My feeling about dressing up for Halloween are well-documented.
Halloween is a holiday for children. A special time of the year where the bats can gorge themselves on sugar nuggets and collapse into diabetic comas. It's a magical night where the little demons get run around like the wild things they are, and adults should respect that. But no. For some reason, Halloween has become a holiday where amateurs can binge drink in face paint, as if no one will recognize them as they catapult puke outside the bar. Halloween is also a night when everyone's inner-slut is worn like a bright, gaudy accessory. My point is: that should be every night of the year.
If you want a night of the year to dress up, try Arbor Day. Last year, I dressed up as a giant potted fern. I felt the judgmental stares were unnecessary. Arbor Day is holiday for all ages.
But I accept that every October my friends, and millions of adult strangers, are going to play dress up. But let's be honest: most people don't know how to dress themselves for work, much less Halloween. Frankly, most costumes I see are either tacky, unoriginal, or so topical, they're out-of-date the moment their donned. While I wish that Halloween wasn't a night where pirates and kittens stumble through the streets, I know that's not changing. But it's not the tired and overdone costumes that really concern me. It's the inappropriate costumes. Last year, I saw a woman dressed up like a bloody panda bear. This is unacceptable. Pandas are like the adorable hoarders of the animal kingdom -- stand-offish hermits who just want to eat bamboo and be left alone. They shouldn't be some sick costume that some lady can wear while she tries to chat up some dude dressed up as The (Fat) Situation at a party where the booze is served out of a trashcan.
As a result, I have decided to do my part this year. Here is a list of twenty-five potential Halloween costumes that are wholly inappropriate. I mean, there are kids out. This is like St. Paddy's Day, when the critters are in school while you're drinking in the early morning. It goes without saying that I don't want to see any near-dead pandas on the streets this time.
What will I be wearing. This year, I'm changing it up. Instead of showing up as John DeVore, Cranky Bastard, I will be wearing a "blogger costume." Which means I won't be showering until this coming Monday morning. Use this list as a guide. If any of your costume ideas come even a little close to the following, then give that plan up. Trust me. In a pinch, you can scrawl lipstick down the side of your mouth, furrow your brow, and go as an emo Twilight vampire.
1. Joker Obama
2. Sexy Pope
3. Giant Zombie Baby
4. A Guy In A Toga With Waxed Eyebrows And An Enema
5. Disco Hitler
6. Visibly Erect Snoopy
7. Third Trimester Bristol Palin
8. Goldman or Sachs
9. Mel Gibson Superstar
10. Slutty Orphan Annie
11. Horny Stephen Hawking
12. A Sweating Frat Boy Who Stares And Licks His Mouth
13. Kung-fu Gandhi
14. A Hobo Who Is Depressed Because He's Homeless
15. Humbert Humbert
16. Helen Keller
17. The Angel of Poor Bladder Control
18. A Predator Who Hasn't Been Caught
19. Grandma Stripper
20. Totally Naked Na'vi
21. Darth Pervert
22. Osama Bin Laden
23. Plucked Big Bird
24. A Human Pinata Full Of Whatever Was For Dinner
25. Could Be A Ghost, Could Be A Klansman
Horny Hawking sounds redundant.
I'd hope to never run into anyone wearing such costumes haha.
But I can't understand not wanting to dress up. It's fun and you get to show people your creative side! And I've never had to buy costumes because I make them myself.
they sell a slutty spongebob costume. i find that kind of creepy.
but yeah, i LOVE dressing up! as long as your costume isn't totally asinine (like a slutty crayon, which they also sell).
lol!! this was hilarious!
Spongebob was original intended to be some sort of porn star. (Maybe not the sponge character, but the name, before the sponge was conceived.) I'm not joking.
This is actually kind of perfect. There's an annual costume party on Halloween at my college known as "Patently Offensive Halloween". Gay Pride Jesus, the late Anna Nicole Smith, and Morning Wood have all made an appearance on one year or another!
I appreciate the designer of these 25 costume shared here.I am impressed by these designs. i like them all. Thanks for sharing.
great list and ideas for next halloween day, thank u for share,
Great use for the incoming Halloween party this year. Thanks