Last week, I talked college football. This week, it's professional football time. Whether you like the NFL or not, football is going to take over the country for the next five months. So, just as I did during the Olympics, I'm going to give you some data that you can use just in case your boyfriend, husband, coworkers or family want to talk about it. Because they will. And I want you to be prepared.
I'll break down all the football tidbits into three different categories - Important People, Important Events, and Important Stories.
Important People
Tom Brady - Even sworn anti-fans know that Tom Brady is the quarterback of the New England Patriots, he's married to supermodel Gisele Bündchen, and he now sells men's Uggs. But some other items that you're going to need to know this season is that he's now 35, which is fairly old in football terms. He'll be throwing the football to Rob Gronkowski, who likes getting shirtless and hanging out with pornstars, and Aaron Hernandez, who is covered head to toe in exciting tattoos.
Roger Goodell - He's the Commissioner of the National Football League, which is a complex, multifaceted and incredibly important position. However, the only time fans seem to notice him is when he fines or suspends players for bad behavior. He's the most powerful man in the sport, but he's seen as the world's richest assistant principal.
John Madden - When you hear someone talk about "playing Madden," they're referring to the video game that player, coach, announcer and football visionary John Madden attached his name to. Even though he won a Super Bowl as a coach and spent decades in the announcing booth having a lot of fun with the telestrator, his lasting legacy is destroying millions of hours of productivity with his Madden video game series.
Peyton Manning - Tom Brady and Peyton Manning have spent much of the past ten years as the two dominant quarterbacks in the NFL, with Brady leading the Patriots and Manning leading the Indianapolis Colts. However, Manning had some fairly scary neck issues for the past two years, left the Colts and is now on the Denver Broncos. If someone ever asks you who you think the best quarterback in football is, don't say Peyton Manning. That time has passed.
Important Events
The NFL Draft - The Draft took place in April, and resulted in a couple hundred college players being selected by professional teams. The two biggest picks (and #1 and #2 overall) were quarterbacks - Andrew Luck (who replaces Peyton Manning on the Colts) and Robert Griffin III (who is playing in Washington). All the players in that draft have had about four months to get ready to play football for money. So whenever you see a rookie making a mistake on the field, it's likely because they're playing against people who've been at this for years.
The Super Bowl - Super Bowl 47 is going to happen in New Orleans in February of 2013 at the end of the season. Unlike the World Series, Stanley Cup Finals and NBA Championship, the location is picked years ahead of time and that location has nothing to do with the two teams that will be playing in it. And your guess as to which teams will be there are as good as mine. Because of how many players get injured every year, it's very tough to predict who makes it all the way.
Important Stories
The New Orleans Suspension - The aforementioned Roger Goodell suspended three players and several coaches (including the head coach) that were on the New Orleans Saints last year because of what is known as a "bounty program." Essentially, the coaches would bribe players to hit/clobber/try-to-cripple their opponents with cash payments. Even though football is a violent game, Goodell (and most civilized human beings) felt that this was going a bit too far. Because of that, both players and coaches were told to stay off the field this year. The players might have that decision overturned, but the coaches will unfortunately have to sit at home on their coaches like the rest of us.
Tim Tebow in New York City - Tim Tebow is like Tom Brady, in that everyone in the country seems to know who he is. But that's where the similarities end. Tebow is not nearly as good at football as Tom Brady, but because of his religious convictions and clean cut image he gets just as much attention. He's currently the back-up quarterback for the New York Jets, so if the staring quarterback (Mark Sanchez) ever has a bad game, tens of thousands of New Yorkers will start chanting for the young minister.
If you've made it to the end, you're well-prepared to talk about the upcoming NFL season with anyone that wants to talk to you. So have fun, and be prepared for plenty of Sundays worth of sitting in your living room eating chicken fingers.
I'll break down all the football tidbits into three different categories - Important People, Important Events, and Important Stories.
Important People
Tom Brady - Even sworn anti-fans know that Tom Brady is the quarterback of the New England Patriots, he's married to supermodel Gisele Bündchen, and he now sells men's Uggs. But some other items that you're going to need to know this season is that he's now 35, which is fairly old in football terms. He'll be throwing the football to Rob Gronkowski, who likes getting shirtless and hanging out with pornstars, and Aaron Hernandez, who is covered head to toe in exciting tattoos.
Roger Goodell - He's the Commissioner of the National Football League, which is a complex, multifaceted and incredibly important position. However, the only time fans seem to notice him is when he fines or suspends players for bad behavior. He's the most powerful man in the sport, but he's seen as the world's richest assistant principal.
John Madden - When you hear someone talk about "playing Madden," they're referring to the video game that player, coach, announcer and football visionary John Madden attached his name to. Even though he won a Super Bowl as a coach and spent decades in the announcing booth having a lot of fun with the telestrator, his lasting legacy is destroying millions of hours of productivity with his Madden video game series.
Peyton Manning - Tom Brady and Peyton Manning have spent much of the past ten years as the two dominant quarterbacks in the NFL, with Brady leading the Patriots and Manning leading the Indianapolis Colts. However, Manning had some fairly scary neck issues for the past two years, left the Colts and is now on the Denver Broncos. If someone ever asks you who you think the best quarterback in football is, don't say Peyton Manning. That time has passed.
Important Events
The NFL Draft - The Draft took place in April, and resulted in a couple hundred college players being selected by professional teams. The two biggest picks (and #1 and #2 overall) were quarterbacks - Andrew Luck (who replaces Peyton Manning on the Colts) and Robert Griffin III (who is playing in Washington). All the players in that draft have had about four months to get ready to play football for money. So whenever you see a rookie making a mistake on the field, it's likely because they're playing against people who've been at this for years.
The Super Bowl - Super Bowl 47 is going to happen in New Orleans in February of 2013 at the end of the season. Unlike the World Series, Stanley Cup Finals and NBA Championship, the location is picked years ahead of time and that location has nothing to do with the two teams that will be playing in it. And your guess as to which teams will be there are as good as mine. Because of how many players get injured every year, it's very tough to predict who makes it all the way.
Important Stories
The New Orleans Suspension - The aforementioned Roger Goodell suspended three players and several coaches (including the head coach) that were on the New Orleans Saints last year because of what is known as a "bounty program." Essentially, the coaches would bribe players to hit/clobber/try-to-cripple their opponents with cash payments. Even though football is a violent game, Goodell (and most civilized human beings) felt that this was going a bit too far. Because of that, both players and coaches were told to stay off the field this year. The players might have that decision overturned, but the coaches will unfortunately have to sit at home on their coaches like the rest of us.
Tim Tebow in New York City - Tim Tebow is like Tom Brady, in that everyone in the country seems to know who he is. But that's where the similarities end. Tebow is not nearly as good at football as Tom Brady, but because of his religious convictions and clean cut image he gets just as much attention. He's currently the back-up quarterback for the New York Jets, so if the staring quarterback (Mark Sanchez) ever has a bad game, tens of thousands of New Yorkers will start chanting for the young minister.
If you've made it to the end, you're well-prepared to talk about the upcoming NFL season with anyone that wants to talk to you. So have fun, and be prepared for plenty of Sundays worth of sitting in your living room eating chicken fingers.
I am a football addict I cheer on my fiends kid who plays college Wisconsin Badgers. My Pro team is none other than the real Americas team the Green Bay Packers. Who cares about Tom Brady being married to a Gazelle. My boy Aaron Rodgers is and will be better than him. GO PACK GO!!!
…& If someone asked you who the best quarterback to EVER play the game, Payton Manning is the ONLY appropriate answer. Period.
I think maybe it's more than a shirt that he's not wearing. Either that or very very low cut trousers.
What about Eli?? And the whole Giants-winning-last-year's-superbowl thing?!!
Go NY Blue!