Men don't need to be complimented. Does the mountain need to know it is majestic? Does the bear wait to be called "fearsome?" Rambo doesn't want a parade or metals or salutes from his superior officers. He just wants to rescue the good guys, kill the bad guys, and return to chopping wood. Rambo doesn't need to be slapped on the back and told "Good job ripping that guys head off."
Not that all guys are invulnerable to nice words. We've just been raised to compliment the women in our lives. This has been passed down through the generations -- sincerely compliment the women who put up with your smelly monkey ass. Without them, the world has no color, no music, no point. And it's easy to do,. Women are pretty. Like, really, really pretty. We compliment because we're thankful you exist. You really do look gorgeous in that little black dress. These cupcakes taste like every birthday in the world. Your smile is full of stars.
Maybe dudes would take compliments better is they weren't called "compliments." Maybe if they were called "mission-critical observations," or "actionable intelligence," or "man points." Normally, a man being complimented acts like a dog being stabbed at by a torch. But that's just because we are not genetically capable of blushing. We just squish our face in an attempt to close it down, like a storefront after business hours. But the thing is, we do like to hear it when you're proud, or thankful, or just want us to know that you think we're awesome.
Normally, I'd just suggest keeping large chunks of beef jerky or beer cans handy to feed us when we've done well. But in case such positive reinforcement isn't practical, here are 20 compliments your man won't mind hearing.
1. "You're sexier than Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And you will have your vengeance, in this life or the next, hopefully in bed."
2. "Is there any jar you can't open?"
3. "You're the bestest beer can shotgunner of all time."
4. "You're way hotter than your Facebook picture. And your Facebook picture made me purr."
5. "I know you're going to be the world's first DJ/Mixologist/iPhone Ap Developer, but you'd still be a pretty cool dad. One day. Far from now."
6. "You could do in 15, what it takes Jack Bauer 24 hours to do."
7. "You smell like a lumberjack who just beat the crap out of a log."
8. "Are you sure you weren't adopted? If I didn't know any better, I'd say your dad was Iron Man and your mother Black Widow."
9. "You can fix anything. The remote, cell phones, my pants."
10. "What are you, a centaur?"
11. "These are the greatest Sloppy Joes I have ever tasted in my life."
12. "Watchmen. Y: The Last Man. Astonishing X-men. I love a well read man."
13. "You could be a NASCAR driver, absolutely."
14. "You're my nightlight."
15. "I think that off-salmon button down shirt is sexy. And so do all of my hot friends."
16. "Xbox is a sport and you're my champion."
17. "Do you have a permit? Because those guns are loaded."
18. "Your kisses taste like steak and whisky."
19. "That orgasm just made me scream in Latin. I don't even know Latin."
20. "When you snore, you sound like a giant Gummi Bear."
Follow John DeVore's preening narcissism at Twitter.
hahahahahaahaha i'm totally using some of these. my boyfriend's gonna think he's some hot sh**.
12. "Watchmen. Y: The Last Man. Astonishing X-men. I love a well read man."
Still waiting to hear this one...
my boyfriend was burned in an accident, so if he doesnt get attention he gets all weird-like
i find it so hard to give EXTRA attention cause im not used to one needing so much, the things i think can go unsaid because were together and i OBVIOUSLY think these things about him..cant go unsaid or else he starts to think otherwise, its very hard.
ROFLMAO! I laughed so hard I cried all my make-up off. I'm using the Latin one tonight! What a way to start my day - thanks, John!
My hubby's comment: "You're my nightlight...especially when I light my farts on fire!"
John, you're sexy as hell. Is that a good mission-critical observation?
Hey John, I think you hit the nail on the head with this article; guys are so weird about compliments. I love #4 I'll just pretend you're my guy and say,"You're way hotter than your Facebook picture. And your Facebook picture made me purr." As did your new Reformed Player picture.
19. "That orgasm just made me scream in Latin. I don't even know Latin."
I know some how to say "Oh God" in Latin. I'm sooooooo doing that. Very funny. Awesome.
LOVE this! What fun #1 would be...the last sentence got to me :) uh huh
Shy guys blush. I know, because when I flirt with them, they drop their eyes and their cheeks turn pink. I find it adorable and totally hot at the same time.
"Your kisses taste like steak and whiskey, and your robust patch of chest fur keeps my feeble woman body warm at night."
This is my addition.
and here I thought I was doing good with:
"I'm so lucky to have you"
"thanks for working your ass off so I can stay home with the kiddo"
"you make pretty babies"
and
"you are an amazing dad"
time to break out the big guns I guess
does it count that when he is playing WOW I squeeze his shoulders and say "kill kill kill" and then command the bad guys to "die die die"? He always laughs his "thats cute/you're such a dork" laugh when I do it ^shrug^.
Who the fuck wasn't built with the ability to accept compliments? Seriously, if a girl tells me I'm good at anything, it's been a good day. I'll blush so hard my face melts...
"smelly monkey ass?" "large chunks of beef jerky or beer cans handy to feed us when we've done well?"
I see you have bought into the idea that all men are stupid drooling cavemen who wouldn't be able to tie their shoes if a woman weren't around to help them. I am getting so sick of the stereotype. Turn off your t.v. and start thinking for yourself man.
Oh, go back to sleep Sheldon. These are funny. I'll be more likely to use these than other cliche'd suggestions. I also liked Catharine's addition! Stereotypes, schmereotypes. My boyfriend isn't some drooling caveman, but neither is he some effeminate metrosexual nonce. He's a big manly soldier who's also a real sweetheart and he'd appreciate a number of these humorous compliments.... Although he'd be almost as happy with the rewarding stash of jerky I'm sure!
john, you smell like a lumberjack who just beat the crap out of a log. what are you, a centaur?
can some one tell me why brides always wear white bridal gowns?
White usually represents a virgin or purity.
so the dish washer will match the stove and fridge ..now go make me a sandwich
dude, I'm using these... all of them... in the same day.
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Great list you have here. Love coming to your blogs because of of the very unique and interesting information you have here! Thank You and keep up the great work.
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It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it's time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I want to suggest you some interesting things or tips. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I wish to read more things about it!
Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is great blog. A great read. I will definitely be back.
Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is excellent blog. An excellent read. I will definitely be back.
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I'm still learning from you, while I'm improving myself. I absolutely liked reading everything that is written on your website.
I play video games, I work full time, I screw like a rabbit and I'm a woman. The only compliments that really matter are...you are huge! You are so thick! Oh god it hurts so good! Last night was...yum. seriously how are you doing that! My fiance loves "wake up I need you now!"
Love the list man, super creative!
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I have to say that for the last couple of hours i have been hooked by the amazing articles on this blog. Keep up the wonderful work.
I have to say that for the past couple of hours i have been hooked by the impressive posts on this website. Keep up the good work.
Greet stuff thank yo for the information
When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks!
Great post, thank you so much for sharing. Do you happen to have an RSS feed I can subscribe to?
I also liked Catharine's addition! Stereotypes, schmereotypes. My boyfriend isn't some drooling caveman, but neither is he some effeminate metrosexual nonce.
I have to say that for the past few of hours i have been hooked by the impressive articles on this site. Keep up the great work.
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I feel that men should be burned alive, they are evil, cruel, insensitive, they are the worst sociopaths walking on this earth and should really, really die, they are too evil..., all they do is hurt women, and cheat on them, I would love to see a large pool of men tied up and have 4 gas trucks dumping gallons upon gallons of gasoline and watch them burn alive..., boy that would make me happy, every scream of pain, symbolizes the hurt and pain they put women through, but it would be too late for them to think of the hurt they've impacted, because you're too busy burning and dying at the same time.
HaHa!!!!
Number seven is Terrible with a capital T because it just says that you smell bad.Number 10 isn`t good too and nr. 16 sounds desperate.
Talk about his genitals or you get punched in the face. Seriously.
Cheating on a man and hurting him is fun but he'll get violent. Putting men through hurt and pain is fun too. I love jealous men a lot.
@janis-Women are the ones that need to be burned alive because they are evil and challenge male dominance too much.
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Bravo! Great contribution its a marvellous piece of work! keep the high job up I have also bookmarked your site.
Thank you for sharing
Bravo! Great contribution its a marvellous piece of work! keep the high job up I have also bookmarked your site.
Thank you for sharing
Thats wonderful indeed! I will definitely share this with others. Your contributions shows your expertise over the matter
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lol I'm horny ;) anyone wanna play a game?
kiddingggggggg lmao
I'm gunna feel a little weird using these on my boyfriend because I didn't think of them, but I'm so using the facebook one !! Plus, it actually did, so that counts, right ? :P
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You are far too metro-sexual to give girls this kind of advice. The real men who might potentially hear this will just think they're in a relationship with an ignorant/crazy woman. 'off-salmon button-down shirt'? Really, dude?
i almost committed seroius suside after reading that LOL.....whoever wrote that article needs to be fired! lol....def funny tough
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lol number 1 worked like a charm i mean seriously haha THANK YOU!!
I really hope this is a piece of satire because otherwise you're are sexist and repulsive.
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I just used this on my boyfriend:
"You're sexier than Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And you will have your vengeance, in this life or the next, hopefully in bed."
He loved it. He's having a bad day and needed something funny and loving. Perfect.
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lol men want to hear that they are the best.