The other day, my editor asked me, "Do you really think people feel uncomfortable when they see super-skinny scarecrow people who are like 100% ribcage and look like they poop dust making out on television?" I don't really have an editor. But I do have a drinking problem. Still, that question really made me go, "I fucking hate myself." Then I ate a toaster strudel and had a think.

I can be kind of clueless -- I'm not much of a TV person, but that doesn't mean I read books. But I was glancing over CNN, because that's where hack bloggers go to find stories written by other people about other people that the blogger can then make about him or herself. And I noticed in the "Entertainment" section that there were lots of pictures from television of emaciated celebrities who looked like they were made out of peas and toothpicks.

My initial response was: Hmmm. Then my next response was: Hmm, being skinny is one thing -- but these people are downright skeletors! And while I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting being so skinny and pretty and perfect and rich! Yes, obesity is yuckers, but at least some plus-sized models are naturally plumpos. No one who is as emaciated as every single person on television can be healthy. And being a skeletor is costing our country far more in terms of all the related health problems we are paying for, by way of our insurance, than any other health problem, even cancer. What I'm trying to say, in this sentence, is that being a human wire hanger is worse than cancer, and, that is because, insurance companies charge money, when people are sick, including you, and me, and therefore, if you're really thin, and look like a game of bone Jenga, you are an expensive freak and I hate you.

So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters who look like living skulls wrapped in bacon kissing, their wet teeth clacking against each other.... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. When they have sex, they must sound like two folding chairs banging against each other. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very skinny person simply walk across the room, like a half-starved ostrich on stilts -- just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person vomiting into a pint glass, then try to drink that pint or a hobo on fire.

Now, don't go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called gaunt or lean or Steak-um-y. I'm not some size-ist jerk. And I also know how tough it can be for truly wispy people to psych themselves up for the long process of putting some weight back on. (For instance, I have a friend with a tape worm. He can eat lasagna by the pan and never gain any weight, because of the parasitic creature living in his intestines.)

Being a sickeningly nasty hat rack made out of gristle and sinew is not something that most people have a ton of control over. It's something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.

(I'm happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them -- but long story short, eat more nacho cheese and processed foods, read labels and eat all the foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it's cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, cut out the fiber so you can really block your guts up, take naps that last 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to sit your ass down on the couch more. I admit that there's plenty that makes fattening up tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you'll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A deep fry vat or a fondue pot will help -- and if you can't afford one, visit your local Popeye's Fried Chicken for some advice.)

Then again, I guess these characters and actors and reality stars on every television show do look hungry. I bet that sometimes they chew their celery and spit it out. Some of them even dip Kleenex in BBQ sauce and eat the Kleenex because it will pass through their system. So... points for trying.

Then again, I tend to think most television shows are a kind of laxative for the mind and body. The boob tube gives us an excuse to turn off both our brains and our bodies and to stare with numb terror at people perfectly lacking in any body fat whatsoever. How do they get that way? Won't some one give them a milkshake? Or stage an intervention and force a cheeseburger enema inside of them? This is madness! Eat something, skeletors! You're making me not want to finish my French bread pizza! So ... I don't know. What do you guys think? Skinny people making out on TV -- are you cool with it? Do you think I'm being an insensitive jerk? Is anybody hungry? Because I am.