Whatever you do, don't order a salad on a first date. I fear that women feel pressured to peck, nibble, and suckle on leafy greens, because they think they're being judged. Trust me, dudes can see the mozzarella stick lust in your eyes when you order that bowl of mulched vegetable matter.
Believe me when I tell you that we actually appreciate a woman who brings her appetite with her on a first date. If anything, it immediately puts a dude at ease. Here's a chick who can chill, and enjoy a deep-fried, battered onion. She's in control, and is choosing to have fun.
A guy will pick this up and respond in kind. Trust that there's plenty of opportunity down the road to judge each other's table manners, diet, and waistline. Ignore the salad when you first meet. First dates are supposed to be fun. Have fun. Count Weight Watchers points later.
Hey, eating healthy is an admirable trait. I try to do it as often as I can. In my man fridge you can usually find a small forest of condiments (including multiple bottles of hot sauce), beer, and hummus. I have proven my point. And no, I have never stumbled home drunk and eaten said hummus with my fingers. Yes, I have.
But I do like to eat right. This doesn't mean I don't marry my ass to the couch and inhale pizza or go gangster on an all-you-can-eat Chinese food buffet from time to time. When I'm alone, I try and eat light. Growing up, I was a chubbopotamus. I had, what you might say, a severe case of the fatties. I've done just about every crash diet, and I've learned over time, how to scale back my portions from "wheelbarrow" to "plate." Everything in moderation, goes the old saying. And that's true. But in order to balance the universe, every sensible, low-carb meal must be countered at some point with something nacho cheesy.
There is nothing sexier than watching a woman smash her face into a gigantic, greasy cheeseburger. Dates should be about laughing, and eating, and getting a little tipsy and laughing more. (Then making out.) A woman with an appetite is sensual. There is a direct correlation between food and sex. Both are genetic directives, and both are physical pleasures. So when I'm on a date with a chick and we're giggling, and she tears into a meal with passion and gusto, what I'm seeing is a person who knows how to let herself indulge.
But on the few times I've been out and the woman orders a salad, or just an appetizer, I see a person fraught with insecurity. This isn't a deal breaker by any means. But it's disappointing. It feels like her minds not there with you, that she's too focused on a diet or her health to be in the moment. I'll wonder how she'll be in bed if she can't even let go a little on a date. Will she be reluctant to surrender to her desires, and go on a naked booty rampage with me?
I respect discipline, and discipline can rule the rest of the day -- but not on a date. And I'm not advocating overeating; double-fisting turkey legs is it's own kind of turn-off. But if we're at a fancy restaurant or a barbecue joint -- just don't order the salad. Embrace butter. Celebrate carbs. Don't be afraid to lick your fingers. Have a good time.
If the dude is weirded out by your healthy appetite, ditch him. A guy who can't find beauty in a woman attacking a plate of French fries is a probs a controlling, humorless troll who cannot unclench. Save the salad for lunch. Scarf brown rice and salmon post-workout. Reach for the sorbet instead of the quadruple-chocolate apocalypse when watching your various shows.
But when you're out with a dude, order what you want. Let's be honest: nobody "wants" a salad. Go for the fried chicken. We'll love you more.
What if you are a vegetarian ? I have been all my life, and I have a healthy appetite. I don't order a salad because I am on a diet or trying to look dainty, I do it because I just want a freaking salad (and its the only thing with no meat on the menu). People should eat whatever they want on dates, a dude having a problem with me eating a salad is just as bad as a dude who has a problem with me eating a jumbo basket of fries.
I second that Sarsaparilla. Just because I want a salad doesn't mean I am uptight and worried only about my waistline.
I like Bleu Cheese.
As it is healthier to do so, I eat five smaller meals a day instead of two or three substantial ones. Doing this has caused me to have a fairly small and easily satiated appetite. Just because I enjoy small salads does not mean I am insecure. Talk about superficial; judging someone on their food preferences.
I found this enlightening. I did think that men judged what I ate on a date, especially at the beginning of a relationship. I wasn't avoiding grease or carbs so much as avoiding messy foods that I have to eat with my hands, like ribs, or a burger that requires me to unhinge my jaw to take a bite.
I was definitely modifying my eating behaviour in front of men that I wanted to sleep with, so thanks for the advice. I would still need persuading to ever eat chili on a date, though. There is a limit.
Ok, I see your point, and I do love a good greasy cheeseburger, but some salads are just as high-fat and naughty as said cheeseburger and sometimes a girl just wants to use a fork. Besides, first date nerves + greasy meal = major stomach issues. Give us girls a break, yo. We don't want to spend the whole night in the bathroom because we were trying to prove that we know how to hang loose.
Later on in the relationship is the time for fighting over the last hot wing or reaching for a 3rd slice of sausage pizza. Salads are your friend early on.
I completely agree.
But thanks anyway for making me feel better about ordering the cheeseburger instead of the salad. I know a lot of women out there truly love their salads (I am not one of them - leave the lettuce for the rabbits) but I think being aware of what you're saying through food choice on a date is important. Salads usually indicate someone who is a little more uptight. I'm not saying you have to order the ribs (I never would) or even the cheeseburger but maybe a sandwich or a pasta. Something more substantial than food made of 95% water. He's paying, might as well get something yummy out of it!
Yes, vegetarians have more issues finding something appropriate, so this does not apply. But honestly, I disagree Bevers about salads being your friend early on. You're hearing it from the mouth of the horse - take his advice and save the salad for later when he already knows you can hang loose.
Huh. I submitted this very question a few days ago. Very enlightening.
If I'm on a date and the girl orders the cheapest, smallest thing on the menu, I usually think: Score! Cheap date! Also less food to absorb the alcohol.
But on the other hand, I'm a very bad man.
"There is a direct correlation between food and sex"
Thank you! I have this theory that someone who enjoys good food is fond of the pleasures of life and would be more likely to enjoy sex as well (of course, I have to put the accent on "good". Stuffing your face is different than enjoying food).
When I go to a resaurant, I usually order something special. Like a nice piece of meat or something fancy I don't have time to do at home. I can make a salad anytime I want, but I rarely cook red meat at home.
Of course, vegans and vegetarians are special cases. And sometimes you had a huge lunch at 2pm and want a big slice of cheesecake as a dessert so you get a salad (but I never did that on a date). There are always special cases, but in general, I agree with the answer. What's in your plate tells a lot about yourself anyway you look at it.
On the other side, if you are a man who only dates super skinny gals and then complain that they always take nothing but the side order salad, no dressing and a huge glass of water, well, suck it up! That's like dating a bodybuilder wanabe and then complains that he/she spends 3 hours each day lifting weights...
Hmm... well honestly I don't think I've ever ordered a salad at a restaurant. I mean what a waste!
Do I judge people who order salads? Not in general. I work on salads at a restaurant. If I get an order that has: Bandara salad, no corn, no carrots, no feta, dressing on side, no noodles... I roll my eyes and giggle about it with the guys in the kitchen. In case anyone was wondering, cooks aren't going to spit in your food if you send it back, we're not going to tamper with it in ANY way, but we are going to bitch and moan about it, we are going to make fun of you, and if you order a well-done steak, we will be rolling our eyes, and the sous chef may shed a tear.
People do judge you on the food that you eat. I see it every time I go to work. I'd just not worry about it. Really there's nothing you can do, and your stomach will thank you more if you just eat what you usually eat, than if you try to branch out and impress someone.
I hear this advice all the time and I absolutely hate it. This only applies to skinny girls - if you're bigger than a size 4 (like I am) guys do not want to see you eat. Anything. They think it's hot when a girl eats and stays tiny, but that's about it. Arggghhhhhhh.
...but on the other hand, some size 4's like me have a super-fast metabolism. The sad part is that I am 40 years old (birthday coupla weeks ago), still look like I'm in my 20's and can kill 2 large pizzas in one sitting. I was told, "oh your metabolism will slow down in your 20's, no 30's, no you will be that way. Heh.
I don't puke it up, don't diet and do not run away from food. I eat! I do/have to exercise (in the military). My man loves to see me eat what he cooks when I am home. He cooks better than a woman I think.
Growing up, I've experienced jealousies from fat, insecure, or larger women. I usually smile and hope that they could read my mind. Everyone is different.
I always feel like the guy is judging me on a date. Like if I eat a cheeseburger he thinks I fat or something. It's a major relief that at least most guys don't care what we eat on date.
Well John, I took your advice to heart. Tonight, after three beers and a whole lot of nothing for dinner, I took my date up on Plaza burgers (a Madison, WI delicacy). Not only were they delicious, but when I spilled the plaza burger white sauce (insert sex joke here) on my chest (melon balling joke here), my date valiantly wiped it off for me. He got to be a knight with shining...napkins and I got to eat a burger and drink a few beers. I won a kiss and another date this Saturday.
Also, I have been known amongst my friends to raid the hummus supply aux doigts (esp roasted red pepper, mmm) after a long night on the town. There is no shame in garbanzo glee.
p.s. I am so NOT a size four and I felt beautiful with a burger in one hand and the Optimus Oktoberfest beer in the other.
I eat burgers, steak and potatoes, and skimp on salads and appetizers when I'm on dates, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm all for letting lose and going to be a freak in the bed. In actuality, I just grew up in a food loving family, and I'm not that big on sex in the first place.
Just because a women likes to eat more than salad, doesn't mean she'll always be willing to drop her panties and invite you inside.
I am Greek -- which means my appetite is big. Considerably big, yet I look good in a skinny dress and rock the mini skirt. You know?
It all really depends on the woman. If they are diet-obsessed, they will eat the damn salad. You can't change that on a first date.
I like a man who knows good food, but also likes a good ol' burger and a beer from time to time. It's all about balance.
I'm a health/fitness freak, I'm not on a diet it's my lifestyle and considering the obesity factors in America, it might be helpful to take into consideration that just because she does order a salad doesn't mean she's insecure. I'm more than secure with myself and would most definietly order a salad if I felt like it, what you eat doesn't define who you are.
i'm so afraid of getting gas if i eat something heavy! i always think - what if the date goes so well that we sleep together, and then i get gas because of what i ate? that's why i always suggest we meet up for a few drinks instead of dinner. i hear they're calling that a liquid diet.
a guy once told me he gets very turned off when a girls eats everything off the plate. is that a point of issue as well? not just what we eat, but how much of it we eat?
also, i'm really glad to hear that 'there is a direct correlation between food and sex.' i have lately been finding it more and more attractive to watch men eat and hear men describe their favorite foods. i see and hear so much passion and enthusiasm. i thought i was going crazy for thinking this was a turn on, so i'm glad to see it's fairly common. but it leads me to think - are foodies awesome with sex? i can see anthony bourdain being a king in the sack, but i don't know about andrew zimmern...
what if you're overweight and/or fat? that's not cute.
You must have never shared a Spazzo chopped salad with a date, then ;) I would have gone for the nut and fruit salad myself, initially, but I was pleasantly surprised at the salami the chopped had, and it's otherwise unexpected and unique blend of flavors for a salad. The chickpeas were a bit odd though ;)
I would never order 'just a salad', and although appetizers can be quite feeling, I happen to like food. I critique it, the good and the bad, as apparently I am not very good on dates at pretending the chicken is tender or hiding that I love the baked apples with zucchini and pork. I'll even ask the waiter about sauces if I need to - I am very curious in understanding my food, and which particular ingredient or combination of flavors or process made it taste good or bad, so eating out for me is very much an experience.
The rule should be 'don't order just a salad' - not 'don't order salad' (Although salad does run up the bill, which is why if I do opt for a salad, I'll suggest we share.) Not every entree' needs a salad, as it is.
As for healthy eating, it would most definitely depend on the guy. If a man was a health-nut himself, or a vegetarian, it would not be harmful for a girl to act accordingly, I would think. If a man likes fatty foods, a girl can still eat healthy if she wishes, but not 'make a fuss' over it and advertise. Fish is a better option than pork. Don't order french-fries. Et cetera.
But if a man is going to pamper me and offer me salad, who am I to refuse? ;)
I love to cook, and I love to try new foods. I will dig into any food quite happily. I don't know if it's ever grossed guys out, because who goes up to someone and says... wow, the way you eat is really gross? Unless they're getting it all over or something hehe. But I have had a lot of guys think it's just great that I don't order a tiny tiny thing and pick at it like it's going to bite me back. And I agree. I think it would show I wasn't having a good time, or was too concerned with food or something. If my stomach is acting up, I don't agree to a food date. And I think we all know what foods mess our stomachs up, if any. Just don't order the things that will make you gassy and miserable! I think it's ok if salads are what you like. Guys usually tease me if I order this, and I think the key is taking the teasing in stride haha. I admit it's rabbit food- but I love it! So then "loving vegetables" is just a quirk about me rather than an "oh no" :P
I went out with three different guys this weekend. (one first date, two seconds)
On the first, I ordered a plate of fries which we shared slong with an order of nachos.
On the second, I had a hot chocolate and shared a blackberry cobbler, which my date deliriously enjoyed watching me eat in a ladylike, but apparently exciting, fashion.
On the third, we shared a drippy, tasty appetizer, I dug into a salad (because I love arugula) piled with all sorts of cheese and what not, then we shared a tiramisu, because it is my favortie dessert.
Not one of these guys was shy about letting me know he ABSOLUTELY wanted to see me again, if not have more of me that night.
And, no, I am not one of our nation's many fat persons -- a la Swaim's post-- I am simply a girl who likes a little carbs, sugar, and cholesterol combo once in a while. And a girl who likes fun all. the. time.
For the record, the saying is not "Everything in moderation." It is "Nothing in excess." There's a difference. "Everything in moderation" implies that there are some things you can do that are ok, like murder for instance, as long as it is in moderation. "Nothing in excess" on the other hand denotes that there are things you cannot do at all, because doing them even a little would be excessive. Just wanted to throw that out into the world. Don't thank me, thank Plato. ;)
P.s. John, love you. Let's date.
Man, I love salads. Just because you think a salad means the girl is saying, "goshdang, but I am the fattest of fat things" doesn't mean she's not saying "AW DANG THIS HAS AVOCADO AND BACON, UNNFFF." Plus, for vegetarians, often the option is french fries or a salad. While they're nice with something else, lone french fries is like, the saddest dinner.
Order a salad, or order a double bacon cheeseburger. Have green tea or have a chocolate malt. Toss back a boilermaker if it's what you're after! Whatever you please, have engaging conversation and genuinely live in the moment, and you'll be a winner. Smile, show you're interested in his stories (if you're actually interested, that is) and I'm pretty sure he's not going to care that much whether you're shoveling in spinach greens or pulled pork. A girl (or a guy, for that matter) is fun, regardless of what she (or he) eats! Be happy! Enjoy!
What if it's a fancy resturaunt? Do the rules change? If my date is paying, I would feel bad ordering something more expensive, and salads tend to be cheap.
when I was younger, my mother always told me that if I wanted to catch a man, I needed to eat LIGHT when we were out on a date... my response to her was always "Mom, eventually he's going to find out that I eat! He might as well find out right from the start!!" That's still my motto... I don't believe in putting on a "show" just to impress a guy... I am who I am, and I want to show it right from the start, so there are no surprises later! It's worked well so far!
So if I order a salad on a first date, the guy is automatically going to think I'm insecure?? God damn, guys certainly ARE judgmental! What I'm realizing by reading all of this is that I'm going to have to tell the guy on the first date, "Don't judge me because I choose to order a salad. The fact is, I'm a diabetic who simply should not eat a lot of carbs. Okay? Okay!" I'd rather not have to reveal my medical history on a first date. I'd rather not be judged as an insecure person because I order something healthy. And, like some other women have said, I do actually enjoy salads. Why do you men always jump to the worst conclusion when a woman orders a farking salad?
I'll go ahead and tell my date I'm a diabetic and that is why I'm ordering a salad. If he actually wants to go out with me a second time despite the fact that I'm an open book, then GO ME!
I always went for like a chicken or pasta dish (or sandwhich if it's casual). Not to heavy so I'll be sick or quesy, but more filling than a salad. It's worked out well so far!
P.S. Yes, I am that size 4 girl that can eat anything(don't hate me!). I try to eat healthy though. Mostly.Sometimes.