The New York Times recently held a debate over whether Facebook helps romance or has killed it like a serial killer chucking his latest victim into a wood chipper while cackling. It is an interesting topic, but people tend to take the wrong approach to it.
A lot of arguments center around Facebook taking away "the mystery", but what do we really mean by "the mystery"? Not knowing everything about a person? Because there are some "mysteries" that we really don't need in dating.
Let's face it, we've all got dealbreakers, ranging from the serious to the goofy. If a person seems way too into something you can't stand or has political views that make you want to run away screaming, finding that out is fairly important. This isn't to say chemistry can't overwhelm these factors, but it's stuff you want to go in knowing.
But there's still things about a person that Facebook and Google can't tell you. I know plenty of people who I shouldn't be able to stand on paper that I get along with in real life, and the reverse is also true. Facebook is, in the end, nothing more than an aggregation of publicly stated facts and opinions: It is us announcing who we are to the wider world, and perhaps with fewer filters than may be entirely advisable.
So, let's worry less about what Facebook is doing to our dating lives, and worry more about the dating lives themselves. Really, dating is hard enough without having to edit ourselves everywhere.
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Amen, brotha!
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I think a little mystery is good for a relationship though, especially in the initial stages. If someone tried to rush into knowing every little detail about me all from the get-go, I feel like things would get relatively stale and boring rather quickly. It's ridiculous to try to think that you can know EVERYTHING about a person, but people will try it anyway, whether it be through Facebook or in face-to-face communication. I do agree however, social sites like Facebook, where certain information can be filtered, has become equivalent to dating hubs for some people. And to that, my only response is "tsk."
I wouldn't be in a relationship with my boyfriend of a year and half if it wasn't for Facebook. We both joined a FB group dedicated to a class we took together, and even though we never talked in the class (both of us were shy and awkward) we ended up becoming great friends through Facebook because we found out we liked a lot of the same things, and eventually that friendship resulted in a real life romance. So basically, all of the getting to know you stuff happened in two years of liking posts and links, only meeting in person again a couple years later.
I wouldn't call that efficient, I mean it was almost 3 1/2 years (years where we both dated and had lives, just kept in touch with each other) from the time we first met to dating. But it certainly didn't kill our romance it facilitated it. In those years I realized how much I liked him when I started posting things that I knew he'd like, and when the highlight of my day was some Doctor Who music video he posted on my wall. It's a new world, love has more ways to grow.
I NEVER add a friend request from a person who I dont know or at least have mutual friends with...the one time I did...he turns out to be a wonderfull amazing man and at 32 I am saying for the first time "hes the one" He checks all the boxes and some I didnt even know existed. All because he thought I looked familiar in my profile pic and sent a friend request. Turned out he didn't know me at all but who cares...I'm in love :D