It's time for another installment of the semi-regular, semi-coherent, but always loveable "The Week In Douche." Join me as I round up the creeps, misogynists, and just straight-up a-holes who are giving us all a collective case of the douche chills this week.
-- Actor Doug Hutchinson, best known for his roles in Green Mile and Lost (he played the douche-y Dharma leader Horace Goodspeed), married 16-year-old aspiring pop star (there's a shocker) Courtney Alexis Stodden. While Stodden's parents approved of the marriage, everything about this union is creepy, from the wedding photos to the fact that Stodden has been plugging her YouTube page filled with cheesy pop videos and modeling photos. Surely there are easier ways to get famous than marrying a moderately successful actor 35-years your senior. Isn't that what reality TV is for?
-- Don't call it a comeback! You might remember Dilbert creator Scott Adams' previous appearance on "The Week in Douche," when he compared women to children and the mentally handicapped while discussing the struggle for equal rights in the workplace. Now he's using the Anthony Weiner scandal to discuss the "natural instincts of men" on his blog. Adams writes, "Powerful men have been behaving badly, e.g. tweeting, raping, cheating, and being offensive to just about everyone in the entire world...The part that interests me is that society is organized in such a way that the natural instincts of men are shameful and criminal while the natural instincts of women are mostly legal and acceptable."
Uh huh. Because Tweeting a photo of your junk is the same thing as a rape. Cheating and sexual assault are not natural instincts for anyone outside of sociopaths and the criminally insane. Man, I feel bad for whoever has to fit Adams' latest rant into the next Dilbert calendar.
Just so we're clear, the guy who has been voicing his horribly misogynistic opinions for all the world to see is best known for drawing a comic strip that features a dog who works in an office and wears Coke bottle glasses. What do you think about your creator's recent statements, Dogbert?
Dogbert does not approve.
-- A man in Colorado hid inside the tank of a portable toilet in order to peep on women at a yoga festival. When a supervisor tried to stop the man he, "ran away, covered in feces." It's like a creepy version of that outhouse scene from Slumdog Millionaire.
-- Double douche alert! First Tracy Morgan treated an audience to a hilarious (not hilarious) homophobic rant during a performance in Nashville where he joked that if his son was gay he'd, "pull out a knife and stab him." Now Chris Brown is dropping gay slurs while ranting about the paparazzi. No one is all that shocked about Chris Brown, but Tracy Morgan's behavior is really disappointing. There really should be a law that Morgan isn't allowed to speak unless his dialogue is written by the 30 Rock staff.
-- Fictional douche of the week! Now that the first season of Game of Thrones has come to a close, I must give a special "Westeros Douche of the Week" shout out to Prince Joffrey. As played to weaselly perfection by Jack Gleeson, Prince (now King) Joffrey crossed the line from annoyance to pure evil after (Spoiler alert!) chopping off the head of beloved Game of Thrones hero Ned Stark. Whiny, duplicitous, and cruel to both court jesters and his Queen-to-be Sansa, Prince Joffrey is the biggest fantasy douche since Tim Curry's Lord of Darkness in Legend. Now let's enjoy this YouTube remix of Tyrion (played the awesome Peter Dinklage) repeatedly putting the smackdown on Joffrey.
Got any douches to add? Let me know in the comments.