In accordance with the time of year, I decided to look for a Halloween costume online. Unfortunately, I had to abort my search after 5 minutes, owing to the terrifying nature of the costumes. I honestly got really scared, and this was only on the Toys R Us website. If their site is this frightening, one can only imagine some of the others out there.

What follows are five truly scary Halloween costumes:

This is a very confusing costume, is this guy a fisherman or just a double d-bag? Very scary! 

Look mom, I'm a bowler. Get it? A bowler. I wonder if the ball comes with the costume? If this guy walked into Mystery Man's neighborhood dressed like this, woe to him AND his ball.

There could only be a child molester or a serial murderer behind this mask. 

It's a fat chef with a pizza box. Wait does the pizza come with this costume? If not, it's a fat guy in a chef's cap. Interesting.  

The hands down gayest costume Mystery Man has seen since, hmmm, could be ever. This guy would score a lot of booty at the NYC West Village Halloween Parade (not that there is anything wrong with that).