There are Bridezillas and then there are BRIDEZILLAS. Johanne Corteguera is a capital B to the R.I.D.E., full 200-foot-dragon ZILLA. You see, every once in a while WE gets lucky and finds a wife-to-be that resets the bitch bar. A woman whose quest for her perfect wedding can be felt on a Richter Scale and forces TV audiences nationwide to collectively "holy sh*t" in unison.

As the trio of Johanne Bridezilla episodes come to a close I did what any man in my position would do. Run. Hide. And then beg my boss to let me interview her.

Score one for mankind. And now, may I present, 'Miss 100% Certifiable' -- Johanne Corteguera:

Amit: Johanne, before I dig into the specifics, hit me up with some general "W's".
Who is Johanne in one sentence?

Johanne: Johanne is an Alpha female too compound and profound to describe really in one sentence; she is one of those things you just have to really experience on your own.

Amit: Where were you raised?

Johanne: I was born in Anaheim, CA. and raised all over Orange County, San Diego County, and finally Santa Barbara County.

Amit: What led you to serve in the military? In what capacity did you serve?

Johanne: I joined the military at the age of 17 because I had graduated a year early from high school and was interested in the service. I never do anything half ass, so I chose the Marine Corps because they were the hardest, best-looking, and most elite branch of all the services.

I was a Sgt. E-5, before I was 20, the youngest Sgt. In the battalion. I was a 3531, Motor Transport at the School of Infantry on Camp Pendleton in California. My job consisted of providing support to the new Marines that were going into Infantry. I operated 44 passenger buses, tractor-trailer, 5tons, 3tons, and delivered or transported both explosives and hazardous materials to those intended.

Amit: When did you get your first tattoo and what is it? (how 'bout the rest?)

Johanne: I got my real first tattoo when I was 15 years old on my chest by a friend. It was a dumb last name and my mother saw it and forced me to scrub it out with a toothbrush, yeah not so fun. I learned right then that tattoos were forever and I made sure that all my tattoos had actually some meaning behind them to me.

My first legal tattoo was after boot camp in 1995, in San Diego on my upper thigh; I have a Tasmanian devil holding an M16, it says J.D. TAZ above it with USMC under it. From then on tattoos have been a sort of inner expression/healing tool/therapy in my life, so the easiest way to label them would be to start from my head and work to my feet.

1. Head behind left ear- Flower that matches the one on my mother's ankle, because we are bi-polar opposites
2. Left breast-eagle in memory of my brother
3. Back of Neck- 5 leaf clover that looks like the Italian flag
4. Down my spine/back- 3 footprints, each one is one of my children's real prints from when they were born
5. Lower back/tramp stamp as they say now- tribal with a sun in the center
6. Stomach- big tribal marking
7. Left upper arm- half sleeve that is called "My Life" tattoo and it resembles stuff to me and my journey throughout life
8. Left forearm & wrist-Lotus flower & on wrist Japanese symbol meaning "to carve"
9. Outer left forearm-The quote "Dream as you'll live forever, live as you'll die today" James Dean and the James Dean is his real signature from his high school yearbook
10. Right arm sleeve- upper part is my tree of life and my city of insanity. Below it on the forearm I have my birth flower and the three other birth flowers that represent my children
11. Inner left thigh- the infamous 100% Certifiable tattoo
12. Left outer leg and ankle- the Pisces symbol and on ankle a band of flowers and mushrooms that match my lil sis
13. Right leg sleeve- All Japanese art with a snake that wraps around with cherry blossoms that lead all the way up my thigh and I have the symbol love on the outer calf.
14. My feet- This one is my favorite and the best one ever...On my left foot is a Gecko lizard that wraps around toe and lays on the top of foot and on the right top of my foot is a red tongue that eats a fly with the saying "Go F*ck Yourself". When I put my feet together side by side, the Gecko looks as though he is eating a fly.

I think I covered them all...who knows..

Amit: Holy crap, you had me at #6. Why does Ed insist on wearing a hat at all times? We know he's bald, nothing wrong with showing us some skin, Ed.

Johanne: Ed has tried to do the whole bic the head cause your balding look before because I asked him to and he doesn't like the scars or shape of his noggin, so he says. I think it's because he thinks it makes him look older.

Amit: Speaking of Ed and looks, you share that he is by no means a looker in your opinion. How important is looks and attraction in long-term relationships?

Johanne: You definitely must have looks and be attracted to your partner especially if you are going to spend the rest of your life waking up and going to bed next to them. Throughout the last 12 years with Ed it's crazy because there are days that I think "OMG, what they hell am I doing with this man he is so not cute or attractive" and then there are days that I look at him and he is the most attractive, gorgeous, succulent, want to eat him up, man I have ever seen before in my life. When you feel that way about someone then you know its love and its forever.

Amit: You and Ed are entering this marriage with some previous marriage history, tough times and children attached. Does that make things more complicated or do your histories and past experiences make for more informed partners?

Johanne: Ithink that it does both. I believe that certain tough times makes things complicated at times however, previous marriages and children do not complicate things at all. We have three children, our oldest though not biologically Ed's is Ed's and the other two are ours together, where's the complication in that.

Amit: You set out to spend 10 grand on your wedding. During the taping you mentioned it ballooned to 3x that. What was the final number? What advice do you have to couples trying to stay within budget? Is it even possible?

Johanne: The final number for our wedding about made me throw up when I had to add it all up together. The grand total was approximately $33,000.00 and that was without going on a honeymoon. We have yet to go on a honeymoon. This was my choice though because, I gave my honeymoon up to have Ed's father, whom he hadn't seen or spoken to in 22 years, flown out to California a few days before the wedding for a week, so he could be reunited with his son and not only at but also in our wedding as a surprise gift for Ed.

My advice to others would be remember that it's your wedding. Most of the money we spent was spent on everyone else; the tuxedo's, dresses, gifts, and etc. If we would of stayed with just the caterer we wanted, the venue, and stuff we would of only gone over by a little. It was a huge huge huge waste of money we could of put a down payment down on a house instead.

Amit: You seem to have a healthy sense of self-esteem and like how you look. Has that always been the case? What do you think are your foxier features? Any parts of you you'd like to change or work on?

Johanne: I haven't always had a good self-esteem about the way I look, as a matter of fact, I can't stand the way I look now. There is always something that can be better or fixed. My foxiest feature are my eyes (and my dimples). I would love to fix my waist line and get rid once and for all my love handles.

Amit: Ok, Johanne, fill in the blank time. Sex with Ed is like....
Johanne: freakin amazing. Sex with Ed is more than just sex, it can be passionate and intense to where we know that we are making love but yet, we can have the best grudge sex fu&*@g like we are high school kids again who never had enough sex.

Amit: My celebrity crush is...

Johanne: Kat von D. When Ed is not around I masturbate to her pictures which I have hanging on my walls in my bedroom 3 of them to be exact. I want her signature tattoo underneath my 100% certifiable tat.

Amit: If I had a million bucks, I would keep most of it and donate the rest to...

Johanne: a foundation that targets at risk youth and cervical cancer.

Amit: Most men don't realize this, but the key to their women's heart is...

Johanne: listening to a woman and not just hearing a women.

Amit: They say relationships are about compromise, but it seems that you hold, well, all the cards, including the jokers. Is the idea of sharing power and decision making the wrong way to go?

Johanne: I compromise as much as I need too. I help him built a business and i have given up a lot in our time together.

Amit: Ok, so during the show, we were treated to you convincing Ed to get a tattoo of your choosing, while he was blindfolded. If this wasn't a show of faith by Ed I don't know what is. Was tattooing (branding) him with "Property of Johanne" a jab at his identity and independence or something sweeter that we are missing?

Johanne: Ed already had tattoo on his chest previously. For the past few years Ed has wanted a new tattoo for several years but tattoo do not fit his personality. Just because i like tattoo and are sexy doesn't mean they are sexy on everybody, so with that said I was honoring his freakin request by getting him a tattoo and teaching him a lesson at the same time. Plus shit for real I'm his soul mate so why the f*ck should it matter.

Amit: If your life depended on it, which would you rather get: a tattoo that says "Property of Ed" or a tattoo that says "My Breathe Smells Like Dog Poop"?

Johanne: My breath smells like poop.

Amit: Dzam! Ok. One of the more unorthodox things you did in the lead up to your wedding is take a spin in bed with your high school crush and his swinging girlfriend. While I applaud your sexual exploration, was it really the right time and the most respectful thing to delve into new penis and vagina?

Johanne: First of all yes and no, yes because we were not married and no its never perfect timing, now one of my golden rules is if you don't kiss good and if you cant kiss you cant get any booty so even thought the cameras left the room jason and I kissed and he struck out and I made out with his girlfriend. Nuff said about that so a little imagination goes a long way i will let everyone else make their own conclusion about what happened. Actually everyone already has so that is enough about that.

Amit: Do you believe a couple that swings together stays together? Or, do you believe monogamy is the best game plan? Will you and Ed invite other humans into your hammock?

Johanne: I believe monogamy and honesty in a relationship. If Ed would not have wandered after having his 2 kids things would not have been so complicated or the way they are today. Once that seal is broken all gloves and bets are off and its hard to get it back no matter how many years or how hard you try to work at it.

Amit: At times you were seen in full on evil meltdown mode. Now, I get it, weddings are stressful, but does any part of you feel that maybe you sweat the small things too much in the lead up?

Johanne: Yes, I stressed about everything the smallest shit i stress about it. Its one of my character defects and I am trying to learn how to sit back and relax and let allow things to happen, without having to try to control them.

Amit: Where do you see your relationship in three years? More kids? New home? Lifestyle?

Johanne: No more kids I had a hysterectomy due to cancer and a new home living my dreams and effecting people and changing lives were ever i can. As far as Ed goes cant look that far into the future today I love him tomorrow i might not. I just want to live each day like its my last. I almost lost my life last night due to a car accident so not going to take for granted what's around me and live like I will die tomorrow.

Amit: Yes, I heard about this auto accident. I'm glad you are OK. I'm sure the car got the worst of it. Also, of course, very glad you're in good health now as it relates to cancer.

So if I may say so, all in all it seems like you've been around the proverbial block a few times, but now find yourself pretty happy in the "neighborhood" you've created for yourself. Before I let you go -- to get more ink or Ed or Kat von D fantasies: how can people follow you, stay on top of you, girl?

Johanne: Well as far as appearances I am open to many things and anyone that has an offer let me know. Everyone can visit MY BLOG and follow me on TWITTER. As far as personal appearances contact titaliantalent77@gmail.com.