As I write this, I am full of the holiday spirit. And by that, I mean bourbon. Men are tricky to buy gifts for -- we usually want very expensive toys like ATVs, flat-screen televisions, or military surplus bazookas. But buying us booze, or booze-related accoutrement's, is a safe, budget-friendly choice. Providing your man isn't under 21 or in a 12 step program.
Here are ten bottles and assorted bar goodies that will please almost any palette, and liver. Most of these products can be purchased at your friendly neighborhood Drunk Depot, and as such, prices may vary.
1. Sam Adams Utopia
This one is for beer dorks with special needs. The brewer refers to Utopias as "extreme beer." Aged for two years in barrels like scotch, this beer has no bubbles, tastes vaguely like caramel, and is a whopping 27% alcohol. And then there's the price. So yes, it is extreme. It's also revelatory: it's beer that goes down like a fancy, brain-soothing brandy. But it's beer! $150 [samueladams.com]
2. Bull Dog Gin
One of my favorite authors is Raymond Chandler, whose badass private detective character Philip Marlowe was who The Dude in The Big Lebowski was based on. I bring this up because Marlowe drinks Gin Gimlets, (eat a dynamite stick James Bond, and your delicate martinis.) Gin is a totally underrated man drink; it's basically pansy vodka with bite, infused with juniper berries so that it tastes like moonlight and knuckles. Bull Dog is one of the best: clean, spicy, perfect vendetta fuel. $25 [bulldoggin.com]
3. Glenfiddich 18
While I normally can't stand wine snobs, I'm slowly becoming a scotch snob. The buzz is heavenly, like a snuggly fog settling in. And the taste and mouth feel are things I'm learning to appreciate, if not worship. Get your man hooked, because, snobbery aside, scotch makes steak better, too. Glenfiddich is the perfect gateway scotch to a world of complex, rewarding liquor. It's just right all around, not too smoky, not too peaty, with a sharp, subtle finish. $70 [glenfiddich.us]
4. Cruzan Single Barrel Rum
I use to dismiss rum as the official drink of Girls Gone Wild On Spring Break. Just something to spike fruity, sugary beach drinks with. But not this pirate juice: it made me reconsider my prejudice towards fermented sugar cane. Aged, dark rums are a growing trend, and I'm all for it. This complex rum peppery, not too sweet, and ideal for sippin', almost like a moderately good scotch. $30 [cruzanrum.com]
5. Absolut Peppar
I'm not a huge fan of cocktails: I like my liquor liquor flavor. But I have a weakness for Bloody Mary's, and not just because the celery is my only serving of vegetables for the week. Nor because they're the perfect hangover cure or the best way to get through brunch. But because women love them. Blood Mary's should be spicy, which is why the best have ample amounts of Tabasco sauce and fresh horseradish. But this hot pepper infused vodka? This stuff makes a good Bloody Mary legendary. $25 [absolut.com]
6. Don Julio Tequila
Tequila gets a bad rap, specifically because the cheap stuff is the crazy-making booze of choice for frat boys and hobos. But Don Julio is on a mission -- to prove that tequila can be as complicated and surprising as the fancy stuff from Europe. Pick either the dark or "blanco" kinds. Actually, pick them both. Both you and your dude need to be educated. This tequila is subtle, bright, and is great on ice. If you must blaspheme and put it in a Margarita, then do so. It will only make it better. $35 [donjulio.com]
7. Maker's Mark
This Kentucky-made bourbon is a rarity: it is the best example of what it is, which is fantastic bourbon. Robust, sweet, and full of fire, it is top shelf liquor right there, mid-shelf. And it is the quintessentially manly booze. I happen to urinate bourbon, because my body has a special gland that produces it. Served straight or on ice, it's the best brown-hued drink out there. No bar is complete without it. $70 [makersmark.com]
8. Bache-Gabrielsen Hors d'Age Cognac
Buy your man a snifter, and tell him the dainty glass only makes him more of a baller. Why? Because a real man doesn't care what he looks like, so long as he's enjoying something that is awesome. This fancy, expensive cognac is such a thing. It's wine put into a headlock and forced to be something better. It goes down like an anvil without a parachute. A sip reveals echoes of fruit, spices, and chocolate. This is for special occasions. But be careful, this cognac has a way of turning any occasion into a special one. $400 [bache-gabrielsen.com]
9. Whiskey Stones
I like my booze on the rocks. Your man probably does too. Now, both he and I can enjoy our bourbon on the rocks, literally. Milled at the oldest soapstone workshop in the US, these carved stones are first chilled in the freezer, then dropped in your tumbler. It's a visual pun! Not to mention pretty cool party conversation fodder. $20 [teroforma.com]
10. Cocktail Chemistry Set
I might not be a fan of cocktails, but I know how to mix a mean whatever it is you want, sexy lady. This unique set of mixologist gear is perfect for a dude's Fortress of Solitude. In fact, all of the boozes on this list are a great foundation for a personal bar, with this set being the perfect finishing touch. Plus: buy your man this cocktail chemistry set, and it's a gift for him, for you. Can you say "Bartender, another Manhattan!" $35 [thinkgeek.com]
...curious about the Absolut Peppar just straight chilled. Perhaps a Friday night "Science" experiment is in order.
You urinate bourbon? How do you ever manage to leave the house?
Wow, thanks! I was planning on buying some liquor for my brother-in-law for Christmas, but had no idea where to start.
Also, Glenfiddich:I was looking after their house for the weekend (by that I mean eating their free food, and enjoying their HD cable), and I found the Hurt Locker online, so I needed a manly drink too! My dad doesn't drink, so I figured we only had rum in the house, but I found a bottle of Glenfiddich already cracked open, so I had no qualms about drinking some, who else was going to?
Anyways, long story short, best drink EVER. Until I got sick. I only had about two fingers worth in my glass, with no ice or water... but what I think it was is the movie is sort of shakey-cam, and I was watching it on the computer screen. I was pretty much drunk half-way through the movie, and thought I'd tough it out since it's an awesome movie. Didn't work out so well, and I didn't enjoy the movie as much as I could've, so I ended up seeing it in theatres the next day. Needless to say, I am going to try again this year with the Glenfiddich, without the action movie, because it was absolutely delicious, maybe I will have it with steak too.
'their house' meaning my parents' house. That's what happens when you don't re-read!
Have you heard of "AA"
Appreciating liquor doesn't make you an alcoholic. Some people legitimately like the taste; they don't drink to get drunk. I'd rather have a Coke than a glass of wine, myself, but sometimes you just want a margarita.
I strongly recommend Don Julio. I had the opportunity to visit the factory in Mexico and was nicely impressed. Excellent workmanship.
Makers Mark is the BOMB. But Jameson is a very close 2nd. IMO
Yo, John, where are you buying your Makers that it's 70 bucks? I can get a handle for half that on a good day.
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