There's a story this week making headlines involving two naval officers facing punishment and even expulsion for what the US Navy is calling "willful failure to exhibit professional conduct." Navy Petty Officer Stephen Jones and Navy Petty Officer Bryan McGee are on the chopping block for a heinous crime. Murder? Rape? Torture? Cannibalism? No, far worse: they were caught napping together in the same bed while watching the CW's Vampire Diaries.
Now look, I'm the first to say that this is a sticky situation. Being caught watching any CW show is reprehensible and Vampire Diaries in particular is a flagrant assault on our national sense of decency and morality. But discharging these dudes from the military for this? That's just wrong.
Of course, the real reason these two men are in trouble is not the choice of DVD they were caught with, but the fact that they were caught in the same bed catching some z's; allegedly one in boxers no less. Holy sh*Z! How positively un-American. How can our country stand for this? How are we supposed to keep invading countries, policing the worlds naughty doers and generally exercising our mighty hammer while contending with two dudes catching a siesta on the same cot.
As CNN reports, "The two watched the show on his [Jones] bed but accidentally fell asleep." Evidently, when Stephen Jones's roommate walked in he bugged the F out. Help, help, two human males are sleeping in a bed! He was in a state of panic. After all this could only mean one thing: Jones and McGee would have to re-watch the portion of Vampire Diaries they slept through. OMG will Mason be able to restrain himself during the full moon??#$? Will Mystic Falls ever be vampire free? Clearly this had to be reported to his Naval superiors.
And where does that lead us? Will the US Military create a Division of Gayness. A federally funded tribunal whose sole job is to dictate and enforce un-gay behavior within the rank and file. I suppose a handbook would be issued, to each and every private entering boot(y) camp.
For example:
Article 7 Section XVI. Amendment 11: Men are allowed to shower naked, nonchalantly glance at each others' penisi for less then three seconds at a time and less then three times per shower session. This of course can be modified if the man you are looking at is without doubt the cutest of your platoon and/or crazy well-hung.
Article T9 Section IV Amendment 9: Men shall be allowed to pose in front of the communal mirror and compete in bicep flexing, so long as no Lady Gaga is playing in the background and all men can readily furnish a picture of their lady sweetheart back home.
Article PP3 Section XXI Amendment 2: Within theater of combat, Man A is permitted to massage Man B's neck, if he has a clear and present crick in his neck. The massage should be strictly thumb driven, and use of additional fingers is expressly prohibited. The function of massage should be only to undo the alleged knot. If Man C suspects that Man B is being coy and goading Man A to give him a longer "pleasure" then Man C is to report this immediately to his superiors, unless he is in the middle of giving man D a legit massage, or is waiting himself to get a massage from Man B because, he's so damn good at it.
The communist Witch Hunt of the 1950's has now turned in to the US Military "Bitch" Hunt of the 2000's. When will this all end? These men and women are risking their lives so that we can fill our car with cheapish gasoline and safely watch the Superbowl on our Chinese manufactured plasma TVs. What's it to you?" I ask Mr. Roommate. Were you so ticked you never got to snuggle with Stephen Jones? Were you so miffed you never got an invite to the Vampire Diary Slumber Party of the Century?
To Mr. Roommate and the others, I say, let sleeping dogs and guys lie.
Hard to swallow for some.
Now look, I'm the first to say that this is a sticky situation. Being caught watching any CW show is reprehensible and Vampire Diaries in particular is a flagrant assault on our national sense of decency and morality. But discharging these dudes from the military for this? That's just wrong.
Of course, the real reason these two men are in trouble is not the choice of DVD they were caught with, but the fact that they were caught in the same bed catching some z's; allegedly one in boxers no less. Holy sh*Z! How positively un-American. How can our country stand for this? How are we supposed to keep invading countries, policing the worlds naughty doers and generally exercising our mighty hammer while contending with two dudes catching a siesta on the same cot.
As CNN reports, "The two watched the show on his [Jones] bed but accidentally fell asleep." Evidently, when Stephen Jones's roommate walked in he bugged the F out. Help, help, two human males are sleeping in a bed! He was in a state of panic. After all this could only mean one thing: Jones and McGee would have to re-watch the portion of Vampire Diaries they slept through. OMG will Mason be able to restrain himself during the full moon??#$? Will Mystic Falls ever be vampire free? Clearly this had to be reported to his Naval superiors.
And where does that lead us? Will the US Military create a Division of Gayness. A federally funded tribunal whose sole job is to dictate and enforce un-gay behavior within the rank and file. I suppose a handbook would be issued, to each and every private entering boot(y) camp.
For example:
Article 7 Section XVI. Amendment 11: Men are allowed to shower naked, nonchalantly glance at each others' penisi for less then three seconds at a time and less then three times per shower session. This of course can be modified if the man you are looking at is without doubt the cutest of your platoon and/or crazy well-hung.
Article T9 Section IV Amendment 9: Men shall be allowed to pose in front of the communal mirror and compete in bicep flexing, so long as no Lady Gaga is playing in the background and all men can readily furnish a picture of their lady sweetheart back home.
Article PP3 Section XXI Amendment 2: Within theater of combat, Man A is permitted to massage Man B's neck, if he has a clear and present crick in his neck. The massage should be strictly thumb driven, and use of additional fingers is expressly prohibited. The function of massage should be only to undo the alleged knot. If Man C suspects that Man B is being coy and goading Man A to give him a longer "pleasure" then Man C is to report this immediately to his superiors, unless he is in the middle of giving man D a legit massage, or is waiting himself to get a massage from Man B because, he's so damn good at it.
The communist Witch Hunt of the 1950's has now turned in to the US Military "Bitch" Hunt of the 2000's. When will this all end? These men and women are risking their lives so that we can fill our car with cheapish gasoline and safely watch the Superbowl on our Chinese manufactured plasma TVs. What's it to you?" I ask Mr. Roommate. Were you so ticked you never got to snuggle with Stephen Jones? Were you so miffed you never got an invite to the Vampire Diary Slumber Party of the Century?
To Mr. Roommate and the others, I say, let sleeping dogs and guys lie.
Hard to swallow for some.
your handbook's amendments made me laugh to tears.
But I totally agree that this is unacceptable, especially from a country where you're supposingly free to be who you want to be. If it was a guy and a girl, or 2 girls that had been caught together napping, would it have been the same "problem" to the hierarchy ?
that's the question.
Amen sister.
Actually it would have been. The military doesn't want even the slightest showing of fraternization regardless of who it's between. So get over it. It wasn't about it being two guys it was about two people caught breaking the rules.
Except from everything I've read so far, there's no indication that this was anything more than a fluke/accidental falling asleep. If they reveal more and it turns out it wasn't just that then I might feel differently. No one would think twice about two woman curled up watching a movie, sometimes it is just that.
Mmm-mmm... after the "well-hung military guys in the shower" part, I kind of don't care about anything else you said, Funny Guy. (But I'm sure it was really interesting!)
^^^^ I second that^^^^^
funny and true
As a gay man, I have to say that the fact that they were watching Vampire Diaries is a dead giveaway that they are indeed gay, regardless of whatever else may have been going on. On a more serious note, how backwards is it that anyone even cares about their sexual orientation? Ridiculous! Oh by the way, I do love your amendments, they should be instituted as soon as possible!
But discharging these dudes from the military for this?
That's more than just wrong, if you ask me. As a gay activist, I've been fighting this kind of discrimination for years, and I don't see the end to it.