There's more to being the "Funny Guy" than just the fancy title, sequined pants and hoverjet. I've had to work hard to get where I am. I've slaved for hours over a hot stand-up set, improvisation comedied my way out of more than one hostage situation, and, of course, decapitated and eaten the heart of the previous Funny Guy to gain his power.

To ensure that none of you try to do the same to me, here are my picks for the most indie-cred hilarious things in a number of handy categories. These are great to steal jokes from, because most people haven't heard of them, and great to reference at parties, because some people have. This way, you're funny and I keep my head. It's a win-win!

And for the record, I also wear a steel collar at night and sleep with my eyes open, so don't even try anything, because I will eat your heart so fast.

Sitcom: Peep Show

While Scrubs, The Office, and 30 Rock were ushering in the era of the neo-sitcom in America, Peep Show was doing the same thing for Brits. Well, Peep Show and, uh, The Office. It's shot entirely from first person perspective, features the most classically archetypal odd couple since The Odd Couple, and a character who occasionally offers to suck dick for crack. You can't go wrong.

Honorable Mentions: Arrested Development (somehow, bizarrely, too well known), Spaced (old news, but still more than excellent).

Cartoon: Clerks, The Animated Series

To be honest, I'm not a huge Kevin Smith guy. Clerks was fine, but after that it's pretty much a watering down process. Which is very sad, because when he wasn't stuck doing sequels he swore he'd never do, Mr. Smith was making one of the funniest cartoons ever to grace the airwaves. Naturally, it got canceled almost immediately, but on the bright side that means you can get the entire series on DVD for like nine bucks.

Honorable Mentions: Home Movies (with four full seasons, far too successful to have much snob cred), Venture Brothers (back on the air, thank God), Superjail! (an acquired taste, assuming you have a taste for bloody sputum, man-haggis, and the voice of David Wain).

Sketch Show: Mr. Show

Mr. Show gets immediate humorista points for being on HBO. Anything that makes you feel like you're part of a little club can't be wrong. Plus you can argue with your friends about whether you're a "Dave" fan (the cute, naive one) or a "Bob" fan (the angry revolutionary). Then you stop to think about how awesome the interwoven structure of the sketches is and realize you're going to be watching a whole season today.

Honorable Mentions: Stella (not technically a sketch show, and when you're a comedy snob, "technically" becomes the most important word in your vocabulary), That Mitchell and Webb Look (same guys from Peep Show, just seemed unfair).

Web Comic: Achewood

It's the continuing (for years now) story of a rich alcoholic record producing cat, his friends, their many deaths and returns to earth, a cocaine-snorting squirrel in a tiny white van, and the saddest thing. Achewood is a world unto itself. If you've got the time, start from the inscrutable beginning and really get into it. You'll be richly rewarded, if only because you can understand all the obscure references in this nerdcore rap.

Honorable Mentions: Dr. McNinja (more of an action/comedy, technically), The Perry Bible Fellowship (just as funny, if not quite as epic).