Have you ever been at a store of any kind and dreaded going to the check out counter because you knew the cashier was going to judge you? Sure they're a cashier, but they're not buying the best of Hillary Duff album. You are. And it's a judgeable offense. It is for that reason that I think the self check-outs at stores across the nation are the single greatest invention ever. And do you know why? They remove shame from the shopping experience.
And nowhere is this more prevalent than with these 5 items.
1. Condoms
Have you ever noticed that somebody ALWAYS needs to do a price check on condoms. And with the odd variety out there nowadays, they get specific with the price check which might say way more about you and your fetishes than you want Wal-Mart shoppers to know about. Does everybody need to know that you like to buy the Lemon-flavored Ultra Ribbed Tragically Sensitive Lubricated Extra Smedium condoms? No. But they will. Then people start wondering why you're buying flavored condoms and looking in the direction of your junior Johnson. Then they wonder: Are they for you? Like a DJ, the self-check out saved your life.
2. KY Jelly
It's the only jelly you can't pretend goes on your biscuit. Well unless by biscuit you mean, ya know, in which case then it TOTALLY can go for your biscuit. And when I say "go" I mean "go". Point is, anybody checking you out is going to look you directly in your eye and into your soul. That's no bueno. With the self-checkout, you can just hide it under that National Enquirer mag and nobody will be the wiser. Unless you need a price check. And NOBODY will believe KY stands for Kentucky.
3. Kenny G Christmas Album
Maybe everybody won't judge you, but I will. Hard and twice on a Sunday.
4. Tampons
Many guys, for some odd reason, think having to purchase tampons is a shot at our masculinity. As untrue as it is - and in some ways makes you more of a manly man - we just do not like purchasing said items. Especially when the cashier looks at us and says, "are you sure you got the right ones? I'd hate for my man to get me the wrong ones." It's happened before. Self-checkout avoids that and you can go on being the manly man you were when you walked in to buy those tampons and that half gallon of Tampico.
5. Male Enhancement drugs
Not sure this even needs an explanation but there's nothing like showing up to the counter with some Cialis-knockoff that they sell for ten bucks at Pathmark. I'm almost POSITIVE you'd get the "price check on aisle 3 for male enhancement drug." Yep, self-checkout? Thou artst the friend of many a short-in-the-tooth man.
So, any other embarassing items that make you thank your lucky stars for the self-checkout aisles?!
Hillary-ous!
Ouch!
Comical fuuuunnnyyyy
pregnancy test
i've done that for myself and friends, and there's nothing quite so awful as having a scare and purchasing them from the devistatingly handsome cvs guy......cause you know he thinks your easy, and even if you're married, it's like announcing hey i've recently had sex with my hubby just wanted y'all to know....it's awkward
Forget the cashier. The drugstores in my area have started putting many...ahem..."feminine care" products in locked cases so you have to go find someone to open for you! It is always some punk 17 year old who says "Ma'am, which one do you need" so I have to actually utter the name of the completely embarrassing product I'm buying. Awful.
PS...I've also been known to buy a pregnancy test AND tampons at the same time. I don't recommend this as it always draws the cashier's scrutiny.