Every once in a while I get to interview a balls-out celebrity. A woman of such stature and acclaim that just the mere mention of her name opens jaws and shrinks nuts. Today is such a day: TRICIA, The Hands Down Queen Bitch of this season's Bridezillas, is such a gal. The self-proclaimed Bro-hoe' of the century is with us, ready to take a leak on stereotypes and offer her brilliant opinions to my mediocre questions.
Funny Guy: Tricia, you come from the mighty town of Upland in Southern California. Firstly, did you know your town was called North Ontario until 1906 and secondly, for those of us who didn't go to high school with you what's Upland all about?
Tricia: HaHa, no I didn't. I actually have only lived in upland for 9 months. Born in riverside. Raised in Moreno Valley. Moved to Kingman, Arizona for high school then came back. Upland's just a rich old people suburb.
Funny Guy:Let's start with some other basics: You are a card carrying 'Bro-hoe'. Can you elaborate to our readership what precisely is a bro-hoe'?
Tricia: Bro hoe is a lifestyle. They're known for dirt biking, drinking, partying, off-roading, tattoos, animal prints, hot pink, sexy skanky attire, bad mouth, and dgaf [dont give a f*ck] attitude.
FG: And, what's the opposite of a 'bro-hoe'?
Tricia: A nerd.
FG: On Bridezillas you're seen cleaning up after a rager. What are the five key ingredients to making sure a Tricia Throw-Down rocks?
Tricia: Hard alcohol. Lots of top 40. Lots of drama between people that bed hop. Food so the drunkies don't throw up. Beeeer pong.
FG: Your husband Jesse and you have differing opinions on how you met. You say he kicked it to you on line at a coffee shop; he basically says you kicked it to him. What the hell, girl? Which one is it AND what's your advice to women on how and where to meet men?
Tricia: Haha, I might have show an interest, but he went all the way with it. Haha. I would tell women to meet men at places they like going. Like if you're a bro hoe then meet someone at a supercross race or truck events.
FG: Often on the show, you were seen kicking, throwing and pooping on anything and anybody that didn't sit right with you. Two parter: Where did you learn that communication technique and B, do you believe your communication style will shift once you have baby Bro-ho's and Bro's of your own?
Tricia: People don't deal with crazy people. They just listen and go along. I had to act crazy to get shit done. Jesse and i will be verrrrryyy strict with our kids. No room for failure!
FG: We witnessed how close and comfortable you and Jesse are with each other. One thing that comes to mind is you clipping his toenails and grabbing a fist full of his nuts to keep him at bay. Is there anything you wouldn't do to or for each other? Clean each other's vomit? Poop? Bleach or style each other's pubes?
Tricia: I've cleaned his vomit. I've cleaned his pee (bad aim). I shaved his back, but I don't think any guy would trust a girl with a razor around his family jewels!
FG: Nothing spells commitment like matching tats. You and Jesse stopped by to get some ink the day before your wedding. Do you have any other tattoos? Can you share some tattoo advice on hot ones for girls and killer sexy ones for men?
Tricia: I have...two zebra print stars on my hips. 'JAW', which is Jesse's initials down my back. Jesse's name below my belly button. The 'DGAF' foot tattoo. And the one from the ring. Hoping to get more asap. Sexy ones for girls would be whimsical with stars and loops and shading. And for guys, anything white pride, skulls, dirtbikes, NO TRIBAL.
FG: You threw a sh*t-fit at one point when your plan to go to Taco-Treat (a somewhat nearby Mexican joint ) was derailed. What is so great about their deep fried burritos, anyway?
Tricia: Go to Taco Treat in Arcadia, Ca and you'll see. The gooey cheeseyness falling out and the feel of grease on your face is delicious!
FG: At some point you and your man were juiced to have a wedding for the sake of the party, and booze and hookahs. Now that you've had some time since that big day, would you say your wedding was much more than that?
Tricia: We wanted a real big wedding because no one in our families had big ones much. It ended up being like a beerfest and everyone was smashed. At one point in time even his grandma fell on the dancefloor from being snockered.
FG: You obviously got real tweaked out in the lead up to your wedding, trying to make sure everything was on point - your hair, flowers, venue, etc. Any advice on how to get what you want and keep your cool during this stressful period in a woman's life?
Tricia: Don't pay anyone a cent until the service is to your standards and completed. I lost so much money on crapass vendors. I would say get drunk. Like seriously it's ridiculous how much of a pain in the ass it is to plan one day.
FG: At one point you refer to the wedding as "your wedding" and Jesse said, "No, our wedding" and you were like, "uh, no my wedding, Dick." Can you see now it was a shared event or not really?
Tricia: It doesn't matter either way. We were too hammered to know the difference lol.
FG: You like to be in control and taken care of; do you think that's a contradiction?
Tricia: No. Because I get what I want -- to be taken care of. I win win win either way.
FG: Some people think marrying at 19 is crazy young. (a) What's your thought on marrying young? and (b), How did you know Jesse was the one and the time to get married was now?
Tricia: I think it's definitely not for most people. You sacrifice everyttttthingggg. So if you're selfish, don't bother, you'll lose a lot. But you'll gain new fun with your hubby. I knew that no guy could ever compare to how great Jesse was and
I better snag it while I can and not dick around being a dumb college girl and let the best thing go.
FG: Some people say the sex changes soon after you get married. Any opinion?
Tricia: It feels very personal and private like something only you two share which is nice. But as far as the actual act? It's pretty much the same.
FG: For those who don't live in So-Cal, but are reading this in Montreal, or London or Seoul, can you share your top to bottom ideal Bro and Bro-hoe look?
Tricia: Blonde and black hair either pin striped or chunks or like mine. Big feather or rhinestone chandelier earrings. Brass knuckles or gun rhinestone necklace. Jeggings with torn areas all over. A studded rhinestone or metal belt. 3 inch black flip flops. [Guys] black wife beater with a name brand such as Metal Mulisha, We all ride. or SRH.
One word answers please:
A. The hardest thing about preparing a wedding is? Wrapping your head around spending that much money for one day
B. The key to a good relationship is? Not yelling during an argument and not taking off. Stick it out and always better the relationship.
C. The key to good sex is? Know how to get off and get it! Don't waste too much time on foreplay.
D. I can turn Jesse on in two seconds flat by? Showing him my boobs.
E. Jesse can turn me on in two seconds flat by? Jacking his wiener.
FG: They say the TV adds a few extra pounds, but would you say you added a few extra pounds of crazy because the cameras were rolling? In other words, are you really that much of a bad-ass Mama in real life?
Tricia: I added weight just planning for the wedding. Suckkssss. I am a badass. I'm just no where near that crazy in person.
FG: If Planet of the Tricias was a movie, who would play you and Jesse?
Tricia: Russell Crowe would play Jesse since that's his man-crush. And Jennifer Aniston would play me 'cause she's hotttttt.
FG: Finally, where do you see you and Jesse in five years time? House, kids, careers?
Tricia: I want 4 kids by 28. Currently house shopping. Jesse has a set family business he'll inherit. I'll be a Certified Nurse Assistant in 8 weeks then just work work work.
FG: Thank you, Tricia. May all your Bro-Hoe wishes and Taco-Treat dreams come true!