No. Not because I'm a bleeding heart progressive liberal with a strong anti-establishment streak and no regard or respect for law and order, but because (in my opinion) a lot of the traits one must have to be a good cop aren't that attractive to me.
Am I making sweeping claims about what it means to be a cop and what it takes to be a cop? Sure. But of all the professions out there, I don't find "cop" to be that recommendable for marriage.
Here's Four Specifics Why:
1. The hours are often insane. You're going to bed, your cop is starting the day. Or, it's Tuesday and you haven't seen your cop since Saturday morning because his shifts are back to back and don't mix with your schedule.
2. The worry you will perpetually carry when your cop is out patrolling the streets or dealing with emergency/dangerous situations.
3. The pressure and stress many cops understandably have, coupled with not finding positive ways to release them, can easily result in the marriage bring the official dumping ground.
4. Often, experiencing years and years of high stress situations can lead to a sort of burn out or a coping mechanism where things are black and white and hard edged for cops. A pervasive jadedness, or inability to see nuances in things, is typical because when they're on the job in real situations this isn't possible and thus carries into their civilian life.
Lastly, keep in mind 3 things.
1. There are many types of cops and assignments. Maybe your cop is going to work with children in some sunshine suburb and not be chasing down criminals at 4am through abandoned bus terminals in Detroit.
2. Cops take an oath to protect people and keep justice. That's pretty noble, right?
3. Why do you ask this question to begin with? Are you in a particular situation/relationship that prompts this? I suggest you take your own situation as its own case, but certainly draw upon statistics and those with direct experience moving forward.
Might I also suggest (brought to you by Wikipedia):
Accountants
Actuaries
Advocates
Architects
Archivists
Pilots
Chefs
Dentists
Engineers
Financial analysts
Journalists
Lawyers
Optometrists
Nurses
Pharmacists
Philosophers
Physicians
Professors
Scientists
Surgeons
Veterinarians
Maybe it's a guy asking about marrying a lady cop...???
Although probably not. I watched what happened with my brother, his four wives and two kids with two different mothers. Okay, one of them... no, two of them... no, three of them were bona fide whackjobs from the getgo, but still...
Everything written above is true. But on the other hand, if you, the potential Mrs. Cop, can be a grownup, and grow further with Mr. Cop, you'll come out the other end with probably a pretty cool guy and early retirement on a full pension. If you can't be a grownup and instead choose do the whole silly girl petty bullshit, then don't do it. Save yourself and him a messpile lifetime of grief and regrets and your future potential kids their own lifetime of heartache hell they didn't ask for or deserve and go marry somebody from list two.
This is ridiculous. Surely it doesn't matter as long as you care for the person in question? I can't believe you'd give such negative advice.
It's not about being negative, it's about being realistic. Sometimes, sad to say, love is just not enough to make something work. Yes, loving someone is important, but things that may seem small can add up for some people and become a huge deal. I'm not saying cops are bad people, they deserve love too, but their job is oftentime #1 for them (sometimes not by choice but it happens) and people can feel left out. It's one of those hard choices to make. Even people who love someone to death might break under it.
If you attempt this, OP, make sure you both sit down and come up with a gameplan. Being a cop is something that's kinda known. Go find others who have coppy hubbys or wives and ask advice. Figure out ways with your man to help him find healthy, safe ways to let out stress (join a dance class or something you can do together or with the whole family should kids come along) let him know that if he needs to talk, he can come to you but of course there are some things that you two can't handle alone. It's best to be prepared. Pension at the end is nice, but it's not about the money. It's about the person. And that person will need a lot from you while he's out protecting not just you but the city he works for.
Maybe it's a guy asking about marrying a lady cop... just sayin'.
All the above is totally accurate. I watched what happened to my brother as he married four wives, had two kids by two of them. Granted, three of them were total lunatics, but still... One kid was/is a mess, but that could've been her seriously disturbed mother; the other kid wants to be a cop.
On the other hand, if you are a grown-up and not a silly little twit (male or female), then maybe you guys can make it. But it is a very hard life and you have to go in accepting that s/he won't be around most of the time, and when he/she is, their minds won't be. The stress will be unrelenting for you on so many levels, and every single day you will watch him/her walk out the door to go to work, wondering if s/he's going to come back.
The good part is that after 20 years, they can retire with a full pension and be young enough start a second life, which is what my brother and my uncle both did, my brother in his early 50s, my uncle in his early 40s. And it wasn't until he'd retired that my uncle got married and started a family.
I hate agree, because my parents have been married for over 25 years, and my father has been a cop for longer than that, but out of all of my dads friends, he is one of two cops who is still on his first marriage after being a cop for so long. He was the best man for one man four times. My mother is incredibly independent and used to the burden of worry, her dad was military during Korea and Nam, and my father has a remarkable ability to put on torn up jeans and earrings and block out atleast a little of the cop when he comes home. But it's difficult. And may I add, as much as I love and respect my father for all he's done, growing up the daughter of a cop sucks! He had to work 3 part time jobs to keep us afloat, do you think he had time to spend with us?
Having been in a relationship with a cop for 3 years now, the hours are the biggest drawback. Not only does he work nights when I'm sleeping, but his schedule changes quite frequently and there's mandatory training too. He had a few failed relationships before me because previous girlfriends (with every right) were very unhappy seeing him so rarely and not being able to speak to him whenever. It's not impossible, but challenging. I'm a little more independent than most. I can imagine if/when we get married and have children, it will be harder - if I stay at home with a baby, that means I am alone with the baby all day while he sleeps, and alone with the baby all night while he works. There's a small window of free time when you work nights. I'm not sure why it works out that way, but it does.
Just for a little insight - this was written by an officer's wife. Gives you the inside out of that life.
http://blissinprogress.hubpages.com/hub/Police-Wife-Life-The-Joys-and-Jitters-of-a-LEO-Wife-by-Melissa-Littles
I've been a Guyspeak reader for a very long time and have read some heinous comments; however, this one wins the award for being one of the most disrespectful. I commend her father for being a man and providing for his family. Insulting him by saying he should have gotten an education basically implies that all cops are uneducated and worthless. Your comment is tacky, deplorable and beyond rude. You should be ashamed of yourself.
I dated a cop. It was only after we broke up my friends filled me on an unspoken rule...no cops, no fireman.
Aside from the bad working schedule, they see things that normal people don't. They see the worst of society. It is very hard for a normal person to shake that and not be affected by it. My one friend, whose dad was a cop, explained it's like a soldier who never leaves the war zone. Cops tend to be more abusive, maybe it is because of the black/white and hard edge personalities they get.
But it doesnt mean it cant or wont work. It is just hard, and you have to be very understanding.
The cop I dated had a BA in criminal justice, so your comment is just BS.
I would never date a cop. As judgmental as it sounds, I'm a libertarian and I would hate every minute of it regardless of other factors. Cops get paid to enforce a lot of stupid laws.
I don't blame you, and you should always stand by your convictions. But you might be surprised by how many cops hate stupid laws as much as you do. Not only does it waste time that they could be taking care of real criminals and victims, but it generates alot paperwork that wastes even more time that could be used for real crimes. Just saying, I think your problem has more to do with the law makers, alot of officers really want to help people, but find them selves drowning in pointless laws and bureaucratic bull shit.
Actually it depends on the city, more and more cities are requiring a BA. No, there's no nationwide standard, but the days of becoming an officer with just a GED are quickly becoming a thing of the past.
Corey is a stupid little bitch ass troll living in his momma's basement with nothing better to do than try and piss people off because no one likes him, and for good reason. We should all avoid engaging this pimple on the ass of society.
Public servants including cops, firefighters, emergency medical personnel, and doctors and nurses all tend to have high rates of relationship failure. As some other people have pointed out, it is in part due to the insane hours that such people must work but also due to the fact that they often bear witness to horrific situations. They end up having to develop very thick skins and sometimes the things they have seen haunt them. This does not mean they can't be very caring and loyal--most are in fact. It just means that the relationship will have challenges.
My brother is a firefighter, paramedic, and SWAT team medic. After fourteen years his wife, to whom he was completely loyal, told him she wanted a divorce because he was "no fun any more." This happened right after our father died so the timing could not have been crappier.
I am a nurse and was previously trained as an EMT. I told my son, who is going to start his pre-med coursework in the fall, that he would be best off if he marries another person in the medical or public service field because they will understand the life better than a "civilian." This is not because of any superiority on the part of medical personnel or public servants. It is because another "soldier" will understand the life better so there is more of a chance for the relationship to survive.
Corey is a stupid little bitch ass troll living in his momma's basement with nothing better to do than try and piss people off because no one likes him, and for good reason. We should all avoid engaging this pimple on the ass of society.
Wow, judgmental much??? You are unbelievable.
Cops, EMT, firemen, doctors, nurses, and correctional officers can make very fine spouses. They do what they do for a reason - they are fundamentally good hardworking people, for the most part. That said, it takes a certain personality to marry one and remain in that relationship.
You have to know that they may not come home, and when they do it is rarely when you "expect" them. The hours are terrible, the conditions are always changing, and they cannot predict how their day will go. They will come home tired and either need to vent or try to forget. Unless you are in a similar profession, your day will always be easier. Many of them would do well to have someone to come home to and love them, but between the job and what it does to so many of them, they can be damned unloveable.
"Cop's wife" is a calling. And if she can hack it, she's helped make the world a better place. If she can't - there's one more bitter cop on the force...
It's tough and I know I can't do it.
My father is a police officer. First thing is I do think it is disrespectful for those of you saying cops don't have educations. My father has a BA in political science and an MA is criminal justice. What I will say is that about 75% of law enforcement marriages end in divorce. My parents have been married 20 years but it hasn't been without hardship. The job makes cops cynical and often undercover guys get wound up in the vices they deal with. They work weird hours and deal with crap that most people don't understand. There is a reality moment for everyone in a law enforcement family when they realize that their loved one is not superman and is often put in dangerous situations. For my mom it was the first time my dad got shot. They almost got divorced the reality was so hard. When there was a freakish string of 6 cop killings in my area many women divorced their husbands with the ultimatum "me or your job" because they didn't want to be widowed. Most cops love what they do and are not willing to sacrifice the only thing they can see themselves doing. There are actually women who have a thing for cops. Cop groupies if you will who like a big man with a gun who get cops involved in affairs. This has happened to several men in my father's department. They get called in out of the blue. I can't tell you how many times my little brother has cried because dad promised to take him fishing but couldn't because somebody holed themselves up in a motel taking their five year old hostage or something like that. They talk about disturbing things and make light of serious situations to deal with the stress they are under. They are hard to be married to. My mother has told me over and over again to never marry a cop. In the end though I know no better men. They would die for each other and each other's families. They protect and serve both in the home and away from it. I am proud to say that I am the daughter of a police officer.
Yes, cop groupies.....my dad has several friends who married one or even left their first wives to marry one and it never lasts, their is a huge difference between having the hots for the man with the gun, and the reality of being the one waiting at home and worrying, and groupies hardly ever make that transition well. My mother has told me the same thing, probably as many times as yours, to never marry a cop. Then again she was raised military and swore she'd never marry military or cop or any job like that and that's exactly where she ended up. It's nice to see another cops daughter here, we understand things about the job that others never see. My dad can't see himself doing anything else either, he's just not a desk type of man, he's been patrol for 31 years now, makes as much as his lieutenant because he has so much seniority, but has never tried to move up the ranks because he doesn't want to leave his beat. People don't realize how much it effects every aspect of their relationships with their families, when I was small my father was on the team that was searching for a missing child, he was the one to find the kids body, and he scared me to death with constant lessons on how to escape from strangers and "bad men who might want to hurt me". I was four, and he was telling me to bite peoples ears off, but he was doing it out of fear and love, I can't imagine what it was like to find a dead four year old child when you have one at home. They worry so much, and expect the worse out of people, because it's what they see all the time. They never trust your friends in high school, because all they see are the gang members and drug dealers who skip and cause them trouble. They certainly NEVER trust boyfriends......ever experienced background checks on your homecoming date and his family? But it has it's plus side too. Who's dad picked them up early from school in a patrol car? ^_^ Who's dad took his kids to the range to teach us how to shoot hand guns, followed by ice creme? Who's dad took fingerprints of the girl scout troop to help us earn our patches? Who's dad has the tackiest most outrageously disturbing jokes? And who's dad has received letters, years later (after all the legal stuff is over, and they're legally allowed to contact the cops) from people they can't even remember because there's been a thousand incidents just like them, to tell them how much my dad helped them in their time of need, and how great an impact his day to day grind has on the individuals who might only ever see him once? He might work ten car accidents a week, but to that woman who's only been in the one accident, the officer who helps her out of her car, and waits for the tow truck with her means everything. I could go on all day about the hardships, and the wonderful things about being a cops daughter, or watching my mother be a cops wife for so many years. I would never recommend someone marry a cop, but I wouldn't trade my dad for anything or anyone either. I'm not sure anything looked as grand to my childhood self as seeing my daddy in his uniform, he was a hero to me, and I am still just as proud of him now, even if I am now more aware of the realities and a little less idealistic.
Honestly any job can be dangerous a lawyers job they sometimes work with or against criminals they could be killed too. accountant say bank accountant for instance hmmm robbery? Pilot possibility of a plane crash, terrorist attack. pharmacist also robbery, teacher kid bringing gun to school shooting teacher. firefighter explosion or a building colapsing while trying to put fire out. Basically what I'm getting at is every single job no matter what it is has hazards something can always go wrong at the workplace that could cause someone's spouse to lose their life not just a cop many jobs have crazy hours you just have to find the time to spend together
This is all very interesting. It's nice to hear people echoing some of the feelings and difficulties that I have experienced being married to a firefighter/paramedic. I am a nurse and I work straight nights as a hospital supervisor. It can be pretty high stress. My husband works 48 hour shifts in a very busy city with a low-income, multiracial demographic-so basically, he works his can off for 48 straight and comes home exhausted. Last year, he made the SWAT team and started to train. I was doing graduate school at the time and was also busy with our three awesome and very active kids. Normally, I'm able to absorb a lot from his job-because of my work, (I also worked as an ER nurse for 7 years), I really understand what he is going through and can empathize/have patience with all the side effects that come along with doing the job he does.
Now, this SWAT thing became a whole new issue for me when my husband was asked to repeat his POST certification with less then two days' notice. He was required to attend POST academy for 4, 10-hour days each week for 6 weeks srtaight. This would all be without extra pay, plus he would be required to work his regular 48-hour shifts at the fire department at the same time ( btw, this is not an uncommon scenario in the world of public servants). WOW-the idiocy of that requirement just knocked me for a loop. Yet, the department acted like they were doing him a favor in allowing him to attend this academy to retain his coveted SWAT position. It was ridiculous-he even asked them if he could just postpone his entrance to the academy for a couple of months until I was done with school. Unfortunately, they refused to offer him another option. My poor hubbie felt he would be letting down his team if he didn't try to oblige. He's such a great guy. So, we tried to make it happen.
Well, it was about this time that a drug task force did a hit in Ogden, Utah a few months ago. The suspect (who happened to be ex-military and had major PTSD), was to be served a warrant. When they entered his place, he was waiting for them with a rifle; he picked off the officers one by one, killing one and critically injuring others. It was about this time that yours truly cracked. I have never lost it like that before-and I've seen a lot of death and unpleasantness. I began to have panic attacks and experience crazy weight gain that was really abnormal for me. My husband is amazing-he resigned from POST and quit the SWAT team right away, but he was deeply saddened and humiliated to have to do so. He has been amazing, kind, and supportive. He continued to help me through the next couple of months until I graduated from school-he even saved $$ and bought me a mountain bike to celebrate. His commitment to me and our family is one of the reasons that our marriage has been able to survive for almost 14 years. This is also a major reason for the severity of my stress response-I can't imagine someone shooting and killing my amazing best friend.
The reason I share this story is to let others know that being happily married to a cop, firefighter, or SWAT member is not impossible, but sometimes it feels like it's only one step away from impossible. The stress and schedules have been the cause for more than one ginormous-size argument. We only sleep in the same bed on five or fewer nights a month-so the difficulties abound. I feel like our marriage, our personalities, and our level of commitment to each other have made it possible for us to survive together. Just this morning, I was rushing home from my shift as he was leaving for his. We passed on the highway and pulled over to give each other a big hug and kiss that would have to last for the next 48 hours. This is not a life to be entered into without serious resolve and dedication to one's partner. We find time to share whenever we can wring out a spare second. Flexibility, patience, and unending desire to communicate with each other must be present, or your relationship will be doomed. Both partners will have to be ready to be positive or ready to have fun whenever it will fit in; my husband is always at the ready to go do something fun-even when he is exhausted. Our motto has become "Sleep is optional." But this too has to be kept in check because our over-tiredness can contribute to irritability and major grouchiness.
Ask yourself this question: How much do you love the person you're married to? and what are you willing to sacrifice to make that person's happiness your first priority? I can't imagine living life without my awesome partner, and we do NOT view divorce as an option. So WE WILL MAKE IT. Things are mellowing out for us now, and we're even discussing him trying out for the SWAT team again. Some may think we're crazy, but we kind of have to be to make this work, I guess. Sometimes the people who have the depth of character necessary to be the best public servants-I mean, real heroes-are worth fighting for. This is the kind of man I have married. He will always be worth the effort it takes to make our relationship last! I hope this helps someone. If you're where I am-hang in there! You won't be sorry.