Which might be why I love the movie She's Out Of My League so much. It has become one of my absolute favorite movies ever because of the cast and the premise of a guy overcoming that seeming disparity. These guys gel so well you'd think they were really best friends in real life. They remind me a lot of my friends. Yay Hollywood.
Anyway, the whole concept of somebody being out of one's league is interesting. For one, its fraught in insecurity. The thing is, for myself, I couldn't figure out what it was rooted in. Hell, I had female attention from plenty of attractive women. Not to say that my looks won them over, but my personality definitely got me in the door and I'd wager still does. Thank God for Blogger.
For one of these young ladies in particular, I remember the first time I saw her...which was also the first time she saw me as we "met" in the most interesting way possible. When I say met, I mean "became aware of one another" because I was telling my boy how banging she was but he couldn't figure out who I was talking to. So I had to point at her. She saw me pointing...then smiled at me. I smiled back, embarassed, but the connection oddly enough was made. And for three years after that (this happened in college) we did this odd dance of noticing one another but never speaking. Which obviously was on me. She was the woman; me being shy and afraid definitely didn't propel her to make any moves.
We never fully met until years later but by then I'd moved on. But all of that hesitation was because I'd determined that she wouldn't take a chance on me. I counted myself out before she had a chance to. Which was ridiculous but it happens all of the time. And at the end of the day, we're all just people. We could have met and determined we hated eachother. Or fell in love and gotten married. Who knows? I'm not a dweller so I don't worry about such things. But the fact that I let that happen to me frustrated me for a long time.
How could I, Panama Dontavious Jackson, let some woman intimidate me that much that I didn't want to even speak. Never again. (The other girl happened around the same time too...maybe I was in a particularly self-conscious year.)
Point is, I wonder how many women and men talk themselves right out of meeting a quality person because of their own insecurities? In the movie, it doesn't matter because the uber-hot chick, Molly, is aggressive enough to offset Kirk's insecurities. But that's not normal. At all.
Ho hum and oh well. Pimpjuice is in full effect now. Shucks, I'll holler at you if you're hot enough. Or nice enough. Or whatever.
Anyway, have you ever talked yourself out of attempting to meet somebody or out of a situation because you felt they were out of your league?
Purge.
I often assume that guys aren't interested in me, or that they would obviously go for someone much better looking than I. Sometimes I think my assumptions make me look totally uninterested and unapproachable to any guy that may want to approach me.
YES. I currently have a huge crush on a 36 year old guy (I'm 23) that I met recently on a film set. I've only dated guys my own age and have no idea how to approach this man.
I feel like he's out of my league -- I have no idea if I even have a chance. My big move was adding him on facebook, that's it. I pretty much smiled at him all day when we met and made eye contact, but we were both working and there were always people around anyway. This was a one day shoot, so I don't know if I'll ever see him again.
And now I'm stuck. I don't know if I've done enough to show interest, if I should try more, if I should just wait...... Advice, anyone?
I often avoid approaching guys I feel are "out of my league" because I would hate to put a guy in an uncomfortable situation by making moves if its unlikely he would be interested. I have been approached by guys I'm not interested in and its awkward and makes me uncomfortable, so I try to avoid causing guys this same discomfort by just assuming they're out of my league.
I don't believe in all this out-of-my-league crap. You can click with a person with whom you never thought you would. I don't like making the first move in general, but if I like a guy and he's "out of my league", I'll let him know same as anyone else that I'm interested, then see what happens.
My ex-boyfriend wasted three months of his life trying (and failing) to approach me, because his friends believed, as did he, that I was out of his league. He ended up making me happier than anyone else ever had.
So stop limiting yourselves and get out there! Out of your league, inside your league, who cares. If you would like to get to know someone, it's worth a try and if it doesn't work out, oh well. At least you'll know for sure.
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Then why is he your ex?
Because that's the way things turn out sometimes. Certainly not because I was out of his league.
Food for thought: http://bigthink.com/ideas/20752
Behavioral Economics Professor at Duke talking about how we choose whom we want to date based on how we perceive our own attractiveness;very interesting!
There is def. something to what he says - I work for a company (think theme parks, movies, and a mouse who wears pants) where a lot of guys are gay so the ones that are straight def. have a better chance with girls, regardless of looks. At least thats been what I have seen with me and other people.
Like maybe there confidence is higher because they think they'll have a better chance bc the straight guy:girl ratio works so well in their favor. Not saying I've had luck in love working there but I've given guys who weren't maybe my normal taste a chance because they were so confident.
I was not afraid of talking to the man who is now my husband as we were friends, but I would have never for a moment believed that he could be interested in me. I am a large woman, tall and weighing nearly 300 pounds. My husband is tall and slender. Before we got together he was dating a woman who literally looked like a supermodel. He broke up with her because she was a very controlling person and always trying to change everything about him, from the way he dressed to the way he presented himself to this somewhat prominent nose, "weak chin" and slightly receding hairline. If he had not suggested that we date, I would never have dreamed of suggesting such a thing. I thought that he was attractive but believed him to be "out of my league" because of my size. We have now been very happily married for seven years.
Beautiful!
Definetly! I think almost everyone has had an experience like that. I remember almost the same thing happened to me except it was in high school. I was at a dance my junior year and I thought this guy was checking me out I was checking him out but I second guessed myself and even though there was some distance flirting going on I didnt do anything about it and neither did he. I think that happens often more than not though in adult life too.
I love the fact that I was watching She's Out Of My League on HBO when I logged on and read this article. :D
I never thought guys were "out of my league" but when I see a very attractive man that I like, including walk, voice, how they carried themselves, Im hesitant in that I know myself too well and from what I usually gather of them (Despite attraction) that we were just not a good fit. Often I judge a persons personality to see if we are compatible, if not, then I move on. I dont necessarily think anyone is out of our leagues, its the difference in personality, likes/dislikes, values, etc that matter...which drives who we will consider to date or not.
Yes! But as a side note, I should trust my instincts more. I vividly recall considering one guy I was talking to in a casual friendly manner as being "out of my league" good-looking. I never even entertained the notion of us together. I'm positive there were more cases but this one springs out.
On the other hand, all too often have I decided a specific guy was out of my league but I spent time- and by this I mean usually months- dreaming about him anyway. These were the guys I later found out I could have 'had'. By this I don't mean I could've had a relationship and marriage and babies with them, but I'm pretty sure a date was definitely in the realm of possibility.
My point is this: I think that, secretly, we're all quite good at guessing who's in our league. If you feel a connection, chances are, there is one. Not always necessarily a romantic one, it could be friendship they're looking for in you. But I sure as hell wish I'd made a move all those times when I was unsure.
Thank you for that. It helped. :)
This is making me think I need to just be honest and approach someone respectfully with affection that I am SURE is 'out of my league' - I don't know how old he is, but hes definitely younger than me, and a talented, dedicated, extremely handsome musician that has girls throwing panties at him on stage! But I have always felt when we were able to be hanging in the same crowd that there was an attraction we were trying to ignore. Maybe I should just playfully say 'hey, so don't laugh, but instead of pretending anymore like I don't care, I'd like you to be clear I've always really enjoyed your company and I think you already know I adore you as a friend and musician....' and the rest I just don't know!
I think it’s a double edged sword if you are a confident female. Guys like you because you are confiden...t, but hesitate because you are confident. You approach them because you have confidence..., & men tend to back away because they lack your confidence. It’s f’d up…
Yeah, the out-of-my-league thing really hinders things. My current boyfriend that I've admired from a distance since high school, I originally thought he was out of my league. He was student council president and really intelligent and a really kind-hearted, well-grounded and young man with great morals and an adorable smile. I always thought he was out of my league because he was such a good, and kind and generous person that I didn't feel like I could ever be as noble as him or deserving of his attention. I just admired him from afar and how great of a person he was.
years later I ran into him, he found me in a pile of leaves on the University Campus. we talked and there was a mix up with communication (luckily for me) on whether or not I was asking him on a date, so we called it a date and have been inseparable ever since. He is the perfect man for me, and we have talked about getting married sometime soon, and this perfect miracle would never have happened if I hadn't stepped out of my comfort-zone in what I thought was my league to go after a man who I felt had always been WAAAY out of my league. So, leagues should not exist, we shouldn't feel that way but we do, hey, if I hadn't thought he was out of my league in high school and went after him then when I first noticed him maybe we'd have saved a few heartbreaks and fell in love sooner, who knows?
I've seen women reject guys better looking than me, so obviously she's gonna reject me then if I ask her, duh! Why the hell would I waste my time asking out such women, since they already turned down more attractive men? Kind of stating the obvious.