1. Try at least three to six outfits before settling on the one you'll wear. Once you've committed, adorn it with rented jewelry and lip-gloss. *If possible, employ a team to get you ready (it's the least they can do).
2. Be very pretty or handsome. If this is not in the cards you'll have to compensate with unbridled talent. In the event neither of these are options have a crazy backstory and be super weird looking.
3. Your fingernails are incredibly important. You never know when you will be forced to flash your claws for extreme scrutiny.
4. If you and your date happen to bump into Ryan Seacrest don't be shocked if he knows a ton of sh*t about you and asks you bland questions about your stuff.
5. Smile and do not stop smiling. Nothing says you are in control and feeling good about yourself like grinning from ear to ear for 90 minutes at a clip.
6. Side boob make guys happy. If they too make you happy (ladies) then go for it.
7. Nothing wrong with bringing your mom out on a date. If Bradley Cooper or Chris Evans can do it I'm sure your date won't mind if you show up with mommy clutched to your arm.
8. Use the terms "fashion-forward" and "timeless" mercilessly when conversing with your date. You will sound sophisticated and really in the know.
9. Accents are charming. Especially the Australian type. Have one or at the very least fake one until appetizers have been removed from the table.
10. Everyone likes being with a Mr. or Mrs. Popular. Your date will surely be impressed when you exchange hugs and engage in chitchat with others around you. If you find yourself on line at a movie theater or perhaps waiting for popcorn at the concession stand go on and embrace your neighbor - kiss them on the cheek and compliment them on their outfit and hair.
11. There's a time and place for tiaras. The time is when you're six - the place your birthday. Do not let that stop you. Please go ahead and wear a crown on your date, if your hired confidantes tell you it's an awesome idea.
12. Halle Berry. If you see her -- run away. You don't want to stand near her or you will feel ugly.
If all else fails take a deep breathe, rip off that fake beard and channel your inner Daniel Day-Lewis: brilliant, articulate, easy on the eyes and always graceful.