Look, I understand that breakups cause people to do all kinds of outlandish things. Some people cry for days. Others eat ice cream until they turn in tubby lards of tubby lard. Some people go skeet shooting and frequent strip clubs. Really, the field is wide open for recovery.
But one thing that you should never do is attempt to blow up an ex by placing an exposive device inside a sex toy.
That's just wrong. That's like giving G.I. Joe real guns or something. So much pleasure, but so much pain. To wit:
According to the criminal complaint, 37-year-old Terry Allen Lester has been charged with felony counts of creating an explosive device and making terroristic threats.
The incident was reported on New Year's Day. Authorities said Lester had been staying with the apparent intended victim and another woman.
He had been forced to leave the apartment by the landlord but left behind bags, one of which contained a container marked "Christmas Gifts."
Lester allegedly mentioned to one of the two roommates his intentions, so they reported their suspicions about the bags to police.
And to complete the murder, no pun intended:
The criminal complaint says police found a sex toy inside the package that had been modified with gun powder and buck shot, which were connected to a trigger inside the battery port.
Authorities say Lester planned on giving the sex toy to one of three women he had previously been involved with where the relationship ended poorly. Materials were found suggesting he intended to make two other similar devices.
Lester told friends that "he would pull the trigger and it would blow them up."
Ladies let this be a cautionary tale to you all out there. Men are crazy. Crazy insane or insane crazy. This fool actually thought it would be a good idea to attempt to blow a woman to smithereens while she was tickling her own fancy. Mostly because he wasn't allowed anywhere near her fancy anymore. The fact that he was making multiple bombastic toys is special in and of itself. But the fact that he eventually tried to pretend that it wasn't his?
Terry. Oh, Terry. How you disappoint us so. You have just made life hard for women out there everywhere. If you can't get your own jollies without fear of detonation, how else will they do it. They'll have to call another man. You just forced her to get over you quicker Mr. Allen.
For shame. For shame.
Truth, really is stranger than fiction.