I'll tell you one thing I love about women, and it's their showers. Specifically, the fancy pants showering products they buy that, as a man, I would never think of buying, much less be seen purchasing. I'm a man, and spend most of my time shopping in the meat, pants, and chainsaw aisles of grocery and department stores.
Every woman whose place I've showered at has always had an amazing collection of shampoos, conditioners, oils, body washes, and other rejuvenating goops. These forests of bottles always sit in the back of the shower, and the ingredients sound like the contents of a high-end fruit basket. Shampoos and conditioners featuring kiwi, avocado, citrus, and pomegranate. Some smelled like lavender. Others smelled like the ocean. Still others smelled like vanilla cupcakes. Vanilla cupcakes! Better living through chemistry, indeed. I suppose it takes a lot of science to give human hair such unnatural body, bounce, and glowing sheen, not to mention the aroma of foodstuffs.
At various times, I have suggested we stay over at a woman's place, just so I could have access to her hair products. I have liked shampoos more than the women I've dated who've owned them.
I have a man's shower. In my shower is a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo. Both the soap and the shampoo are generic brands. That's all I have in my shower, and I'm happy with it that way. I don't have a hand towel, nor do I have a loofa. I use my strong, lumberjack-like hands to scrub away the soot and sod from my day's toils. I like my soap to smell like "clean" and my shampoo to lather up enough that I can work my hair into a sudsy mohawk.
Men are much more results-oriented when it comes to cleaning products and domestic tools. This explains why most guys have only one plate, and one set of utensils. We need stuff that gets stuff done. I can't eat spaghetti on my lap, therefore I need a plate. Regular toilet paper does the job, I don't need toilet paper sheets that look like tiny versions of quilts my grandma would sew. Soap is supposed to make me not smell like cold genital gravy. This is one truth.
There's the other truth as well: it's a damn treat to use a woman's shower. Since I'm not actually spending money on frivolous fluids that smell like flowers, then my masculinity isn't compromised. I worked a long day. I'm at my woman's place. I'm going to shower. I will use the soaps provided. And secretly enjoy them. I even allow myself to use whatever bizarre little scrubby thing is there.
I love how women spoil themselves. How they can turn something as utilitarian as a shower into a momentary, steamy escape where everything smells super pretty, pretty. It teaches a valuable lesson: that it is your responsibility to enjoy little things. That it is possible to turn a chore into a vacation from worry. Without women, our world would certainly smell more like ass.
I'm not saying I'm going to go out and shell out a small fortune so that my shower can stink like a dessert tray. But I will take an extra long shower at her house, and I will use conditioner. Whatever the hell "conditioner" is. It's like shampoo, right? Oh who cares, it smells like springtime! Women's hair care is full of such wonders, like aloe. Aloe is to shampoo what nougat is to chocolate bars: no one knows exactly what it is, but consumers like it anyway.
The way I feel about a woman's shower is the same way I feel about a woman's pillows. Do they have separate stores where women buy their pillows? Because mine are like little charcoal briquettes compared to a chick's -- which are soft, fluffy, and somewhere between "clouds" and "marshmallows."
Thou speakth the truth.
My guys shower is barren. I now drag him to walgreens and force him to buy real shampoo, conditioner and body wash. That Aldi crap was not cutting it. When I met him he had three plates, 2 bowls and scattered silverware. I gave him my old set. Now I finally have something to work with!
Boys can be so stupid AND smelly.
Finding the right body wash is an art. You have to find one that cleans, has the right smell, and doesn't dry out your skin. I finally found the perfect one: Olay Creme Ribbons. Smells like...I don't know. Amazing. I love a long hot shower/bath. :)
A good male body wash can be great, but sometimes I just like the smell of boy skin. Soft hair is good, so all men should invest in conditioner, even if it's just Suave.
I loveee shopping in the Health & Beauty section. I, too, enjoy Olay's Creme Ribbons Amy - but have you tried the Dove Creame-ish bodywash? TO DIE FOR!
I like to buy my honey his bodywash: Old Spice, Axe..But he'd never buy it on his own!
Hmmm, Dove cream. I love the scent of the regular one. Plus you can buy those huge bottles so you don't have to shop for soap every month.
Aha! I knew it!!
You boys love to get into our showerbaths ALMOST as much as you love to get into our pants.
Thank you Mr. DV for validating a long-held theory (always denied by the pleasantly-scented manlykinses trying to slink out of my bathroom unsniffed).
I was trying to buy bar soap today and all I could find was "beauty bars." Most of them said "for the skin" on them too, which is just another layer of retarded. When did that happen? I totally missed the soap/beauty bar changeover.
To answer your question, I'm just sticking with sandpaper and a morning dirt bath.
"Without women, our world would certainly smell more like ass."
Priceless. Can't believe I'll be first to quote it.
unfortunatley they do have separate stores for women's pillows. Did you not wonder what the "things" of Linens N' Things were?
This is too funny! Be careful about those "beauty bars" if you have sensitive skin you could get a rash!
I just want to add that, for me personally, my shower time, is my mini-vaca! You see, most of the time, I am showering with my toddler, and using baby shampoo so as not to set her eyes on fire...but those showers I get on occasion that are mommy time and mommy time only are when I break out the good stuff, the tresemme shampoo and conditioner, the olay quench body wash, the cherry almond hemp lotion....all of which are little luxuries in my life. Also, I do my best thinking in the shower, that is when I get to really, just, think! And its nice to be able to be completely relaxed to do so.
Is it bad that even though I am in a completely committed and loving relationship, i totally just pictured you naked and showering the whole time I read your answer? Is it worse that I really really liked what I pictured?