Lemondrop has a great piece on "shamecrushes," those crushes that you are ashamed to admit to in public. Their picks are truly shameful-- everyone from John Mayer to "young George Bush." So I figured I would rip off their idea offer my own guilty crushes. Perhaps by getting them out there, I can finally purge them from my soul and move on.
Tell me your guilty crushes (celebrity or otherwise) in the comments.
Heidi Montag Version 1.0
Before she went in for a little nip and tuck and came out looking like a porn star version of Faith Hill, I kind of felt sorry for Heidi. She was trapped in a relationship with the world's biggest Bilbo Scumbaggins, and clearly wanted to sing despite possessing the talent of a sea mollusk. Her vapidity and need for attention was kind of amusing. Now it's just sad. Come back to us, old Heidi.
Octo-Mom
I really can't explain this one. Everything about Nadya Suleman screams "run the other way and never look back." Maybe it's the trainwreck aspect, or maybe I have a thing for crazies. (Seriously, watch her recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel. Girlfriend's laugh is cray-cray.) Plus, she hasn't been on a date in ten years. The last time she went out with someone, *NSYNC was topping the charts. I can literally be the worst date she has ever had and she'll be putty in hands. This greatly appeals to my lazy side.
Jessica Simpson
I want to root for Jessica, I really do. She's likeable, despite her terrible taste in men. She looks great right now, and I like that her new reality show is about the different types of feminine beauty around the world. But then she goes and says ridiculous stuff like how she never brushes her teeth. You're making it really hard, Jessica. Remember the whole chicken/tuna problem you had a while back?
Amy Winehouse
Yeah, she's a mess, but she's still insanely talented. Plus, it would be nice to finally be in a relationship where I was the normal, level-headed one. Just think: I could never do any wrong.
Amy Winehouse: Nick, you forgot to take out the garbage.
Me: I was going to, Amy Winehouse, but you were passed out with your head inside the trash can for like nine hours.
Amy: Point taken. Where's me ciggies?
Lisa, Baby's sister from Dirty Dancing
Oh my God she's the worst, right? She sings that terrible hula song, and she gets all jealous of Baby getting all the attention. Why is she even in the movie? She is pretty hot though. Whatever happened to Jane Brucker, the actress who played her?
Meghan McCain
This one is purely a physical attraction, because I doubt we'd have much in common if we were ever, say, stuck in an elevator together or something. (Although, if her Twitter is to be believed, she's a fan of True Blood. So I guess there's that.)
Phyllis "Pizzazz" Gabor (Jem)
Pizzazz was the lead singer of The Misfits, the "bad girl" rivals of squeaky clean Jem and the Holograms. While the attraction makes sense on paper (she's a rock star, bad girls are always hot), it should be noted that Pizzazz's look was clearly inspired by Dee Snider from Twisted Sister. So...yeah. That's more than a little freaky.
I'm so ashamed right now.
Tell me your guilty crushes (celebrity or otherwise) in the comments.
Heidi Montag Version 1.0 Before she went in for a little nip and tuck and came out looking like a porn star version of Faith Hill, I kind of felt sorry for Heidi. She was trapped in a relationship with the world's biggest Bilbo Scumbaggins, and clearly wanted to sing despite possessing the talent of a sea mollusk. Her vapidity and need for attention was kind of amusing. Now it's just sad. Come back to us, old Heidi.
Octo-MomI really can't explain this one. Everything about Nadya Suleman screams "run the other way and never look back." Maybe it's the trainwreck aspect, or maybe I have a thing for crazies. (Seriously, watch her recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel. Girlfriend's laugh is cray-cray.) Plus, she hasn't been on a date in ten years. The last time she went out with someone, *NSYNC was topping the charts. I can literally be the worst date she has ever had and she'll be putty in hands. This greatly appeals to my lazy side.
Jessica SimpsonI want to root for Jessica, I really do. She's likeable, despite her terrible taste in men. She looks great right now, and I like that her new reality show is about the different types of feminine beauty around the world. But then she goes and says ridiculous stuff like how she never brushes her teeth. You're making it really hard, Jessica. Remember the whole chicken/tuna problem you had a while back?
Amy WinehouseYeah, she's a mess, but she's still insanely talented. Plus, it would be nice to finally be in a relationship where I was the normal, level-headed one. Just think: I could never do any wrong.
Amy Winehouse: Nick, you forgot to take out the garbage.
Me: I was going to, Amy Winehouse, but you were passed out with your head inside the trash can for like nine hours.
Amy: Point taken. Where's me ciggies?
Lisa, Baby's sister from Dirty DancingOh my God she's the worst, right? She sings that terrible hula song, and she gets all jealous of Baby getting all the attention. Why is she even in the movie? She is pretty hot though. Whatever happened to Jane Brucker, the actress who played her?
Meghan McCainThis one is purely a physical attraction, because I doubt we'd have much in common if we were ever, say, stuck in an elevator together or something. (Although, if her Twitter is to be believed, she's a fan of True Blood. So I guess there's that.)
Phyllis "Pizzazz" Gabor (Jem)Pizzazz was the lead singer of The Misfits, the "bad girl" rivals of squeaky clean Jem and the Holograms. While the attraction makes sense on paper (she's a rock star, bad girls are always hot), it should be noted that Pizzazz's look was clearly inspired by Dee Snider from Twisted Sister. So...yeah. That's more than a little freaky.
I'm so ashamed right now. 
Mariah Carey
Dakota Fanning...if I was man
Shameful!!!!
Why shameful? Outside of Twilight, I tend to love what she does.
I think she's probably referring to her age. I do want to see The Runaways. I love that band. Cha cha cha cha cha Cherry Bomb!
Mandy Patinkin, circa 1980. Evita and Yentl, not The Princess Bride. Okay, maybe The Princess Bride.
Ha! That one is awesome. He gets a lifetime pass from me for Princess Bride and Sunday in the Park with George.
I see Nick has a thing for the crazies.... ;-)
I'm actually not at all ashamed of my celebrity crushes with the possible exception of Jeff Bridges, who is old enough to be my father. As a teenager I had a thing for Keanu Reeves, which is embarrassing now!
omg i use to LOVE keanu reaves hahaha
Jeff Bridges is the greatest. I would make out with him just for giving the world Tron and The Big Lebowski.
I still kind of have a thing for Keanu. He's a pretty good looking guy, albeit one with apparent head trauma.
Palin? Be ashamed, be very ashamed.
I am. So very very ashamed. Talking about it helps.
Nick, here's my embarrassing crush list. Some are worse than yours! :)These are not in any particular order.
1) John Mayer. Yes, I know. I don't even really like his music. I would just like to see if the "wand" is worth the broken hearts he likes to scatter.
2) Jack Haley as the "Tinman" in WoOZ. He could be my great-grandpa, but for someone without a heart, he's pretty damn sexy (if you try not to look at the metal body).
3) Chandler from "Friends." Yes, I know that show is old, but I had a thing for him from day one. A geek who totally made me laugh.
4) Ranma from the manga comic Ranma 1/2. How freakin' embarrassing. He's a transvestite, for crying out loud! Or is it trans-sexual...?
5) Tuxedo Mask from "Sailor Moon." That rose is the clincher. Hey, Nick, you have a thing for a cartoon, so I can too. Artemis the cat in human form is pretty hot, too.
6) Keanu Reeves, especially the "Bill and Ted" movies. Damn, those movies sucked.
7) "Mr. Shuester" from the Glee Show. God help me.
Great list!
Chandler, that's a good one. I will admit to once having a weird thing for Janice, and to a lesser extent, The Nanny. I guess it's the screeching nasally voice thing.
Ooo, forgot about the Nanny, she was pretty smokin'.
Tuxedo Mask!! I remember him! Hilarious list :)
Here are Mine!
Steve Buscemi circa Reservoir Dogs...I think it was his hair? Hey, he's a super awesome actor.
Sting, sure, he's my dad's age, but he can have sex for six hours.
Matthew Lillard...I don't want to talk about this one.
New York Governor Paterson. Okay, it's not like, a raw attraction thing, but I squeal like a little girl every time he's on TV. My heart is totally breaking over this scandal thing.
Brendan Frasier
Marky Mark
John Schneider
Matt Dillon
Can you tell I'm an 80's girl!
And the actor from Castle - who is he??? Nathan Fillion
Nick, I agree about Jessica Simpson. She's likable. Dumb, but she means well. And she has a bangin' body.
All your others, well, I don't really know what to say. O_o
My shamefuck would be Bobby Flay. Kill me please.
BOBBY FLAY!? FOR SHAME.
I personally have a crazy thing for Alton Brown, he isn't listed in my guilty celebrity crushes because I feel no guilt. :-D
Palin?! Dear God Nick come on have some sense!
Trust me, it is purely physical. Maybe it's the glasses.
Its forgivable....she is attractive in a stern kind of way!
Xander from Buffy - not cuz he was a crush but cuz he was my ideal guy - loved him. PS he was yummy for sure aside from the dorkiness
Zac Hanson - without ponytail length hair circa 2008ish even now if we cut a couple inches of the hair I'm sure.
Zac Efron - when I saw 17 again I was so mad at myself for thinking yummy - I know he's old enough but it just feels so wrong.
Orlando Bloom - mmmm that hair that voice that mmmmm I wouldn't be embarrased if he could act, I haven't seen him do anything worth citing in a while
Matthew Perry is awesome! so is David Schwimmer & Matt LeBlanc
Paul Rudd!!! Seth Rogen!! Seth Green!!! - don't know if they are shameworthy but I would totally put them on my tap that list
John Mayer - he's such a buthis face but watching him play the guitar - you know it will be good
Also
-I don't think age should be embarassing unless it's donald trump or hugh hefner
-Mr. Shu is hot Jude - though my embarrasing one from glee would be Puck - when he sang sweet caroline i almost creamed my pants - i love listening to it....can i write creamed my pants on this site????
-Matthew Lillard was also a crush of mine
For your list I would only be ashamed of Amy Whinehouse - I mean the rest I could see someone wanting to have sex with them - they are pleasing to either look at or hear but here gives me the creeps!
This is kind of a tough question for me, because I'm not used to being ashamed of... pretty much anything. I felt compelled to answer, though, mainly because everyone else seems to be having so much fun. So (with the exception of a couple of weird ones from my personal life, because--although they were the first to spring to mind--no one will have any idea what I'm talking about) here we go:
Some guy on the FBI's Most Wanted list: A week or so ago, AOL ran a story about the anniversary of the list, and I got curious about who was on it, so I looked it up. My eyes were immediately drawn to a dude with curly blond hair (a serious weakness of mine). My very first thought upon seeing this: "Oh God dammit."
Zac Efron: I'll start by saying that he is very much an appropriate age for me (20). Problem is, I'm a "grown-up." I can't exactly claim to have come by this crush watching anything terribly mature. (Did you know he played young Simon on Firefly? This is not in any way helpful to my current predicament, though, because he was a kid at the time, so that's even worse than admitting that I saw 17 Again). (On a related note, how hot is grown-up Simon (Sean Maher)? Answer: very. But I'm not ashamed of that, so that doesn't make the list).
Doug Walker (AKA That Guy With the Glasses): Yeah, I don't really know what that's about. I mean, he has pretty eyes. So there's that. (On the same site, there's That Dude in the Suede, who I am not at all ashamed to admit I'm into, but he's Mormon, so I suppose I should feel bad about myself for lusting after him).
Jon Stewart: Recently, I heard someone call him ugly (I think it was my mum), and I was like, "What? He is?" I was sincerely confused by this.
I used to kind of have a thing for Gordon Ramsay, but he's really looking old recently. Not feeling it anymore.
I love Jon Stewart too! He's handsome, extremely intelligent, and always makes me laugh. What's not to like??? (I just hope that he doesn't have a complex about his height- I'm 5ft11!)
You know Nick I do have a shameful list and I will get to that in a moment however every and all aside on yours PALIN! PALIN! No one on my list can even compare to Palin!
Ok, now that's off my chest:
1. Michael Cera (especially w/ the guido make over!)
2. Jon Stewart, awe, Big Daddy would have never been the same w/o him!
3. Cpt. Jean Luc-Picard, seriously, right?
4. Data- Also from Star Trek: The Next Generation, I don't care if he's and android he's ALL MINE!
(FYI: I am not a trekkie...at all I swear! =D)
5. Dr. Sheldon Cooper!!!! The name explains EVERYTHING!
Thank you Nick for letting me get that off my chest
(SARAH PALIN SERIOUSLY!)
Shameful in the sense that he is only a couple years older than my daughter:
the boy who played Oliver Wood in the 1st Harry Potter movie. The accent got me. Like a younger, even more adorable Sean Connery! :)
Also, I'm not actually ashamed, but it seems to be very out of style: I like hairy guys. Specifically the aforementioned Mr. Connery, and Robin Williams.
I'm a sucker for that accent, too. What can I say? Maybe it's my Irish roots. Any accent from that section of the world (with the exception of the British accent- I have no problems with it, it just doesn't excite me) gives me a shiver.
I have a thing for Barry from Ghost hunters International, too. Ok, I guess I've just established myself as a bit of a dork. Oh well!
Punky Brewster, errrr, I mean Soleil Moon Frye, really, yeah...
As a kid I had a total crush on Penny from Inspector Gadget, so smart and the cute pig tails.
The girl Gelfling from Dark Crystal.
Those are the only "shameful" ones.
Leelee Sobieski is perfectly normal nothing to be ashamed of there!
Oh, I did forget one. Can't believe I forgot her, too!
Barbara Feldon as Agent 99 from the original Get Smart. I was listening to her commentary on the DVDs and her voice is still super sexy and she's twice my age!
I like Hugh Jackman because he can sing, dance, act and has a cute Aussie accent, especially in interviews, but is it weird that I think he was hottest when he played a gay guy in the Boy from Oz
I also have a thing for Scottish accents. John Rhys Meyers springs to mind, not an embarrassing one though.
Younger Harrison Ford is another one which is bad because not only is he old enough to be my grandfather, I share this crush with my mother. That doesn't stop the fact that I can't help but love his crooked smirk.
For a moment I thought you meant John Rhys-Davies, and that reminded me of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade's buffet of awesome men: Sean Connery, Harrison Ford, and Rhys-Davies. Have to watch that again soon. :)
Nick Jonas.
How shameful is that?
Michael Swaim.
(*sigh*)
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Yeah, she's a mess, but she's still insanely talented. Plus, it would be nice to finally be in a relationship where I was the normal
Younger Harrison Ford is another one which is bad because not only is he old enough to be my grandfather, I share this crush with my mother. That doesn't stop the fact that I can't help but love his crooked smirk.
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