-Ed Hardy shirts make you look like a douche, but a lot if girls seem to like total douchebags.
-Sarah Jessica Parker is attractive? She's glamorous I suppose, but glamor is by definition about the things you put on, and not natural beauty.
-Because I'M going to be using my yoga mat under my sleeping bag. But if I'm not going, just make sure you wipe any dirt of it.
-Because we've been friends so long, I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have her to complain about.
-No, they really don't but it's cute that you've been trying.
-Don't know, mascara confuses us too, we just pretend to understand. I think makeup companies profit off if that confusion. We just keep trying them till we find a brand we like.
-10 if I can't stand the coworker, and you're leaving me to trudge through the event alone. Otherwise meh....
-I WISH I understood the dishwasher thing?!? Because my mother still corrects me when I vist for the holidays and help clean up!!!
-FINALLY Jennifer Anniston is America's sweetheart. We're constantly told that by the media and we've begun to believe it. Besides her and Brad made such a pretty couple, and the whole divorce seemed really unfair to her, so now we're all rooting for her to find love again.

Sarah Jessica Parker isn't beautiful. We know that. What we want is for you men to accept that physical beauty isn't everything. She seems like she'd be a great friend.

Your arms look huge. I can really see it in your shoulders and pecs too.

We keep hanging out with that friend because she has some good qualities. She is a loyal friend. She will tell us the truth, even if it is painful. She prefer's black guys, so we don't compete over men. She lets us see that our life is pretty good compared to hers...etc...

Because you will get the yoga mat dirty and I may want to do yoga again one day and the mat will be dirty, because you never clean anything OR you will pack it up with the camping gear and I won't be able to find it. Either way, go buy an air mattress.

If we have to sit through Debbie's wedding, we aren't doing it alone. Why can't you go see Expendables 2 tomorrow? There is an open bar and Gail's husband will be there and I want you two to meet each other because I think you would like hanging out. Maybe you could go see Expendables 2 together while Gail and I talk about what a bitch Debbie was at the reception.

Lash Volume, Lash Impact and Lash Blast are three different brands.

- Because we hate Angelina Jolie. All of us. Yes, we are jealous. And yes, we are happy that finally after so many years Jolie is the ugly one and Aniston is still a sweetheart. We're about as cruelly judgmental as men are, =P.

- All women have OCD. No, that isn't correct, but if you ever want to understand how we clean then just learn to accept it. It's been constantly fed into our minds since infancy that women are supposed to take care of the home. We don't always cherish this "duty" and will most likely guilt you into doing half the work as well, but we still can't let go of that feeling that we have to do it. That sometimes transforms into, "Only I know how to do this right." Sorry, we can't help it and half the time don't even realize we're being so critical =/.

- I don't know, man. On a scale from 1 to 10, how mad would you be if we withheld sex for a few months just to make it even?

- Those commercials baffle us as much as they do you.

- No, they don't. And secretly we wish they did although we feel terrible for having those thoughts.

- We would cut her off in a heartbeat, but we haven't the balls to do it and deal with all the drama that ensues. Or we're PMSing and talking shit makes us feel better.

- Because we all have quirky habits/feelings/preferences that don't make sense. Like you hardly ever shaving, yet never sharing your nicer and more efficient razor blades. Or you buying that super expensive grill, only to complain when we use it more than you and not for the right reasons (hotdogs, hamburgers, steaks). Think about that deeply for a second, please and thanks =P.

- I agree with you. Save Ferris.

- No. You look like douchebags. That's the price you pay for shopping at Kohl's, though.

I can't give you an exact 1 to 10 rating for how angry a woman would be if you skipped her coworker's wedding. That would vary depending on several factor: how much I like my coworkers and the bride, whether or not I RSVPed for both of us, how far away the wedding is. Needless to say, a woman would be really annoyed and possibly hurt, especially since you could always see the movie on a different day. Hell, she might even want to see The Expendables 2 too and would therefore be annoyed you saw it without her.

I don't know that we necessarily care about Jennifer Aniston's love life exactly. I think it's more of "hey I know that person from all those movies and they have real life problems / situations just like anyone else". I think we like knowing that celebrities aren't perfect. And when certain celebrities have relationship problems or hard times, we like finding out when things are finally working out for them. It gives us hope that they can work out for us as well.

Lash Blast, Lash Volume and Lash Intensity are 3 different types of mascara from the same brand. The difference between them is ideally what they promise to do. Lash Blast lengthens, Lash Volume makes your lashes look fuller and less thin/wimpy and Lash Intensity would probably give you a combination of length, volume and would be darker in color (possibly with a bit of shimmer) to make your eyes look more intense. I don't use that brand so I can't give you a more detailed description. But every woman has something they don't like about their lashes so they're just trying to target specific problems with a variety of mascaras.

Yes, sweetie, your arms look great. But even if we didn't notice how big they're looking, personally I care more about how they feel than if they bulge out of your shirt. If I touch your arm carelessly and feel that they're rock hard, it's kind of an "ooooooh, someone's been working out" moment. Even if we don't mention it, your appeal has just gone up a bit, even if we weren't interested in you in "that" way before.

Female friendships can be very complicated. Especially when you've known the person for a long time. There are always ups and downs and sometimes you just want to strangle them and can't understand why you're still friends with them when it keeps causing you pain/anger/frustration. The problem is that when it's good, it's amazing. No one gets you like that friend and who else would you be able to discuss fashion/celebs/guys with in the same way? No one. And that's why you keep her around.

I might actually lend you my yoga mat...except I have a very strong feeling it would get so dirty and embedded with small rocks and dirt that I would never actually be able to use it indoors or for yoga ever again.

SJP is SOOOOOO not attractive. But she has great style and she's quirky so she's "girl attractive". Women care about how men see them but sometimes it is even more important how other women see them. And for that reason, we think she looks great and we're basically just trying to test the waters between guy attraction and girl attraction.

NO NO NO NO NO NO to Ed Hardy shirts. I would much rather see a guy in a plain, solid tee than those metallic / bedazzled pieces of douchebaggery. Please, do the world a favor and stop buying them and wearing them. My eyes and libido will thank you.

-dont give a dam about Jennifer or any celeb actually and cant understand the obsession.
-any man that helps me with the chores gets an A for effort, nevermind how its done, if it gets done you will not hear me complaining
-I'm uncomfortable in large groups of people I dont know. You should be there as a life jacket, I'm sorry that is just part of your job. I will never ask you to kill a spider or catch a bug or change my tires but there are just some things you need to suck it up and back me up.
-make up in general confuses me too and I think the companies want it that way... so I usually just by whatever is on sale.
-yes the do baby, keep it up please. I will tell you this even if they didnt, positive reinforcement never hurt nobody. And if you keep it up one day they really will look bigger.
-I dont have any friends like this, and that is why.
-have my yoga mat if you want, but arent I going camping with you? What about a double air mattress instead ;)
-SJP isnt attractive in my books AND I find her realllyy annoying BUT I get that some women want to think some men might give the "less than supermodel but nice in her own way" type of girl a chance, cause god knows I'm not attractive by Hollywood standards but there has to be SOMEONE out there who thinks I'm attractive in my own quirky way.
-men in my town wouldn't know an Ed Hardy shirt if it bit them, but I think it depends on the guy wearing. If your a regular nice guy trying to make an effort, I can see that, if your a try hard douche, I can see that too...You can take the guys out of Ed Hardy but you cant take the douche out of the guy...or something like that.

- because it's something to talk about that's not children, work, house work, and our husband/boyfriends bad habits.

- because it's easier to unload and you fit more in our way.

- 9. you could go another day and it would still be the same damn movie. is one wedding gonna kill you?

-I honestly am not sure... I suppose different brands trying to be fancy?

- try doing 40 a day and ask me again in 3 weeks.

-because she's this horrible as my friend, could you imagine her as an enemy? besides we share some friends and that could get awkward

-you'll get it dirty, wreck it, or loose it. besides, what if i decide to use it while your gone? don't be a pansy, just your sleeping bag will be fine.

-I don't. but i suppose its due to a fear that if you judge her for her look, you'll find something about us to judge.

- no, they look horrible. may as well get a Bluetooth permanently attached to your ear, bathe in some axe and spend a few hours every morning drowning your hair in gel.

I could care less about Jennifer Anniston.

I have no logic. If the dishes get clean it works for me.

10. How dare you see it without me.

No clue. I don't wear make up. Just seems like a waste of money.

Yeah. Sure. Do my boobs look bigger since I gained 5 lbs?

I dumped her a year ago, why are you still complaining about her?

Because I'm using it under mine.

You must be thinking about your other girlfriend, I don't think she's attractive at all.

No idea who that is.

I load the dishwasher in a certain way to fit as many dishes in as possible while not blocking the spray arms so each dish will get sprayed. I also have a way of loading plastic cups and storage containers so they do not flip upside-down and end up full of water. Plastics up top so they are away from heat during the dry cycle or they might warp and the lids wont fit. No unprotected aluminum in the dishwasher or it oxidizes. Any coffee mugs painted by my kids or with their photos on them must never be washed in the dishwasher, so that I can enjoy them for several more years.

This might sound like a lot to remember but when done daily a person can catch on quickly. If they care.

*People (male or female) should avoid anything Ed Hardy like the Bubonic Plague...its terrible, tacky, and tasteless.
*Sarah Jessica Parker is not attractive, and she is way too obsessed about shoes.
*Lash blast, lash impact, etc. all refer to the desired lashes we hope to gain by buying that specific tube of mascara...in reality, none of them work as well as they claim they do.
*I could care less about Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt is not and will never be attractive. Men who are: Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor, etc. They are not only attractive physically but personality pushes them to the top (when have you heard of Hugh or Ewan cheating on their wives with a co-worker...umm, never!).
*If someone gets upset over how you load a dishwasher, stay away from them, they seem to be very picky; if it gets the job done then that is all that counts.
*I will notice how big your arms are getting if you ignore how big my waist is getting...no, in all seriousness, your girlfriend/wife probably does notice that your physique is improving. However, she might be concerned that if she starts commenting on your body that you might begin commenting on hers and women get very touchy about this because they might not like the answer you give.
*I don't care if you use my yoga mat; chances are you'll get much more use out of it than I will.
*If a 'friend' is annoying or has drastically changed for the worse and there is not turning back, then it is time to move on. If someone is complaining about a friend all the time, they just enjoy the drama and that is ridiculous.