Just when guys thought it was safe to join a book club again, Oprah has announced that killing off her 25-season talk show was mere prelude to the unveiling of an ENTIRE OPRAH TV NETWORK. It's replacing Discovery Health (godspeed, you thinly veiled freak show) and it's called, fittingly, OWN, or the "Oprah Winfrey Network." Or as we will one day call it, "television."
I don't think I'm the only guy in the world who has only a vague understanding of what the one called Oprah truly is. She appears to me in flashes:
--Giving away cars
--Getting fat and thin again so quickly she reminds one of an agitated blowfish
--That South Park episode where her vagina and butt talk to each other
Cobble together these paltry facts and you're left with something impossible to understand, and therefore to be feared.
And I'll be damned if I'm going to learn more about the woman. How could I even catch up at this point? I'd need some kind of media outlet dedicated to airing Oprah-related material round the clock. Oh, wait.
That's it! I'll watch this network of hers and beat her at her own game! What? There's a show on it called "Why Not? With Shania Twain?" Okay, I'm going to be honest; I will not be watching that.
Although I'm not saying I'm against the Oprah Winfrey Empi--er, Network. Primarily because I feel like it would somehow get me arrested in the not-too-distant future if I did.
Ah well. I guess an Oprahcracy is inevitable at this point, if not some kind of Googlopolis. God bless her for still having the energy to crush everyone standing in her way after 25 years. Now that's dedication.
I don't think I'm the only guy in the world who has only a vague understanding of what the one called Oprah truly is. She appears to me in flashes:
--Giving away cars
--Getting fat and thin again so quickly she reminds one of an agitated blowfish
--That South Park episode where her vagina and butt talk to each other
Cobble together these paltry facts and you're left with something impossible to understand, and therefore to be feared.
And I'll be damned if I'm going to learn more about the woman. How could I even catch up at this point? I'd need some kind of media outlet dedicated to airing Oprah-related material round the clock. Oh, wait.
That's it! I'll watch this network of hers and beat her at her own game! What? There's a show on it called "Why Not? With Shania Twain?" Okay, I'm going to be honest; I will not be watching that.
Although I'm not saying I'm against the Oprah Winfrey Empi--er, Network. Primarily because I feel like it would somehow get me arrested in the not-too-distant future if I did.
Ah well. I guess an Oprahcracy is inevitable at this point, if not some kind of Googlopolis. God bless her for still having the energy to crush everyone standing in her way after 25 years. Now that's dedication.
I'm quaking in my book club.
We are all just a pathetic clan of little Winston Smith's up against the power station that is Big Brother Winfrey. We cannot prevail. She'll reach through the screens that will soon be placed in each of our homes (ya know ... the ones with no shut off switches or plugs) and bitch slap us should any of us from the Ministry of Truthiness dare to channel surf to anything but coverage of the PARTAAAY.
Kill me now.
Ah, I love that book. =p
God...what a nightmare. Just like WalMart. I think that Oprah should just buy them out too and we'll have OMart! Your one stop shop for mind numbing flocks of sheep, drink the cool aid cults....
Will NOT be watching. I'd rather watch the weather channel.
This is what happens when the power of many gets consolidated into the hands of a few. *Shudder*
I don't have anything against the great OW, but I think her initials say it all.
Tee hee! Those are MY initials!
I Love Oprah.
Nuff said.
I don't understand this post. maybe its just me but I really don't get it. what is wrong with oprah? she has made a name for herself, she has come from a horrible past and has been able to make it big. she's opened schools in africa for young girls who would not have had the opportunity to have an education. and now she is getting a network? how is any of this bad? oprah is a celebrity that many me and women admire, i don't see how anything she has done or is doing now is bad.
ryan seacrest productions on the other hand...that is something to be scared of.
As much as good as she has done and as great as some of her book club books are, I think this is one thing I will be ignoring and hoping it just fades away.
sigh