sure, but they're not coitus.
Oh dont worry, I'm not a beleiver in that idea of "everything but penetration" doesnt count as sex. I would never want to have a mindset that excluded the gay commmunity either. I was just trying to provide Lola with some options since she wants to delay intercourse via vaginal penetration. To me they are all just as intimate, and you might as well behaving sex.... but since she's a virgin I think she wants to be able to get sexually intimate first and get used to it before "coitus" (which is the most awkward cringe-inducing word in the world!)
Thanks Mannon for clarifying for me.
Oh and I forgot fingering on my list, which should def be up there. I probably subconsciously blocked it because I dont like being fingered, haha.
Yes, but when people say sex, they usually mean penetrative sex. Therefore, even though yes, technically, those things are sex too, it's not usually what people mean when they say sex.
If I said to you I want to have sex with you, you're not going to think I want to go down on you or anything, you're going to think I want to fuck. :)
INCORRECT: Being a virgin and moralist means that you will reject all forms of canality. For the man, any action that makes a certain thing leave your body, if you know what I mean, is immoral.
I am a 23-year-old good-looking guy living in New York City. Proud moralist. Four banging girls begged me to dance over the weekend; I denied each one.
I am religious, but you do not need religion to be a moralist.
When you are dead and your friends have gathered at your funeral, what do you want them to say and think about you? Do you want to be the man/woman who tried the best he/she could to stick to your morals and values? Or the one whose life was ruled by your animal reproductive desires?
Again, I am not some geeky nerd.
The way I see it: if you're saving yourself for marriage because of your religion, then why would you be looking for a non-religious guy? In my experience, the people that are saving themselves for marriage must be pretty religious. So why go after someone that isn't? And to answer the question, no, there aren't very many non-religious guys that would wait. By "non-religious," I'm assuming that you are assuming that these guys have had sex already. So if a guy were to take this chance with you, he will be wondering the entire time what it would be like to sleep with you. Would it be bad? Would it be good? ...Awkward? What if it was terrible? Sex is an important part of a relationship. If the sex is awful, maybe this guy who waited so long for you is going to look somewhere else to get off. My advice is this: Get yourself laid, honey. Virginity is more of a burden than a blessing. You don't need to wait until marriage to have sex, but don't give yourself up to some pig after dating him for a short amount of time. Get into a serious relationship, get comfortable with him, and if it feels right then go for it.
Gotta agree with PJ here. Guys in their late twenties (myself among them) have generally been sexually active for a good few years now, and are highly likely to consider sex an important part of a relationship. I mean, there's plenty of women I get along with that I don't have sex with, but they're called 'friends'.
That said, I don't think it's unreasonable to wait until you've made some sort of commitment, you know, getting it straight that you're exclusive and such. I'd wait for that if I really liked a girl. Until marriage though, no. There's a lot of things I need to know about a girl before I'd walk down the isle, and sexual compatibility is one of them.
Thanks for your comment to my question.
One question: Would you call a girl your girlfriend before you've had sex with her? Not just dating and being exclusive, but actually be in a committed relationship with her before you've had sex with her?
Me personally? I wouldn't rule it out. This is one of those things you definitely want open lines of communication about, though. Guys can have remarkably fragile egos, so you should be clear about why you don't want to have sex or it might come across that you don't like him or trust him. He might not understand, sure, but if he does he'll be willing to wait until you're ready.
Karissa is totally right. I'm not religious, at all, and I don't want a religious guy, at all. As a matter of fact I'm Atheist, but I guess I'm kind of traditional. I just don't want to wake up one morning and feel bad about all the guys that I have slept with. I regret kissing guys from my past, even though I really liked them at the time.
Unfortunately, it's almost impossible to find a non-religious guy who'll accept the fact that I won't sleep with him, before we're married. I guess that's unrealistic...?
I just really want to avoid guys, who are only interested in sex and I guess that's why I want to be in a serious relationship with a person, before I have sex with him. I'm just really not into the whole "lets kiss, have sex and then find out whether we're in a relationship or not". I just want it to be in a more "traditional order" if you know what I mean.
What you would never want is the fear of feeling guilty to block you from being with someone who would really care about you and marry you.The thing is, the right guy wont make you feel dirty for having had sex with him. Most likely the reason you feel guilty is not because you kissed, them, but something about your relationship with them or they themselves that really bothers you. There's also a HUGE difference between "before were married" and being in a serious relationship. I myself try* to wait a while to be while a guy before I have sex with him to make sure he really wants me. Waiting a couple months to have sex is VERY different from being together for years, getting married, and then having sex for the first time together. If you dont have any special beliefs about marriage but just want a guy who's devoted to you then wait months and then have sex. Its much more realistic, and both of you will be happier.
Thanks for the advice.
However, my experience tells me that guys aren't that patient... I guess I'm wondering how to keep a guy interested without sleeping with him? I want to take things slowly in terms of sex etc., but not commitment wise. I want to be in a really serious relationship (with the purpose of getting married in the nearest future) before I have sex with him.
My male friends tell me that the serious signals that I'm sending are a major turn off to guys. And guys I've dated told me that they really like me and that they could see themselves with me in the future, however they can't make any promises now, because they aren't ready to settle down.
I'm just extremely frustrated with the dating scene in Europe (I'm European). Basically, all my friends had sex with their boyfriends before things started getting serious. Ugh. I just want to date on my own terms...
LOL all I can say is that the guys in America certainly arent' better than the European ones. Most if not every european guy I've met is much more gentlemanly than the ones over here....lol I should move over there!
Hahaha lets swap citizenship then :D Cause I kind of prefer American guys :)
My opinion- you might need to look for a guy who is ready for the commitment of marriage. I don't think you need to have sex in order to date a non-religous guy, but you're probably going to need to find a guy who wants to get married soon himself.
Thanks for the advice.
The problem is though that I'm not into older guys. I'm turning 25 soon and the oldest I would probably date is 28.. (and the youngest 25). I'm just so frustrated with guys and their commitment issues.. :)
The Original Question ask er did not mention whether or not she was the religious type but PJ did go over it in her answer to the question.
I am a guy in his late 20's that started dating a girl that WAS religious and it was her deep beliefs that were keeping her from having sex with me until marriage. I am now in the mindset of finding the person i hope to marry one day, not for the casual hook up. With that, i am willing to put/hold off on sex till i have made it a fully committed relationship and know she has was i am looking for in as a future wife. I do however, believe that kissing, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, and all the different definitions of sex are apart of a healthy and committed relationship.
Now after a couple of months of heavy make-out sessions she finally told me her commitment to herself and god. This floored me because i really liked her and was looking to take our dating to full blown girlfriend/boyfriend status. I was still determined to see if we could make this work.
Being the not so religious type of guy i am (I know he is up there but just dont worship him like she does), I explained to her what kind of intimacy i thought came with a relationship. Of course all the things i wanted (mentioned above) were just not going to happen until after marriage. Oh did i mention i was floored again. Well after attempts on my part, even to give up sex in return for cuddling and sleeping in the same bed, in an attempt to continue our relationship to see if she was the ONE. It was just not going to happen and have since gone our separate ways as of yesterday.
What i have teken way from this experience:
To you religious girls saving yourself till marriage, Make this clear from day ONE!
Personally, i think you will be better off first finding someone that has the same religious beliefs as yourself when looking to date.
IF you do date someone that is not as religious as you make sure he/she is looking to settle down and looking to marry ASAP.
Guys in my shoes:
These girls are out there (this was my first experience with one).
Be willing to give up something important to make sure she is the one.
If she looks like Alessandra Ambrosio or Marisa Miller you give up everything and put a ring on it asap!
The Original Question ask er did not mention whether or not she was the religious type but PJ did go over it in her answer to the question.
I am a guy in his late 20's that started dating a girl that WAS religious and it was her deep beliefs that were keeping her from having sex with me until marriage. I am now in the mindset of finding the person i hope to marry one day, not for the casual hook up. With that, i am willing to put/hold off on sex till i have made it a fully committed relationship and know she has was i am looking for in as a future wife. I do however, believe that kissing, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, and all the different definitions of sex are apart of a healthy and committed relationship.
Now after a couple of months of heavy make-out sessions she finally told me her commitment to herself and god. This floored me because i really liked her and was looking to take our dating to full blown girlfriend/boyfriend status. I was still determined to see if it could work out.
Being the not so religious type of guy i am (I know he is up there but just dont worship him like she does), I explained to her what kind of intimacy i thought came with a relationship. Of course all the things i wanted (mentioned above) were just not going to happen until after marriage. Oh did i mention i was floored again. Well after attempts on my part, even to give up sex in return for cuddling and sleeping in the same bed, in an attempt to continue our relationship to see if she was the ONE. It was just not going to happen and have since gone our separate ways as of yesterday.
What i have teken way from this experience:
To you religious girls saving yourself till marriage, Make this clear from day ONE!
Personally, i think you will be better off first finding someone that has the same religious beliefs as yourself when looking to date.
IF you do date someone that is not as religious as you make sure he/she is
Might be a bit old to answer the question but this seems relevant to what is on in my life right now so I'll add my 2cents for future readers.
I am a 23 year old male, not religious and not a virgin. I am interested in a girl who is religious though.
We are going out tonight and I have thought about the fact that because of her beliefs she might be one to wait for marriage.
I am tired of randoms now. Got tired a while ago (haven't had sex in over a year and not missing it really) and I think if she is the kinda girl that I would want to put a ring on her finger, I can wait easily.
I would love to have a wife who I can love and call my best friend and who feels the same about me and if putting off sex and being open to her beliefs whilst being agnostic is the way to achieve that, I will be the best husband I think.
Anyway I hope you find what you are looking for 'Question Asker'
Being a non religious (raised religious) guy in my early 20s, i know I'm not really an audience in this conversation, but I have dated girls that wish to wait, and I think its important to point out that we are required to commit to a relationship without sex until marriage. I am not trying to say that commitment requires anything, but that is quite a large step to ask early in a relationship, to say lets be exclusive but avoid (as most guys see it) one of the payoffs of having a relationship.
Please keep in mind that at my age marriage is not a high priority yet, but from the guys point of view that is quite a hard decision to make.
I am a 24 year old non-religious virgin male, and I believe in waiting until marriage before having sex. I am am this way to find my ONE true love. No exceptions. Guys like you mentioned do exist, at least I do. Classicjeff59@yahoo.com
I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the impressive posts on this site. Keep up the good work.