So this particular morning radio jock made mention of the fact that he'd received a free promotional bouquet of roses from a company he does advertising for. His wife had recently gone out of town for a week so the flowers would be dead by the time she returned. And nobody wants to waste a perfectly good bouquet of flowers.
So what does he do?
He takes the flowers to work with him and hands them out to various women as a show of appreciation.
Apparently this was the wrong move of all wrong moves. His wife, upon returning and finding out what he'd done was nonplussed. She felt that it was inappropriate. Which highlights a larger point, which is this: he didn't do anything wrong.
There are just certain things you can't do. Not for any particular reason. You just can't do them as an attached man. Even with the most noble and innocent of intentions, and even if your woman knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are eternally hers, him giving another woman, that he didn't know very well, flowers represented an error in judgement.
And much like him, I don't get it. They're just flowers. They mean nothing to him. Nor do the recipients. Again, it's just a nice gesture. But flowers obviously represent something more to her. Maybe not the flowers, but the act of giving flowers to a woman represents interest or intent. Or something. Me no know. I wish I could get into the mind of a woman on this one but I can't. Because, as a man, they're just flowers.
But, I also know that it was a bad move. Or at the least would be perceived as such.
The myriad callers into the show stated the same thing regardless of gender. Men knew that he should know better and women thought it was just in poor taste and understood why his wife was upset. Which I find funny. Are men really trained by their women to know what's appropriate behavior or are we just so averse to conflict that we coalesce to avoid the potential drama, even if on principle alone it makes no sense. I can't lie, I've considered whether or not arguing the principle mattered when at the end of the day the woman I was dealing with was only concerned about how it made her feel, whether rational or not. Of course, this is a very man-centric view, but I'm a man. Sue me.
So I bring this to the people of Guyspeak, man and woman alike. A) Was he wrong? and B) If he was, why? Help us men understand why. Again, I realize he just can't do it, but I need a reason why.
Help.
See, reading about this kind of stuff frustrates me as a girl, because I definitely believe she was overreacting, and this is how we get the reputation we have. This is all in my humble opinion as an outsider but It'd be one thing if he had a history of being too flirtatious, or if flowers had a special meaning between the their romantic relationship history. But if not, why shouldn't he be "allowed" to do something nice like that? I think that shows he was a guy raised to appreciate women, and if he does that for the random women at his office, then I imagine must be treated wonderfully as his wife.
I absolutely agree with Black-Tea. The wife is over-reacting. Sometimes I read things into other people's actions and words, and when I complain to my two best girlfriends that "well, I know he/she/they didn't mean it that way but my feelings are still hurt," their response is "well, that's your problem." If one of the girls receiving the appreciation flower suddenly thinks he's in love with her, it's her problem that she misread the situation. And if the wife takes issue with her husband trying to be a nice guy, that's her problem. In fact, the wife should count her blessings if this is an issue in their marriage. Wait, can I switch places with her?
I think it would have been way worse if he had given the entire bouquet to only one woman, actually. Because then the threat would have been more real, "you gave them to HER?"
Unless his wife is stupid, him giving flowers to several women only proves that he's trying not to discriminate between his female coworkers.
I agree with everyone else. The first thing I thought when reading he gave the flowers out to women at work was how nice that was.
So yeah, overreactionn on the wife's part. Also, as nikitamaagel mentioned, it's not like he gave the whole bouquet to one person (as much as I do believe that flowers are just flowers, a married man giving a bouquet to one coworker for no apparent reason is crossing a line), and it's not like he even bought the flowers for them himself.
Advertising the fight with his wife on the radio, however, presumably looking for people on his side? Not the smoothest move, in my opinion.
As a woman, I am also frustrated. I don't think he did anything wrong. Maybe its just me, because I don't particularly care for flowers, but I feel like they're JUST flowers. He split up the bouquet to brighten the day for some women. Sometimes its the nice little gestures like this that will make someone realize that life is wonderful. Whos to say that one of those women wasn't having a terrible day before he handed her a flower? Maybe his wife should think about that.
I think he would have been further ahead to place them in the reception area of work.
The wife's problem may be that her husband never gives 'her' flowers so perhaps she's hurt by that. Maybe she is just a jealous person period. Who knows.
Overreacting, giving a single flower to all the ladies at work? Not that big a deal... If he gave a bouquet to just one then it wouldn't be overreacting... That's about it though
I think the poor man did absolutely nothing wrong and I think the world would be a much better place if more guys adopted his gesture. As a women, I find fault in the way the women reacted. If she truly loved and trusted him ( COMPLETELY) then this would not be an issue. Period exclamation point. Women have there men on such tight leashes now a days. Yes it is probably easier than ever before for men to stray... the internet being the double edged sword. This is not an excuse for this behavior though. If women gave there men a little trust and let them wander within reason, I think a lot more men wouldn't fear commitment and just be happier in general.
I have mixed views on this, as someone who does get jealous easily...However, I do agree with some of the comments.
"His wife, upon returning and finding out"
Obviously from this statement, it shows that he failed to tell her clearly, and maybe it was the finding out part that was more upsetting..I mean we know so little. Was he a flirt before they got married? And does he regularly buy her flowers to show that he's interested and she mistook this gesture as he's interested in all those other women?
He probably didn't tell her because he didn't see it has a big deal. I mean they are just FLOWERS!!!!! it's not like he gave all the flowers to the busty slut of the office. I get jealous & my feelings easily hurt too but this is just childish behavior. Now if the guy started sending naked pictures of his junk then I would understand anger.
He probably didn't tell her because he didn't see it has a big deal. I mean they are just FLOWERS!!!!! it's not like he gave all the flowers to the busty slut of the office. I get jealous & my feelings easily hurt too but this is just childish behavior. Now if the guy started sending naked pictures of his junk then I would understand anger.
A) No.
B) The implied intent of the gesture wasn't actually there.
However, it's usually a good idea to be mindful of the SYMBOLS in one's society, to avoid misunderstandings such as this one.
Taylor, you raised an important issue: SYMBOLS. Giving someone flowers usually represents something; even though the guy may have just been giving away some flowers he didn't want, other people may perceive this action differently. I wonder how the boyfriends/spouses of the women who received the flowers felt? Did they see it as an innocent act and not mind, or did they read into the symbolism and become offended?
A- Absolutely not.
B- It was a kind gesture, nothing more. No ulterior motive or wrong intention.
I think the issue is because of a lady's insecurity. I know its not true for all, and I don't mean for it to be applied that way, but as a woman I know it's easy to let a little irrational insecurity get the best of me in my relationship, and cause me to become upset/controlling over nothing. I know I'm not the only lady who has done this. I feel that men certainly do the same thing in some situations, but they're quickly called out on being controlling and overbearing. Give your guy a break sometimes. If you don't trust him enough to be okay with him giving flowers to strangers, you shouldn't be with him.
Better plan:
Give flowers to another dude so he can give to his wife/GF.
When wifey comes home, give her fresh flowers, even if they are daisies.
luckily, if this happened to me, I trust my man 100% and would not be offended, but rather would just use this as more proof of my man's kind and giving nature. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess.
I think the prudent thing to have done is call his wife and say: would you mind................
I am sorry, I disagree. He is not a child and he is not making a substantial decision that would impact their lives. Why does he ask for permission.
He showed kindness to women in a non-sexual way. It was good for him, because it feels good giving something to people that appreciate it and it felt good to the women who were appreciated.
His wife needs to quit being so self centered and think of others for a change. I feel sorry for the husband.
I can understand why the wife would maybe feel a little jealous, but to actually be angry at her husband over that is silly. He probably brightened a lot of peoples days, including his own. And from the way it sounds the only reason he didn't give his wife the flowers is because they would be dead before she got back. That just shows he thought of her first and when he couldn't do something nice for her he decided to do something nice for some other people. That doesn't mean he had interest in the other women or anything, he was probably just trying to be nice.