Do you tweet? I try, but between blogging and Facebook and Guyspeak, I've let Twitter become one more thing on my list of oft-neglected activities. I need to change that, however, because I ran across two lists of 2011's best tweets and realized I'm missing some hilarious stuff in the Twitterverse.
Here are some of my favorites:
"Okay, New York, you've legalized gay marriage. Can you now please outlaw everyone peeing all over everything?" - Michael Ian Black
"Apparently Kim Kardashian realized she was married to someone who would marry Kim Kardashian." - Hugh Jass
"George Takei follows me! I don't mean on Twitter, I mean into the men's room, where he blows me! - Gilbert Gottfried
"Friend, the only thing that's been blown lately is your career." - George Takei, replying to Gottfried
"Oh God, what did you do to her?" - Danny Zuker, replying to Chris Brown's tweet, "Please pray for Virginia."
"I hate those unrealistic movies where women are friends." - Alec Sulkin
"Brett Favre has thrown his hat into the ring to replace the injured Jay Cutler. The hat was immediately intercepted and returned for a TD." - Tim Siedell
"I could get a million followers like Charlie Sheen did, but my wife would leave me and I'd be a poor lonely sap like he is." - Roger Ebert
"Yeah, you really don't know lonely until you've gone to town on five chicks at once." - Charlie Sheen, in reply to Roger Ebert.
"EVERY week is shark week: an exasperated seal." - Paul F. Tompkins
"I hate it when people poke me at weddings, point and whisper, 'You're next.' So I've started doing the same thing to them at funerals." - Jeannette Morales
"Breaking: Dan Aykroyd to replace Eddie Murphy for Oscar host as part of a bet by two callous millionaires." - Doug Lussenhop
"I love that moment when you make eye contact with a dog and he slyly smiles and nods to let you know he's secretly a tiny man in a dog suit." - Mike Henry
"If you can 'pray the gay away,' can you 'pray the gay onto someone?'" - Steve Martin
"My greatest fear is sitting in front of thousands of people while my Google search history is read aloud." - Jenny Johnson
"WARNING: if you see posts offering a free clip of the new Nickelback album, DO NOT CLICK. It links to a free clip of the new Nickelback album." - Sean Cranbury
"If NASA had any guts, they would dress the landing crew at Edwards as apes to receive the astronauts on their last shuttle landing." - Daren R. Dochterman
See more of 2011's best tweets here and here.
Here are some of my favorites:
"Okay, New York, you've legalized gay marriage. Can you now please outlaw everyone peeing all over everything?" - Michael Ian Black
"Apparently Kim Kardashian realized she was married to someone who would marry Kim Kardashian." - Hugh Jass
"George Takei follows me! I don't mean on Twitter, I mean into the men's room, where he blows me! - Gilbert Gottfried
"Friend, the only thing that's been blown lately is your career." - George Takei, replying to Gottfried
"Oh God, what did you do to her?" - Danny Zuker, replying to Chris Brown's tweet, "Please pray for Virginia."
"I hate those unrealistic movies where women are friends." - Alec Sulkin
"Brett Favre has thrown his hat into the ring to replace the injured Jay Cutler. The hat was immediately intercepted and returned for a TD." - Tim Siedell
"I could get a million followers like Charlie Sheen did, but my wife would leave me and I'd be a poor lonely sap like he is." - Roger Ebert
"Yeah, you really don't know lonely until you've gone to town on five chicks at once." - Charlie Sheen, in reply to Roger Ebert.
"EVERY week is shark week: an exasperated seal." - Paul F. Tompkins
"I hate it when people poke me at weddings, point and whisper, 'You're next.' So I've started doing the same thing to them at funerals." - Jeannette Morales
"Breaking: Dan Aykroyd to replace Eddie Murphy for Oscar host as part of a bet by two callous millionaires." - Doug Lussenhop
"I love that moment when you make eye contact with a dog and he slyly smiles and nods to let you know he's secretly a tiny man in a dog suit." - Mike Henry
"If you can 'pray the gay away,' can you 'pray the gay onto someone?'" - Steve Martin
"My greatest fear is sitting in front of thousands of people while my Google search history is read aloud." - Jenny Johnson
"WARNING: if you see posts offering a free clip of the new Nickelback album, DO NOT CLICK. It links to a free clip of the new Nickelback album." - Sean Cranbury
"If NASA had any guts, they would dress the landing crew at Edwards as apes to receive the astronauts on their last shuttle landing." - Daren R. Dochterman
See more of 2011's best tweets here and here.
I love these! People are so witty in just 140 characters. The George Takei/Gilbert Gottfriend exchange made me laugh out loud, as did the Roger Ebert/Charlie Sheen one. Funny stuff.
These are great! It's hard to choose a favorite, but several on this list gave me the chuckles.
funny. i think the funniest discovery here was finding out that steve martin tweets lol zuker's and mike henry's were classic tho lol i have a twitter account with random strangers frequently requesting to follow me, which i do not understand as i think my last tweet was in 2010, frankly i just don't understand it enough, or want to, to spend the time there.
I think NASA should definitely do that. lol....I'm twit enough without 'twittering'!
George Takei... FTW!!!