What's the best thing about the holidays? Spending time with family. The worst thing? Spending time with family.
You know what I'm talking about. You love your kin and you look forward to seeing them, but the visit often falls short of what you had hoped. Sometimes it's downright catastrophic, with lots of screaming and threats and chairs smashed over each others' heads until somebody has to pull a Glock and fire a shot into the air (this works better outside, btw) to calm everyone the f*ck down.
I've been there. I can help. Because helping is my middle name. Wise Helping Ass. You wanna survive the holidays? Here's how.
Drink. Yes, drink. If your family imbibes at holidays and you feel like you could use a drink, have one. Have two or three if you must, but don't get wasted because then you'll start being honest with people, and honesty is the last thing anybody wants during the holidays.
Lower your expectations. If you head home every holiday expecting a Norman Rockwell experience, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Holidays are stressful. People scramble for weeks ahead of time so they can take time off from work. They travel. They spend money. It's hectic and it's exhausting. I'm not telling you to expect the worst; I'm saying you need to have reasonable expectations of people during this stressful time of year.
Talk to yourself. Keep chanting quietly in your mind, "It's just one day. It's just one day." Or two days or three or whatever your sentence might be, as you silently count down your days to freedom like a prisoner.
Resist the urge to go off. Spend enough time with family and someone will probably say or do something to piss you off. Before you get in that person's face, remember that any scene you cause affects every person there: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt Pookie, the kids, everybody. It also makes you look like an ass. The perpetrator might very well deserve a good verbal smackdown, but save it. For now, just smile and turn the other cheek. You'll get your chance to choke a bitch later.
Sleep. Need a break from the fam? Go to bed early and sleep late. You're always tired anyway, right? Here's a good chance to catch up on some sleep. *Yawn* Oh man, look at the time....
Invite a friend over. Defuse troublesome family members by having someone over who's not family. Even jerks don't want to look like jerks to strangers. They will be on their best behavior and you'll have some moral support.
Don't go. Not everyone should be around family at the holidays. Some families are simply unbearable. If the thought of being with yours makes you want to curl up into the fetal position and suck your thumb, don't go. You're an adult. You don't have to go. Do what you must for your own mental health.
Your turn. What are some coping skills you use during holiday visits with family?
Happy holidays, everyone, and thank you for reading GuySpeak.
You know what I'm talking about. You love your kin and you look forward to seeing them, but the visit often falls short of what you had hoped. Sometimes it's downright catastrophic, with lots of screaming and threats and chairs smashed over each others' heads until somebody has to pull a Glock and fire a shot into the air (this works better outside, btw) to calm everyone the f*ck down.
I've been there. I can help. Because helping is my middle name. Wise Helping Ass. You wanna survive the holidays? Here's how.
Drink. Yes, drink. If your family imbibes at holidays and you feel like you could use a drink, have one. Have two or three if you must, but don't get wasted because then you'll start being honest with people, and honesty is the last thing anybody wants during the holidays.
Lower your expectations. If you head home every holiday expecting a Norman Rockwell experience, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Holidays are stressful. People scramble for weeks ahead of time so they can take time off from work. They travel. They spend money. It's hectic and it's exhausting. I'm not telling you to expect the worst; I'm saying you need to have reasonable expectations of people during this stressful time of year.
Talk to yourself. Keep chanting quietly in your mind, "It's just one day. It's just one day." Or two days or three or whatever your sentence might be, as you silently count down your days to freedom like a prisoner.
Resist the urge to go off. Spend enough time with family and someone will probably say or do something to piss you off. Before you get in that person's face, remember that any scene you cause affects every person there: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt Pookie, the kids, everybody. It also makes you look like an ass. The perpetrator might very well deserve a good verbal smackdown, but save it. For now, just smile and turn the other cheek. You'll get your chance to choke a bitch later.
Sleep. Need a break from the fam? Go to bed early and sleep late. You're always tired anyway, right? Here's a good chance to catch up on some sleep. *Yawn* Oh man, look at the time....
Invite a friend over. Defuse troublesome family members by having someone over who's not family. Even jerks don't want to look like jerks to strangers. They will be on their best behavior and you'll have some moral support.
Don't go. Not everyone should be around family at the holidays. Some families are simply unbearable. If the thought of being with yours makes you want to curl up into the fetal position and suck your thumb, don't go. You're an adult. You don't have to go. Do what you must for your own mental health.
Your turn. What are some coping skills you use during holiday visits with family?
Happy holidays, everyone, and thank you for reading GuySpeak.
Excellent post, Cary! I loved the links. Aunt Pookie is my favorite. I have several aunts like her.
It's all so true--no holiday celebration is perfect, and neither is any family. Happy Thanksgiving to you!
Great post, Cary! I especially like the last idea- don't go. I think people feel so much pressure to attend family gatherings when it is not necessary. Sometimes it's okay to decline an invitation to keep one's sanity. Also, remember that everyone else's family isn't perfect either. Don't get caught up in the idea that yours is the only family that is unbearable. That is simply not true! Dysfunction runs rampant!
Good suggestions!! I plan on repeating the serenity prayer over and over and telling everyone that I am "coming down with something" so that I don't have to hug people I hate. I am also making the dishes I'm bringing in disposable containers so I don't have to wait around to clean them out, I can just leave them there!
I keep the conversation light and the booze heavy. The end. Thanks for the Aunt Pookie shout out! She's with Jesus now. Better him than me.
The next best part of divorce was to never, ever having to spend a holiday with his family. Now I actually enjoy them!
I'm looking forward to the drinking part for sure. Lol.
Ahh the only epigraph of Stalin's I like "My family. What a curse they are." Certainly does apply to me. Great stuff here. Might be able to change that haha.
I love my family. He loves his. We talked about it for weeks, but since work and life remained as crazy as ever, by the time the holiday arrived, we were no closer to agreeing as to whos family we'd be spending the holiday with this year. Because our goal this year was to get some much needed R & R, we decided to start a tradition of our own. We decided to unplug and unwind in Mexico for a few days. Sure -- we missed our respective families,turkey and all the trimmings, and all the family drama that comes with both. But, what we did gain was the special kind of closeness that comes from two people deciding to disconnect from the rest of the world and just sleep as much as possible, and when awake -- enjoy each other's company with little interruption. And even though now that we're back we'll both have to listen to our parents sulk endlessly about our decision to ditch them for the holiday, we both agreed it's been well worth it.