Good blog, if not a little brutal. As a female who has been overweight, been borderline anorexic, and allmost killed their fool self with diet pills, I know how painfull the weight loss process can be. Especially for a female in todays society where a lot of a persons value is based on appearence. I'm glad that you put an emphasis on healt and not on 'do this to get a date'. To the girl who posted the question - If you do it, do it for your self. Don't go through hell in a hand basket just to get guys to notice you. You're worth more than that. A lot more. And PLEASE be healthy about it.

It's not always as simple as you think. I'm 24 and I'm not a really big person, but I am a little overweight. I workout, I actually love to workout, but I am also hypoglycemic, and have a fast metabolism, so I have to eat 6 small meals a day. I also have an unstable kneecap from all of the sports I played when I was younger. I went to have it surgically fixed, but I found out I have no cartilage where my kneecap is supposed to be. I was told by my doctors to take it easy on the exercising until I could grow enough cartilage using chondroitin and glucosamine pills. So, you cant just say 'lose the weight', because you're assuming that we're fat because we're lazy.

There are plenty of men out there that like big women. This guy is obviously not one of them and judges women by the way they look. The honest truth about that is you will never find the right person to commit to you if he/she judges you based on your looks. Everybody gets old, gains weight, or simply changes his/her looks over the years. If a person gets involved in a committed relationship over outer beauty it will not last anyways. Ladies who are overweight, just be the person you want to be! Make changes that you want to make for yourself and be confident in your own choices. That's when you will attract the right man.

I'd have to say that I agree with Mr. Swain. It isn't fair, by any means, but it's the truth. I know from experiance. But Candice has some valid points too. The right person won't judge you for your looks, it's just finding the right person thats hard to do (no matter how you look or what your body type is)... But just look at the culture that we live in. Women are still judged more harshly for their looks than men are, and a lot of females have a lot of self esteem issues/eating disorders because of it. Females, you might not like the message, but don't shoot the messanger. The truth can be harsh, but it's still the truth, even if this truth is a product of our society.

hen it comes to increasing the number of romantic possibilities, it's true. Losing weight does work. And it is not fair, as Funny Guy wrote it.

I lost 11kg this year, which must be something like 20 pounds, I'm not sure. I've never been more comfortable with myself and anyone can see that. Security leads to Power. Power attracts. It's simple how it works.

The irony, however, is what as a man, Funny Guy might have missed it: Power will reflect your inner self. So, what I am trying to say is that what is actually making you so hot is how you see yourself, who you are, and how much you like this person that you've always been.

I am saying that because as the article says, all the sudden I can chose from man who are battling over me. But, since it is not fair, and we all know it, what I've been getting is a lot of anger. So I've been going out with guys that I cannot connect with, because everything on my mind is "he only asked me out because of my looks", and I've been ditching guys with no mercy.

That sucks. We all want someone who likes us for ourselves, for what we feel and think, and not for how tall or fat or if I have curly hair features. And I am not saying that first impressions do not count, because as a woman I also judge men by their looks, but as it is know, woman can see through them and different them guys, sometimes that can be enough to makes us wanna be with the person. All I can think about when someone sees me and mentions how thin I am is "yeah, but that doesn't change who I am, you idiot". But, it does change how I let myself be.

So my advice is: think of how you feel about yourself and your reasons for it. Then, do something. Sometimes, you're so uncomfortable that you're not able to see that people can see that too, and that's not an attractive thing. We are all full of fears, do not sabotage yourself. If you think you wanna lose weight because the problem comes from your own image, in this sense of what you mean to your inner self, then fine.

But if you change because you think that's what others want from you, you will probably end up frustrated - we can't please everyone, and definitely not every time. It's a burden no one should ever accept carrying once will put you on a position of feeling sorry for yourself and victimizing yourself. It won't change if you lose tons of weight for an external reason only. People are mutable, it's not a simple equation like: ME - 10 pounds = That Hot Guy I always dreamed about. Losing weight increases probability but no guarantees can be offered.

I am pretty sure that if you like the way you are right now, and start working on your self-esteem, you can be overweight and still attractive. I mean, look at Renee Zellwegger in Bridget Jones, or Reese Whiterspoon. Or Kelly Osbourne, or Marilyn Monroe who was considered overweight, so what?? Yes we live in a society full of prejudice and with a diet dictatorship. However, the key to beauty expression is in any kind of figure...we all admire someone with guts. No more wining. Think, be honest and set your goals. Do it. and then just try to see how you'll manage to overcome future barriers, that's what I've been trying to do.

hen it comes to increasing the number of romantic possibilities, it's true. Losing weight does work. And it is not fair, as Funny Guy wrote it.

I lost 11kg this year, which must be something like 20 pounds, I'm not sure. I've never been more comfortable with myself and anyone can see that. Security leads to Power. Power attracts. It's simple how it works.

The irony, however, is what as a man, Funny Guy might have missed it: Power will reflect your inner self. So, what I am trying to say is that what is actually making you so hot is how you see yourself, who you are, and how much you like this person that you've always been.

I am saying that because as the article says, all the sudden I can chose from man who are battling over me. But, since it is not fair, and we all know it, what I've been getting is a lot of anger. So I've been going out with guys that I cannot connect with, because everything on my mind is "he only asked me out because of my looks", and I've been ditching guys with no mercy.

That sucks. We all want someone who likes us for ourselves, for what we feel and think, and not for how tall or fat or if I have curly hair features. And I am not saying that first impressions do not count, because as a woman I also judge men by their looks, but as it is know, woman can see through them and different them guys, sometimes that can be enough to makes us wanna be with the person. All I can think about when someone sees me and mentions how thin I am is "yeah, but that doesn't change who I am, you idiot". But, it does change how I let myself be.

So my advice is: think of how you feel about yourself and your reasons for it. Then, do something. Sometimes, you're so uncomfortable that you're not able to see that people can see that too, and that's not an attractive thing. We are all full of fears, do not sabotage yourself. If you think you wanna lose weight because the problem comes from your own image, in this sense of what you mean to your inner self, then fine.

But if you change because you think that's what others want from you, you will probably end up frustrated - we can't please everyone, and definitely not every time. It's a burden no one should ever accept carrying once will put you on a position of feeling sorry for yourself and victimizing yourself. It won't change if you lose tons of weight for an external reason only. People are mutable, it's not a simple equation like: ME - 10 pounds = That Hot Guy I always dreamed about. Losing weight increases probability but no guarantees can be offered.

I am pretty sure that if you like the way you are right now, and start working on your self-esteem, you can be overweight and still attractive. I mean, look at Renee Zellwegger in Bridget Jones, or Reese Whiterspoon. OrKelly Osbourne, or Marilyn Monroe who was considered overweight and still a sex symbol. Yes we live in a society full of prejudice and with a diet dictatorship. However, the key to beauty expression is in any kind of figure...we all admire someone with guts. No more wining. Think, be honest and set your goals. Do it. and then just try to see how you'll manage to overcome future barriers, that's what I've been trying to do.

Jesus, I hate this pc. Sorry for the double post, and it starts with "When" and not "hen"

By the way, it's rude to tell a woman to lose weight! A married man should know better!!! :-)

Amen, Candice! ; ) That's actualy what put me on my 'road to ruin' in the first place, was guys telling me I was fat... It had been so ingrained in my head that by the time I was 17 I started poppin diet pills like crazy, taking extreem measures to ensure that whatever I ate didn't stay in my stomach for any normal amount of time, and exsersizing for hours every day... This continued for four years. It finally clicked that I was killing myself when I had to fall out of formation one day while marching to training (I'm in the millitary, by the way) and a medic had to be called because my heart rate was through the roof. I'd taken twice the reccomended dosage of diet pills, and had been for weeks, on top of not eating a full meal in 3 days (I'd substituted purging with starving myself by then)... So many women are overly sensitive about their weight, and it puts a real damper on their self esteem. In some cases they come to the low point that I was at. I'm not bringing up my sob story just for the hell of it... It's so ingrained in our society that women have to look a certain way to be attractive, that it's no wonder some men have the attitudes that they have. I think that the main point that Mr. Swaim was making with this post, other than honestly answering the question, was that, yes, it's o.k. to want to loose weight, but do it for the right reasons and be healty about it.

He's right, and not just for the fact that it will attract the fellas, but because its better for your own health. I am overweight and I know that is my biggest challenge in life as well as dating. He wasn't degrading anyone who is fat at all. It's one of the most common questions he gets asked, and honestly I think people already know the answer before they ask it. They just want to hear that they are wrong. So don't hate the messenger, and if you want to know the honest answer, don't be offended. If you want someone to lie to you, hit up a really desperate guy and he'll tell you everything you want to hear.

He's right, and not just for the fact that it will attract the fellas, but because its better for your own health. I am overweight and I know that is my biggest challenge in life as well as dating. He wasn't degrading anyone who is fat at all. It's one of the most common questions he gets asked, and honestly I think people already know the answer before they ask it. They just want to hear that they are wrong. So don't hate the messenger, and if you want to know the honest answer, don't be offended. If you want someone to lie to you, hit up a really desperate guy and he'll tell you everything you want to hear.

See ladies what you do is not eat and get skinny marry the guy and then get fat. In your face sucka

http://www.diet-blog.com/archives/2008/10/07/underweight_or_slightly_overweight_which_is_worse.php

http://ndt.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/19/2/427

Assuming that no one would read those articles, lemme sum some of it up. Research is starting to point out that being underweight is actually a lot shitter for your health in the long term than being overweight. If you can't fit through doors, it is better for your body to lose some poundage, but a lot of girls (even the bigger ones who work their asses off and still don't look like Jessica Alba) are going to make themselves unhealthy by trying to lose weight, or obsessing so much about weight.

I agree, Swaim, that if a girl is happy/unhappy with her body it should be only because she feels that she is healthy/unhealthy. I'm not gonna dog on you here, but only because I like you and you brought up the subject with a lot of sensitivity that I appreciate.

How come it is allowable for everyone to discriminate against fat people? If you saw a black man walking down the street, it would not be socially acceptable (or friggin expected) to snicker to your friends about it, or say anything negative about him based on the race factor alone. Yet, everyone assumes that fat=lazy and stupid and poor self control, and they get away with it! We're allowed not to let them on planes, give them vertain jobs, or not date them simply on that one thing. (Once again, I'm referring to the healthy, yet bigger people, who work out, eat right, and still weigh more than me (who is eating ice cream currently at 11:30pm (for the fourth day in a row)and won't gain a pound))

Women do get this WAY harder than men, because the average woman on TV (even if she's constantly next to a washing machine and grinning like a jackass) is protrayed as very thin and therefore capable. Men, on the other hand, are usually allowed a lot more wiggle room on how they appear (if he's dressed, he's a keeper).

Did you know that a survey was given to women about what they would prefer: Wake up tomorrow with cancer, or wake up tomorrow weighing 50lbs heavier? THEY CHOSE CANCER.

Yeah, thanks for answering our questions, we had no clue guys would discriminate against us just because of our weight.

I also have more! Wee!

http://www.halfsigma.com/2007/11/more-evidence-t.html

http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/full/298/17/2028

m0nm0n, it may be time to work on those empathy skills. STAT.

We all know that men are staggeringly visual creatures and there's a ridiculous double standard going on in this country particularly. The short term answer is, yes, men judge women's bodies unfairly and losing weight is technically a solution to that. However, it's interesting that we focus on what WOMEN can do to deal with this rather than educating our men to be a little more balanced and way less entitled.

It's a complex issue at best.

it's so hard to know wat to do. i use to be suuuper skinny, then went anorexic, then gained a little too much back. im a normal weight now and am skinnier than most girls at my school but i still feel fat cuz of how thin i USE to be. but on the plus side, my boobs are quite larger. and i actually hav an ass now! doesnt that count for anything?

First, I wasn't the one asking that question, I was just giving some feedback on how insensitive he came across about the subject. He said he didn't mean to be, and that's enough for me.
Second, to the people who commented about me being able to do other exercises, or stuff about how to lose weight.
I never said I was fat, I just said that I'm a little overweight, and in medical standards being a 24 year old woman and being 5'2", if you weigh over 125, you're overweight. But what a lot of people don't tell you is that muscle weighs more than fat. This picture is of a girl who weighs 125lbs, let me know if you think she looks healthy
http://mamavision.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/shorts.jpg

As for the exercising, I still have my arm muscles, and maybe I wasn't clear when I said I recently went in for surgery on my knee. They cut my knee open and went to move my kneecap to it's right position, but couldn't do it. Right now, no, I can't do much of any exercises other than what I'm doing in physical therapy, which consists of me having to re-learn how to use my muscles for simple things like bending my knee. I thought maybe I could keep doing upper body exercises, but you have no idea how much you actually use some of your leg muscles to do some of those thing until you can't use those muscles anymore, or how much it hurts to move the ones that were cut.

This is a great post Michael. I've grown up around people who were not healthy. And I try, with mixed results. But I don't delude myself. And that's really all I'll say. You wrote something good here. Kudos.

Also, I love my body. With the boobs God gave me(D's when I was skinny, DD's now) there's no way I could weigh 125 unless I was just skin and bones everywhere else. I know I've gained a little weight but I still have my self esteem, and I also like it when guys aren't skinny. I'm a girl that can take care of myself if I had to(I've been told that I'm freakishly strong), and I don't want a guy that I feel couldn't protect me if I needed him to. So, yes I think bigger is sexy, and again, not talking about michelin man, just bigger.

This is definitely the the most motivational article I've read, great job!

To those that think this is fat-bashing or whatever, I suggest you re-read.

When someone says "overweight" I automatically assume that they're far into that category, as opposed to having a bit of a jiggle on them or some curves. Being borderline obese is not attractive to the majority of people, unless they have some kind of fetish. Personality aside.

We are not biologically predispositioned to take kindly to weight. The media has made this ridiculous, which is why when we see these underweight girls on tv, THAT makes us recoil as well. Brains hardwired to like a bit of skin to tide you through the harsh winter are not going to fall automatically for the bag of bones either, unless there were some kind of meticulous absurd standard set in some kind of worldwide media. Oh. Right.

Point is, body fat is attractive. Sexy curvy ass and boobs says brain. An ABUNDANCE of fat, sweaty, greasy, harder to clean, harder to walk fat, does not strike a chord in the average male brain saying "I'm good for dating and procreating".

I am sorry for those offended, but unless you really do weigh like eighty pounds or so over an average weight for your height, then it probably doesn't mean you. There's a curve in attractiveness, but it doesn't peak at average for everyone. It probably will start to go down at the emaciated/obese ends though.

Also, I'm hypoglycemic. Very hypoglycemic, not just borderline. It's a little harder to keep trim, but it's absolutely no kind of excuse for being way overweight.

You just need the right kind of sugars. Heavily processed shit will obviously do you more weight damage. Hypoglycemia is so often used as an excuse that it makes me so irritated. Just jog a little longer, or take the stairs all the time in the office. Being hypoglycemic doesn't mean being obese, it means having a little extra padding that's harder to get rid of, but it certainly wouldn't put you out of the "average" BMI zone for your height all by itself.

Another ridiculously long comment to add to the mix:

First, let me just say that there are few things more off-putting, unattractive & vile to me than a man who negatively comments on a stranger's physical appearance. Nothing will send me running from a date faster than a man who thinks it's OK to call a person "fat." It's immature & gross. I've never met a gentleman (even though in 2009 I'm not entirely sure what that phrase means) who would do such a thing.

Second, if you are overweight, my heart goes out to you, but just know, you have the power to change that! The amazing thing about our bodies is that we can CHANGE them. Yay!

So, I'm a super athletic, competitive runner. But this wasn't always the case. Many years ago, I accidentally (don't ask) took a running class. I had never run before & showed up on the first day in sneakers with no backs from Walmart (I don't know, they were like, sneaker clogs, or something). Anyway, I was a real mess, but I stuck with it, & within a year, I registered for my first 5k & won a masters title. Fast forward to now: I run (& have for several years, now) 6 times a day, have competed/won awards in a number of triathlons/marathons/etc, & plan to run my entire life, God willing. Running's affects on my body are really just secondary to its affects on my mental well-being, & I love it more than anything. Am I always thrilled about getting out of my bed on a cold day for a run? No. Am I excited to leave my family for an hour on holidays to run alone? Not always.

I share only because I get 2 reactions from my running/competition stories. Some people just assume it's the easiest thing in the world. Like I have some built-in chip that makes it easier for me to be motivated to be physical. I don't. I'm just as lazy as the next person but realize life is a series of choices. I choose to embrace being physical & all the wonderful ways it enriches my life.

Other people assume that being very athletic is very very hard, a life only for a few people. Not true either. Anyone can become athletic. It's a commitment for sure, but all it takes is a simple heart-to-heart with yourself. I've seen 200+ lb women finish triathlons faster than me. Because they were committed, & not intimidated.

Anyway, sorry this is long, but obviously I feel passionately about the subject. Two points I want to reiterate now: 1) don't bother yourself with shallow people who are caught up in the physical & 2) don't be intimidated to change your life if you want to. Hell, don't be intimidated by ANYTHING! If you want it, you can get it! You go girls!!!

Just because you think that overweight is really big, doesn't mean that is what it is. I say I'm overweight but I still have a pretty good waistline, just a little bit of extra tummy, like mostly every girl has. The truth is, guys say they want a girl with nice boobs and butt, and sometimes there are those girls that are just blessed to be that way, but with the female body when you lose weight, the boobs go first. I don't care how hard you try to keep them and not work the upper body as much, you would almost have to do no cardio workout to try and keep them.(or get a really expensive professional trainer, and not everybody has that kind of money)

I agree with the heath point, but I don't think people should be telling women to loose weight... When I was 5"11 and 115 pounds I felt really insecure and it wasn't till I gained about 20 pounds that I fell confident and sexy. I think everyone just needs to be comfortable with their own appearance.. Some people think its great being over-weight, and if that works form them great. But I think in no way Michael Swan should you be telling women out there that if their overweight they need to loose weight, or men might not love them.. I think thats shallow and terrible

Get over it! Men are visual. Fat looks gross. If you want to attract men, lose the weight. Don't get mad at someone who tells you the truth. It really isn't rocket science, eat fewer calories than you burn.

The sick truth of the matter is that while people in third world countries are dying of starvation, obesity has reached epidemic levels in this country. Ever try buying clothes from Europe, Asia, or Australia? Well, unless you're a small over here in the states, don't even bother. Know why? Because you're too fat to fit into them.

Yup. I said it. You're fat! You're fat, your kid's fat, and your dog's fat too. So just stop patting each other on the back and saying it's ok to be fat. It's not ok. It's disgusting, it's unhealthy, and in most cases, excluding a few medical reasons, it's inexcusable.

So unless you've got a doctor's note, don't try and blame other people for not wanting to see your fat ass naked. And don't tell people they need to change their perceptions. The problem does not lie with other people.The problem lies with you.

I agree with Barbara's comment. What if the guy is only talking/dating to you because of your looks? IT actually makes me more insecure and Ive ditched guys/ignored/been rude to them because of this. They tend to be more interested in staring, flirting, making suggestive sexual comment than in listening and trying to connect on a more personal level. Men ARE shallow, visual creatures, but some are WAY too shallow. Its sickening and makes an attractive woman feel like an object or worse, disrespected and worthless except for their physical looks. it makes dating and trusting guys harder because in my experiences, it fustrates and makes me less trusting to guys, even those that I happen to be attracted to. Anyone have similar experiences?

Write a comment...

AGAIN, I'm gonna say this, because I think from the comments it's obvious that it hasn't been understood from the article.. Hopefully, Swaim, you can back me up on this too.

When someone says "overweight" I automatically assume that they're far into that category, as opposed to having a bit of a jiggle on them or some curves. Being borderline obese is not attractive to the majority of people, unless they have some kind of fetish. Personality aside.

This blog is talking about really fat people. Not simply people clinically overweight, which I think most of us would agree is usually sexier than someone all bones, but people with a considerable amount of excess fat. And regardless of how you want to get your moral panties imn a bunch, the fact is that there are much much less of us that look at that much flesh and fat and think it's attractive at first sight, regardless of the beautiful person inside.

He's not saying let's get everyone down to a national standard, he's saying it''ll be beasier for people to get to know the real you if they aren't put off by like a hundred pounds worth of extra fat on you. Which is not something you HAVE to do, but it WILL make dating easier on you. That's just a fact.

dude, this is completely one-sided and representative of how afraid of curvature men are. men are hard-wired to like meaty women back from the cave days to the dark ages, colonial times.

it's just the immoral image masturbation gala that goes on in this millennium. even if guys like larger women, they don't wanna be judged by their mainstream counterparts, which comprise most of the country.

and for the last time your comedy sucks and you're absolutely, 110% not funny. don't wrap pure, cut & dry vanity issues in a package of "health wisdom." come on. eres muy transparente, pandejo

I completely agree with enough_already! Couldn't have said it better.

I completely agree. Being big is not healthy. Anyone can be beautiful at any size. That is not his main point. I have always been overweight, but not severely. I have always considered myself healthy. I'm 5'7 and weight about 170. I should probably weigh about 140. I have always been between 20-30 pounds overweight. I love my body, and I have never found it as an obstacle to getting dates. Its not about feeling like I look good. I know I have to lose the weight for health reasons. That is all he was explaining. The weight can become a serious health issue for anyone. For me, both my parents have diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. My doctor has assured me that if I never shed the pounds I could very well suffer the same fate. These health problems can kill you.

Confidence is great when you've already caught someone's eye, but quite honestly, the fat girl in the room is invisible. Especially if she is accompanied by not fat friends.
If you're fat, get ready for a lot of great looking guys coming up to you simply to get your hotter friend's attention. Confidence is poison in this situation, cuz the cooler you are - the more approachable you are - the easier it is for a guy to make you the go-to-girl.

Oh sweet baby Jesus!! I got so bored reading all the drivel and advice....I just skipped down to the bottom. Let me just add.....women....get healthy and men.....your flabby ass and beer gut is NOT sexy in the least. Go work out with the women and stop counting on our "beer goggles" to cut you slack in the buff department. I'd much rather have tone abs tickling my fancy any day!

It's a delusion to presume that people are healthy because they are thin and unhealthy because they are fat and that is all there is to be said on the whole, hey loose weight for your health argument. What if there is nothing wrong with my health? Should I still loose weight?

Also thin girls and fat ones - (lol as if there is a very decisive difference between the two) can both be unattractive people to the opposite sex physically and mentally, to presume as you seem to have, that the reason why people are attractive/unattractive is entirely weight based, is reductive and not always or even overally the case.

If we are talking unfairness the true unfairness is that physical beauty matters and to presume that overweight people cant be physically beautiful - whilst all thin people naturally are, is a little bogus and desperate.

I know plenty of thin friends without boyfs and less thin ones with them, I mean if we are going to settle for anecdotal evidence on the 'men are shallow creatures' level, that is.

"Because while a woman can often see through the layers of flab and extra chins to the spirited, joyous man inside us, for the most part, men just see fat chicks."

Actually, men would be unwise to rely upon this as overly factual. As a slim girl who has been/is in relationships with overweight guys, my patience with that is wearing very thin (ha).
Let's just say it's important for both genders to take care of their health and appearance or they can expect their love life to suffer.

Seems to me that it doesn't matter what you do if you're not happy with yourself. So many of us are looking for something external to fix our issues, hoping in vain that 'if I lose weight, I'll be happy' or 'if I have a boyfriend, I'll be happy'. It's bunk. Happiness comes from having the courage to accept who you are, warts and all. Beauty comes from having the confidence to express it.
Once you've dealt with who you are, everything else you do will be something you do for yourself, not for anyone else.

I like Mr. Swaim's answer, but I can't help but be frustrated with some of the comments here. Here are my two cents (alright, probably more like my twenty cents).

The stigma that it is not okay to tell someone they ought to lose weight? There is good reason for it. Because every single person who is overweight has already heard this message and from someone who doesn’t have their best interests at heart. I have a very strong memory from my childhood of getting out of the car with my mother and someone in a pickup truck rolling down their window and shouting obscenities at her because of her weight. That never has been and never will be okay. But that extra fat that you say covers up our personalities negates our person-hood for some people. You wouldn’t point out someone’s acne and say they should really invest in some Clearasil. So why would you point out someone’s weight and say they should really lose a few pounds. It’s just rude. And have you noticed how often telling someone something “for their own good” is just a way of criticizing them without feeling guilty about it. “Hon, do you REALLY want to order that soda?” Meanwhile the speaker is scarfing down their second chili-cheese dog and not gaining an ounce.

Having said this, I’ll also mention that there are times when it is okay to advise someone to lose weight. In the case of this post, someone could be responding to a direct question. Or a significant other or close friend could bring the topic up tactfully and out of loving concern. (And, this is important, offer to make some of the weight loss sacrifices as well. You shouldn’t tell someone to do something you’re not willing to do yourself. It is significantly more difficult to lose weight than it is to maintain your current weight.) But in general, assume that if you don’t know someone very well, you’re not allowed to talk about their weight.

And to enough_already!: Ouch! I can understand your frustration with people who seem to be proud of things that are obvious failings, but know that that is not usually the case. Not just in weight issues, in life in general there is usually more to the story than what you can see from the outside. And don’t worry, I won’t be showing you my “fat ass” any time soon.

I have to say, I'll never forget the fat ass jerk who called ME fat. Oh, the pot calling the kettle... Listen, if I lose weight, it's only for me, and right now, I'm not so into that idea. So until I decide to shed some pounds whomever I date will have to accept me just as I am. In fact, oddly enough, the men I've been dating have been rather on the thin side. I don't know if it's an opposite attracts thing or just an individual thing. But I do know this--I haven't changed myself for anyone and now I'm engaged to be married. Ladies, losing weight is a total health issue--getting more dates is just an added bonus. Guys, be thankful most women see past your round bellies and balding heads--just sayin'.

This is a great topic, and there's great discussion! However, in my personal experience, it's the confidence factor more than the weight that determines whether or not a girl will get a date. I've battled weight issues since I quit smoking. When I was thinner, I had serious self-esteem issues, and didn't get dates. Now, 50 lbs heavier and 15 years smarter, I'm more comfortable in my own skin, more confident with myself and I get some pretty attractive men flirting with me shamelessly, and they start it! Besides, most men I talk to, say they prefer a woman who has "cushion for the pushin'!" I've also seen PLENTY of morbidly obese women who are dating or married to pretty attractive men. I won't discount the fact that looks do get you, at least partially, to the discussion stage, but on the flip side, I've spoken to some "hot" guys, who, once they opened their mouths, I realized that they were arrogant a-holes and they were no longer very "hot". It's all about the attitude, how you dress, grooming, and the confidence to look someone in the eye and smile.

Good luck!

i aint a saint but i dont think im too shallow...i do enjoy bobbies and curves but if a girl has a pretty face ie beautiful eyes, beautiful smile, etc that wieghs more than wieght...to an extent of course but thats with everything...

I would just like to say something which has been said before but its a valid point. I was chubby as a teenager and was insecure about it so I decided to lose weight.

While during this process I met a wonderful man (now my husband). However, by that time I was anorexic and eventually I got myself down to 108 lbs (i'm 5ft 10) and had to be hospitalised.

I nearly lost my amazing boyfriend during all this time because I was just such a bitch to be around. Seriously, being hungry all the time makes you cranky. And my sex drive was around the 0 to -10000 all the time.

So yes, lose weight and be healthy but be careful. From my experience guys also don't find pelvis bones that spear them very sexy. Also super gross point, I was so skinny I could see his penis moving inside me. It was like something from Alien.

Anyway, he pieced me back together like a jigsaw and we've been married for over a year now. I am at a healthy weight and all is sunshine and lollipops.

I definately, agree with Swaim. Lose weight if your fat. Don't feel you need to lose weight if you are at a healthy weight. If a guy tells you to do this he is a dick and not worth your time.

1. People are entitled to their own opinions – yes – people asked him for his. Don’t hate on him because you got offended by his answer – he wasn’t bashing anyone – he was stereotying a bit but hey that’s half the point of this site – the other half the guys’ opinions…
2. Being fat is unhealthy – even if you have underlying conditions the fact that you have to use the word conditions screams unhealthy.
I’m fat, I’m working on it…ish. It’s hard as hell I have no will power, am recently single and poor as they come (there are people begging on the street with better credit & more money than me). I know that I just have to actually do it, exercise & not gorge on food and eventually it will come. I have a hormone imbalance issue so it’s not so easy – I used to go to the gym everyday and sweat like an even fatter man but nothing. I’ve faked the appearance that I was still trying and was doing well until I regained and am not longer at my gloatable weight loss & feel shitty – the annoying part was I was finally starting to see the physical difference everyone else could see which was boosting my confidence & happiness thus reducing my stress & sadness.
3. Yes this is a discussion but seriously why are people acting like children & being mean & hurtful & resentful & blah blah blah. He wants to promote healthiness – if you don’t want to address your weight you can still get a man, you may even still get your dream guy, looking more appealing to the majority will attract more men from the majority so losing weight if you are heavy will improve your odds. Simple fact – no need to hate on it. I don’t think many people should be able to use the excuse of health reasons as most disorders have counter measures to fix these issues - some may be scary extremes but it is possible (albeit it may be expensive)I’m poor I can’t afford any medical expenses right now but believe you me I will be saving my ass off for plastic surgery to remove any excess skin when I get to my I feel awesome weight. And maybe fix my boobs as they will probably be even more saggy then lol damn growing boobs – not a fun experience… anyhoo Mature discussion welcome but seriously people no attacks and no offending. I think that’s reasonable to expect on a seemingly adultish website…
4. Apparently I like to number my paragraphs…. More importantly Swaim I read your stuff and consider you not an a**hole so Maybe that’s why I am on the side of not being offended by you or thinking your response was douchey. I do however think that I should stop writing now as this blog discussion is ridiculously long now.
5. PS haha sorry I do want to say as a woman has has repeatedly been asked when her baby is due and had people talk to her belly that is purely a junk food belly confidence is super important – and if you have a great personality & don’t hide it inside you it can come across, guys can find it & even if you love your fat, if there is too much that doesn’t make it less unhealthy – it just makes your life easier than those who can’t accept it & move passed it. Once I accepted my weight issues & decided that being thin would make a lot of health issues fade such as excessive sweating or ovulating or reduced heart strain or reduced back issues etc etc etc you can find other things to help motivate – if all else fails being stupid stupid poor as in no money ever coming in can help with the over eating (as a recovering compulsive eater I know this!)
Ok done….sorry

Lose weight because it's the right choice, it's healthy! Agreed that society looks at overweight people in a different eye. We all do. On the other hand, society is making things easier for overweight people as well. E.g. new dating sites targeting overweight people or slim people who want to date overweight people (yes they do exist), just see www.xl-dating.com for one. It makes it more comfortable for people to date, and meet like-minded people. However, it could be argued if it then discourages losing weight?!?