As part of our ongoing efforts to be the world's foremost relationship experts, the GuySpeak gang took questions from fans of WE tv's hit show Bridezillas. We asked Bridezilla viewers to leave their questions on weddings, relationships, and more on the Bridezillas Facebook page. Check out our answers below. (Maybe we answered your question?) If you have a question, hit up GuySpeak and pick the guy you want to answer it. Now let's get to the questions!
Angelle asks: My question is - why do these men even go through with the wedding? After seeing the way they act, I don't care if I'd spend $15,000 on the wedding or $5,000 - these type of women will drive the men away and of course, another statistic (divorce). If I was like any of these Bridezilla's, I'd tell my boyfriend to leave me. lol
Girls' BFF says:
Girls' BFF here, but don't let the smooth title fool you. I've asked myself the same question. Why on earth would a man who watches his woman turn into the worst version (he hopes) of herself decide to go through with this wedding in the first place? And I've got just one answer: he knew she was crazy when he proposed to her and what she's doing AT LEAST has some sort of basis in common everyday neurosis. Planning a wedding can't be easy. It's full of anxiety. It's the only time these men can come up with a decent reason why his fiancée is being insane. But these guys know what they're getting into. There are no surprises so they go through with it out of fear and because they secretly love crazy. Anything else would be uncivilized. (Check out our wedding archive for more questions from brides-to-be.)
Shamika asks "When a man kisses you on the forehead, what does that imply?"
Funny Guy says:
A forehead kiss can be hard to decode. Is it a paternal peck? A sexual advance? A condescending pat on the dome? Playful? Awkward? Confusing? Yes. It can be any and all of these things as a standalone event. Thankfully, most men don't kiss a woman's forehead and keep walking down the street. Usually the forehead kiss is part of some sort of longer exchange. It is therefore key that you read the other cues that surround the mysterious cranial smooch.
For example:
If you're on a good date and the dude leans in for a soft, slow forehead kiss, it's his suave way of saying: "Girl, I'm feeling you; I want to slowly romance and pants you."
If you are on a so-so date and the dude leans in for a quick, peck on the temple, it's his tacky way of saying: "Girl, I'm ending this night. I'm not feeling you, but here, enjoy this lame farewell kiss-off."
Bottom Line: Trust your gut and that thing behind your forehead. It's your best weapon. Receive the kiss but read between his lips. Given everything else going on at that moment, you can conclude what this dude's kiss must mean. (For more on kissing, check out our archive.)
Vanessa asks: "Why would a guy spend more time on games than his wife?"
Chic Geek says:
There are many reasons why a guy would ignore his wife for video games. Perhaps a new Call of Duty just came out, and he's really wrapped up in it. Or maybe he's stressed out with work and playing helps him to decompress. Sometimes, a guy can be using the game to ignore real problems in his life (work, relationship drama, etc.). But usually when a guy plays a video game for hours on end, it's because the game is really, really fun. Definitely let him know that you feel neglected. While gaming will always be an important part of his life, he should also make time for you. Suggest doing other things together that you both enjoy.
Do you play games with him? Gaming can bring couples together. There are plenty of fun games that couples can play together. Whether you want to shoot stuff (Left 4 Dead, the Call of Duty series), rock out (Rock Band, Guitar Hero), play a wide variety of interactive sports (Wii Sports, PlayStation Move, Kinect), or get retro with old-school Nintendo and SEGA games (downloadable games on Wiiware, Xbox Live, and PlayStation Network), there is a game out there for every taste. If games are something you do together, it won't seem like you're losing your husband. The more involved you get in his hobby, the stronger your marriage will be. (Who knows, you may beat him at some games.) And you'll get really good at killing zombies, a talent that will come in handy after the apocalypse. (Check out our video game archive for more questions on gaming in a relationship and other geek-tastic topics.)
Cherie asks: I have more of a dilemma than a question. My fiancé and have like reverse roles. He's more the female in the relationship (always wants to talk about our feelings and the relationship), but I'm the complete opposite! Our relationship seems to be going in a downward spiral because he says he needs me to communicate more. But I didn't grow up where talking like that was norm. How do I go about initiating a conversation of our relationship or feelings?
Wise Ass says:
Here's the good news: your situation is not a dilemma, but a very common problem among newlyweds, and one that can be fixed with a little time and practice. It doesn't really matter which role you play in the marriage--communication is important. The fact that one of you is willing to ask for exactly what he needs and the other wants to meet that need is a very encouraging sign, regardless of who is who in the equation.
I don't think that initiating these kinds of discussion is necessarily what your guy wants. It's not that important who starts the conversation as long as both people are willing to listen and share. This comes easier to some than others; those who grow up in homes where honest communication about feelings was stifled can have a harder time, because they learn, in effect, that what they are thinking and feeling is unimportant. Because of this, they learn to stop paying attention to those thoughts and feelings until they become blind to them altogether.
The first step for you then is to get back in touch with your feelings. Work on being aware of what you are feeling at different times during the day, whether it's joy, anger, regret, whatever. One good way to start is with a journal. Writing about your innermost thoughts will help you identify and discuss them with your husband, though it will take some practice. You might also want to read the book, The Dance Of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner. I have not read it, but the book came highly recommended from a therapist friend for anyone who wants to learn how to develop good communication skills (and, as a result, intimacy) in a relationship. I also think it fits your particular situation, since, as one reviewer said, "Lerner has great insight into how relationships work, understanding behavior, the impact of families and the past."
I wish you a long and happy marriage.
(For more on the importance of communication in a relationship, visit our archive.)
Loody asks: Is it acceptable for the man to handle 80% of the wedding coordinating? All she has to do is pick the grown and bridal party outfit, the rest he handles..
Reformed Player says:
This seems to only be a problem if you're feeling shut out or if he's not listening to you. After all, it's your day too, and you've got a right to weigh in and have it be the way you want it. Although if he's ignoring you, that's not a good thing. Still, if you get input and he just wants to do the work, sit back and let him take on the stress. (Want more wedding questions? Go here.)
Kathy asks: "Why are these women waxing, anyway? It's certainly not like their men have never seen them naked before."
Gal Pal says:
I'd say waxing is part of this Bridezilla's "I feel pretty, oh so pretty" princess routine. It has very little to do with her husband. She needs the pampering, the prodding, the torturous beauty rituals because she's special, damn it. She deserves sympathy for the horrific pain she's putting herself through to be beautiful for him. In fact, he should buy her a gift after the tear-down her Vaginaplex has gone through! You know this bride is reveling in every scrap of attention focused on her - even when it's from a burly woman focused on peeling off her naughty bits.
Kathy, on a practical level I completely agree with you. Why is she so stressed about waxing when her husband's seen her in all stages of hairy foliage? Her wedding gown will cover all her lady hairs from the eyes of her wedding guests, so why this hirsute obsession?
Let's flip this. Guys, does your girlfriend worry about coughing up a hairball when you don't wax? Wait, you mean you don't rip off a delicate layer of your skin along your nether regions once a month to keep your girlfriend happy? Then leave our lady hair alone! However, ladies, if your "grooming" is to please yourself (I personally think bare skin can feel pretty great) and not some fetishy fellow, I've got three magic words for you: laser hair removal. Try it. Laser it. Love it. (Want to read a guy's take on waxing? Check out our body hair archive.)
Chante asks: "When is it a good time to be engaged? And to be married?"
Mystery Man says:
12 Noon on Tuesdays. Oh, not that sort of when.
There is no right or wrong time. No deadline, no sell by date. Nothing in Mrs. Manners or the Constitution. You get engaged when you both are ready to get engaged, and drag him into marriage when you are finally ready for that. (To read Mystery Man's take on timing in a relationship, go here.)
Angelle asks: My question is - why do these men even go through with the wedding? After seeing the way they act, I don't care if I'd spend $15,000 on the wedding or $5,000 - these type of women will drive the men away and of course, another statistic (divorce). If I was like any of these Bridezilla's, I'd tell my boyfriend to leave me. lol
Girls' BFF says:
Girls' BFF here, but don't let the smooth title fool you. I've asked myself the same question. Why on earth would a man who watches his woman turn into the worst version (he hopes) of herself decide to go through with this wedding in the first place? And I've got just one answer: he knew she was crazy when he proposed to her and what she's doing AT LEAST has some sort of basis in common everyday neurosis. Planning a wedding can't be easy. It's full of anxiety. It's the only time these men can come up with a decent reason why his fiancée is being insane. But these guys know what they're getting into. There are no surprises so they go through with it out of fear and because they secretly love crazy. Anything else would be uncivilized. (Check out our wedding archive for more questions from brides-to-be.)
Shamika asks "When a man kisses you on the forehead, what does that imply?"
Funny Guy says:
A forehead kiss can be hard to decode. Is it a paternal peck? A sexual advance? A condescending pat on the dome? Playful? Awkward? Confusing? Yes. It can be any and all of these things as a standalone event. Thankfully, most men don't kiss a woman's forehead and keep walking down the street. Usually the forehead kiss is part of some sort of longer exchange. It is therefore key that you read the other cues that surround the mysterious cranial smooch.
For example:
If you're on a good date and the dude leans in for a soft, slow forehead kiss, it's his suave way of saying: "Girl, I'm feeling you; I want to slowly romance and pants you."
If you are on a so-so date and the dude leans in for a quick, peck on the temple, it's his tacky way of saying: "Girl, I'm ending this night. I'm not feeling you, but here, enjoy this lame farewell kiss-off."
Bottom Line: Trust your gut and that thing behind your forehead. It's your best weapon. Receive the kiss but read between his lips. Given everything else going on at that moment, you can conclude what this dude's kiss must mean. (For more on kissing, check out our archive.)
Vanessa asks: "Why would a guy spend more time on games than his wife?"
Chic Geek says:
There are many reasons why a guy would ignore his wife for video games. Perhaps a new Call of Duty just came out, and he's really wrapped up in it. Or maybe he's stressed out with work and playing helps him to decompress. Sometimes, a guy can be using the game to ignore real problems in his life (work, relationship drama, etc.). But usually when a guy plays a video game for hours on end, it's because the game is really, really fun. Definitely let him know that you feel neglected. While gaming will always be an important part of his life, he should also make time for you. Suggest doing other things together that you both enjoy.
Do you play games with him? Gaming can bring couples together. There are plenty of fun games that couples can play together. Whether you want to shoot stuff (Left 4 Dead, the Call of Duty series), rock out (Rock Band, Guitar Hero), play a wide variety of interactive sports (Wii Sports, PlayStation Move, Kinect), or get retro with old-school Nintendo and SEGA games (downloadable games on Wiiware, Xbox Live, and PlayStation Network), there is a game out there for every taste. If games are something you do together, it won't seem like you're losing your husband. The more involved you get in his hobby, the stronger your marriage will be. (Who knows, you may beat him at some games.) And you'll get really good at killing zombies, a talent that will come in handy after the apocalypse. (Check out our video game archive for more questions on gaming in a relationship and other geek-tastic topics.)
Cherie asks: I have more of a dilemma than a question. My fiancé and have like reverse roles. He's more the female in the relationship (always wants to talk about our feelings and the relationship), but I'm the complete opposite! Our relationship seems to be going in a downward spiral because he says he needs me to communicate more. But I didn't grow up where talking like that was norm. How do I go about initiating a conversation of our relationship or feelings?
Wise Ass says:
Here's the good news: your situation is not a dilemma, but a very common problem among newlyweds, and one that can be fixed with a little time and practice. It doesn't really matter which role you play in the marriage--communication is important. The fact that one of you is willing to ask for exactly what he needs and the other wants to meet that need is a very encouraging sign, regardless of who is who in the equation.
I don't think that initiating these kinds of discussion is necessarily what your guy wants. It's not that important who starts the conversation as long as both people are willing to listen and share. This comes easier to some than others; those who grow up in homes where honest communication about feelings was stifled can have a harder time, because they learn, in effect, that what they are thinking and feeling is unimportant. Because of this, they learn to stop paying attention to those thoughts and feelings until they become blind to them altogether.
The first step for you then is to get back in touch with your feelings. Work on being aware of what you are feeling at different times during the day, whether it's joy, anger, regret, whatever. One good way to start is with a journal. Writing about your innermost thoughts will help you identify and discuss them with your husband, though it will take some practice. You might also want to read the book, The Dance Of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner. I have not read it, but the book came highly recommended from a therapist friend for anyone who wants to learn how to develop good communication skills (and, as a result, intimacy) in a relationship. I also think it fits your particular situation, since, as one reviewer said, "Lerner has great insight into how relationships work, understanding behavior, the impact of families and the past."
I wish you a long and happy marriage.
(For more on the importance of communication in a relationship, visit our archive.)
Loody asks: Is it acceptable for the man to handle 80% of the wedding coordinating? All she has to do is pick the grown and bridal party outfit, the rest he handles..
Reformed Player says:
This seems to only be a problem if you're feeling shut out or if he's not listening to you. After all, it's your day too, and you've got a right to weigh in and have it be the way you want it. Although if he's ignoring you, that's not a good thing. Still, if you get input and he just wants to do the work, sit back and let him take on the stress. (Want more wedding questions? Go here.)
Kathy asks: "Why are these women waxing, anyway? It's certainly not like their men have never seen them naked before."
Gal Pal says:
I'd say waxing is part of this Bridezilla's "I feel pretty, oh so pretty" princess routine. It has very little to do with her husband. She needs the pampering, the prodding, the torturous beauty rituals because she's special, damn it. She deserves sympathy for the horrific pain she's putting herself through to be beautiful for him. In fact, he should buy her a gift after the tear-down her Vaginaplex has gone through! You know this bride is reveling in every scrap of attention focused on her - even when it's from a burly woman focused on peeling off her naughty bits.
Kathy, on a practical level I completely agree with you. Why is she so stressed about waxing when her husband's seen her in all stages of hairy foliage? Her wedding gown will cover all her lady hairs from the eyes of her wedding guests, so why this hirsute obsession?
Let's flip this. Guys, does your girlfriend worry about coughing up a hairball when you don't wax? Wait, you mean you don't rip off a delicate layer of your skin along your nether regions once a month to keep your girlfriend happy? Then leave our lady hair alone! However, ladies, if your "grooming" is to please yourself (I personally think bare skin can feel pretty great) and not some fetishy fellow, I've got three magic words for you: laser hair removal. Try it. Laser it. Love it. (Want to read a guy's take on waxing? Check out our body hair archive.)
Chante asks: "When is it a good time to be engaged? And to be married?"
Mystery Man says:
12 Noon on Tuesdays. Oh, not that sort of when.
There is no right or wrong time. No deadline, no sell by date. Nothing in Mrs. Manners or the Constitution. You get engaged when you both are ready to get engaged, and drag him into marriage when you are finally ready for that. (To read Mystery Man's take on timing in a relationship, go here.)
Oh, Jesus!! I think I'm gonna throw up!! The PC society is just as crazy as they appear!! That's why I'm glad I have a woman that is low-maintenance, fun loving, down to earth and is not hard to please!!! Why, because she, along with myself, have morals!!! Old school morals!! Something that parents for the last 25 years don't teach their children. That is what drives our relationship and keeps it "fun!!!" We both watch "Bridezillas" and both agree that they are a bunch of self-centered, wanna-be bad-ass, I wear the pants mentality having, drama-queen, it's my way or the highway, selfish bitches they are!!!
I'm 23, and I've got morals aplenty, thankyouverymuch. :) Caught them from my excellent parents.
The women on this show always say that they aren't accountable for their behavior. That makes me mad, because everyone is always accountable for their actions. These women clearly demonstrate everything that is wrong in the world. These women are an embarrassment to themselves and their gender. I have the greatest sympathy for the groom.
The women on this show always say that they aren't accountable for their behavior. That makes me mad, because everyone is always accountable for their actions. These women clearly demonstrate everything that is wrong in the world. These women are an embarrassment to themselves and their gender. I have the greatest sympathy for the groom.
I was just sitting here watching Bridezilla, and the brides name is Porsha, or what ever, this bride to be has a filthy mouth and an attitued to match, she seems a bit insecure with herself. She doesn't want her fiance to have a bachelor party of want his daughter to attend the ceremony, he's idiot for letting a woman come between him and his child. She's so happy she got the ring, good for her. Maybe a little less cussing and a little more lady lie behavior. There truly is someone for everyone in this world...good luck.
Any guy who is going to marry or who marries these Demons from
Hell has got to be the most sorry excuse for a man there is.
No self-respecting man would put up with these psychologically
stunted unfeeling women. The whole show is just sad. Some people
think its funny, I can't even watch it. So sorry for the "grooms"
I rarely watch this TV show unless someone else turn's the channel and walk's out of the room because they can't find anything good on. Then I'm exposed to the thrill of hearing spoiled little girl's wine, pi** and moan about what they deem important in their meager lives. You are not a TV star so your bad performance's are uncalled for. I realize the network tell's you to amp it up for show purposes but you really do take it way too far. So today I was thrust into the unfortunate lives of these poor Bast*rds that are so desperate for love or sex they marry the most uncouth, disrespectful, lack of class bimbo's. Just think of all the years of misery you have ahead of you. I predict that this network will start a show called The Divorced Bridezillas Show. Today drama starts Suzie the adopted rudea** sociopath and Dani the over exposed drama queen. Dani is a lady in comparison to Suzie, but neither have a brain cell to spark between them. These 2 guy's are the most unfortunate moron's I've ever seen. These mother's should be so proud the raised such well mannered children. Think of how well you've taught them and how your grandchildren will be just like them.. this show should be called ' "Lowered Expectation's".... > and Martha- you should have returned Suzie to the manufacturer..Maybe you should have asked why she dumped the kid in the first place.
Are all the women on this show fat and ugly, or does TV add like 70 pounds?
THESE WOMEN ARE BAD ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE SO SELFISH ALWAYS MY WEDDING NOT OUR WEDDING, BUT I THINK THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE WORSE. HOW DUMB CAN YOU BE TO SIT THERE WHILE SOMEONE CALLS YOU NAMES AND ATTACKS YOU?! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A WEDDING, BABY SHOWER, OR YOUR COMING OUT AGAIN PARTY, I WONT LET ANY ONE TREAT ME LIKE SOMETHING FROM A LANDFILL.
What kind of MAN would marry any of these horrible, horrible, delusional women. They are overindulged, irresponsible for their filthy language and attitude toward everyone! What kind of "friends" and family menber would allow themselves to be abused by these ignorant girls??
Seriously, MEN...look at this show and RUN as far away as you can.
No one should get that crazy over planning a wedding. How in the world will they be able to handle a REAL life crisis like serious illness, childbirth and parenting, etc.