I don't really know who Demi Lovato is. There I said it. Not only that, but I miss the old days when you could confidently Google "Demi" and expect to find pics of Demi Moore pole dancing in Striptease. But those days are gone.
Perhaps I'm way behind the curve on this one. Turns out she's one of those Disney junior- siren creations. A charming cutie whose bubbly personality and solid dental landed her in America's lap. She worked with the legend that is Barney, starred in her own TV show, toured with the Jonas brothers and walks red carpets like you and I walk to the bathroom.
Anyway, this isn't a book report on Miss Lovato -- though I wish it was. It is a blog about her mental illness - and her public openness about it. Demi is an admitted cutter, bulimic, victim of bullying and sufferer of bipolar disorder. That's not chump change in the "issues" and "baggage" department. That's some serious shtuff. She attributes it to childhood issues and given her IMDB - fair enough.
Like most of us she probably was hoping to run from her pain, bury it under her laundry, ignore its phone calls, downplay its presence. Like many of us, she probably worked hard to keep her pain private. If you can't see it, maybe it doesn't exist? But undeniable problems are like Barney - relentless, consuming and painful.
So, she went into rehab and now is out, and while not a spokesperson for youth in pain, she is a symbol of LIVING OUT OF THE CLOSET WITH PAIN. It's a good lesson. One that I wouldn't have necessarily thought would come from the star of the Disney Channel Original Movie: Princess Protection Program. But she seems to be making the media rounds and talking real about her sh*t. Real, in that it's a process. That it's not a quick fix. That deep rooted issues can't be cured by a hug from Justin Bieber or solved by a 3 week stint on Dr. Drew's lap.
So my challenge and question to our Guyspeak Nation is:
1. Are we a society that prides ourselves on being closet pain suffers?
2. Are there some issues/illnesses that are almost "cool' and others that are shunned?
3. Do people only "come out" when their backs are against the wall?
4. Is it always easier to cope and manage pain once it is shared and openly acknowledged?
5. Lastly, will Demi Moore ever reclaim her first position in a Google search?
I can't speak too much for America, as I live in Holland, but over here society does want pain to be kept behind locked doors. Only in very specific cases can you easily show pain: say a death in the family. Even then, though, you're only allowed to show the pain for a limited number of years. My sister is battling depression partially as a result of never having known her father. But because he died 17 years ago her friends think she's overreacting.
Another factor would be Facebook: everyone except the few 'annoying facebookgirls' giftwraps their life on there: no one publicizes their pain, only the good moments. (Fb might be the poor man's interviews ;))
As for question nr.2, media exposure and conducted studies do make us more aware of some illnesses, which increases our tolerance of them. And illnesses that legends have suffered from are more accepted, though it is definitely not always the case (e.g. depression) It's awful that people think some illnesses aren't real: if a person can't cope, that's indication enough that they need some form of help. Unfortunately most are all too quick to brush such things aside.
And yes, I am quite an open person and find I am much happier this way then when I am bottling things up. Most of the time, at any rate.
I've always liked Demi Lovato; now, after reading this, I have even MORE respect for her. I think she's handling all of this wonderfully. Those are serious issues she's dealing with, and being straightforward and realistic about them really shows her strength of character. Way to go Demi! I'm a psych student, so this is something I seriously, seriously respect and support.
As for your questions...
1. Are we a society that prides ourselves on being closet pain suffers?
I'm not sure that "pride" is the right word. In fact, it might be the opposite of the right word. "Shame" might be more accurate. Many mental illnesses have a lot of stigma or misconceptions attached to them. Not to mention a lot of people get accused of attention-seeking when they finally do admit they have a legitimate problem. I'm from Canada, and I think this issue is less potent here than in the US, but it is alive and well. I've watched people minimize, make fun of, and outright deny other people's serious problems. It's so disheartening.
2. Are there some issues/illnesses that are almost "cool' and others that are shunned?
Of course. If you confront anyone about it, they'll probably deny that they sensationalize certain mental illnesses, but many people do. Antisocial Personality Disorder (AKA psychopathy or sociopathy) has become popular thanks to the show Dexter (a horrid inaccuracy to the reality of the condition, I might add). Stockholme syndrome (feelings of empathy for one's kidnapper/abductor) is another one. It's not even presented correctly in pop culture. I threw a FIT when one of the Law & Order series tried to tell audiences that psychological abuse from a romantic partner = Stockholme syndrome. I was like, WHAT?! NOT the same thing! Depression also seems to be sensationalized, and made to seem like something that can be "fixed" in a matter of days if you just do what the depressed person needs. I could go on and on, but if I do, we'll be here all day. Next question.
3. Do people only "come out" when their backs are against the wall?
Not at all. There are people like me, for instance, that just know that dealing with a problem as quickly and effectively as possible is the healthiest thing for them. I suffer from post-traumatic stress, and I don't keep that a secret (I don't ANNOUNCE it or anything, but you know what I mean). I think it's better that my friends just know about it so that they know how I'm feeling and to avoid touchy subjects and can act appropriately around me. I promise I'm not the only one who does this, either. :P Though many hide their mental health issues (see answer to question #1), others are like me and try to deal with it right away, to minimize stress.
4. Is it always easier to cope and manage pain once it is shared and openly acknowledged?
That depends heavily on the reaction of those you inform. For example, people who suffered from childhood sexual abuse often take a long time to gather up the courage to tell their families, if at all. Research has shown that if the person they tell denies, blames, and/or minimizes the victim and/or their experiences, that can actually CAUSE post-traumatic stress in the victim. Other cases, in which the informed person has been accepting and loving and soothing towards them, the victim sometimes can recover from the abuse right then and there (not always, of course; we're all different). How people react plays a HUGE role in the victim's present/future state of mind and emotional health.
5. Lastly, will Demi Moore ever reclaim her first position in a Google search?
:P I wish I could help you, Amit, but I don't even know who that is. XD Sorry, buddy.
Lastly...Amit, thank you SO MUCH for posting this. Mental health issues are still very taboo in North America (hell, a politician I don't like provided funding for a group home in my area, and I hadn't known about it, and I was like, "WHYYYY didn't you SAY anything, I might have VOTED for you!"), so I am very happy with any calm, reasonable press this subject gets. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again. It's an extremely important topic, and it's just heartbreaking how much shame is associated with it.
Taylor, thank you so much for this awesomely thoughtful response. Any time a comment is longer than the article -- something is clickin'
Good luck with your studies and keep reading!
Thank you, I appreciate that. :3
And Disney screws up another one. That organization is the ruiner of child actors.
I'm pretty certain Disney didn't CAUSE her illnesses. She is likely susceptible, and any demanding, high-stress job might have been triggering.
Also, why is she ruined?? Would you consider someone with physical illnesses ruined?
I think she's brave, especially to be so young, and I appreciate what she's doing.
I just six months ago came out to my family that I batte chronic clinical depression and anxiety. This, after battling two very major brain surgeries last yr. They did not support me in this the way I thought they would. The "stigma" of their daughter being mentally ill had them feeling upset. And I have counceling now and meds which they don't want me to take. But like I tell them ,I have to do this for me and my four yr old daughter NOT YOU. I NO LONGER FEEL ASHAMED. BUT GLAD I GOT THE HELP I SO DESPEREATELY NEEDED. THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FEEL THIS WAY.
I suffer from bipolar disorder, and while I have some very understanding friends, believe me, the stigma is alive and well. I was depressed for years before I swung hypomanic and was diagnosably bipolar, and from what I can tell, most people either don't believe you if you are functioning halfway decently, they believe that you'll snap out of it eventually if you're having some trouble, and they think you're crazy if you're so down you feel like cutting. Bipolar? Unless you explain exactly how you work and that you will warn the person if you're out of your head, (assuming that you have developed the awareness to be able to do that, which usually I have,) people will likely be wary even if you're stable. If you're unstable, even your best friends will likely think you're crazy and treat you with kid gloves. That's just America; I spent a year in Israel during which I watched a good friend struggle with mental illness, and there the stigma is far worse. In Israel, people expect you to just keep quiet and stoically soldier on, and the infrastructure to handle mental illness in the underinsured is even worse than it is here.