Love is everything. Love is all you need. Love is a burning thing. But love is also a battlefield. And sometimes it requires the work of a skilled mercenary to make it happen. That's why Samantha Daniels exists. A top tier matchmaker or shidduch for those of you who only speak Yiddish, casamentero for those who speak Spanish.
Samantha, a onetime divorce attorney, has put down the knife for the roses and today is one of the country's most successful brokers of love. She's been featured on X Y Z and stopped by my cyber crib this week to spread her wisdom and advice to all of us seeking a life buddy.
Amit "FG" Wehle: Hi Samantha. Can you share your philosophy about dating "for fun" vs dating "for the one"? Don't they overlap? In other words sometimes the fun is so real, so deep, so right that it turns into The One, no?
Samantha Daniels: I think that dating for fun vs dating for the one comes down to the mindset of the person doing the dating. Sometimes, people just need to blow off steam and have fun, maybe because they just got out of a relationship or because things have been intense at work. And then other times, people start to feel like they are ready to find the one usually because of something I call a "triggering moment" in their life, something that happens that makes them realize they are over being single and ready to get married. Men usually need a triggering event to make them change
their mindset; things like being the only person at their high school reunion who is still single, seeing their youngest sibling have a baby or getting a wedding announcement from a guy they knew in college who never even had a girlfriend are all examples of triggers that might send them headed to the altar. Most women on the other hand were born-ready to find the one!
Amit "FG" Wehle: "The full package" in your words is beauty, intelligence, success and good family values. Is that in order of importance to most of your clients?
Samantha Daniels: With my clients, each one has a different set of criteria that is important to them in a person. Usually, all four of those factors, beauty, intelligence, success and family values, will be at the top of their list, but which specific order they are in will be different for each person. Usually for the men, of course, beauty and 'hotness' tops the list. And then, with women, good family values and being able to provide for the family rise to the top.
Amit "FG" Wehle: As we are all beautifully imperfect isn't it, at the end of the day, about compromise? No one is going to be hitting perfect tens on beauty, intelligence, success and good family values. Isn't it about prioritizing and setting reasonable expectations?
Samantha Daniels: At the end of the day, relationships are always about compromise. If you put too much pressure on yourself to find the perfect person, you probably will never find that person, and as a result, you will be alone for a very long time. I advise people that instead of holding out for perfection, that if they find someone who has 85% of the characteristic for which they are looking, they should run, not walk, to the altar. However, many of my clients are over-achievers, so unfortunately 85% never feels like enough, and they seem to be holding out for 100%, maybe they would "settle" for 97%!
Amit "FG" Wehle: Do you realize samanthastable.com can be read as Samantha stable .com? Is that subliminal advertising? I guess in a way you actually do own a Dude Ranch, right?
Samantha Daniels: I love that metaphor, I guess you could say I do have a ranch full of Stallions and Phillies; that's one way of looking at it!
Amit "FG" Wehle: I often tell my readers to prioritize their love life if they want a love life, yet your site is predicated on the notion that many people don't have the time to find love. Can you speak to that? Who are these people too busy for their heart?
Samantha Daniels: I agree with you 100% that if you want to find love, you have to prioritize your love life. My clients, thus far in their life, have been too busy with other things and have not had the time to prioritize properly. However, by the time they hire me they have made an affirmative decision to prioritize their love life. Plus, I run a tight ship and once they hire me I "keep them in line" and make sure that they stay focused on finding love.
Amit "FG" Wehle: What are your criteria for taking on a client? I mean how attractive or wealthy does a dude or gal potential-client need be? Also, walk me through the after someone signs up...
Samantha Daniels: I don't have any set criteria for clients, however they need to focused on meeting that special someone and realistic about their expectations in a mate. Of course, it doesn't hurt if they're gorgeous and/or a gazillionaire!
As for my process, a prospective client meets with me for a consultation, which takes between an hour and an hour and a half. The consultation is where I get to know the person, who they have dated in the past, and why it hasn't worked, and who they are looking for going forward. This is also their opportunity to get to know me, how my service worksand ask questions about my highly sought-after 30,000 + person database of single people. After the consultation, if the person decides to go forward as an active client, they would sign up to work with me for a year's time. From there, I continue to set them up over the year with people out of my database who very closely match the person for whom they are looking.
Amit "FG" Wehle: On Wendy Williams you said, "Men are on a different time clock than women are on" can you elaborate?
Samantha Daniels: In my experience, men are on different time clocks than women because women tend to be born ready to get married, whereas, it usually takes men longer to get used to the idea and longer to be willing to give up their freedom and independence. Unlike little girls, little boys do not play pretend Wedding Barbie with their buddies at age 5; at least the boys that I knew didn't!
Amit "FG" Wehle: Would you say for the most part men are looking for looks and women are looking for financial mobility? Or, is that yesterday's generation?
Samantha Daniels: I would say that at a base line, men need to be attracted to a woman's looks before they will even consider giving them a chance. When I'm setting up a male client, I am very careful to choose a woman who fits his definition of 'hot', or otherwise it will be game over and I'll have to go back to the drawing board once again. Whereas, women as a base line, need to know that in the event they were to marry a certain man, that he would be able to at least contribute financially to supporting their family.
Amit "FG" Wehle: You work with a very elite population, do you do any pro-bono work? Any help for the poor or less hot? What if I'm too busy because I work three jobs?
Samantha Daniels: Are you asking for yourself? If you are, definitely fill out the registration form on my website,www.samanthasTable.com, and I'll see what I can do...!
Amit "FG" Wehle:Oh no, no, no. Not me. My wife love's my ugly poor ass. Thanks though.
Let us move on: Speed Round.
What advice would you give our readers on:
Makeup (it's very contentious on this site) - Is less more? Should women go sans Sephora? Glam/Cake it up?
--Less is definitely more, however, make-up is good if you use it the right way. At a minimum I would suggest lip gloss, because a lot of people don't know this, but men are drawn to glossy lips.
Sexual incompatibility - he's too big or he can't last long enough for her to get off.
--His being 'too big' is usually a high-class problem for most women, so think carefully before you throw that guy back. As for his 'finishing too quickly,' maybe that's a sign that a girl just excites him too much, and maybe the girl should take that as a compliment and then the two people work together on slowing things down a bit.
Getting implants to boost your looks/stand out (Botox, nose jobs, etc.).
--In my experience, it seems that most men are either pro-implants or against implants and there seem to be enough men in both camps, so if a woman wants them, she can go ahead and get them. As for nose jobs and Botox, the general consensus from the men I know is that it's fine as long as they don't know the procedure been done!
Getting over a toxic ex. Getting OUT of relationships that are no good and soul sucking.
--My advice for getting over a toxic ex is have a few cocktails, get your flirt on, and meet someone new; you need to let yourself remember that you are still desirable to the opposite sex.
Meeting his friends and family.
-- Keep in mind that if you are meeting his friends and family, it is a pretty big deal. Guys aren't usually as quick as women to introduce a significant other to the people in his life. As a result, you want to try really hard to make a good first impression.
The best places to meet guys (minus online).
-- The best places to meet guys, are places where guys go, like sports bars, steakhouses and sporting events. Keep in mind that you are probably not going to find a group of heterosexual men at a baking class or the opera; this doesn't mean that you can't do these activities, but do them with your girlfriends to just have fun!
How to recognize when the one you're with is The One.
--My rule of thumb is that you should ask yourself if you see yourself in 15 or 20 years, walking down the street holding hands with this person, laughing at the same jokes and finding the same people and things to be annoying. If you do, he is probably a keeper. It also doesn't hurt if you like the way he smells, if no matter how angry he makes you, you still can't hate him and if he's the best friend you've ever had.
Amit "FG" Wehle: Any topic we haven't discussed that you'd like to weigh in on?
Samantha Daniels: I love my job and I love helping people, so, if you are a busy, successful professional, who dates all the time, but who has yet to find that one special person with whom to share all of your success, drop me a line. I have helped over 130 couples get married, thousands of people get into substantial relationships and I have a database of more than 30,000 eligible single people and I'm willing to bet that one of them, (and you only need one) might be the one for you!
Amit "FG" Wehle:How can our readers get more of you?! The service, the book, the blog, the live engagements, etc.?
--They can go to my general website, www.SamanthaDaniels.info where they can find more information on everything I do, including my matchmaking service, Samantha's Table, my book, Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker (Simon & Schuster), my columns on Forbes.com and the Huffington Post, my press interviews and my upcoming events and speaking engagements. They
can also follow me as a Celebrity curator on www.opensky.com/samanthadaniels and on Twitter @matchmakersd.
Amit "FG" Wehle:Well that was thorough, my lady. Thank you so much, Samantha!
Samantha Daniels: My pleasure! Thanks, Amit.