Sunday, Father's Day, I said to my ten-year-old daughter, Kiki, "Ya know, I wouldn't even be a dad if it weren't for you. This day wouldn't be special if you hadn't been born."

She smiled, which surprised me a little, because I half-expected a sassy retort. Luckily for me, she hasn't made the acquaintance of Captain Obvious yet, though I expect that to change any day now. The kid is what my grandparents used to call a "sport model" or a "pistol," and what my wife calls "full of business."

In other words, a sassypants. Or--yes--a wise ass like her old man.

I don't mind her wisecracks because they are good-natured, and I know my child has a kind and loving heart. We would never allow disrespect or meanness, and there's not a mean bone in her body--just a lot of sassy ones. It's those two things--the humor and the heart--that I love most about her. Well, that and the fact that she's just being herself when she cracks wise, not gunning for laughs. "What comes up comes out," as they say, and what comes out makes being her father a delight. What can I say? The kid makes me laugh.

I thought you might enjoy some examples.

K: Did you get a haircut?
Me: Yes. Do you like it?
K: No.

(In the car as we pass one of my neighbors in his muffler-challenged POS truck)
Me: There's that fool that revs his engine every night for like an hour.
K (concerned): Daddy, I didn't know we had fools on our street.

(Studying insects in second grade)
K: Wanna see a picture of the queen ant?
Me: Sure.
(Brings over the book and shows me the picture)
K: She squirts ants out of her butt.

K: You and Mom have to like whoever I marry.
Me: I'm sure we will.
K: What if I marry some bozo?

(Showing me a firefly she caught in a jar)
K (in Scarface accent): Say hello to my little friend.

Mom: What kind of camp do you want to do this summer?
K: I don't know.
Mom: Swim camp? Soccer camp? Art camp?
K: How about circus freak camp?

(Watching VH1 Classic. Neil Young does a live version of "Cinnamon Girl")
K: He looks like Ginger (our dog) right before she throws up.

K: Did you forget to tell me that Ella called yesterday?
Me: Oops. Sorry.
K: You're fired.

(After cleaning out the guest bedroom to move her into it.)
K: Take a good look, people. This room will never be this clean again.

Me: That boy Graham in your class, what's his last name?
K: I dunno.
Me: It starts with a C. Carter? Candler?
K: Cracker.

(After a day at the beach)
Mom: No more juice. You need water. Have you had any water today?
K: Yes. Two bottles of regular water and a gallon of sea water.

K: Did you guys get the donuts for me to take to class today?
(Mom and Dad exchange "Oh shit" looks)
K: And then there was silence.


For more, follow my Twitter feed, StuffMyKikiSays.