When I was in 8th grade, I had a classmate named Shirley Screws. Dead serious. Shirley. Screws. Worse, she ran with the rough crowd--gum chewers, backtalkers, locker slammers--so I remember at least one occasion when Shirley was summoned via the school's PA system to report to the principal's office, an event which, as you might imagine, was followed by raucous laughter echoing out of every classroom in the building.
Poor girl. Poor, poor girl. She was--pardon the pun--screwed from the get-go. There's no first name you can put in front of Screws to make it any better. The best you could do was name your kid Philips Head or Drywall and deflect the joke to one that doesn't suggest that you are perpetually available, if not eager, for a sexual encounter.
But what about parents who make a joke out of their kids' names when they don't have to? If your last name is Head, why on earth would you name your child Richard? Don't Mr. and Mrs. Lott realize that they doom their daughter to a lifetime of stifled snickers at the mention of her name when that name is Mona?
Apparently not, because there are hundreds of examples of real people whose parents gave them horrible names. And to further their torment, I offer you 11 of my favorites.
Rhoda Dick. New York City. And other places, too, I'm guessing.
Shanda Lear. Daughter of Bill Lear, founder of Lear Jets. A bright girl.
Fanny Chmelar. German Olympic skier whose name is fine in German but when pronounced in English suggests something entirely different.
Iona Knipl. Litchfield, OH. Just one? Is the other one a rental?
Cookie Crackenbush. Gloversville, NY. She must do lots of kegels.
Ima Hogg. Daughter of former Texas governor James Stephen Hogg.
Emma Royds. Insurance underwriter in the UK, won't cover hemorrhoids.
Filet Minyon. Atlanta marketing executive. I envy people named after cuts of meat.
Dr. Bonnie Beaver. OB/GYN in Los Angeles, CA. The beaver doctor will see yours now.
Anita Hardon. Professor at the University of Amsterdam. You're in the right place, lady.
Sue Yoo. Attorney in New York City. And she will.
Don't you feel better about your name now?
Poor girl. Poor, poor girl. She was--pardon the pun--screwed from the get-go. There's no first name you can put in front of Screws to make it any better. The best you could do was name your kid Philips Head or Drywall and deflect the joke to one that doesn't suggest that you are perpetually available, if not eager, for a sexual encounter.
But what about parents who make a joke out of their kids' names when they don't have to? If your last name is Head, why on earth would you name your child Richard? Don't Mr. and Mrs. Lott realize that they doom their daughter to a lifetime of stifled snickers at the mention of her name when that name is Mona?
Apparently not, because there are hundreds of examples of real people whose parents gave them horrible names. And to further their torment, I offer you 11 of my favorites.
Rhoda Dick. New York City. And other places, too, I'm guessing.
Shanda Lear. Daughter of Bill Lear, founder of Lear Jets. A bright girl.
Fanny Chmelar. German Olympic skier whose name is fine in German but when pronounced in English suggests something entirely different.
Iona Knipl. Litchfield, OH. Just one? Is the other one a rental?
Cookie Crackenbush. Gloversville, NY. She must do lots of kegels.
Ima Hogg. Daughter of former Texas governor James Stephen Hogg.
Emma Royds. Insurance underwriter in the UK, won't cover hemorrhoids.
Filet Minyon. Atlanta marketing executive. I envy people named after cuts of meat.
Dr. Bonnie Beaver. OB/GYN in Los Angeles, CA. The beaver doctor will see yours now.
Anita Hardon. Professor at the University of Amsterdam. You're in the right place, lady.
Sue Yoo. Attorney in New York City. And she will.
Don't you feel better about your name now?
Soo You! For some reason that one gets me.
My aunt married into the last name of Eng. Their children have average names but could have gone terribly wrong very easily!
Hahaha! Yes, I feel much better about my name, thanks, Cary!
I was getting my oil changed the other day and over the intercom they asked, "Will Dick Bent please come to the service bay?" Everyone in the waiting area tried (unsuccessfully) not to snicker.
The Fanny Chmelar video is hilariously funny. Just when the show host has things almost under control, he starts laughing all over again. The names on this list are so funny. It's hard for me to imagine parents not considering this possibility when naming their children.
There is actually a finance adviser in our area with the name Ben Dover. I always feel for him when he's giving his report on the news.
Annal Franz... it's the name of a real person in the town where I grew up.
Living in Texas for the last 20 years I knew all about Ima Hogg. There was a persistent belief that there was also a sister named Ura and a cousin, Hoosa. Sadly, it's not true.
one of my friends knew a "penny lane" growing up. you can imagine the song followed her everywhere o.o
My name is Jamona Ham. Meant to be a combination of Jay + Mona (my parents' names), it was hard enough growing up with mispronunciations and the occasional "Jumanji" thrown in...But guess what? The urban dictionary lists my name under an interesting entry. My name is also forever used as an epletive in MJ's immortal voice. But my favorite? A simple definitipn I should have known years ago if only I had taken Spanish instead of French: "Hammy." My mother named me "Hammy Ham."
I knew a Harry Peabody. Also a Richard Steele. haha.