Bridezillas viewers have questions, we've got answers! As part of our ongoing efforts to be the world's foremost relationship experts, the GuySpeak gang took questions from fans of WE tv's hit show Bridezillas. We asked Bridezilla viewers to leave their questions on weddings, relationships, and more on the Bridezillas Facebook page. Check out our answers below. (Maybe we answered your question?) If you have a question, hit up GuySpeak and pick the guy you want to answer it. Now let's get to the questions!
Why are these men on Bridezillas still willing to marry those crazy disrespectful bitches? Do they not see what they're getting themselves into? Or are they just settling?
Reformed Player says:
First of all, have you ever organized a large event that your entire family and your boyfriend's family will be attending? It's stress like you've never felt before. That kind of stress can turn even the sweetest, gentlest person into a monster. There's also an element of playing to the cameras; my favorite "Bridezillas" are the ones who didn't realize having a camera crew on top of everything else was going to drive them crazy.
Secondly, there are guys who aren't bothered by it, and who may even like it. File it under different strokes for different folks.
How do u make a relationship work if the two of u are TOTALLY opposites????
Mystery Man says:
Well, I looked at why opposites attract here, but as to making it work if you are totally opposite you need two things.
Tolerance and self respect.
Not a popular idea, tolerating and accepting that your partner has a different point of view, ideas and interests to you. It's a little scary and you feel marginalized, almost threatened because you feel excluded from a good chunk of their life. That is where the self confidence bit comes in. You keep enjoying your own thing, doing what you enjoy, and your partner is going to feel exactly the same way. It actually makes the together times more precious.
As far as character goes, you both wind up living somewhere in the middle ground. It is hard for one of you to stay in high strung freakout mode all the time if the other one so so laid back they are comatose. Hard for the big spender of the pair to spend everything if he knows that every single penny is being counted.
Opposites usually make the best and longest lasting relationships. You will almost guarantee you'll never get bored with each other.
My ex-boyfriend thinks it's okay to hang out with an ex female coworker in his place by themselves to smoke and argued the fact that he didn't want me "controlling his life" and added that he wanted to be able to hang out with other female friends (including his ex-girlfriend who he had never met but had a long distant relationship with)with out having to "ask me for permission" am i just over reacting about him inviting girls over to his house with out me or is that normal?
Funny Guy says:
This can be a hard thing to navigate and really depends on the quality and content of your relationship. There are two bottom lines here to consider.
BL#1: your partner SHOULD BE CAPABLE of hanging with friends of the opposite sex.
BL#2: your partner SHOULD have a track record of not being a cheater or sketch ball.
If your partner has a history of cheating he will do so regardless of who you hand select for him to chill with. You can't keep a good cheater down; they're possessed!
If your man is a decent and respectful person, he'll have a track record to show for it, and I urge you to loosen your reigns or 'management' of this stuff. No adult -- male or female -- likes to feel restricted and told who they can play with in the sandbox. Just because his friend has a vagina doesn't mean "it's on". It means she has a vagina.
So in a nutshell, there is no nutshell. Rather a bag of nuts you need to consider in order to make a mature decision.
Why is it a guy says he wants you back, cries on your shoulder telling you how much he misses you, then he is cheating on you with other girls??? So why do guys do this??
Chic Geek says
Well, the easy answer is that he's a scumbag. The not so easy answer? You're letting him get away with it.
This guy cheats on you, begs for your forgiveness, then cheats on you again because he knows you'll take him back. He's the dog that keeps peeing on the floor, but you don't punish him because he gives you the puppy dog eyes. Clearly this guy has a problem. He's a manipulator who knows what to say to get you back when he's treated you like dirt. And, I hate to tell you this, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He wants to keep you in his back pocket (read "Five Signs You're His Back Pocket Girl") by telling you how much he misses you and wants to be with you. Then, once he's reeled you in, he turns around and cheats on you. Why? Because he knows he can get you back with a sob story and a flash of the puppy dog routine.
Stand up for yourself and put a stop to this. Don't even wait for him to come crying back. Dump him now. Sadly, he's not going to change. This is a pattern, and you need to stop enabling him. You're better than that. Women think they can change jerks like this, but they cannot. A guy changes when he wants to change. Someday, hopefully, this guy will wake up and realize he has hurt everyone important to him. He'll be alone and sad, and hopefully start being nice to women. In the meantime, steer clear.
I am nineteen and he is 31. Is it okay to date someone older?
Wise Ass says:
In principle, yes, it's okay to date someone older, but it really depends on your ages. Most people would agree that a 15-year-old should not date a 20-year-old; despite the fact that it's illegal, there is a huge maturity difference in those five years. But no one blinks if a 27yo dates a 32yo. Same difference--five years--but a totally different situation. In your case, a twelve-year difference between you and a guy wouldn't be a huge deal if you were 30 and he were 42, but at 19 and 31, I think he's too old for you. Even if you are mature for your age, you're still a teenager, and he's in his 30s--you aren't going to have a lot in common, including maturity level. I'm not saying it can't work--I'm sure some have pulled it off--but the odds are against it.
Why do men waste your time if they don't want you or a relationship with you?? My ex and I were long distance (thanks Army) on and off for 9 years. I was always faithful to him, never would think of cheating on him, he kept on telling me that we'd get engaged he'd move in with me we'd get married etc etc.. then he starts doing this vanishing act.. disappears with no word at all no phone call nothing for days at a time, then comes back with a good excuse then recently went to doing this for over a month now. I finally said okay, I've had enough .. maybe I'm a fool for being a hopeless romantic and wanting to give my relationship my all but when I break up with him its all "baby I want you back" and he pours it on thick for a while then back to pushing me away what gives?? Why not just say.. "I'm sorry but I'm not into you." I'm a big girl I can deal with that a lot easier than the push me away pull me back in all the time
Gal Pal says:
Men can only waste your time if you let him waste your time. My heart breaks for you, Maria, especially if you were toughing it out for nearly a decade because the Army was keeping you two apart. It may have been difficult, if not impossible, for you to gauge his true feelings from thousands of miles and several countries away. But any man who goes radio silent for days on end has not earned the right to serve as your boyfriend, let alone husband.
He's not willing to SHOW you (not pour it on you) that he's sticking around for good. He's not willing to go to couples' therapy with you to figure out why he continues to abandon you. He's not earning his stripes in this relationship. Correct? So stop waiting around for him to announce he's just not that into you. Because he not into you if he's treating you like dirt. And more importantly, you don't want to be into a guy like that. Right? Right???
It's time for you to see the world, sailor. And meet some new sailors, wordly lady. Be brave - you can do this.
Why is he so jealous and controlling. I can't go anywhere, talk to any man, I can't even wear a thong unless I'm with him and he is always giving and kissing me and just touching me 24/7. Even when we are sleeping. He's constantly telling me he loves me and it gets annoying. Because he does stupid stuff that could prevent us from being together for a long time...what gives????
Girls' BFF says:
It's almost like you're talking about two separate realities and situations. You've got a man who's controlling AND a man who is...affectionate and loving? It's the odd combo that seems troubling because one is probably the result of the other (total chicken or the egg). Now, if he's completely controlling and jealous and requires you to constantly do what he wants, the perhaps the issue at this point is you for staying in the relationship that you don't want. Except you must want it because you're not leaving. You don't come off as one of those women whose esteem holds her back and she's stuck in a bad situation. You just seem annoyed. Which is odd because some of your other qualms are things that I know many women would LOVE to get in man. Now if he's only doing those things to make you feel "special" after he controls your life then...that's no bueno. But you wrote this question in an odd sort of way that makes him come off as a nuisance on the love tip, not a repentant manipulator.
Point is, he's controlling and jealous because of his own insecurities. Which could also be why he's so affectionate because he's trying to do whatever it takes to keep you (in his mind) and its exhausting and frustrating you. I'm guessing that you've told him this and you two have argued about it. Which means that his behavior isn't going to change and you've got to decide how much you can take. That's what gives. Especially before it gets worse and dude flips out and puts his hands on you in an attempt to control you further because then the police get involved and nobody has a good days anymore.
Why are these men on Bridezillas still willing to marry those crazy disrespectful bitches? Do they not see what they're getting themselves into? Or are they just settling?
Reformed Player says:
First of all, have you ever organized a large event that your entire family and your boyfriend's family will be attending? It's stress like you've never felt before. That kind of stress can turn even the sweetest, gentlest person into a monster. There's also an element of playing to the cameras; my favorite "Bridezillas" are the ones who didn't realize having a camera crew on top of everything else was going to drive them crazy.
Secondly, there are guys who aren't bothered by it, and who may even like it. File it under different strokes for different folks.
How do u make a relationship work if the two of u are TOTALLY opposites????
Mystery Man says:
Well, I looked at why opposites attract here, but as to making it work if you are totally opposite you need two things.
Tolerance and self respect.
Not a popular idea, tolerating and accepting that your partner has a different point of view, ideas and interests to you. It's a little scary and you feel marginalized, almost threatened because you feel excluded from a good chunk of their life. That is where the self confidence bit comes in. You keep enjoying your own thing, doing what you enjoy, and your partner is going to feel exactly the same way. It actually makes the together times more precious.
As far as character goes, you both wind up living somewhere in the middle ground. It is hard for one of you to stay in high strung freakout mode all the time if the other one so so laid back they are comatose. Hard for the big spender of the pair to spend everything if he knows that every single penny is being counted.
Opposites usually make the best and longest lasting relationships. You will almost guarantee you'll never get bored with each other.
My ex-boyfriend thinks it's okay to hang out with an ex female coworker in his place by themselves to smoke and argued the fact that he didn't want me "controlling his life" and added that he wanted to be able to hang out with other female friends (including his ex-girlfriend who he had never met but had a long distant relationship with)with out having to "ask me for permission" am i just over reacting about him inviting girls over to his house with out me or is that normal?
Funny Guy says:
This can be a hard thing to navigate and really depends on the quality and content of your relationship. There are two bottom lines here to consider.
BL#1: your partner SHOULD BE CAPABLE of hanging with friends of the opposite sex.
BL#2: your partner SHOULD have a track record of not being a cheater or sketch ball.
If your partner has a history of cheating he will do so regardless of who you hand select for him to chill with. You can't keep a good cheater down; they're possessed!
If your man is a decent and respectful person, he'll have a track record to show for it, and I urge you to loosen your reigns or 'management' of this stuff. No adult -- male or female -- likes to feel restricted and told who they can play with in the sandbox. Just because his friend has a vagina doesn't mean "it's on". It means she has a vagina.
So in a nutshell, there is no nutshell. Rather a bag of nuts you need to consider in order to make a mature decision.
Why is it a guy says he wants you back, cries on your shoulder telling you how much he misses you, then he is cheating on you with other girls??? So why do guys do this??
Chic Geek says
Well, the easy answer is that he's a scumbag. The not so easy answer? You're letting him get away with it.
This guy cheats on you, begs for your forgiveness, then cheats on you again because he knows you'll take him back. He's the dog that keeps peeing on the floor, but you don't punish him because he gives you the puppy dog eyes. Clearly this guy has a problem. He's a manipulator who knows what to say to get you back when he's treated you like dirt. And, I hate to tell you this, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He wants to keep you in his back pocket (read "Five Signs You're His Back Pocket Girl") by telling you how much he misses you and wants to be with you. Then, once he's reeled you in, he turns around and cheats on you. Why? Because he knows he can get you back with a sob story and a flash of the puppy dog routine.
Stand up for yourself and put a stop to this. Don't even wait for him to come crying back. Dump him now. Sadly, he's not going to change. This is a pattern, and you need to stop enabling him. You're better than that. Women think they can change jerks like this, but they cannot. A guy changes when he wants to change. Someday, hopefully, this guy will wake up and realize he has hurt everyone important to him. He'll be alone and sad, and hopefully start being nice to women. In the meantime, steer clear.
I am nineteen and he is 31. Is it okay to date someone older?
Wise Ass says:
In principle, yes, it's okay to date someone older, but it really depends on your ages. Most people would agree that a 15-year-old should not date a 20-year-old; despite the fact that it's illegal, there is a huge maturity difference in those five years. But no one blinks if a 27yo dates a 32yo. Same difference--five years--but a totally different situation. In your case, a twelve-year difference between you and a guy wouldn't be a huge deal if you were 30 and he were 42, but at 19 and 31, I think he's too old for you. Even if you are mature for your age, you're still a teenager, and he's in his 30s--you aren't going to have a lot in common, including maturity level. I'm not saying it can't work--I'm sure some have pulled it off--but the odds are against it.
Why do men waste your time if they don't want you or a relationship with you?? My ex and I were long distance (thanks Army) on and off for 9 years. I was always faithful to him, never would think of cheating on him, he kept on telling me that we'd get engaged he'd move in with me we'd get married etc etc.. then he starts doing this vanishing act.. disappears with no word at all no phone call nothing for days at a time, then comes back with a good excuse then recently went to doing this for over a month now. I finally said okay, I've had enough .. maybe I'm a fool for being a hopeless romantic and wanting to give my relationship my all but when I break up with him its all "baby I want you back" and he pours it on thick for a while then back to pushing me away what gives?? Why not just say.. "I'm sorry but I'm not into you." I'm a big girl I can deal with that a lot easier than the push me away pull me back in all the time
Gal Pal says:
Men can only waste your time if you let him waste your time. My heart breaks for you, Maria, especially if you were toughing it out for nearly a decade because the Army was keeping you two apart. It may have been difficult, if not impossible, for you to gauge his true feelings from thousands of miles and several countries away. But any man who goes radio silent for days on end has not earned the right to serve as your boyfriend, let alone husband.
He's not willing to SHOW you (not pour it on you) that he's sticking around for good. He's not willing to go to couples' therapy with you to figure out why he continues to abandon you. He's not earning his stripes in this relationship. Correct? So stop waiting around for him to announce he's just not that into you. Because he not into you if he's treating you like dirt. And more importantly, you don't want to be into a guy like that. Right? Right???
It's time for you to see the world, sailor. And meet some new sailors, wordly lady. Be brave - you can do this.
Why is he so jealous and controlling. I can't go anywhere, talk to any man, I can't even wear a thong unless I'm with him and he is always giving and kissing me and just touching me 24/7. Even when we are sleeping. He's constantly telling me he loves me and it gets annoying. Because he does stupid stuff that could prevent us from being together for a long time...what gives????
Girls' BFF says:
It's almost like you're talking about two separate realities and situations. You've got a man who's controlling AND a man who is...affectionate and loving? It's the odd combo that seems troubling because one is probably the result of the other (total chicken or the egg). Now, if he's completely controlling and jealous and requires you to constantly do what he wants, the perhaps the issue at this point is you for staying in the relationship that you don't want. Except you must want it because you're not leaving. You don't come off as one of those women whose esteem holds her back and she's stuck in a bad situation. You just seem annoyed. Which is odd because some of your other qualms are things that I know many women would LOVE to get in man. Now if he's only doing those things to make you feel "special" after he controls your life then...that's no bueno. But you wrote this question in an odd sort of way that makes him come off as a nuisance on the love tip, not a repentant manipulator.
Point is, he's controlling and jealous because of his own insecurities. Which could also be why he's so affectionate because he's trying to do whatever it takes to keep you (in his mind) and its exhausting and frustrating you. I'm guessing that you've told him this and you two have argued about it. Which means that his behavior isn't going to change and you've got to decide how much you can take. That's what gives. Especially before it gets worse and dude flips out and puts his hands on you in an attempt to control you further because then the police get involved and nobody has a good days anymore.
Thanks Gal Pal this really helped and I appriciate it =)