Over on Dumb as a Blog, our old pal John Devore has a hilarious essay about how Facebook is cited in more and more divorce cases. A divorce lawyer in Florida claims that Facebook is involved in 90% of her cases. Apparently a lot of stupid people are posting photos of their infidelity and "liking" their mistresses' status updates.
According to the attorney, Facebook is used for everything from finding photographic evidence of cheating spouses to catching husbands "dancing with babysitters and others [and] serving alcohol to minors." Facebook: Your #1 source for photos of sketchy dads! (Also, what are babysitters doing dancing with middle-aged dudes?)
Then there was the study conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (a no doubt friendly bunch) where 81% of the nation's top divorce sharks claimed to have used Facebook or other social networking sites as evidence in cases in the past five years. Which coincidentally is about how long Facebook has been popular. (Outlasted Friendster!)
Besides the boneheads who think they can post photos of themselves on a romantic getaway with their mistress or mister on Facebook without their partner knowing (those privacy settings aren't that private), the major cause of marital discord seems to be spouses rekindling an old romance or getting in touch with a former classmate via a social networking site. (Oh, Classmates.com! How could you!)
So is Facebook really the leading cause of divorce these days? Or is it just the latest bogeyman threatening the institution of marriage? The fact is that people were falling in love, cheating on each other, falling out of love, and all the rest way before Mark Zuckerberg sat down to write a code for a kind of sexist website that would rate the attractiveness of women in the various houses on the Harvard campus. While Facebook might make it easier to look up an old college flame, it's not providing you with a hotel room and an alibi for where you've been all night. If you're at the point where you're trolling Facebook looking for the girl who shared her Push-Pop with you in the third grade, it's safe to say your marriage is already over.
What do you think? Is Facebook driving up the divorce rate? Does it complicate relationships? And, hey, don't forget to visit our Facebook page for live chats, discussions, and other fun stuff.
According to the attorney, Facebook is used for everything from finding photographic evidence of cheating spouses to catching husbands "dancing with babysitters and others [and] serving alcohol to minors." Facebook: Your #1 source for photos of sketchy dads! (Also, what are babysitters doing dancing with middle-aged dudes?)
Then there was the study conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (a no doubt friendly bunch) where 81% of the nation's top divorce sharks claimed to have used Facebook or other social networking sites as evidence in cases in the past five years. Which coincidentally is about how long Facebook has been popular. (Outlasted Friendster!)
Besides the boneheads who think they can post photos of themselves on a romantic getaway with their mistress or mister on Facebook without their partner knowing (those privacy settings aren't that private), the major cause of marital discord seems to be spouses rekindling an old romance or getting in touch with a former classmate via a social networking site. (Oh, Classmates.com! How could you!)
So is Facebook really the leading cause of divorce these days? Or is it just the latest bogeyman threatening the institution of marriage? The fact is that people were falling in love, cheating on each other, falling out of love, and all the rest way before Mark Zuckerberg sat down to write a code for a kind of sexist website that would rate the attractiveness of women in the various houses on the Harvard campus. While Facebook might make it easier to look up an old college flame, it's not providing you with a hotel room and an alibi for where you've been all night. If you're at the point where you're trolling Facebook looking for the girl who shared her Push-Pop with you in the third grade, it's safe to say your marriage is already over.
What do you think? Is Facebook driving up the divorce rate? Does it complicate relationships? And, hey, don't forget to visit our Facebook page for live chats, discussions, and other fun stuff.
No I don't think Facebook is driving up the divorce rate...cheating spouses are. It's just another avenue which makes it easier to locate will people to be part of it. If you are going to cheat then cheat you will whether you have Facebook or not.
Facebook, however, may make it easier for the non-cheating spouse to discover the cheating as nothing is really totally private on any social networking site, privacy settings or not...oh Facebook and stupidity I should add.
Blaming Facebook for increased divorce rates is like blaming the telephone for someone saying something stupid. It just doesn't make sense. While it makes people more accessible, it DOESN'T act FOR the people. Durrr. I'm sick and tired of this "the internet is a menace" CRAP I keep hearing.
Also, divorce rates have gone up in the last 50 years because DIVORCES HAVE BECOME EASIER TO DO, LEGALLY. They've become more fair between the sexes, too, and you don't need a "reason" (cheating spouse) to file for divorce anymore.
People have ALWAYS left partners they weren't happy with. In fact, if you count the marriage deserters before divorce became legal in North America, you will find that the numbers ARE ABOUT THE SAME.
So it has a lot to do with DEFINITIONS as well.
BAH.
It helps that women are no longer so freakishly dependent on men. That has definitely helped bring up that divorce rate. She doesn't need to stay in a shitty situation whereas our grandmothers had to put up with the chronic alcohol and physical abuse.
Keep it in perspective. When women gain more rights and have economic prospects and are not dependent on men, this is what happens. And that's a good thing.
Blaming Facebook for divorce/break-up rates is ridiculous. It's like blaming Bernstein and Woodward for corrupting Nixon in the Watergate scandal. Facebook doesn't cause divorce; it just exposes the infidelity that is already there.
I just read the above comments. Turns out my comment is surprisingly similar to those above!
On a different but relateable note, people always tell me, "Well, people who get arranged marriages hardly ever get divorced, so there must be something right." No. Cultures that promote arranged marriages are *usually* cultures where the wife is subordinate and more likely to give in to the husband's will. It's not that they have happier marriages. The woman simply deals with it.
What about websites like Ashley Madison or Okcupid? If we're so fast to blame facebook why aren't we talking about sites that provide options for marital infidelity? Ashley Madison was designed to give married people an anonymous opportunity to cheat. What's the stats on that one?
The divorce rate in the US was already at it's current level (approximately 50%), prior to facebook's entry into pop culture. Although facebook may be involved in some break-ups, it would be illogical to identify it as "the leading cause" of divorce.
As a attorney, I handled over 3,000 divorce, custody and child support case in nearly two decades. In my opinion, the three biggest causes of divorce are:
1) Getting married before the age of 25
2) Financial stress. Often caused by getting married too young and not completing your education or training.
3) Infidelity
If you have wife and not just one, but two mistress, don't do any of the following: befriend all of them on FB, keep every message you have sent or received from them in the last 3 months, let your browser save all your passwords, lock yourself in the bathroom at two a.m. to skype mistress number 1 when you are spending the night with mistress number 2. And never, ever be so stupid to fall asleep leaving your iphone unblocked after she'd asked you who was this woman you were talking to and why were you telling her you loved her...
or you know just tell the person you're supposed to be married and a friend to what's going on so the cheating doesn't have to happen. Easier to say hey I'm having an issue with how you handled a,b,c and work it out rather than cheat, leave the evidence on FB because the person you cheated with wants to feel "special" in your life and destroy all feelings and trust and hope of working things out.
But IDK maybe it's because I was raised to talk about things no matter how hard it might be to prevent more problems/ resentments later on. Much easier to handle the fact your old flame moved on after you guys talked and found out why you don't work rather than finding out they were porking other people while supposedly being in love and caring for you. And you know being the friend to them that you're supposed to be cuz isn't marriage about finding and being with your absolute best friend to share life with?
And blaming technology for a divorce is just stupid. I mean one of my friends got my phone number from his smart phone after I friended him on FB it surprised me phones can do that! But I also told my BF so he would know he's got nothing to worry about, I always keep him in the loop of my life online and RL. I keep some mystery there too but nothing to make him think I was cheating. And I did have an issue with some of the apps on his phone and I talked to him about it and he was very understanding and listened to me and told me I have nothing to fret over at all. So no I'm not afraid to say I'm bothered by this advanced technology but at the same time I'm not gonna go blame it for divorces and site it as number one. Other factors play a part and sadly I think 80% of the base of most of the REAL reasons for divorce is lack of talking to eachother and working things out. The other 20% I'm gonna say is because there was already issues and nothing helped them out to fix it and the like.
But to say your FB page is reason for a divorce would just mean that all of us including the teens (who I don't think need a FB due to all the creeps I've seen on there) who have FB even just to play awesome games like Dragons of Atlantis or Zuma and Bejeweled Blitz we are all just prepping for our divorces to marriages that have yet to be yay!
awesome article, Nick. My op on this one is that FB is just the tool, if it didn't exist there would be another tool, like another commenter that said if it wasn't FB, telephones then should be slammed for tearing marriages apart.People will use anything as an excuse to avoid accountability though, even divorce lawyers....lol ESPECIALLY divorce lawyers lol My opinion is that Facebook is just the hammer that nails the coffin, but the coffin is already started being built, and the marriage death has already happened by that point.
There is no enough reason to blame Facebook for the divorce rate. There are many reasons for a divorce. To make relationships last, couples also need to share the same goals and same plans. Spouses need to reconcile differences in goals and opinions in order to stay strong and have a fruitful future ahead. When differences become irreconcilable, couples seek a divorce. There may be some issues that couples find difficult to settle, including having and raising children, career goals, in-law issues, different expectations regarding household responsibilities, as well as religious beliefs.