I always read what the other guys write. Professional courtesy, professional jealousy or just to steal jokes and ideas for my own use, it is hard to decide which is the most important factor.
A while back, Nick fielded a question on Man Caves, and gave a rocking good set of guidelines regarding that topic, so I shan't be repeating his points. Don't be idle, click on the link and read it yourself - but after you finish this blog post please!
It got me thinking. Never a good thing, as that whole "turbocharging the lawn mower" thing showed.
We guys do like our personal bit of space in a relationship. Whether married or long term co-habiting, it matters not, we need a place to retreat to from time to time. Nick has his nerd lair. I have my workshop/weights room/library. Sacred ground, where no one enters uninvited. Give us a little space of our own and the rest of the house is yours, to do with as you wish.
Which, if you think about it, is not exactly a great deal for the gals. Sure, the rest of the house or appartment is yours, but where, exactly is your personal space?
The kitchen? Don't be silly. That is the social center of most homes. Vitally important yes, but not exactly a place where you can relax. You have others moving in and out of it constantly - partner, kids, random sitcom type neighbors, in-laws ... you get the idea.
The lounge? A none starter. That is where the entertainment center is. A very high traffic area. Settle down for a bit of me time and, within ten minutes, the TV suddenly gets changed to showing Die Hard, or gratingly squeeky voiced cartoon characters. Every damned time.
The bathroom? After all, there is nothing more relaxing than a long, hot soak by candlelight, with essential oils, a good book and a glass of wine (pro tip - lavender oil is particularly relaxing). Well, the problem here is crouched in the corner. The thing you flush. The thing that is invariably needed by one member of your family just as soon as you even think of starting to relax and unwind.
The Spare Room? This place works. A place where you can shut the door on life for a while and just be you. Read. Paint. Just sit and relax. Whatever floats your boat. Done out how you want, with what you want in it. The Mom cave. (Warning note: sweeping generallisations may be offensive to some readers)
The only problem is, most people don't have a spare room.
So, it is a problem, right? Well, actually, no. There is one room we have not mentioned. The room that most guys automatically expect to be the Fem Den.
The master bedroom. The boudoir. The Den of Femininity. Your special place.
We have a rule here at home. If the door is closed, stay out. Because my lady is doing whatever she needs to do to prevent her from killing us all in our beds. That is worth sleeping in pink, frilly silk sheets for.
Join us in the first ever guyspeak liveblog on February 2nd. Get your questions answered in real time. Look forward to seeing you there!
A while back, Nick fielded a question on Man Caves, and gave a rocking good set of guidelines regarding that topic, so I shan't be repeating his points. Don't be idle, click on the link and read it yourself - but after you finish this blog post please!
It got me thinking. Never a good thing, as that whole "turbocharging the lawn mower" thing showed.
We guys do like our personal bit of space in a relationship. Whether married or long term co-habiting, it matters not, we need a place to retreat to from time to time. Nick has his nerd lair. I have my workshop/weights room/library. Sacred ground, where no one enters uninvited. Give us a little space of our own and the rest of the house is yours, to do with as you wish.
Which, if you think about it, is not exactly a great deal for the gals. Sure, the rest of the house or appartment is yours, but where, exactly is your personal space?
The kitchen? Don't be silly. That is the social center of most homes. Vitally important yes, but not exactly a place where you can relax. You have others moving in and out of it constantly - partner, kids, random sitcom type neighbors, in-laws ... you get the idea.
The lounge? A none starter. That is where the entertainment center is. A very high traffic area. Settle down for a bit of me time and, within ten minutes, the TV suddenly gets changed to showing Die Hard, or gratingly squeeky voiced cartoon characters. Every damned time.
The bathroom? After all, there is nothing more relaxing than a long, hot soak by candlelight, with essential oils, a good book and a glass of wine (pro tip - lavender oil is particularly relaxing). Well, the problem here is crouched in the corner. The thing you flush. The thing that is invariably needed by one member of your family just as soon as you even think of starting to relax and unwind.
The Spare Room? This place works. A place where you can shut the door on life for a while and just be you. Read. Paint. Just sit and relax. Whatever floats your boat. Done out how you want, with what you want in it. The Mom cave. (Warning note: sweeping generallisations may be offensive to some readers)
The only problem is, most people don't have a spare room.
So, it is a problem, right? Well, actually, no. There is one room we have not mentioned. The room that most guys automatically expect to be the Fem Den.
The master bedroom. The boudoir. The Den of Femininity. Your special place.
We have a rule here at home. If the door is closed, stay out. Because my lady is doing whatever she needs to do to prevent her from killing us all in our beds. That is worth sleeping in pink, frilly silk sheets for.
Join us in the first ever guyspeak liveblog on February 2nd. Get your questions answered in real time. Look forward to seeing you there!
I have a special place, but it’s outside. I live along a wide creek with waterfalls. There is this huge boulder in the middle of the creek. In warmer months I wade to the rock & sit on it & read a book or just veg out there. I should work on an indoor place, my own “fem den” sounds cool. Thanks for the suggestion, MM. :)
I have a special place, but it’s outside. I live along a wide creek with waterfalls. There is this huge boulder in the middle of the creek. In warmer months I wade to the rock & sit on it & read a book or just veg out there. I should work on an indoor place, my own “fem den” sounds cool. Thanks for the suggestion, MM.
this is a rule of mine if I ever get married - we have an extra room, and it is mine. No one allowed in, and I keep it exactly how I like. I don't get this? We don't get married. It's that important.
Thank you for recognizing the need for women to have space. I think it is often overlooked; I teach every guy I date about my need for space to prevent that incredible clingy-ness when he first finds out about it. Kudos!
If you're properly compatible with someone, then your space-to-escape can be the same. I have a nerd den with my partner and when one of us needs some get-away time, we tell the other person, then go to hang out in the room with the room with the lovely lovely BOOKS and just chill solo.
Oh. My. Lord. This is genius! All my guy friends complain about needing a "man cave," but when I said that I needed a "girl den," they totally tried to bash the idea! Plus, great argument for taking over the bedroom once I'm married. Husband can *have* his man cave. I'll be denning in the bedroom.