I wouldn't ordinarily write about Valentine's Day, but since it's this week, I don't have much choice. That's okay, though, because it lets me play devil's advocate to all the people who bitch and moan about how lame Valentine's Day is. And they're right: it is somewhat lame, a holiday that practically shames us into showing affection to our significant others and spending money on overpriced flowers and candy and cards. I don't need a holiday to tell me when to be sweet to my girlfriend, guys will say.
But guess what, mis amigos? You do.
For some, Valentine's Day is one of the few times a year when they give or receive affection from a partner. I know plenty of women in stagnant relationships who would say that forced or not, it's still nice to get flowers or a kind word even once a year. We would all prefer that our mates be affectionate year-round, of course, but men are notoriously bad about that. We are masters at taking things for granted, but Valentine's is the one day a year when it's all but impossible to take your mate for granted without looking like an idiot.
I know that the holiday can be hard on people who are single and lonely, because it's a big, ugly, in-your-face reminder that you are single and lonely. Few things chip away at the ol' self-esteem quite like watching everyone in the office but you get flowers, or being asked if you're doing anything special for Valentine's Day when you aren't. ("Hooray for soul-crushing loneliness!", said one friend.)
But here's the flip side: Valentine's is a day that reminds us all, single people included, that love exists, that it's real despite all the hype and BS, and, best of all, that it is possible for anyone. So you're single right now; who knows what next month or next week or even tomorrow will bring? Isn't the possibility of romance worth something? I think so. It's a glimmer of hope that says, "My day is coming." And it is.
So, this year, I encourage you to resist hating on Valentine's Day, and to view it like many people view Christmas and Hanukkah: underneath all the commercialization and crapola, there's a nugget of something real and meaningful and important.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go shoot something or buy a big truck because I just grew a vagina while writing that.
Happy Valentine's Day.
But guess what, mis amigos? You do.
For some, Valentine's Day is one of the few times a year when they give or receive affection from a partner. I know plenty of women in stagnant relationships who would say that forced or not, it's still nice to get flowers or a kind word even once a year. We would all prefer that our mates be affectionate year-round, of course, but men are notoriously bad about that. We are masters at taking things for granted, but Valentine's is the one day a year when it's all but impossible to take your mate for granted without looking like an idiot.
I know that the holiday can be hard on people who are single and lonely, because it's a big, ugly, in-your-face reminder that you are single and lonely. Few things chip away at the ol' self-esteem quite like watching everyone in the office but you get flowers, or being asked if you're doing anything special for Valentine's Day when you aren't. ("Hooray for soul-crushing loneliness!", said one friend.)
But here's the flip side: Valentine's is a day that reminds us all, single people included, that love exists, that it's real despite all the hype and BS, and, best of all, that it is possible for anyone. So you're single right now; who knows what next month or next week or even tomorrow will bring? Isn't the possibility of romance worth something? I think so. It's a glimmer of hope that says, "My day is coming." And it is.
So, this year, I encourage you to resist hating on Valentine's Day, and to view it like many people view Christmas and Hanukkah: underneath all the commercialization and crapola, there's a nugget of something real and meaningful and important.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go shoot something or buy a big truck because I just grew a vagina while writing that.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Great post, Cray. I'm a fan of love, romantic or otherwise. I get all misty when I think about how much I love my dog! I particularly like your message of hope. :) Love is a good thing.
What I don't love is that I type too fast and called you Cray..HA! I mean, Cary, of course. Hope you still love me! :)
This is a well-written piece, Cary. Valentine's Day is indeed a celebration of love for those who have it and a celebration of the hope of love for those who don't. Although it isn't a happy occasion for everyone, the underlying idea of it is a positive and optimistic one. Nice post! Happy Valentine's Day to you!
I'm a fan of anything or anyone that reminds us to tell those we love how much we really care. It can be a difficult holiday for some of us but it's just one day. Take the opportunity to do something loving for someone else, even if you know -- ESPECIALLY if you know -- it won't be reciprocated.
Lovely post, Cary. Be careful in that big truck. :)
What a great post! The two times I've heard guys do that "I'm not doing anything, every day should be special, just a Hallmark holiday, etc" they were total jackasses who ultimately cheated and dumped. It's not hard to get a card that says something nice. I'm reminded of that Patty Griffin lyric "forty years of things you say you wish you'd never said, how hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead."
I think it's important for us girls to remember it's not just about us, too. So many girls get all worked up about whether or not we got flowers (and sure, I'm hoping too!) But guys need love just as much as we djust it shouldn't be allowed about what we get but also what we give.
My guy gave me a big speech yesterday about how he doesn't like valentines (all the usual reasons, all the commercialism, don't need a special day to show you care etc) - but he's still taking me out tomorrow... just being together is the most important thing to me!
I can't get too excited about V-Day... it's a 'holiday' run by the flower and card industries. Would I like hubby to give me/do something special on V-Day? Sure... but if he doesn't (and he probably won't), no biggie... he shows me he loves me all year long. Well, most of the year ;)
I don't know, I'm a pretty sappy person, and my guy IS giving me a nice valntine's day, but I have to try really hard ro get excited about it. I'm kinda with the everyday should be special crowd. Except it's more like when it seems forced I feel like its cheap and insincere, and when my guy does something nice for me on another day it feels way more special. I know it won't be insincere this year, but I still have a bad taste in my mouth from crappy boyfriends of years past.
Hallelujah! Finally, someone who speaks what I exactly feel every valentines day whether I'm in a relationship or not. :)
I'm in a long-distance relationship with my SO, so I'm lucky if we see each other once every two months or so. The best part about LDRs is that every time you see the other person it's like an idealized version of Valentine's Day, at least for us.
If you're lucky enough to be in a relationship where you're already great at expressing love and concern for each other on a fairly regular basis, why not take the opportunity to use Valentine's Day as the day to bring out the more playful side of love? We opted for just that this year -- trying to reconnect with the lil kid in us with the homemade Valentine's Day cards, activities, treats, games and heart/love themed finger foods/menu. We also decided to invite all of our single friends over for the festivities so that this way no one feels alone or overlooked, and everyone can just hang out, eat and have a great time.
The only non kid-like inclusion: Valentine's Day themed cocktails and mixed drinks -- besides, no one said it had to be a dry holiday! :)
yes, this day reminds a lot of us guys that are single that Love is out there...albeit somewhere very,very, far away. And that anything can happen at any time. I think I will be at the gym tomorrow...wow, what a life I lead :/
I'm a chick, but I've been saying the same thing as your first post for years. it's not romantic to me when he is being pressured by society to be romantic. even when I've been in relationships I've felt weird when they got me stuff.
this year? well I'm going to meet up with my fwb and have non romantic, bed sports and maybe eat some Mcdonalds on the way home from said sports. just another mid week romp lol.
If both people agree that it's a bullshit holiday, then great! You're off the hook. But if it is important to someone you love, then make the effort. If you don't, maybe next year you won't have to do anything ...because your ass will be alone. :)
If you don't have love in your life now, cherish your friendships. With love and friendship no one is ever truly alone.
Happy Valentine's Day, Wise Ass. xo