No issue is more contentious at your wedding than the Guest List. Who to invite and thereby who not to invite. For an invitation is a sign of respect and affection. I want you to be witness to my sacred union. So come celebrate and get your freak on with us!

Fortunately for you and me the Guest List isn't scrutinized by the international media, and every entertainment site, political junkie and human rights organization. Fortunately for you and me, Mr. Bean isn't going to be at your wedding. And most fortunate for you and me, a handful of guests -- though perhaps drunks, pricks and all around family embarrassments -- are not royal dictators and tyrants; Crowned Heads of State, who even in recent weeks have very publicly and violently gone after pro-democracy rallies in their Kingdoms; among them royals from Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, Oman, Brunei, Qatar, Swaziland, Lesotho, Bhutan and Kuwait.

Sure, Uncle Andy stares at every woman's rack, frequently pisses himself and pinched a cocktail waitress's ass at Cousin Rachel's Bat Mitzvah 2 years ago, but does he have a record of imprisoning and torturing his people?

Now, I know it gets complicated. And although Prince William is someone with a strong social conscience, there are other things at play. There are politics involved and outside pressures to think about. Crown Prince Salman of Bahrain might have helped Prince Charles with his tennis serve and now Charles would feel "so friggin' awkward" if Salman wasn't there. Yes, King Mswati is an absolute monarch, in fact, he's been named one of the world's worst dictators by none other than Parade Magazine, but so what, right? You know the saying: what happens in Swaziland stays in Swaziland.

He's a royal, and royals stick together. Just like your grandmother had to invite friends from her Bridge Club, the Queen would feel like a total boob if the Royals of Lesotho weren't there. Add to that your Dad insisting buddies from his old Imperialist office need to be there and you've got a guest list that doesn't seem to perfectly reflect your wants or values.

I'm assuming it went something like this. William and Kate got to decide the color of Williams socks and William's family was in charge of everything else.

In other words, you can't win every battle. You make concessions and pray you don't get stuck at the urinals chatting with Qaboos bin Said Al Said about wine selection or talking to Mr. Bean about his upcoming project.

Still, it's a sticky affair, when two British prime ministers, Blaire and Brown, don't get the Royal Envelope, but Elton John and the fiercely anti-gay Royals of Bahrain, Swaziland and Saudi Arabia will be sipping on champagne and battling over mini crab cakes.