I was scanning CNN.com at random, misguidedly looking for sexy photos, when the part of my brain that's exactly like the guy from A Beautiful Mind suddenly lit up. I call it my "Spider Sense," or "Beautiful Mind Guy Sense." There before me, glowing and hovering in the air as only a computer generated hallucination can, was a pattern. A pattern that led me inexorably to one grim conclusion:
Based on current trends, it is inevitable that President Barack Obama will eventually release (or cause to be released) a clip of him drunkenly eating an exploded hamburger a la this video of David Hasselhoff. Whether it will be genuine or a loving reenactment remains to be seen.
By "current trends," I mean the fact that he's only been President for like a week and he's already won the Nobel Peace Prize, is the subject of three movies to be released next year, and, perhaps most tellingly, has celebrities wearing stylish clothes with his name on them.
"And what's wrong with that?" you ask, all snidely like a little punk. Well, jerkface, I'll tell you: Obama's swiftly approaching what I like to call the Hipness Saturation Point. That's the point at which enough of the trendsetters who made you famous get over you, find something new to fixate on, or figure out that you're popular and are therefore no longer hip.
And the faster you climb, the harder you fall. That's why all of our most beloved historical figures weren't famous at all in their lifetimes. It's the slow burn, and it's the only burn that counts. Right now, Obama is like a magnificent ebony Icarus, soaring towards the sun, sweat gleaming as it drips from his naked flank. Then something bad happens; I can't remember what.
Thus it is written, and thus shall it come to pass. Obama's already embraced the Internet; it's only a matter of time before the Internet repays him with a leaked sex tape. That's what happened to me, anyway. Well, okay, so far no one's watching the sex tape I posted. But a man can dream.
Whether you think Obama's the Messiah or merely a prophet, I think we can all agree it'd be nice if the celebrity machine stopped functioning long enough for him to get some more shit done. But that is not our way; ours is the way of the 24-hour news cycle, constant interference, pressure-fueled celeb breakdowns and the hilarious clips resulting therefrom. Congratulations, America.
Aw, I made myself sad. Oh well; I'll fix that right up.
Based on current trends, it is inevitable that President Barack Obama will eventually release (or cause to be released) a clip of him drunkenly eating an exploded hamburger a la this video of David Hasselhoff. Whether it will be genuine or a loving reenactment remains to be seen.
By "current trends," I mean the fact that he's only been President for like a week and he's already won the Nobel Peace Prize, is the subject of three movies to be released next year, and, perhaps most tellingly, has celebrities wearing stylish clothes with his name on them.
"And what's wrong with that?" you ask, all snidely like a little punk. Well, jerkface, I'll tell you: Obama's swiftly approaching what I like to call the Hipness Saturation Point. That's the point at which enough of the trendsetters who made you famous get over you, find something new to fixate on, or figure out that you're popular and are therefore no longer hip.
And the faster you climb, the harder you fall. That's why all of our most beloved historical figures weren't famous at all in their lifetimes. It's the slow burn, and it's the only burn that counts. Right now, Obama is like a magnificent ebony Icarus, soaring towards the sun, sweat gleaming as it drips from his naked flank. Then something bad happens; I can't remember what.
Thus it is written, and thus shall it come to pass. Obama's already embraced the Internet; it's only a matter of time before the Internet repays him with a leaked sex tape. That's what happened to me, anyway. Well, okay, so far no one's watching the sex tape I posted. But a man can dream.
Whether you think Obama's the Messiah or merely a prophet, I think we can all agree it'd be nice if the celebrity machine stopped functioning long enough for him to get some more shit done. But that is not our way; ours is the way of the 24-hour news cycle, constant interference, pressure-fueled celeb breakdowns and the hilarious clips resulting therefrom. Congratulations, America.
Aw, I made myself sad. Oh well; I'll fix that right up.
You know what Mr. Swaim, I was on the fence about whether or not you were my favorite... but reading this blog post totally knocked me off the fence entirely... YOU ARE THE MAN! I can't believe there haven't been any comments on this one...
you rock! you are officially my favorite, sorry to the other contenders but Michael has won my heart, with his brain!!! I've always thought that intelligence was sexy!
Thanks! If you really want to help me out with the whole comments situation, I recommend a dozen or so dupe accounts. I don't think our security on that front is very tight.
I try to refrain from commenting on all of your blogs, questions, videos and articles so as not to seem like a stalker. I've since decided I don't care, and what with the propositions you seem to get from all angles, I'm sure a multi-commenting suck-up type fan seems pretty tame anyway.
Although the fact that I've thought about it so much probably brings me right back around to "alarming".