It's time once again to take stock, look back at the past year and tell ourselves that we'll never again wake up in a pool of melted Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey next to a strange Russian woman, a suitcase of cash and a monkey. (What? The monkey framed me.)
Yes, it's time to make some resolutions.
Since us GuySpeak guys are practically perfect in every way, we shall not be making resolutions this year. (Well, except for Drunk Guy. That guy had better change his ways if he wants to be invited to another one of my Dungeons and Dragons nights.) You, however, may need to take stock and change some things in your dating life. That's where I come in. Check out the five dating resolutions you should make in 2013.
5. This year, you'll be the one who calls/texts/Gchats first - If you meet a guy you like, throw etiquette out of the window and contact him instead of sitting around waiting to hear from him. If he likes you, he'll be happy to hear from you. If he doesn't respond or acts weird, then you know he's not interested and have saved yourself the waiting time. Best case scenario, you have a funny story to tell the grandkids. "Remember how you called me like six hours after our date because that cupcake truck I just had to try was in your neighborhood? That's when I knew I liked you."
4. Repeat this phrase: Sometimes it actually is them and not me - The whole "it's not you, not it's me" break-up line is one of the biggest clichés going. But like many clichés, it works. It softens the blow of a break-up and says "I am not good enough/emotionally mature/hygienic enough for you and therefore you deserve better." Sure, guys use this as a line to get out of a relationship. But the truth is, most of the time they are NOT good enough for you.
There are a lot of crummy guys out there. A lack of ambition/desire to settle down and start a family early coupled with the glamorization of the single life (shows like Entourage and Californication and the sex-'em-and-leave-'em music of Kanye West and Drake has set monogamy way back) has led men to take for granted the beautiful, caring woman standing in front of them wondering when they'll propose already or at least move out of their parents' basement. There are men out there who will take you for granted, men who won't be able to get their shit together for you and men who will just plain treat you thoughtlessly. You might encounter a few of them on your way to meeting your Prince Charming or your Don Draper. But rest assured, when you encounter these guys, the problem is THEM and not you.
3. Don't expect the universe to hand you a soulmate - On the other hand, sometimes you are your own worst enemy. Perhaps you have grown bitter waiting for Mr. Right to walk into your office and sweep you off your feet like Richard Gere in An Officer and a Gentlemen. Unfortunately, the reality is that after they yelled "cut!," Richard Gere went off to sleep with some model and Debra Winger practiced her crying for Terms of Endearment.
Think about it -- if you want a job, do you sit at home hoping that the CEO of Wal-Mart will walk through your door and offer you a job as the nation's number one greeter? No, you go out and you get a job. Yes, sometimes that doesn't happen right away and you get frustrated and worried. But eventually you find something and your hard work pays off. Or you decide to take a risk and go into business for yourself or work freelance or take a part-time job that doesn't pay much but could lead to something else. The point is, you're out there doing something. You're building your pyramid, putting down foundation for the mansion that will be your career. Whether we want to believe it or not (and most of us don't), love works the same way.
Finding true love -- and making it work and last -- is extremely hard work. Most of us don't want to put in the time and effort and we grow bitter and miss out on opportunities. Just remember that the universe won't hand you ANYTHING. It owes you nothing. Remember that those that are happy got there through hard work (yes, some got there through having rich parents, but are those people really happy?) So expect to lay down some spackle in the making of your love shack. (Perhaps I've stretched this metaphor too far...)
2. Break your routine - If you find your dating life's in a rut, make some small changes. Dating too many coworkers? Try online dating. Striking out online? Hit the bar for a trivia night and join a random team. Try a new gym, visit a new library or bookstore. Take a risk and get out of your comfort zone. You never know who you'll meet.
1. Create something - Whether it's a recipe blog or that "Herbert Hoover Vs. Frankenstein" novel you've been putting off, take some time in 2013 to create something that people will enjoy and respond to. Everyone has something they're good at, be it cooking or writing or singing or scrapbooking. Spend some time creating something and see how people respond. You might meet someone from your creation, like a friend or something more. Worst case scenario, you have something tangible that is purely you.
Finally, take this quote from Neil Gaiman as inspiration for the new year:
May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
What are your New Year's dating (or other) resolutions?
RELATED LINKS
101 New Year's Resolutions That Anyone Can Keep
7 Guys You Should Resolve to Never Date
How to make and keep a New Year's resolution
Since us GuySpeak guys are practically perfect in every way, we shall not be making resolutions this year. (Well, except for Drunk Guy. That guy had better change his ways if he wants to be invited to another one of my Dungeons and Dragons nights.) You, however, may need to take stock and change some things in your dating life. That's where I come in. Check out the five dating resolutions you should make in 2013.
5. This year, you'll be the one who calls/texts/Gchats first - If you meet a guy you like, throw etiquette out of the window and contact him instead of sitting around waiting to hear from him. If he likes you, he'll be happy to hear from you. If he doesn't respond or acts weird, then you know he's not interested and have saved yourself the waiting time. Best case scenario, you have a funny story to tell the grandkids. "Remember how you called me like six hours after our date because that cupcake truck I just had to try was in your neighborhood? That's when I knew I liked you."
4. Repeat this phrase: Sometimes it actually is them and not me - The whole "it's not you, not it's me" break-up line is one of the biggest clichés going. But like many clichés, it works. It softens the blow of a break-up and says "I am not good enough/emotionally mature/hygienic enough for you and therefore you deserve better." Sure, guys use this as a line to get out of a relationship. But the truth is, most of the time they are NOT good enough for you.
There are a lot of crummy guys out there. A lack of ambition/desire to settle down and start a family early coupled with the glamorization of the single life (shows like Entourage and Californication and the sex-'em-and-leave-'em music of Kanye West and Drake has set monogamy way back) has led men to take for granted the beautiful, caring woman standing in front of them wondering when they'll propose already or at least move out of their parents' basement. There are men out there who will take you for granted, men who won't be able to get their shit together for you and men who will just plain treat you thoughtlessly. You might encounter a few of them on your way to meeting your Prince Charming or your Don Draper. But rest assured, when you encounter these guys, the problem is THEM and not you.
3. Don't expect the universe to hand you a soulmate - On the other hand, sometimes you are your own worst enemy. Perhaps you have grown bitter waiting for Mr. Right to walk into your office and sweep you off your feet like Richard Gere in An Officer and a Gentlemen. Unfortunately, the reality is that after they yelled "cut!," Richard Gere went off to sleep with some model and Debra Winger practiced her crying for Terms of Endearment.
Think about it -- if you want a job, do you sit at home hoping that the CEO of Wal-Mart will walk through your door and offer you a job as the nation's number one greeter? No, you go out and you get a job. Yes, sometimes that doesn't happen right away and you get frustrated and worried. But eventually you find something and your hard work pays off. Or you decide to take a risk and go into business for yourself or work freelance or take a part-time job that doesn't pay much but could lead to something else. The point is, you're out there doing something. You're building your pyramid, putting down foundation for the mansion that will be your career. Whether we want to believe it or not (and most of us don't), love works the same way.
Finding true love -- and making it work and last -- is extremely hard work. Most of us don't want to put in the time and effort and we grow bitter and miss out on opportunities. Just remember that the universe won't hand you ANYTHING. It owes you nothing. Remember that those that are happy got there through hard work (yes, some got there through having rich parents, but are those people really happy?) So expect to lay down some spackle in the making of your love shack. (Perhaps I've stretched this metaphor too far...)
2. Break your routine - If you find your dating life's in a rut, make some small changes. Dating too many coworkers? Try online dating. Striking out online? Hit the bar for a trivia night and join a random team. Try a new gym, visit a new library or bookstore. Take a risk and get out of your comfort zone. You never know who you'll meet.
1. Create something - Whether it's a recipe blog or that "Herbert Hoover Vs. Frankenstein" novel you've been putting off, take some time in 2013 to create something that people will enjoy and respond to. Everyone has something they're good at, be it cooking or writing or singing or scrapbooking. Spend some time creating something and see how people respond. You might meet someone from your creation, like a friend or something more. Worst case scenario, you have something tangible that is purely you.
Finally, take this quote from Neil Gaiman as inspiration for the new year:
May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
What are your New Year's dating (or other) resolutions?
RELATED LINKS
101 New Year's Resolutions That Anyone Can Keep
7 Guys You Should Resolve to Never Date
How to make and keep a New Year's resolution
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Nick...this is so dang true and just plain awesome I'm going to print it out and hang it over my bathroom mirror.
Happy New Year, and thanks for the great insight over the last few years!
Great suggestions Nick. Usually when you start focusing on yourself and trying to get the most out of life, that's when you find someone. Everyone wants to be with someone who has there own thing going and a rich personal life. So for me #1 is the most important of them all. Even if you don't meet someone new, your making yourself a better person and expanding your own personal horizons.